Confirmed: Kippers Choose Gammons

As Guido flagged a fortnight ago, UKIP has committed to winning the nominative determinism prize of the year by selecting Dr Peter Gammons to fight their 2021 London mayoral campaign. Dr Gammons’s ‘doctorate’ comes from Canon University, Florida, an establishment that is not governed by the US Department of Education and gives out ‘PhD’s after a maximum of 126 hours of work. A website claims Dr Gammons has healed a Nepalese man of lung cancer, restored deaf people’s hearing, and completely healed a wheelchair bound sufferer of multiple sclerosis – all through prayer.

He promises to get London moving again my repurposing disused underground tunnels into walkways, safe cycle lanes and “create the world’s first underground ‘Pod’ transport system.” Twitter should have fun with this…

mdi-timer 12 November 2020 @ 09:35 12 Nov 2020 @ 09:35 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Dr. Gammons Set to Take UKIP’s Fight to Sadiq Khan

A senior party source informs Guido that the race to choose UKIP’s 2021 London mayoral candidate has one clear front runner leading the pack ahead of the NEC vote; it looks almost certain the party once led by Dick Braine is returning to nominative determinism in selecting Dr. Peter Gammons to take the fight to Sadiq Khan. A little bit bad taste to take Gammons to a fight against a Muslim candidate…

Dr. Gammons is a professional “inspirational and motivational speaker” and claims to have spoken to rallies of up to 4 million people, becoming a friend and adviser to “Presidents, Prime Ministers, Royalty, Celebrities and World Leaders” in the process. Peter’s ironic name also led to headlines last September after publicly defecting from the Brexit Party to UKIP. Let’s hope Dr. Gammons’s commitment to UKIP wasn’t a load of porkies…

mdi-timer 26 October 2020 @ 17:12 26 Oct 2020 @ 17:12 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
UKIP: This is Your Life

On this day four years ago, Nigel Farage stepped down as UKIP leader of six years following the EU referendum. Guido decided to look back across the last four years and found that the party has had 11 leaders and interim leaders. Since Farage stood down, interim leaders have led the party 38% of the time…

  1. Diane James: Resigned claiming she did not have the full support of her colleagues and officers
  2. Farage, interim leader
  3. Paul Nuttall: Resigned after the party’s miserable 2017 election performance
  4. Steve Crowther, interim leader
  5. Henry Bolton: Resigned after leaving his wife for Jo Marney, a model 30 years his junior. Marney was suspended from the party for leaked texts containing racist comments about Meghan Markle and attacking Grenfell Tower Victims. The NEC passed a VONC
  6. Gerard Batten, interim leader
  7. Gerard Batten: Resigned after UKIP’s 2019 EU Election wipeout
  8. Piers Wauchope, interim leader (who?)
  9. Dick Braine: Suspended from UKIP after being accused of stealing membership data, and after 81 days of constant mockery over his silly name
  10. Patricia Mountain, interim leader. Remembered for her hilarious 2019 election interview in which she said “other racist parties“, didn’t know where the party was standing, and said UKIP didn’t have any black candidates but “might” have an Indian man
  11. Freddy Vachha: Suspended by the party after 82 days – no one’s sure why. He claims he is still the leader of UKIP. His CV boasted fluency in four languages (including English and American) and says he’s “never ever” boring despite minimal drinking and only ever having smoked two cigarettes
  12. Neil Hamilton: interim leader

🥂Here’s to the next four years

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UKIP’s New Leader’s First Outing

UKIP’s manifesto launch day got off to a great start this morning, with interim leader Pat Mountain having her first outing with Adam Boulton. It made for classic election TV…

During the eight-minute interview, viewers saw Pat:

  • Refer to “other racist parties” before quickly correcting herself
  • Not know where the party is standing
  • Read out a policy from the manifesto and didn’t know the details when pressed
  • Say UKIP don’t have any black candidates but might have an Indian man

Pat Mountain, who of course replaced Dick Braine, joins a long list of very tough future pub quiz questions…

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UKIP Leader Boycotting his own Party Conference

UKIP continue lurching from cock-up to disaster as the latest leader, Dick Braine, has sent a statement to party members saying he will be boycotting his own party conference this year. At least the captain of the Titanic had the decency to go down with his sinking ship…

Some members are speculating the conference may not go ahead at all due to depressingly low ticket sales. According to one activist, the party hired a 700-seat venue but have struggled to sell more than 100 tickets and “stand to lose a fortune”, and it is only because of the party’s chairman’s insistence that the event is still going ahead.

Many party members are also deliberately boycotting the conference over the NEC’s refusal to accept Gerard Batten’s appointment as deputy leader – including Batten himself. Today’s UKIP would struggle to organise a piss-up in a spoons.

UPDATE: Read Braine’s email to party members here:

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Gerard Batten Banned From Re-Standing As UKIP Leader

Former UKIP leader and ‘Tommy Robinson’ superfan Gerard Batten has been barred from standing again as leader of the party. The NEC passed a motion on Sunday entitled “Gerard Batten has brought the party into disrepute by his actions and associations and should therefore not be allowed to stand for the leadership of the party.” He’s now fighting back with a Twitter poll

UKIP’s NEC has now decided to extend the nomination process. Read their letter to members here:

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mdi-timer 9 July 2019 @ 11:11 9 Jul 2019 @ 11:11 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
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