August 17th, 2012

Team GB Needed 63 Million Medals to Recover Gordon’s Gold

Team GB might have done the nation proud during the Olympics, but they needed to win a lot more medals if they wanted to earn back all the gold the Prime Mentalist sold off. Guido has done the maths:

Each gold medal contains 6g (or 1/5 oz) of gold.

This means five gold medals are needed to make one ounce.

Gordon Brown sold off 12.7 million ounces of gold.

5 x 12.7 million = 63.5 million gold medals.

At least the new Team GB did better than the old one…


  1. 1
    The public says:

    Thanks Gordon you Twunt!


    • 6
      A second try says:

      Ah Gordon. What a boon he is as a figure of fun. Someone we can all unite around and hold in ridicule together, ignoring the fact that we could have rebelled against the old fraud and his pals and driven him from office far earlier, but instead we all went along with his nonsense like compliant fools… just as we put up with the antics of William Hague, Nick Clegg, Vince Cable, David Cameron and George Osborne.


      • 207
        Gordon Brown says:

        Look, you are being unfair.

        I did what I did, because it was the best thing for this country. Gold was practically worthless and so I decided to exchange it for millions of very valuable paper Euros.
        It was the deal of the century, but none thank me for my epic foresight and sound grasp of reality.

        Bigots all.


    • 15
      Tinner says:

      I’ve got some fool’s gold. Should I send it to Gordon?


      • 20
        Tony Blair, Millionaire says:

        Hi guys! It’s me, Tone.

        Quite a lot of fools have given me gold. By the bucketload.


        • 21
          Gordon Brown-Stain says:

          Och aye, ye rich toff bastard….but youse were righhht aboot one thing….I was really only good at being a Number Two.

          And unlike gold, ye cannae polish a tu*d.


        • 127
          Blowing Whistles says:

          Is there any truth to the rumours that Tone and Gordo – got it on in a hotel room? Could there have been a third (meddeling son) party involved? And is there any compromising stuff that the meddeling one just happens to have as a persuading piece of dirt?

          Rumours – is it the stuff of great leg ends.


          • Expat Geordie says:

            Any proof BW? You’re normally pretty good at this, so please tell me that you have proof.


          • Blowing Whistles says:

            To Expat – a specific article was once published in the MOS – Blurr & Broon ought to have gone spare about its implication but remained distinctly ‘silent’. The Mandy is the one who holds quite some evidence over them. But Mandy is herself ‘controlled’.


    • 122
      Anonymous says:

      What the hell do the 2 EDs look like ? i feel sorry for their poor wives.Do you think they suspect anything.


    • 225

      Only 6 grams of gold? What a rip-off that was then. The actual medals looked like about 2 Oz-troy.


    • 226
      Out of pocket expenses says:

      … Not least because the public Paid for the olympic medals in the first place


  2. 2
    Tony's nightmare says:

    Who sold all the gold?
    Who sold all the gold?
    You crap bastard
    You crap bastard
    You sold all the gold.


    • 4
      Tony Blur says:

      I think..If I can explain… was just that..{pause}..and i ‘m being honest here..I {pause for an extraordinary long time}..I …..I…{pause}………………………..
      didn’t give a fuck what that mental patient was doing so long as he stayed away from me.


    • 22
      Rt Hon Gordon Brown MP says:

      Hey Mr Guido, I may be many things but at least I can count.

      The actual number of Gold Medal required = 63.70012 recurring according to my calculations. Are you trying to diss me, man?


  3. 3
    Double Tap says:

    And thanks to Dave they will soon be continuing the good work.


  4. 5
    Double Tap says:

    Is’nt it time the concept of retribution was introduced into politics.


  5. 7
    A second try says:

    There is a lot of modding going on here for a Friday. Guido, don’t be so serious.


  6. 8
    Malcolm Redfellow says:

    Surely we were minting the medals; and therefore probably paying for them.

    Just as well we didn’t win them all.


  7. 9
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    What is it, when they were younger they were less vain about being photographed with specs? Or did they get Lasik operations (and who paid)?


  8. 10
    zenchimp says:

    So we could have had a gold medal each, but for that Brown?


