Flashback : Brown Visits America – 2008 v 2009

2008 Gordon lands in America in the morning and the dollar crashes to an all time historic low by lunchtime:

2009 Gordon lands in Washington and the Dow crashes to an historic low by teatime:

Once again the Jonah effect is felt transatlantic, God punishes all those who come into contact with the accursed one-eyed son of the manse.

Mr Brown Goes to Washington

This is pure comedy; Ben Brogan reflects on the gift of a pencil holder (?) made from wood from HMS Gannet:

…I wonder what Mr Obama will make of the fact that the only action it saw was in Sudan when it shelled rebels against the British empire. He’s also getting Sir Martin Gilbert’s seven volume biography of Churchill, which will help him find out more about how the Mau-Mau were successfully suppressed in Kenya by the British Emp… Oh, I’m sure it will be fine.

It was of course Churchill who ordered the suppression of the Mau Mau rebellion in Kenya in the 1950s; Obama’s grandfather was detained as a subversive for six months at that time. Hopefully Obama will see the funny side. Already in Washington, Adam Boulton said yesterday that

… observers will be on the look out for any hint of a patronising slight from the President. For example Downing Street is hoping for a joint news conference with the President as was routine with Bush and Clinton…

On landing outside snowbound Washington after a 7 hour transatlantic flight, while Brown was getting his post-flight make-up done onboard, the rest of the Lobby learnt there is to be no press conference with Obama.

Brogan says there will just be

… a quick question or two on the fly, not the standing podium-to-podium with the Messiah image that Mr Brown imagined. The joint presser is usually a given on these trips, so this is odd.

Over at the Telegraph Toby Harnden mocks

Mr Brown might be forgiven for thinking that his friend, rival and predecessor Tony Blair would not have been treated the same way by his bosom buddy President George W. Bush. After all, there are 132 rooms in the White House at least some of which, presumably, are currently be free of snow.

On the other hand, President Obama is terribly busy this Tuesday. The White House schedule tells us that he is delivering remarks at the Department of Transportation to deliver remarks about the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act and is also speaking at the Department of Interior to mark its 160th anniversary.

There’s a conflab with Pentagon chief Bob Gates. Oh, and Mr Obama will also meet “a delegation from the Boy Scouts of America and receive their 2008 Report to the Nation” in the Oval Office.

Mr Brown might lament that despite the so-called “special relationship” Britain is now getting the same treatment as the President of Uruguay but he need not despair. I’m told there’s a chance he might get drinks with Vice President Joe Biden on Tuesday evening.

The Boy Scouts of America obviously are better prepared than the Downing Street boys…

Prayers for His Holiness

This morning the Fawkes household said prayers for the safety of His Holiness, for the citizens of the Eternal City and for the one holy catholic and apostolic Church. For today the one-eyed, ill begotten son of the manse goes to Rome to meet the Pope. The Catholic Church has survived for two millenniums, it has battled with Satan and his works and it will, with the blessing of God, endure the curse of Jonah Brown.

Incidentally, yesterday on the day that Obama authorised funding for international abortion groups, the Pope called on politicans to defend the unborn. It is the custom of the Holy See to deny visiting Catholic politicians a photo-opportunity if they do not take the orthodox Catholic line. As a non-believer who supports abortion it is probable that Gordon will get his publicity shot.

Jonah Brown Update

Guido is finding it difficult to keep up to date with reports of Brown’s post-visit accursed effects. Co-conspirators email them in almost daily. If Guido can find the time he is going to plot them on a map as we did before with Where’s Gordon?™.


Here are two recent examples of the curse in terrible action:

Liverpool radio DJ Phil Easton dies after interviewing Gordon
The prime minister has led the tributes to legendary Liverpool broadcaster Phil Easton. Gordon Brown was recently interviewed by him for his show on CityTalk. The PM said: “Phil was an accomplished and talented broadcaster who was on the top of his game when we met just a few weeks ago.

Workers face axe at Cwmbran PM visit factory
Around 40 workers at a Cwmbran factory are set to lose their jobs, just weeks after the firm was visited by Prime Minister Gordon Brown. Cwmbran’s Contour Premium Aircraft Seating announced a “proposed head count reduction” of up to 40 employees on Wednesday.

