A day after his crushing Partygate defeat in the High Court, Guido can report on yet another Jolyon defeat. His ongoing attempts to build a wine cellar and garden shed at his South London home…

In January, Guido revealed that in his attempt to get the posh garden shed built, a local group of busybodies submitted concerns that the learned resident’s plan could cause “damage to the roots of the large trees in this garden”. He commissioned an arboricultural impact assessment report.

Unfortunately for Jolyon, in 2020 he moved out of his award-winning countryside windmill into the rectory of a Grade I listed church, meaning changes to his house are very difficult to get past planning inspectors.

Last week on Valentine’s day, therefore, the plans for his renovation were withdrawn. According to his architects’ letter to Southwark council, the planning agent agreed to withdraw the application “that raises heritage concerns over the adverse harm identified upon the listed railing structures and historical setting of Grade I listed [redacted] Church.” Damn those interfering NIMBYs…

Previous planning records reveal that in 2020 after one too many delays, Jolyon ended up appealing to the Secretary of State. Guido has a feeling Michael Gove might not be too amenable to Maugham having a back-garden wine cellar – call it a hunch…