  9. 11
    Gordon Brown, talking through the Fencing at CurrrrrCudeeee Asylum for Idiots and Moral Defectives, says:

    This High Security Fencing is here to protect me.


  10. 14
    Cyclops of Kirkcaldy says:

    It was the right thing to do.


  11. 16
    Beast says:

    McMental would have won Gold for us in Idiocy and running away from trouble if such events existed


  12. 18
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’d like to offer Julian Assange safe passage.

    Sorry, I meant to say I’d like to offer him MY passage.


    • 19
      Beast says:

      Mr McMental
      According to some Swedish woman Mr Assange doesnt always need an offer
      He just takes any passage he fancies


      • 23
        Lord Mandy of Boyes says:

        right up somebody’s alley then. Now about the man with the golden bum…


        • 25
          What A Carry On says:

          Ooooh matron, get you ducky.

          I met that Lord Mandy once….he was coming up this back passage……


        • 131
          Blowing Whistles says:

          Hey Many of Boyes – What kind of secret video technology did you have installed in your bolthole in the Isle of Man – you weren’t filming unsuspecting people in various rooms were you?

          Fleetwood Mac.


  13. 24
    Sebastian Weetabix says:

    The Tartan Caliban sold 12.7 million Troy Ounces of gold…. so I fear we will need over 69 million Gold medals. It’s worse than we thought.


    • 93
      Fuck Me says:

      The tartan caliban ? So are you saying Ed Balls whom I previously thought was English and whom it is reported advised Brown to do this, is in fact Scottish ? Fuck me your dsconnect with reality which s required to justify your world view is as impressive as any Stalanist or Nazi


      • 177
        Spartacus says:

        prejudice aside, troy ounces as opposed to avoirdupois ounces means we need a load more medals.
        Next 2.3 million Olympics . . .


      • 223
        Sebastian Weetabix says:

        Actually I’m Glaswegian myself, and I was referring to the organ grinder Mr Brown, not his lackey Balls. Btw – it’s “Stalinist”.

        I expect you must be SNP. Enjoy the Olympics?


  14. 26
    Tuscan Villain says:

    It made me laugh to see Miliband still has the same haircut!


  15. 27
    Shirley Bassey says:

    He’s the man
    The man with the mindless touch


  16. 28
    Jimmy says:

    You’ve just given up now haven’t you?


    • 50
      Anonymous says:

      We’ve given up wondering why Brown informed the market of the sale of OUR gold way before it was actually sold, allowing traders to force down the price , and sell at ‘Brown’s Bottom’ values. It’s either because he’s a fucking idiot, or he was saving the skins of certain financial institutions, ie banks. Perhaps you’d like to explain which it is to your dimwit lefty mates Jimmy.


      • 72
        Filthy Rich Capitalist says:

        I explained this some time ago and it has been confirmed in a number of financial articles in the press. Morgan Stanley bank had a huge short position in gold which they could not unwind. The situation put the entire US banking system at risk. Gordon Brown was approached by Gavin Davies, a partner in Goldman Sachs, whose wife Sue Nye worked for Gordon, in an attempt to get Morgan Stanley off the hook; this could not be done in the US as it would leak, and therefore initiate huge litigation from traders. Gordon announced the sale in advance so that the gold traders would mark the price down and Morgan Stanley could offload their short position, which they did. The price of the sale at $230 an ounce raised $2.92bn for the Exchequer. If that gold were sold today at $1600 an ounce it would raise $20.32bn, a loss to the taxpayer of $17.4bn. This is of course a drop in the ocean compared to the £bns Gordon authorised to bail out Northern Rock, RBS and HBOS, the latter two both complicit in Gordon’s immigration policy, providing huge unsecured loans to property developers to build thousands of blocks of flats for asylum seekers and other immigrants encouraged in to the country by the then Labour Government.


  17. 29
    Dudley Zoo says:

    i pointed this out the day of beefys tweet, get a grip


  18. 30
    Bluebottle says:

    You buy low and sell high silly.

    So if you have any gold left you either sell it now or melt a few milligrams into every one pound coin.