Is Guido the only one to notice that after Downing Street boasted that Gordon was the first world leader to call Obama, the U.S. President began pushing a “Buy America” bill. Gordon talked to Obama about the dangers of protectionsim.

Exclusive : Gordon “Come Campaign With Me in Glenrothes

+++ Brown is in Baghdad +++

Thought he said he wasn’t taking a foreign holiday..?

Freedom Fighter v Bottler Brown

David Davis on Today, “If the Labour party refused to defend it’s own policy – they are going to show that they are ashamed of their own policies – just another piece of cowardice on behalf of Gordon Brown.”

Labour claims there is massive public support for taking away British freedoms. Prove it. Or will this be yet another election that Brown bottles?

UPDATE : Sir Michael this morning kind of gives the game away “Most politicians dislike the sort of behaviour Davis has displayed. It may please those voters who want their MP to stand up and be counted, but such unpredictability unsettles the trade.” Yes, the political class doesn’t like it, even if voters do…

Where’s Gordon’s Courage and Leadership?

Whenever New Labour were in trouble Tony Blair would lead from the front, whatever you may say about him, he never feared to open the batting however sticky the wicket.

When New Labour were first elected Tony Blair risked campaigning during the Uxbridge by-election in May 1997. Blair led from the front even though the Tories were sure to hold the seat. Gordon, author of two books on courage, has ordered 80 ministers and SpAds to go to Crewe and Nantwich this weekend to campaign. He however plans to stay well away chewing his nails.

Gordon avoids elections wherever possible, he chickened out of a contest with Blair for the leadership in 1994, he engineered a coronation unopposed for the party leadership in July 2007 and he bottled holding a mandate producing election in October 2007. Nobody has cast a single vote for him to lead his party or his country.

Gordon is a truly pathetic figure, on Friday morning Labour will have to face up to their mistake. If they can’t win Crewe, where they are testing to destruction the “don’t vote for a toff” approach – “tough on toffs, tough on the causes of toffs” – backed-up by illiberal knuckle dragging dog-whistle policies, they can’t win nationally with Brown. Crewe is 165th on the list of Tory target seats… that should concentrate the minds of 164 Labour MPs…

UPDATE : Blair also visited the tightly fought Eddisbury by-election to campaign in August 1999. Before he stood down Blair told the Labour Party in his final speech to their conference that “there are no rules in politics.” Quite.

By-Election, What By-Election Prime Minister?

Guido can imagine Stephen Carter telling a heavily sedated Brown on Wednesday after PMQs of the plans for the weekend:-

Carter : We’re going somewhere nice for the weekend, get some sunshine. We have booked a trip to the Eden Project in the South West, Cornwall, then on to Plymouth.

Brown: [rocking in his chair] What about the by-election? Where is it?

Carter:
No by-election PM, we are going to see the flowers in Cornwall and visit an old peoples home in Plymouth. Take it easy, have a weekend break.

Gordon is on an official visit to Plymouth, which is 251 miles away from Crewe. Brown couldn’t be further away if he went to Edinburgh (242 miles), in any event he wouldn’t want to go for a weekend rest in Edinburgh now it is under Salmond’s control and Wendy is rebelling against him.

Whereas Cameron and Clegg are up in Crewe and Nantwich backing their candidates to the hilt, taking every local photo-op available, Brown’s handlers are keeping him as far out of sight as possible. No doubt fearful of the inevitable consequences of the Jonah curse of the one eyed son of the manse…

UPDATE : At the old people’s home, Gordon was introduced to Maisie Wright, 94. “Hello, I’m Gordon Brown, the prime minister” he said as he proffered his hand. “That’s nice” replied Maisie, “Wilf over there thinks he is Jesus Christ.” Old, but good.

Meltdown : Brown Beaten by Calamity Clegg

On Wednesday Brown mocked Nick Clegg as a calamity, so how must it feel to be beaten by him this morning? The BBC is projecting the Conservatives will have 44%, the Liberal Democrats 25% and Labour last on 24%.

Labour are projected to lose over 200 seats, a meltdown performance not seen for over a generation. Brown is nowhere to be seen this morning and all the claims of the Brownies ring hollow – their line was that in times of economic difficulty voters would cling to Gordon’s authority and economic competence. Oh, no they didn’t…

These are real votes, not poll results and if repeated at a general election would give the Tories some 400 seats at Westminster and a majority of 138.

