Thursday, April 26, 2012

Mayoral Election Reduced to Whining

Just when the Mayoral election was getting a little bit dry, the fine people at Oddbins have lined up a special selection of wines relevant to each candidate:

Boris is apparently a Diane de Belgrave Haut-Medoc Bordeaux. “Just like the current Mayor, the wine has been around since 2008, is classic old-school with a posh upbringing and a fruity side” Guido would have gone with Blue Nun…

Thirsty Ken Livingston is paired off with a Cape Chamonix Pinotage. “The perfect wine for Ken must go with newts, carry real weight and also have legs – as it doesn’t look like he is ever going to retire.” He’ll have a crate of it, though surely he’s a Cuban rum?

Paddick is apparently a Berton Paddock Shiraz. The name aside apparently it has “liberal fruity characteristics”. Not your average jungle juice…

You may be able to win these in the caption contest tomorrow. Guido will get back to you on that…

Friday, April 20, 2012

George Galloway backs Guido’s campaign to end subsidised bars for MPs….

“I think these bars should be closed. No-one else can drink at their work. No-one else is allowed to drink alcohol while they’re working. Why are we? Moreover, at subsidised prices – as was. I don’t know what they are now, but when I was in here before they were ‘Life on Mars’ prices – 1970s prices. What are our values? I don’t drink for example. Downstairs tonight, in the parliament itself, there will be legislators blind drunk.”

Monday, March 26, 2012

PICTURE:  Fox and Werritty Drinking In Westminster

Just as the media are on the hunt for senior Tories meeting people they shouldn’t be meeting, look who pops up in the White Swan:

 

Chin up boys.

Via the eagle-eyed Mini-Iain Dale @GrantTucker

Friday, March 23, 2012

Pre-Loaded Spinning

As far as Guido can tell, the last time a Ministerial Statement was rushed on to the Friday agenda was when we bombed Libya. Given that the government has bombed quite enough already this week, unsurprisingly this rushed distraction job is not having the desired effect. It failed to push the Granny Tax off of the front pages and has gone down like the proverbial dodgy pint. Theresa May is not helping matters by constantly talking about “pre-loading” to describe drinking cheap alcohol at home before going out. It seems she alone has coined this phrase…

UPDATE: Yvette just gave the Home Secretary a good going over declaring that May “is being used as human shield and she should have said no”. The Shadow Home Secretary also confirmed that there have only been three statements on a Friday in last decade. Two were concerning war and the other Swine Flu.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Last Order Orders

The Sundays were full of promises and a pledge of a review into how to stop MPs boozing in the Commons.

This should surely be a no-brainer for the Speaker: scrap the £5.8m subsidy. Guido feels this one is beginning to get some traction.

They could call it the Joyce Review…

Monday, February 27, 2012

Watch:  Crick Gets Cricked

Filmed live at the Barley Mow, Westminster.

Wake Up and Smell the (Subsidised) Coffee

The Strangers’ Bar is advertising their

“premium coffee service available from 10.30am”.

Who could they be targeting with that one?

Friday, February 24, 2012

Eric Joyce Charged

Eric Joyce has been charged with three counts of assault.

He will appear in court on 7 March.

The second MP to face charges this year.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Internal Beeb Blow by Blow Account

The BBC internal wires are circulating this account of how last night’s Joyce episode began. Look North reporter Joe Inwood’s report has worked its way into Guido’s inbox:

  • Andrew Percy MP was hosting an event for the Speaker of the Canadian Parliament, at which Stuart Andrew MP was a guest.
  • The night had progressed, and the speaker (and family) had left.
  • Eric Joyce was also in the bar, and was having a conversation with Alec Shelbrooke MP.
  • Andrew Percy had gone to the bar and on his way back asked to get past AS and EJ.
  • EJ was then heard (by eye witness) to say something along the “no you can’t. I’m fed up with this place. It’s full of f###ing Tories.”
  • Somehow this confrontation ended with Andrew Percy being pushed to a wall.
  • At this point Stuart Andrew stood up and told him (EJ) to stop.
  • IT IS ALLEGED THAT At this point EJ then grabbed SA by the tie, pushing him up against a wall.
  • AP had gone to get the police, who promptly surrounded Joyce, although did not restrain him.
  • Eric Joyce IS SAID TO HAVE objected to his treatment, saying they could not do this to an MP.
  • IT IS CLAIMED THAT he then, whilst surrounded by police launched himself at SA, head butting him and punching him.

And the rest they say is history.

They go on to confirm that this window was broken during Joyce’s removal.

Tomorrow we might write about something else…

JOYCE UPDATE: Police Interviewing in Committee Rooms
Rumour Joyce Took a Swing at the Desk Sergeant

Interviews are currently going on in Committee Rooms 16/17/18 for members and staffers who witnessed last night’s fun and games. There is also some speculation that Joyce  has been moved from Belgravia to another police station. Either way, he’s been in custody for over sixteen hours now. Tea Room gossip is gathering pace too…

Though Guido stresses this is just gossip, there is is talk that Joyce took a swing at the desk sergeant when he was being booked in last night…

Anyone remember what he was drinking?

UPDATE:


Seen Elsewhere

Reeves Red-Faced After Pension Gaffe | Sun
Band’s Fury at Song Being Used at Labour Conference | Buzzfeed
Rachel Reeves’ Pension Howler | Mail
UKIP Propose 90% Cut in Overseas Aid | Breitbart
Ed Milibaaaand | Sun
Ed Miliband Phrase Generator | Guardian
Blair Right About ISIS | Jago Pearson
Miliband Will Be Prime Minister By Default | Alex Wickham
Labout Have Learned Nothing | Jeremy Warner
How Cameron Can Return to No. 10 | Telegraph
Balls Speech Was Mush | FT


VOTER-RECALL
Find out more about PLMR


Before Miliband spoke, a school choir sang ‘Fix You’ by Coldplay. The first verse of which goes like this:

“When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse”



cynic says:

Can anyone help me? I went on holiday a week ago and returned to find someone has pulled out the stake and Gordon Brown is back and acting as Prime Minister. What did I miss? Has there been a snap election?


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