  19. 31
    Aunty Matter says:

    McMental sold off all the English gold, Scotland still has its own.


  20. 33
    ToonBob... says:

    Just re-write history, move on please, nothing to see here !!


  21. 34
    A Pointless Prick Posing as PM, (via-email) says:

    I say you jolly chaps! Just got word that the most common name in Blighty is Mohair-mud – well that’s dashed good news – what?? Shows we’re multi-culti and all the things Brussels likes . . . good for my CV – what? – and Tony’s of course – he should get the credit!! What?? What’s the latest WF wattage by the way?

    Asked chap on Reception best way to walk over to Portugal to see Hose. He merely laughed in a strange way. Don’t understand these dagos.

    Sam skittish.




    • 188
      Lin Gwist says:

      Why doesn’t somebody explain to the thick-heads who collect this information – and the Press who routinely spew it out again – that every single muzzie has Md in his name. It is de rigeur (or whatever the Arabic equivalent is).


  22. 35
    Form Tutor says:

    Guido, Team GB may have done the nation proud during the Olympics and not “might have” (you are raising something that happened, rather than something that might have happened but for, say, some bar on entry to the event).


  23. 38
    • 40
      dI Duncan says:

      I bet she has to wash her underware twice on hot


    • 97
      Stockholm syndrome says:

      Yep, looks like Brady has found another easily manipulated nutter female to do his bidding. The letter doesnt exist, she made it up for the documentary.


    • 135
      Blowing Whistles says:

      The whole Brady story has the stench and hand of an MsM / Establishmental SPOILER story on it – designed to keep people looking ‘over there’ – when the Eurozone is about to Implode – at last.


      • 191
        Soapsuds and bubbles says:

        Must be why the story is all over the Beeb. No mention of the Yurozone for days now. All very odd.


        • 209
          A BBC Spokesperson says:

          We only mention the E ewe in a positive light, as per our instructions. Normal fawning coverage will resume as soon as we are told what to say next.


    • 189
      Ed Balls says:

      Anyone could have a Gestapo/SS fetish when they were younger. That doesn’t mean you’re a sick puppy now. It helps if you haven’t killed five children, though; people tend to look askance at that kind of thing, and they want to jumble it all up with the WWII stuff. The two things are completely separate; do you consider me to have a dangerous vicious psychopathic personality?


  24. 39
    Anonymous says:

    Isn’t it about time we had an inquiry about the whys and wherefores of this disaster? Names that spring to mind are Gordon Brown, Ed Balls, Ed Miliband, Gavyn Davies and Sue (yes, THAT Sue) Nye. It’ll be something worth inquiring into, unlike the bollocks we’ve had recently.


    • 192
      Soapsuds and bubbles says:

      Yes, and it should be led by a real live American judge, not the namby pamby owes-lots-of-favours type we have in this country.


      • 218
        Blowing Whistles says:

        Dirty ‘Ministers’ from one government to the next are ‘in the protected from prosecution van’ more than anyone. Hence the rat race to leverage themselves into Minister positions. If the Freddy Mercury only acts upon the advice of Ministers and they are corrupted throughout then what fezzes up as a government of the day ain’t quite what it appears to be. As for the political circus performers known as the Parliamentary Press pack … well they’re not likely to ‘tell the truth any decade now’ because the are part of the game. The 4 pillars come together in the whole game of duplicity.


  25. 41
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Putin doesn’t like pussy, it’s young boys for him.


  26. 47
    Gordon ( sold Gold at the bottom ) Brown says:

    Look on the bright side. I sold all your Gold and bought euros.

    Er, wait….


  27. 54
    annette curton says:

    If the math is correct, strangely 63.5 million gold medals would have been just about enough to give everybody in the United Kingdom one each.


  28. 55
    Ed Miliband (Leader of the Party opposite) says:

    Just let me remind all you bloggers that the UK is now in debt to the tune of £1Trillion.

    How much more is that the Conservative led coalition took office ?


  29. 57
    Abu Qatada says:

    It has been announced that Eid will be this Sunday.

    Ov Vey & Inshallah.


