Boris Lets Slip That Jo Johnson is Still Writing Tory Manifesto Today

Boris has gone violently off message in a speech in the West Country, calling for the government to: “Bring back hunting to Exmoor, whilst always respecting the feelings and indeed the wishes of the animals.” The Western Morning News reports on the Mayor’s visit to Dulverton Town Hall, where he “intrigued the audience with other pre-election promises such as an NHS for animals, making Scrabble an Olympic sport, and a bid to open Britain’s borders to citizens of “Eurozone disaster areas like Italy”, but only if they agreed to help hill farmers at lambing time”:

Number one – abolish VAT on hearing aids.

Two: apply to the UN for the immediate recognition of the superior intelligence of rats, geese and other animals…”

Best received was a call to “bring back manners in young people” and make them eat crisps with a knife and fork…”

Banter aside and most intriguingly, Boris let slip that the Tory manifesto – due imminently – is still being written:

“Our family does not have good reputation for meeting deadlines. My brother Joseph (MP for Orpington) has had to go to London today after someone rang before breakfast – probably the Prime Minister – reminding him he had to write 4,000 words for the Conservative manifesto.”

Well it can’t be as rubbish as their 2010 one.

While the Mayor’s Away, the Candidates Can Play

Boris deputy and wannabe mayor Stephen Greenhalgh waited until his boss was out of the country to have an extraordinary pop about tube fares. Team BoJo are said to be furious at Greenhalgh’s intervention pledging a cut should he take over, which is about as subtle as a Boston blizzard. Already the Standard are reporting it as a direct challenge, “raising questions over current fares” and noting Greenhalgh’s naked attempt to “seize the initiative… in the battle to succeed Boris”Greenhalgh’s growing list of enemies are already calling him the ‘hands-on mayor‘…

Hillary Clinton Welcomes Boris Home to USA

The next PM and President?

After a shaky start, it seems the Mayor’s East Coast tour is finally beginning to get going: ie he’s getting the pictures he wants. Let’s hope Hillary can forgive what Boris once said of her:

“She’s got dyed blonde hair and pouty lips, and a steely blue stare, like a sadistic nurse in a mental hospital… represents, on the face of it, everything I came into politics to oppose: not just a general desire to raise taxes and nationalize things, but an all-round purse-lipped political correctness.”

He’s got more in common with her husband…

Quote of the Day

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

Boris Backs Brexit (Possibly)

In every modern Tory leadership election the candidate who has made the most anti-EU noises has won. Ergo, here is Boris’ intervention in this week’s Time magazine:

“I think Brexit is possible … [Britain] would very rapidly come to an alternative arrangement that protected our basic trading interests. I must be clear. I think there would be a pretty testy, scratchy period … [but] it wouldn’t be disastrous.”

He’s said it before, but this time he’s said it a little louder. Over to you, Theresa…

Boris of Mesopotamia

Despite strict Foreign Office advice not to travel to the region, a Briton with Turkish roots has posed with a Kalashnikov in northern Iraq. Boris has travelled to the region to support the fight against ISIS. Allahu, er, cripes, akbar!

Boris Says Balls Looks Like He Has a Finger Up His Bum

balls

Nifty work by The Tab, who have recorded Bojo charming a Tory party fundraiser by telling them Ed Balls has:

“the air of a pop-eyed man who looks like he’s undergoing an unexpected prostate examination.”

A line he has shamelessly nicked from Anna Soubry…

Paxo Denies Claims He Will Run for Mayor

Jeremy Paxman has shot down the Times‘ suggestion that he is considering running to replace Boris as the Tory candidate for Mayor of London:

Though the invitation to see the PM suggests it wasn’t entirely fantasy…

Tory Mayoral Candidate’s Nude Pics

“I’m a complete rags to riches boy,” Nick Boles’ old flatmate Ivan Massow tells the Standard today, as he announces his intention to be the Tory candidate for London mayor in 2016. Presumably these photos were taken before he could […]

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WATCH: Boris Tells Labour to Stick It

Boris was a little short tempered at Mayor’s Question Time yesterday after being quizzed by expenses cheat Andrew Dismore. Ohhhhh.[…]

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Lammy: Labour Won’t Win in 2015

Election mastermind David Lammy has said Ed will not win a majority in 2015:

“I don’t want to knock Ed personally. I actually think it’s a whole team issue. I think that, in the end, all of the major players

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Morning Sadiq: Please Don’t Read This Behind the Wheel

If Sadiq Khan could please wait until he’s driven to work to read this morning’s Times and Mailthat would be appreciated by other road users.

He can however listen to BBC London report on the fact his driving […]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Nigel Farage on Jeremy Corbyn:

“North London, bicycles, non-drinker, doesn’t sound very much like me does it?”

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