Extinction Rebellion Start Hunger Strike Outside Labour HQ

The Climate Communists, Extinction Rebellion, have launched their most audacious tantrum yet: beginning a 25-day hunger strike outside the Labour Party’s Southside Headquarters.

In a plan so cunning Guido suspects the hand of Baldrick in it, the activists are demanding that Labour commits to the objectively impossible agenda of completely decarbonising the UK in just five years and one month, or else they will quietly starve themselves. Guido isn’t sure that XR threatening to shut up and go away is the wisest strategy for the group…

The protest comes as Labour mysteriously deleted an Instagram post promising to go carbon neutral by 2030, five years later than Extinction Rebellion and Greta demand, but 20 years earlier than the IPCC recommendation, and a move that would require extreme moves such as outlawing non-electric cars, cancelling most flights, and scrapping all gas boilers.

A small group of protesters are also outside Tory HQ. The Tories have committed to accept the IPCC recommendation of decarbonising by 2050 – a move that will still cost more than one trillion pounds. If their Hunger Strike really does go on until the election, the only thing that will become extinct is their campaign…

Labour Candidate Reported To Police Over Claimed False Declaration

Labour’s candidate in Morecambe and Lunesdale has been reported to the police for providing falsified information on her nomination papers. Lizzi Collinge is listed on the nomination papers as residing in ‘An address in Morecambe and Lunesdale’, when the report claims her home address is, in reality, in Lancaster and Fleetwood.

Collinge declared her address as in another constituency when running for County Council in 2017, in a house she purchased in 2013 and has not been up for sale or rent since. The last electoral roll address to which Collinge was registered was the home she purchased in 2013, where she was listed as living at until December. Since then a new address for her hasn’t appeared in either her old or new constituency…

The last Labour Candidate in the same constituency allegedly tried the same trick listing herself as living in the constituency at the last minute. Paul Nuttall would be proud

Party that Wants to Run the Internet Sends Out Blank Web Page Press Release

Fresh from Labour’s announcement they want to run all broadband, the party has now published Richard Burgon’s response to crime figures… only, they haven’t posted it at all; It’s blank. To be fair, this is about as much of the farting commie Guido ever wants to hear from…

Labour Candidate’s Campaign Reported to Police Over Office Bust-Up

A Labour activist in Ashfield has reported the candidate’s mother to the police following a bust-up in the party’s office in which she was attacked around the head. Not the press Labour want from one of their seats with a 441 majority…

The Labour activist had just resigned from candidate Natalie Fleet’s campaign over accusations Fleet “wasn’t taking the campaign seriously” and is “heading for defeat”; however when she returned to the candidate’s office to collect her belongings, Fleet’s mother struck her head as she attempted to leave – in front of Fleet herself.

The activist tells Guido they have subsequently reported the incident to the police. Nottinghamshire Police have confirmed to Guido a report of an incident in Labour’s Ashfield Office has been made. Guido has contacted Fleet for comment…

Labour Party Broadcast Star Represented Britain in Naked Sledding World Championship

Labour’s party political start casting has unearthed some interesting talent. Last night’s ad featured Holly Garshong (Ferguson); a firefighter from Sunderland who was one of two champions picked to represent Great Britain’s inaugural team in the Naked Sledding World Championship a couple of years ago. The website that organised Britain’s entry described Holly as perfect for the sport as she was “raised by an avid family of nudists”…

“Aside from actually enjoying sledding and feeling at home as the traverses the snow covered slopes, she has also been raised by an avid family of nudists who love nothing more than baring all in the company of others.

“We used to go on nudist holidays and it was just normal to me, growing up,” said Holly. “We started when I was about six and I just got brought up that way. Everyone was naked and people weren’t looking at each other like that – it was just normal.” Given this, our outgoing fitness instructor from Barnes in Sunderland is ideally placed to lead from the front.”

