As much as Labour is claiming to be a break from our current sour politics, judging by today’s DEFRA questions Labour hasn’t abandoned their love of milking political point-scoring. After accusing Thérèse Coffey of being out of touch, Shadow Minister Jim McMahon then asked her for the price of milk and bread in her local supermarket.

Short of getting a rise out of the Secretary of State, Thérèse was well-prepped on the bread-and-butter issue. She easily rebuffed the half-baked attack, conjuring up the figures for a pint, two pints and a “seeded loaf from Tesco” with ease. Better luck next time, Jim – no point crying over spilt milk…

Thérèse Coffey took to one of the last Westminster Christmas parties of the season last night, for the Conservative Environment Network’s annual do. During her speech, delivered sporting a Father Christmas hat, Coffey claimed she is the voice of the plants and the fungi, referred to herself in third person, and apologised for some of what’s happened this year. “Can I hope you enjoy a fabulous Christmas, I’m very sorry for some of the things that happened along the way!”   

The most enjoyable moment came when the ex-DPM tried reeling off some of her department’s achievements of the last few months, only to have to ask the eco-audience for help before admitting she’d spend the day partying with her civil servants:

“In two months since arriving as Secretary of State, we have delivered those targets, we’ve laid the statutory instruments, we’ve achieved the negotiations today on the fisheries, what else have we done today? We’ve made sure that we’ve actually put more money into making sure the sustainable farming initiative  will have more take-up of farmers, we’ve signed off the new environment land management scheme… I’m trying to remember… I’ve actually had my Christmas do today with my civil servants so that’s why I’m so effusive! And why I’m wearing this [hat]!

Coffey’s certainly the government voice of funguys…

As the country braces itself for a month of train strikes and travel chaos, we can rest in the knowledge that one group will always be protected from such discomfort. Guido can reveal that the tireless civil servants over at DEFRA spent a staggering £59,642 on taxi rides in 2022 alone. That’s well over £1,000 a week, and far in excess of the £23,000 spent by DCMS. You’d think those responsible for implementing Net Zero would recognise the need to reduce transport emissions…

The figure for 2022 was treble the £19,811 in 2021 and more in line with the £52,170 they spent in 2020 – bringing the three-year total to £131,623. And this is when they’re working from home…

During the leadership election Liz Truss consistently got loud rounds of applause from Tory members over her plan to ban solar projects on farmland, which she condemned as “a blight on the landscape” and “depressing”. On Monday, No. 10’s spokesman reiterated this policy to the media:

“In September [Truss] said she doesn’t think we should be putting solar panels on productive agricultural land, as well as the energy security issue we face a food security issue.”

Details of the new policy are scarce, though it’s believed DEFRA Secretary Ranil Jayawardena wants to widen the definition of “best and most versatile” land to prohibit solar farms from being built.

At this point in the story we head over to Bristol, where just 2.6 miles away from Jacob Rees-Mogg’s house a 58-hectare solar farm development is being proposed on land in Bishop Sutton. It’ll be a nice little money-spinner for those owning the land.

Jacob Rees-Mogg’s own council – Bath and North East Somerset – acknowledge in a document that the development will expend “agricultural land”, “currently used for grazing”. So clearly Jacob would be unlikely to support the plans…

The biggest problem for Jacob Rees-Mogg? Much of the planned land for the development is owned by none other than his mother, Gillian Rees-Mogg…

It’s been all of an hour since the last row within the Conservative Party so it’s obviously time for a new one: Extinction Rebellion. Over the weekend mass protests broke out in central London by the usual rabble, though unusually Labour came out to condemn the extremist group yesterday and call for an immediate injunction “to put a stop to this disruption.” The Tories were slightly incredulous given Labour’s opposition to the bill set to ban such protests…

This morning Labour’s anti-Extinction Rebellion stance was slammed by none other than Ben Goldsmith, eco brother of Zac and chair of the Conservative Environment Network, who tweeted “Not a good look from @UKLabour… I’m with @ExtinctionR”. Awkwardly, Ben is also a non-executive director of DEFRA…

Asked for a response to Goldsmith’s tweet a government source replied that George Eustice “was very clear about his view yesterday – people have a right to protest but not when it causes disruption. Ben has commented as an individual, and this isn’t government policy.”

Other responses included one Red Wall Tory telling Guido his tweet “is going down about as spectacularly as the Hindenburg amongst Tory MPs”. The tweet’s unsurprisingly been deleted…

UPDATE: Now Labour’s hit back at Goldsmith, with Shadow Justice Secretary Steve Reed saying “This from a Conservative official is an insult to people facing misery trying to get to work. While the government continues to refuse to act, Labour has called for immediate injunctions to put a stop to this disruption.”

With the pandemic over, ministers have been making plenty of moves to get the country back to pre-pandemic normal, not least seeing workers return to the office to kickstart the economy. The powers that be in Whitehall however are determined to enforce one rule for ordinary officer workers and another for their own mandarins. An email sent to Department for Transport staff reveals they will still only have to come in to the office 2-3 days a week from September. Presumably travelling is too taxing for transport policymakers…

If you think that lacks ambition, Guido hears return plans are even more sluggish elsewhere in SW1. Guido understands that HMRC, which shares a building with the back-to-work pusher-in-chief Rishi Sunak, is merely aiming for staff to return for one day per week by the end of September, with the goal of “working up to” two of days a week in the office by December. This is on top of DEFRA which Guido revealed last week to still be boasting work-from-home options on job adverts. If ministers are briefing The Mail that workers should return to the office or see their pay slashed, those not on the public purse will rightly be asking why there’s one rule for them, and another for civil servants.