Not content with clearing the Corbynites out of selection proceedings, Sir Keir is now looking to purge scandal-ridden MPs from his party’s ranks. According to The Times, up to a dozen MPs could be in the firing line as the party looks to clean up its image for government. A party spokesman said “Keir’s changed Labour Party” will deliver the “highest standards” of representatives, with another source saying they would “clear the field” based on “behavioural, reputational issues” – rather than factional or political ones. Amongst the offenders named were Liam “no money” Byrne, catfish Khalid and re-instated bully Neil Coyle.

Other names on the agenda could be those previously suspended, pending investigation, including: Bambos Charalambous, Geraint Davies, Diane Abbott, Conor McGinn, Christina Rees and Nick Brown; whilst some have already been barred from standing again – Jeremy Corbyn and Claudia Webbe will be well known to co-conspirators. Guido is happy to lend Labour HQ a hand by reminding them of more “behavioural and reputational issues” still outstanding in their party ranks:

• Rupa Huq recently had the whip restored after referring to Kwasi Kwarteng as “superficially black”. This is despite Labour’s “zero tolerance” policy and Starmer’s admission the comments were “racist”…
• Kim Johnson was forced to apologise for “disturbing language” after calling Israel a “fascist” state.
• Clive “Get on your knees, b*tch” Lewis has a history of inflammatory remarks and behaviour.
• Wes Streeting publicly apologised after a series of tweets referring to women as “b*tches”, “cows” and “tarts” resurfaced.
• Karl Turner admitted to sharing a fake image of Rishi Sunak on social media, he’s also been accused of using abusive language and sexual harassment.
• Shadow Minister for Mental Health, Rosena Allin-Khan has faced multiple allegations of bullying.

This is ignoring Starmer’s own acid-tripping admissions, Angela Rayner’s affinity for apple products and Rachel Reeves’ register of interests rule breaking. Guido could go on…