Sadly Holly was knockered out of the competition by German porn star Melanie Müller…

Labour’s broadcast also featured the same conspiracy theorist who starred in their last PPB and:

  • Claimed 9/11 was an inside job.
  • Repeatedly claimed the US is supporting ISIS.
  • Claimed the assassination of JFK was a ‘false flag’ inside job, Lee Harvey Oswald worked for the CIA, and it was all so that the US could invade Cuba.

Was no one else available..?

Labour Confirms Commitment to Open Borders

A massive U-turn from their 2017 manifesto…

Strangely it didn’t look like Laura Pidcock get the message, refusing seven times to say whether Labour would continue free movement. What could it be about her overwhelmingly Leave voting constituency that made her unable to answer..?

Jon Ashworth Disagrees With Himself on NHS ‘Privatisation’

Labour’s NHS day couldn’t have gone better. First came the row about whether Corbyn’s 4-day-week plan would affect the NHS, with Ashworth saying it wouldn’t and McDonnell saying it would. Now further contradictions have come forward, with Ashworth contradicting himself over NHS privatisation. Labour’s NH-Mess continues…

In his big speech, Ashworth claimed the NHS would stop contracting private services under a Labour Government. Yet just a few minutes later he went outside and told TV cameras the complete opposite, refusing to rule out using private providers – explaining he is “a pragmatist”. This is supposed to be Labour’s signature issue and their spokesman for it can’t even agree with himself…

Gina Miller’s New Campaign Urges Leave Constituencies to Vote Labour to Stop Brexit

‘Remain United’ is the new tactical voting initiative to elect anti-Brexit MPs to Parliament and cancel the result of the EU referendum. Awkwardly for Labour candidates in some of the most pro-Brexit seats in the country, Miller’s website says the best way to stop Brexit is to vote for them. A message that might not go down so well on the doorsteps of Hartlepool…

Labour and Lib Dems Announce Musical Candidates

As the parties announce their candidates for the upcoming general election, Guido has been enjoying the musical numbers of Labour’s candidate for Old Bexley and Sidcup, Dave Tingle and the Lib Dems’s 18-year-old candidate for East Worthing and Shoreham Ashley Ridley. Tingle starred in a cringe worth viral video from Loughborough SU a few years ago, whilst Ridley appeared on BBC Radio Sussex earlier this year to rap about Brexit.

Tingle’s toe-curling video was so badly received the comments had to be disabled as some started to suggest that they had withdrawn their university applications because of it. Contemporaries of Tingle’s at his university tell Guido that his SU electoral record shouldn’t give his rival James Brokenshire anything to worry about – he didn’t exactly get the voters of Loughborough tingling with excitement.

Ridley on the other hand may want to come up with some new election literature and to improve on his rap lyrics: “The highs, the lows should bring us together, so let’s stop Brexit, this hectic Brexit mess. Less freedom for all of us, Brexit messed us up, so let’s stop Brexit. Hectic Brexit so let’s stop Brexit.” If these lads are the cream of the 2019 Labour and Lib Dem crop, they might be in treble… 

UPDATE: A late musical entry…

Question Time Teen Takes Down Labour and Lib Dems

Last night this teenager too young to vote in the EU referendum spoke for the nation, taking on Labour and the Lib Dems for failing to deliver the Brexit result. Cummings would be proud… 

Labour Steals Trump Election Slogan

Jeremy Corbyn’s new election slogan doesn’t seem to be all that original. The anti-elite spreader of fake news who is mired in allegations of racism held a campaign launch in Battersea today is plastered with the phrase “It’s time for real change”. The only problem is he looks to have borrowed it from Donald Trump…

Trump’s 2016 campaign used the phrase many times to blast the media and corrupt elites. Sound familiar?  

Corbyn appears to have already done his own trade deal with the US President…

Lib Dems Facebook Spend More than all Parties Combined

The Liberal Democrats have geared up for the upcoming general election with a whopping £12,205 being spent on Facebook in the last week, more than every other major party put together. Labour and the Tories lag behind at £2,812 and £3,111 respectively. The SNP and The Brexit Party clearly haven’t got the memo, both failing to spend anything so far. Has anyone told Carole yet? 