  30. 59
    Britain & US may release oil reserves says:

    Fill yer tanks up the oil price is on the march again. :(


    • 212
      Rip Off Government says:

      Average petrol cost is 50p a litre, the rest is tax. Government rigging the market and distorting the cost of everything, yet again.


  31. 61
    A Droyd says:

    Well that’s only about one medal each, so if we all try harder….



  32. 64
    Dudley Zoo says:

    in financial fuckwittery team GB have done the equivalent of a 4 second hundred meters


    • 69
      annette curton says:

      GB (Kirkcaldy Deceased) deserves his gold medal for financial fuckwit of the Century.


      • 87
        Blowing Whistles says:

        He was on a promise from Goldman Sachs that they’d see him right ….

        Double twatted fool.


  33. 67
    Dudley Zoo says:

    I cannot think of one person on this planet who you can take the piss out of more than Gordon Brown

    He is distilled fuckwitt


  34. 71
    The Mayor of Shiremoor says:

    Tha’s a chipshop caaled the Golden Horde in Park Avenue. Aa’ll bet that’s wheor thon gowld is!


    • 76
      Nurse Botha says:

      Take the saveloy out of your mouth and try again, dear. That came across as “umnng glrrrp splggg”.


  35. 74
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Balls and Miliband were only acting under orders. Now where have we heard that before?


    • 90
      Blowing Whistles says:

      To be a bit factual – Social Services when they unlawfully kidnap children in the ever growing busine$£ of family court proceedings / or was it the getsapo / or is it every fucrke in the land who hasn’t got the testicle to stand up against the new bourgeoise the effing legals & their king snakes on the ladders – the wigged Ones?


  36. 75
    Ed Balls fisted my hamster says:

    Why do you persist in calling the Prime Mentalist? Prime malicious fuckwitted criminal Hunt would be closer to the mark.


    • 78
      Ed Balls fisted my hamster says:

      Christ a’mighty. Friday night Fleurie-induced fat finger syndrome.
      “Persist in calling *him* the Prime mentalist”. And, I meant Hunt with a C. But you knew that.


  37. 83
    Ed Miliband the Millionaire Marxist Yid says:

    I promith not to sethell any more gold onceth I become prime ministher in 2015.



    • 101
      Liam Byrne ( aka Baldemort ) says:

      There’s no Gold money left.


      • 139
        Blowing Whistles says:

        Goldman Scahs, Barclays, Lloyds Banking group and RBS – “wrote off”
        £87 Million pounds of debt last week – with Mouchel – so hey … perhaps next week they’ll create £87 Million pounds of credit out of thin air – as they do.


  38. 84
    albacore says:

    And where were the Tories when Brown sold the gold
    All hiding in bed with a terrible cold?
    They were just as much cop as Opposition
    As they are in this woeful Coalition
    They don’t have what it takes to make Brown own up
    To why he sold our gold and bought us a pup


  39. 94
    Blowing Whistles says:

    How is that Haringay, Barnet, Enfield and Islington Councils are still getting away with murder, deception, child stealing and all manner of dirty acts in cahoots with the Wigged ones and contrary to what normal human beings [the majority] condemn as barbaric?


  40. 104
    Shallow PR fuckwit watch says:

    Just look at that pic of the two Eds wearing their fucking POWER glasss. Utter fucking wankers, jesus christ who votes for these fuckers ??????


  41. 113
    Fuck the bbc says:

    Check out the guardian editorial on moors murderers tonight – a waste of police time apparently – these Hunts truly no know decency


  42. 114
    Fuck the bbc says:

    Check out the guardian editorial on moors murderers tonight – a waste of police time apparently – people truly no know decency


  43. 116
    Saffron says:

    Cyclops and gold don,t agree,this scotch tw– sells off part of our gold reserves and in the way of an idiot tells the markets in advance.
    The same idiot takes a PhD which takes him years on the history of the Scottish Liebour party.
    The same idiot goes to parties loaded with bags full of bricks instead of beer.
    Also folks this idiot writes a note telling people how to claim benifits.
    This idiot also is so intent on destroying Blur that he is mental and does not care about what might happen to England.
    This pillock if we had realised it should never have had any part of English politics.
    Him and his partner in crime Blair are toxic to this country and long may they FAIL.


