Our Aussie cousins go to the polls today for their federal elections, with the incumbent Liberal–National Coalition government, led by Scott Morrison, seeking to win an unprecedented fourth consecutive term. There hasn’t been much British coverage, apart from footage of PM Morrison rugby tackling a child, which drew instant parallels with Boris’s own 2015 attempt to put a kid in A&E while playing a match in Japan.
The similarities don’t stop there, like the Tories’ ultra-slick 2019 online operation, involving s**tpost social media graphics and memes, both centre-right parties have now tried their hand at digital music production. The UK Tories released a 70-minute-long lo-fi beats music video, and now the Aussie Liberals have put out this incredibly earwormy song taking social media by storm. Good luck trying to get it out of your head…
Australia’s sluggish vaccine rollout has received a boost this morning after the UK agreed to send our cousins four million Pfizer doses. PM Scott Morrison called the vials “four million doses of hope” and says they will touch down within weeks. The deal will double their current September stock…
Speaking in Australia overnight, Morrison celebrated the agreement – which will see the donation reciprocated towards the end of the year – as a “good deal between mates”, from “Downing Street to Down Under”. Morrison told the press conference: “Thanks Boris, I owe you a beer, cheers.” Cheers to that…
After briefings overnight, the government’s just confirmed it has secured a trade deal with Australia on all UK goods – the first deal “negotiated from scratch by the government since we left the EU.” The agreement was thrashed out post-G7 in Downing Street last night, between Boris and Scott Morrison. No. 10’s catering team using Scottish salmon and Welsh lamb to persuade the Aussie PM…
The government is hailing the FTA as improving the UK’s ability to export products like “cars, Scotch whisky, biscuits and ceramics” at a cheaper price to Australia. The PM will finally get access to his discounted TimTams…
On the thorny issue of farming, British farmers will be “protected by a cap on tariff-free imports for 15 years, using tariff rate quotas and other safeguards.” Sneering media types are enjoying parroting the stat that the deal will only add “0.01-0.02%” to UK GDP. Though trade specialists rightly point out this is far from the primary purpose of bilateral trade deals. Guido will raise an Australian shiraz to the news…
Following the news last night that Boris is set to appoint former Aussie PM Tony Abbott as President of the Board of Trade, the current Australian Premier Scott Morrison has reacted with delight, telling reporters:
“Good hire! I think that’s a good hire… well done Boris”
The boost to Anglo-Australian relations comes just days after the new CANZUK-advocating Erin O’Toole was elected leader of the Canadian Tory Party who could be on the brink of election victory. Boris just needs to woo Jacinda Ardern and the CANZUK show can get on the road…
Australian PM Scott Morrison during a Parliamentary Question Time session this morning:
MP: “Women from the Yass Valley are currently forced to travel an hour to Canberra or Goulburn to give birth. As a result, a number of women have been forced to give birth on the side of the Bart Highway. Does the PM agree that is unacceptable”
PM: “That’s why we’ve committed $150 million to upgrade the Barton Highway”
As a shocked Australian Labour Party licks its wounds at the unexpected loss of the election, the governing Liberal Party will be giving thanks to Lynton Crosby’s campaign management and polling. Three months ago every “expert” pundit down under expected and predicted Labor to win the general election. Some exit polls today even showed a clear Labour majority. Even as the counts came in Labor refused to concede. CNN eventually reported that “Labor May Have Lost Unlosable Election”.
The messaging was classic Crosby, repeated continually, Australians were posed a simple choice, “Do you want more jobs or more taxes?” Crosby confounded the pollsters when he delivered a majority Conservative government for Cameron in 2015. He’s done it again against the odds for Morrison in Australia. Tory MPs will be wondering as they mull over their future leadership contenders, whether the combo that delivered London for them in 2008 and 2012 can deliver victory for them again in 2022…
