Carole Cadwalladr has uncovered one of her most sensational conspiracies yet – this time Arron Banks and Andy Wigmore have apparently used a ski trip to the Italian Alps as cover for a secret plot to convince the Italian ‘fascist’ government to block an extension of Article 50. Pulitzer-level stuff…

Carole uses all of her award-winning investigative skills to piece together a number of crucial clues which reveal the inescapable truth. Incredibly, Wigmore turned his Twitter GPS-locator off for 24 hours after he got to Venice last week. A sure sign of guilty behaviour.

Even more shockingly, Banks and Wigmore decided to go skiing in Cortina, when Wigmore already owns a chalet in Wengen. The evidence is incontrovertible.

Meanwhile, Agent Farage has been busy implementing the other half of the top-secret plan – which is now “in plain sight” – by making speeches in the European Parliament calling for EU leaders to block any extension to Article 50. Thankfully serious political heavyweights like the SNP’s Justice Spokeswoman Joanna Cherry QC have ridden to the rescue to help foil the egregious plot. Phew!

By coincidence it was Banks’ insurance firm’s corporate ski jolly last week. Salvini must have been delighted to be invited along…