As if the country hadn’t gone mad enough this week on LGBTQIA+ rights, this morning the policing minister – from a Conservative government – defended the police using time, money and resources to help homophobic police horses cross new rainbow road crossings, on account of them currently being confused by the colourful floor murals. Despite Nick Ferrari setting Malthouse up for a typical anti-woke Tory rant, Malthouse proffered: 

“NF: This is a load of woke nonsence, isn’t it Minister?

KM: Well, Nick, it would be easy to think that but obviously we are seeing a growth in painting on the highway. Whether that’s cycle painting highways, or different messages being put on the highways the one thing I do know as a daughter [sic] who goes riding is that horses are unpredictable animals at times and getting them used to everything they’re going to face in the public realm – whether it’s a rainbow street marking or a sign on the road about blue lane where the cycles are going seems a good idea.”

This, however, pales in comparison to the overnight farce of the government’s gay conversion therapy policy. Yesterday afternoon ITV News published a leaked document that outlined plans to u-turn on the government’s previously stated policy of banning the practice, noting that there would be outrage from LGBT groups, ministers could resign, and Liz Truss both hadn’t been told and would find it near-impossible to climb down given her previous public support. The plan was to use the Queen’s speech to claim it as a reevaluating of the PM’s priorities.

Following widespread outrage, the government then u-turned on this u-turn to say the gay conversion therapy aspect will go ahead as planned, though trans conversion therapy will still be legal. Even Nicola Murray knew you can’t u-turn on a u-turn – that’s an o-turn…

As stories continue to swirl over recreational drug use in Parliament, Kit Malthouse appeared on the media round this morning to discuss the government’s plans to sniff out the suppliers and crack down on middle-class users:

“There are several thousand people who work on the estate so I’d be surprised if there wasn’t somebody taking drugs at some point, whether they’re on the estate or off…I mean where we want to get to, Nick, is a situation so that when the police are enforcing on drugs, they are as likely to do an operation outside Westminster or Sloane Square Tube [Station], or Tottenham Hale…”

A tall order…

This morning, Policing Minister Kit Malthouse demonstrated he did not know whether or not gyms can open in Manchester under Tier Three restrictions. If Ministers of the Crown don’t know, what chance do the rest of us have?

Not to be outdone, Owen Wetherill, the Police Officer leading the police’s response to the pandemic, last night told MPs even he did not know what the rules are, and that the three-tier system was too confusing. Senior police officers repeatedly demonstrated their ignorance of the rules in yesterday’s Home Affairs Select Committee, an event Guido imagined they might have thought to swat up for. Heaven help those living in Scotland, who Sturgeon announced yesterday will be subjected to an even more convoluted five-tier system…