Highlights of last night were Richard Littlejohn bitch-slapping Polly Toynbee into silence on Question Time, Geoff Hoon making a Comical Ali style tit of himself and the surreal idiocy of the BBC’s Jeremy Vine dressed up in a cowboy suit making a fool of himself. The Guidoisation of public service broadcasting is perhaps not the best direction for them to go…

From 2330 until 0230 this site had a live chat running which had 744 viewers making instant comments which was great fun as the night wore on. Great fun which we will seek to repeat during PMQs in the future.

Jonah Brown Goes to America, Dollar Crashes to All Time Low

The Jonah effect is becoming scary, Gordon lands in America in the morning and the dollar crashes to an all time historic low by lunchtime. There really is something in this – within weeks of him becoming PM the country was hit by terror fire, pestilence and floods. He is a curse on everything he touches.

U.S. Visit Front Page News

Guido has checked the front pages of the New York Times, Washington Post, New York Post, the CNN and Drudge websites. The visit of his Holiness the Pope is everywhere. The visit of his twattyness the PM is nowhere to be seen. Not on front pages, not on inside pages. Nowhere.

Gordon has hired a high-powered PR team and they don’t even think to avoid a scheduling clash with Pope Benedict – which was always going to be the big box office draw. Gordon was giving delusional interviews yesterday lauding his important role as “a bridge to Europe”. Laughable.

UPDATE : According to Nick Robinson this morning, British Embassy officials admit they didn’t know the Pope was coming to Washington at the same time. The British Embassy n Washington is the biggest and most expensive outpost of the FCO. Well done chaps…

Brown Dithers Over OlympicsNow Not Going, but Not Boycotting Either

Two weeks ago the line from Downing Street was:

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

LONDON – British Prime Minister Gordon Brown says Britain will not boycott the opening ceremonies for the Beijing Olympics.

After being humiliated by Kevin Rudd, (the Aussie PM) and Chinese Goons in Downing Street Gordon can’t now straight forwardly answer this simple question:

Q. Will you boycott the opening ceremony of the Chinese Olympics in protest at their policies in Tibet?

A. No I will not be boycotting the opening ceremony, I will not, however, be attending.

It is the will he / won’t he farce of the signing of the Lisbon treaty all over again. Trying to have it both ways because he is afraid to decide. This from the man who has his name on two books on “courage”.

He is however thinking of attending the closing ceremony. A couple of weeks ago we were told he would be attending because the “Dalai Lama himself.. yada yada yada bullshit spin and dither”. Why can’t he just be decisive one way or the other?

UPDATE : After Channel 4 News led on this story yesterday evening both Ben Brogan on the Daily Mail and Nick Robinson were clearly telephoned by the Brownies last night to be briefed that the position was always that the Ditherer was not going to the opening ceremony. A point they have faithfully conveyed. Something that, as far as Guido can determine, we were never told by them before. So the Press Association and many others got it wrong two weeks ago. We were never at war with Eurasia, Eurasia has always been our ally.

Gordon’s Natural Authority

Day 2 of the Progressive Governance Conference (Summit), sees a press turnout lower than expected. The four coaches laid on by the FCO to transport eager hacks to listen in on Gordon and chums sit empty in the car park of the Ramada Inn, the press assembly point. The last one arrived at the Grove bearing just two hacks. Officials were overheard optimistically talking up the possibility of a rush ahead of the noon press conference.

The joy of the live feed is that we can see what’s going on in the Progressive Governance summit. So, for instance, as they come back in from their coffee break, Gordon has so far asked his fellow world leaders three times to stop chatting (“Can we please sit down and begin now!”) with all the effectiveness of a trainee teacher at a supply school, and the general delighted mockery of the press tent. The mutated swastika logo is nowhere to be seen now…

Andrew Grice in the Indy this morning tells us why:

There was an embarrassing hiccup before Gordon’s arrival: the logo for today’s summit of world leaders bore an uncanny resemblance to a Nazi swastika. Downing Street removed the logo from its website and ordered the designers to come up with a new one. “It would be totally wrong to read anything sinister into the intentions of the designers,” said a No 10 spokeswoman.

It would, however, be right to laugh at their serial incompetence.