  44. 130
    Guido Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf Fawkes says says:

    Look into my eyes. focus on the past. You will not focus on the present shambles in government.You will not focus on the present shambles in government.ou will not focus on the present shambles in government.You will not focus on the present shambles in government.You will not focus on the present shambles in government.You will not focus on the present shambles in government.ou will not focus on the present shambles in government.You will not focus on the present shambles in government. You will not focus on the present shambles in government.You will not focus on the present shambles in government.ou will not focus on the present shambles in government.You will not focus on the present shambles in government.You will not focus on the present shambles in government.You will not focus on the present shambles in government.ou will not focus on the present shambles in government.You will not focus on the present shambles in government.


  45. 146
    HP says:

    Newsnight unable to resist another unbalanced stagger through the school sports fields story. Who’d have thought it?


  46. 195
    Goldfinger Brown says:

    Always look at the bright side of life.


  47. 199
    Bang On says:

    Did you all know that on this site, using Google Chrome, all your different pseudonyms are retained for future reference?

    Try it and see


    • 206

      Data mining is for every day, not just for Christmas.


    • 210
      The invisible man says:

      Hit the spanner / Tools / Clear browsing data …. / Obliterate the following items : ….. from the beginning of time


    • 222
      Blowing Whistles says:

      I’m not afraid of the big brother bad wolf – they can phish for every last detail – THEIR PROBLEM IS (noting of course that Ministers are pushing for secret secret courts) that should they push for any criminal investigation – we all have the evidence against them the few. What they gonna do – take out every last person with a computer? Like to see them try.

      We beat them innumbers. It’s our turkey shoot.


  48. 200
    The Tosser in No 10, (via-email) says:

    I say you jolly chaps!!! Bit of snag!!! If the most common name in Blighty is Mohair-mad – what does that do to my plans for up-the-bum unions – like Tony taught us to do?

    Just can’t sleep trying to work that out. One lot, obviously, – will stone the other!

    Life is just so full of real dilemmas!

    Anyway, Sam is getting restless so better get back to bed to calm her.




    • 203
      albacore says:

      Chillax, Dave, all’s going to plan
      You had your orders from The Man
      Keep chucking more spanners in the works
      The E U’ll fix those British berks


  49. 208
    Gordon Brown says:

    Today I am doing charity headbutting

    I do hope someone brings along a bowling ball or a tin bath


  50. 213
    The invisible man says:

    “Public trust in banks is at an all-time low,” according to Andrew Tyrie, chairman of the Usury Treasury Select Committee :

    That’s the opinion of MPs in whom public trust is at an all-time low.


  51. 214 says:

    I see the Americas are ganging together to defend Ecuador over the rapist Assange. Yet what is the rest of Europe doing to defend the obedient application of EU law between the UK and Sweden? The idea of the EU was supposed to be so it could gang together like a wolf pack and use its collective muscle against other countries and blocs. What a fucking waste of time and money the EU is. More supine than lupine.


  52. 215
    Grollace says:

    Gordon sold 13 milliion ounces of Gold, formerly belonging to a Bank.
    Gove sold 13 blades of grass, formerly belonging to some Children.


  53. 220
    Gordon Brown says:

    Today I will be doing disco


  54. 224
    Mrs Duffy says:

    I can’t stand the old bigot


  55. 228
    Stephanie Flanders says:

    shagged both of ‘em. Afterwards, Balls kept blinking and sweating for an hour. MiliE got back into playing his Rubik’s cube.


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Find out more about PLMR

Rob Colvile reviews Russell Brand’s new book:

“Oddly, the person I feel sorriest for isn’t Brand himself – although he certainly comes across as a rather pitiable figure, projecting his own brokenness on to the world around him – but Johann Hari. Drummed out of Fleet Street for plagiarism, the former Independent columnist has washed up as “my mate Johann, who’s been doing research for this book”. For a genuinely talented polemicist, it would have been a humbling experience to have to treat this sub-undergraduate dross as the scintillating wisdom of a philosopher-king.”

Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!

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