Monday, January 5, 2009

Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View

Saturday, January 3, 2009

+++ IDF Enter Gaza +++

IDF troops on the march, tanks destroying Hamas targets and rocket launch sites, operation expected to last a few days. Keep the Pizza coming…

Totty Watch : Big Brother Tory Titillates

Celebrity Big Brother is back with freaks and celebs for all. Lucy Pinder has attracted attention because of her natural 32G chest and because she is according to the Sun, “posh totty”, a “bit of a Tory” and “admires Margaret Thatcher for being the first female PM”. The 25-year-old is coulrophobic — she is scared of clowns – which may also explain her antipathy to Gordon Brown. Shockingly Dale has come over all Guidoesque with risque pictures of Lucy on all fours after seeing her go into the Big Brother house saying “I’m a bit of a Tory Bird … best not to put me in with any bleeding heart liberals”.However one of Dale’s readers (AnOnEye) comments “Lucy Pinder is the perfect symbol of the Cameron/Osborne Tory party: a pair of t*ts with no brains!” Ouch.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Israel on the Brink of a Ground War with Hamas

From the one-sided BBC reporting you would never realise that Hamas is launching sustained rocket blitzes day after day on Israeli towns. Alexi Sayle, Bianca Jagger, George Galloway MP, Ken Livingstone and Sarah Teather MP have just held a press conference in London saying we must do something about the Gaza situation. That line-up of aging left-wing celebs has stirred Guido’s conscience and spurred him into action. Time to get the wallet out again and show his support for the Israeli Defence Forces…

Whereas once Britain’s grannies knitted woolie hats and gloves for our boys in the trenches, nowadays modern technology means that you can give your support online to those fighting against Hamas’ Islamo-fascism just by clicking on a link. Guido has independently verified this and it is a genuine way to show support for Israel’s frontline troops. PizzaIDF.org organise the delivery of Kosher pizzas and Pepsi to troops who will soon be risking their lives searching for rocket firing terrorists. For £100 you can buy pizza & soda for a platoon…

Thursday, January 1, 2009

2008 Stat-Porn Summary

A total for the year of 7,847,505 pageviews off 5,872,586 visits from 958,639 visitors, (December 723,587 pageviews off 557,767 visits from 105,239 visitors). Circulation increased some 86% on the year, how many publishers can say that in 2008?

The top three stories of the year were :

  1. Coren’s Sub-Standard
  2. Littlejohn Bitch-slaps Polly
  3. Brown Confesses to Procuring Misconduct
Thanks to advertisers for their support, readers for their loyalty and politicians for providing the targets.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008 Blog Highlights : What a Lot You Got

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

Look Back in Mockery 2008

This is Guido’s favourite photo of the year. It captures Brillo in his natural environment, in Cannes. He was a little testy about this photo;
“Wow, Guido, never thought such quantities of green stuff would be generated by a simple lunch for the University of Cannes Moral Philosophy Department. Clearly envy not confined to the Left … but there we go. Must dash .. have the University of Nice Women’s Gymnastic team coming for tea. Pip! Pip!”

Guido will confess to jealousy, he has spent the holidays cradling his snotty girls to his bosom, whereas Brillo holidays in the bosom of his, errm, nieces.

The Daily Politics is still the best television politics show, doesn’t take it self too seriously yet Brillo doesn’t let politicians off the hook when they talk bollocks. Adam Boulton’s post PMQs match report is coming on well and does sometimes make the old men muttering around the Daily Politics studio look a bit stale. That needs freshening up, particularly the regular guest line up. Pip! Pip!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Mandy in Marakesh

Apparently the Dark Lord is in Marakesh, this tip-off has just arrived in the inbox:

My sister just txted me from Marakesh. Mandy spotted with a young boy. Unfortunately she is not politically nerdy enough to have followed up the spot so the trail is cold. Not much of a tip-off but it may be the start of a trail.

Anyone out there got a camera-phone?

One night in Marakesh some years ago Guido was in a taxi with a champagne-filled Irish girl (not Mrs Fawkes). She somewhat louchely dared Guido to procure some professional company for the night. Guido turned to the taxi driver (from whom we had already obtained some local hashish) and asked him to take us to a brothel. He didn’t bat an eyelid and simply asked “boys or girls?” Guido turned to his companion and asked her what she fancied… well when in Rome…

Sh*ts of the Year 2008

The lack of news flow means that the media start doing predictions and awards to pad out space. Dale’s listmania has gone into overdrive, could have sworn he posted “My Top Ten Lists of 2008″.

So Guido will, for the same reason, invite you to nominate your “Sh*ts of the Year”. Here are a few categories, do feel free to add your own categories.
  • Sh*t Politician of the Year
  • Sh*t Journalist of the Year
  • Sh*t Blogger of the Year
  • Hoon Prix d’ Sh*t of the Year
The last category can come from any field of human endeavour. Put your nomination in the comments together with less than 30 words giving your grounds.

A co-conspirator T-shirt to the wittiest nomination…

UPDATE : Some of the entrants seem to misunderstand, it is not a vote for another bloody list, it is a contest of wits, you have to make a nomination with amusing grounds. Not just say “Brown is a sh*t.” It is for a T-shirt after all…

Blair Just Hangs Around in a Tracksuit All Day

According to Ruth Turner, Blair’s former director of government relations and now charity foundation aide, quoted in the New York Magazine, whenever she sees Blair “He wears a track suit all day.”

You know how it is; one minute you are working hard, suited and booted, next thing you are made redundant. It happens to so many middle aged men who thought they were at the prime of their careers. You end up irritating the wife mooching around in a tracksuit, flicking through the teletext pages all day, shouting at the telly. Bit sad really…


Seen Elsewhere

Why are Tories so Upbeat? | Alex Wickham
Clear Public Interest in Newmark Sting | Mirror
Boris Invites Farage to Join Tories | Guardian
RAF Too Run Down to Fight Islamic State | Con Coughlin
Osborne’s Personal Cuts Regime | Quentin Letts
Whoever Wins is Cursed | Janan Ganesh
Dave Will Never Be Forgiven if Ed Becomes PM | Trevor Kavanagh
What is Dave’s Big Message? | Tim Montgomerie
Voting UKIP Only Helps Ed | Boris
Only Tory-UKIP Deal Can Stop Labour Win | Dan Hannan
Tories Need to Be Party of Ideas | Laura Perrins


VOTER-RECALL
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Mark Reckless told UKIP…

“We are more than a star on someone else’s flag.”



cynic says:

Can anyone help me? I went on holiday a week ago and returned to find someone has pulled out the stake and Gordon Brown is back and acting as Prime Minister. What did I miss? Has there been a snap election?


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