Labour’s Ealing North Selection Disaster

Selection for the safe seat of Ealing North is turning into a big mess for the Labour Party. Competing to win the seat and its 20,000 majority are some quite controversial characters. Local councillor Sitarah Anjum has already been removed from the shortlist of four after posting anti-gay marriage, pro-forced marriage, and ‘Israel is a war criminal’ tweets. How did she end up on the shortlist in the first place..?

Fellow councillor and the only remaining woman on the shortlist Aysha Raza, despite having defended the same mural even Jeremy Corbyn had to admit was anti-Semitic. She has also endorsed boycotts of Israel, said she was “traumatised by the hours spent in that Zionist shop” and engaged in questionable conversation about “sucking up to the Zionist lobby”. Labour Against Anti-Semitism reported her to the party for investigation last April…

Despite this, Raza remains on the shortlist of three for this plum seat…

Corbyn’s New Chief of Staff Joins the Family Business

The Stalinist removal of Karie Murphy as Corbyn’s Chief of Staff yesterday was both shocking and unsurprising in equal measures. While Karie’s body is still warm, Corbyn has appointed former Whitehall equalities chief, Helene Reardon Bond, as her replacement.

Other than being characteristically posh, the appointment didn’t seem particularly interesting; however, it has now come to light that Bond’s own son, Jack, has worked in Corbyn’s office – running his Twitter account for a number of years.[…] Read the rest


Labour’s Website Contradicts Their Policy

The Labour Party has shifted position on an election so much that their website currently hosts a page published less than a week ago that says Labour will back an election as soon as their Surrender Bill passed. The bill passed.[…] Read the rest


Labour’s Election U Turn

Despite their novel ‘now is not the time’ line regarding an election, the Labour Party website still hosts a page demanding an immediate election – created on the back of Boris Johnson becoming Prime Minister.

This is despite the party not backing Jo Swinson’s no confidence motion before the summer recess.[…] Read the rest


Labour’s Ali Milani Likes Another 9/11 Conspiracy

Labour’s Ali Milani – who is standing against Boris Johnson in his Uxbridge constituency – has a vast chequered history of unsavoury comments and conspiracies. Today Guido can reveal that despite having deleted his 9/11 conspiracy tweets, Milani still likes a conspiracy page about the brutal terrorist attack on his personal Facebook page:

“When the american government came up with 9-11 to stop Islam spreading only for it to double since 2001”

Milani remains Labour’s candidate… […] Read the rest


McDonnell: I’ll Send Corbyn to Tell Queen “We’re Taking Over”

John McDonnell has continued his showstopping run at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival with yet another outburst, this time saying that he’ll send Corbyn to Buckingham Palace to tell the Queen “we’re taking over” if Boris loses a confidence vote. While some of the responses decrying it as a full-on coup may be a little over the top, given McDonnell’s willingness to invent retrospective laws to imprison his political opponents it’s not an entirely innocent threat either.[…] Read the rest


McDonnell: We’ll Invent Law to Put Tories in Prison

Today’s spectacular Labour second independence referendum row sparked by John McDonnell has overshadowed a far more sinister policy proposal put forward by the Shadow Chancellor last night in conversation with Iain Dale. His desire to imprison his political opponents.

Corbyn’s notoriously aggressive deputy was challenged about past footage of him calling Tories “social criminals” who should be tried in court, initially shrugging it off and saying “I was angry.[…] Read the rest


Ian Murray Calls on McDonnell to Apologise

Scottish Labour MP Ian Murray has launched another broadside against Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell, saying he’s got a “lot of explaining to do” over his IndyRef2 comments last night and calling on him to apologise to Scottish Labour leader Richard Leonard.[…] Read the rest


Seen Elsewhere

Tip offs: 020 7193 4041

Quote of the Day

Appearing on BBC Radio West Midlands this morning, the Prime Minister was asked: “What are you getting Carrie for Christmas?”

Boris: “I’m going to get Brexit done”


Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.