GALLERY GUIDO: Smear Executive Decided to Smear Labour

We’re making up a Labour smear story.

We’re going for their most cherished example of mutual, collective endeavour. The Co-op. Ethical, modest, decent. Let’s make it go bust through filthy capitalist greed. And let’s get it taken over by US vulture funds who have the power to call in Labour’s loans, but don’t because they act more ethically than the previous management.

But you want more.

Okay, let’s have the outgoing chairman of the ethical bank to be a most complete representative of the Labour movement – a Co-op member for years, a Methodist minister who could be your dad, who gives money to Labour from Co-op funds. How much?

Half a million! Why half a milion? It’s a smear, make it a million!

Let’s have him only being an amateur in banking with no qualifications except “a professional requirement to be charitable”, and he gives a million to the party generally and also smaller donations to – who do we hate most? – Ed Balls.

Let’s get this perfect Labour guy who looks like your dad to give, what’s a really large private sum, fifty thousand pounds to Ed Balls’ office. Perfect.

But you want to have him personally corrupt? Is that really necessary? What, watching porn on his work computer as a Labour councillor? Okay, it’s a Harriet Harman sort of crime but –

You want him to be contracting rent boys? The chairman of the Co-op bank hiring rent boys? I guess it’s not imposs-

You want him to be doing DRUG DEALS? Now it’s too much. What sort of drugs? CRYSTAL METH?

You want him to look like everyone’s father, chair a Labour bank, give money to Labour shadow cabinet names, and be a rent-boy-seeking Labour councilor buying CRYSTAL METH in a car? It’s too much.

Smear-wise it’s beyond anything previously attempted.

More seriously, it will damage the whole smearing industry.

WATCH: Rob Ford: The Movie

Via teh internetz.

So Here’s What Happens Down Ed’s Local…

After Balls’ revenge attack on Monday revealed that the Labour leader doesn’t like the pub, Miliband’s spinner’s told the Sun“Ed does go to the pub and regularly to Askern Miners Welfare Club in his constituency. He’s a moderate drinker.” That would be the Askern Miners Welfare Club that doubles as a burlesque venue for cross-dressing corset-clad middle-aged men, hosting regular nights for Ed’s transvestite constituents:

See the photo evidence here, if you dare…

Red Ed Wine

Co-conspirators searched far and wide for a photo of Miliband drinking in a pub, and on the evidence above it seems pint-less Ed isn’t too keen on the stuff. That is unless the pub in question stocks Lanson champagne. These pics were taken at the Old Star pub in St James’ Park, where Ed spoke last month to a fitting backdrop:

Bottoms up!

Odd Ed’s Pub Snub

Does Ed Miliband hate Britain the pub? Ever so helpful Ed Balls twisted the knife on ITV’s Agenda last night, instantly re-opening the Odd Ed attacks:

 “I’ve known Ed 20 years and I can’t think that I’ve ever been… Different people like different places, and I was last in the pub yesterday… I don’t know if he likes the pub or not.” 

Who doesn’t like the pub?

Would Ed like the pub if it showed baseball?

Well there goes the “who would you most like to have a pint with” vote…

A UKIP Policy We Can All Support

Meet Caroline Jones, in the running as a UKIP MEP candidate for Wales. A bubbly character, Caroline really wants your vote, though this unfortunate typo in her personal manifesto perhaps betrays her true motive of wanting the Brussels high life:

The only way to do it.

Katz Steals Another Pinky Inky for Newsnight

Face-for-radio Chris Cook is leaving the Pink’un to become policy editor at Newsnight. Regular readers will remember Chris from his fair and balanced reporting of a certain Pearson-owned exam board, as well his long, long, long vendetta against Michael Gove, after working for his predecessor in the Tory education brief David Willetts. Seriously though, Guido and Chris settled differences over many beers not long ago in some trendy media hangout we both happened to be in. He wishes him the best of luck. The ‘semi-Tory’ is jumping just as the FT flirts with switching back to Labour…

What Could Go Wrong?

From: Chris Whitehouse 
Subject: Guy Fawkes Supper

Dear Colleague,

Catholic Members’ Supper
Tuesday 5th November 7.30pm
Venue Private Room in a venue not too far from the House

Rob Flello has suggested that we hold the next in our series of Catholic Members’ Suppers on 5th November.

I am currently researching venues to find a private room within a short distance of the Palace of Westminster which is accessible also for wheelchair users. I will advise on the venue and costs (which I shall seek to keep down) in due course, but would be grateful if you could let me know now if you would like to book a place pending confirmation of final details.

Many thanks.

With kind regards and all good wishes.
Chris

Chris Whitehouse KSG
Secretary
Catholic Legislators’ Network UK

What could go wrong?

That Recovery In Full

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Don Foster’s Afternoon Whip Around

New LibDem chief whip Don Foster should learn when to keep his mouth shut. While topping up his legendary booze cabinet in Westminster Tesco’s early yesterday afternoon, a far from salubrious looking Foster treated himself to 40 black Superkings and […]

+ READ MORE +

Natalie Rowe Claims She Met Osborne’s Fiancée

One more.

Eventually Osborne’s friendship with Natalie Rowe comes to an end, with her claiming she met his then fiancée:

My pregnancy also changed the dynamics between me and my three musketeers. George became quite caring towards me. It was

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Foot Long Lines and Osborne’s “Shared Experiences”

More from Natalie Rowe’s book. Here is what she alleges the Chancellor’s set were up to in the early 90s:

“All the boys had the hots for coke fiend Peggy, she was so much fun and up for anything, even

[…]

+ READ MORE +



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