Gordon Loses His Way Again With the PLP

Sky’s Jon Craig didn’t come into the Lobby to have his advice ignored. Last night the PM’s advance security detachment asked him which door Gordon should use to enter the PLP meeting. “The Chairman’s Entrance,” Craig told him. “The PM always uses the Chairman’s Entrance.”
Ian Austin, PPS to Gordon, ignored the advice leading the PM in via the “Members’ Entrance”, which, according to Craig;

plunged them into a throng of Labour MPs and peers waiting to hear the PM rather than to the platform from where he was due to speak, they emerged, sheepish and embarrassed, and headed for the “Chairman’s Entrance”.

“Gordon’s got lost again!” shouted one wag among the political journalists in the corridor. And indeed he had.

If only the Prime Minister, his PPS and his detective had listened to me.

Guido is compiling a (shades of Dale) list of the top twatty Mr Bean things that Mr Brown has done.

Going on the list are:

  1. Reading from an autocue obscuring his face at his “Gordon for Britain” launch.
  2. Tucking his trousers into his sock.
  3. Getting lost at Windsor Castle Dinner for Sarkozy to the amusement of Her Majesty.
  4. Locking himself in the toilet and having to ring Blair on his mobile to get him out.
  5. Absent mindedly picking his nose for two minutes on the front bench on budget day 2007 in full view of the Tory ranks and TV viewers.
  6. Getting entangled in balloons at a photo-op.
  7. After an interview with Adam Boulton in India, getting up and walking into a plant pot.
  8. Forgetting the access codes for his own office resulting in a No. 10 armed security response unit rushing to find him in his nightie.
  9. Telling the same anecdotal jokes time and again and still screwing them up.
  10. Trusting Blair to keep his word after the Granita dinner.
Any more twatty things? In the comments please…

Where’s Gordon?™ “PM Got Lost” Says Her Majesty

Remember when he locked himself in a bathroom and had to be rescued by Blair? Or when he first became PM and was found at 5 a.m. downstairs in his dressing gown by armed police who had rushed to the scene outside his office after he forgot his security code? Mr Bean is the best description.

Bottler Gives Remaindered “Courage” Book to African Kids

In an attempt to shift remaindered copies of his vanity published book on Courage Gordon is today giving away copies to Ugandan school children.

Whose brilliant idea was that? The travelling press pack are laughing at him. As many co-conspirators have pointed out in the comments, what is it with Gordon and photo-ops at schools. Do his media team have any other ideas? It just looks awkward, him smiling away at the kids and forcing his book on them.

What did the kids do to deserve this treatment?

Gordon Has Bottled It

The author of a book on Courage, the genius tactician, has bottled it. Gordon marched his troops to the top of the hill, and then he ran away.
The Brownies* will claim that they are “getting on with the job” but they have done nothing but electioneer, they are not governing, they are campaigning and spinning non-stop. They are more focused on good headlines than good governance.

Oh well, Guido has taken quite a few quid off those betting on an early election and that Tories to be the biggest party bet looks a lot better now.

Gordon’s judgement, to not simply squash the speculation, will be in question and his authority much reduced after this, Cameron called him on it without reservation. Dave didn’t flinch, Gordon just blinked…

*No longer will Guido use the macho sounding term Brownites, these are the Brownies. Compared to the Blairites, we really are dealing with the B-team.

Where’s Gordon?™ 4

Benedict Brogan and Adam Boulton shout the traditional cry which goes out when trouble is about – “Where’s Gordon?™”. Guido suspects Gordon will stay hiding behind the sofa if there are still queues outside branches of the Northern Rock or the Alliance & Leicester this morning. If there are no queues he’ll show his “courage”.

The open ended government guarantee promise is unprecedented. It could prove to be insane. If the housing market drops dramatically, mortgage repossessions could become even more endemic than they already are, with the result that the government could be left losing tens of billions of taxpayers funds. Bear in mind that Greenspan expects double digit percentage falls in house prices. Of course all we know of the terms is that Alastair Darling says “his word is his bond”. (He also said last week there was no problem with Northern Rock.) Equitable Life’s unfunded pensioners know the value of the government’s implicit rather than explicit guarantees. Zilch…

Brown Bonks Bonce

Nick Robinson and all the rest of the Lobby will be in full-on pontification mode today in Washington.

Yet again it falls to Guido to get the important news: Gordon Brown banged his head against the door frame as he boarded the Presidential helicopter.

[…] Read the rest

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