Wipe the Smile Off Their Face

When Guido first heard “political” and “loo-roll” in the same sentence he immediately thought of Andrew Slaughter MP. On the 21st Feb 2008 Slaughter charged one pack of twenty-four Double Velvet rolls at £11.89 (+VAT) to the taxpayer. On the 14th April 2008 Slaughter charged another five packs of nine Triple Velvet rolls at £28.45 (+ VAT) to the people. In total that’s seventy-nine loo rolls in fifty-three days, or almost exactly one and half rolls a day.

But that aside Guido has been most amused with a batch of Dave and Gordon loo rolls:

You can treat yourself to the satisfaction of using a mental looking Gordon or a spliff smoking, tail-coated Dave here.

A Future Blair For All

The British public clearly have a longer memory than the Labour Party would like, even their own most loyal apparatchiks have mixed feelings about the return of Blair. Despite the billing that this was to be a swinging attack at Cameron, old Tony refused to personally attack his political heir: Dave. Instead he chose to meekly go after wonky Oliver Letwin about market forces in the public services – something New Labour was built on.

He also suggested that Labour had never used the “vacuous” slogan “time for a change“, Guido begs to differ and wonders what Tony’s good chum Obama would have to say about that. Looking more orange than even Peter Hain, Guido suspects we won’t be seeing much more of Blair in the run up to polling day – not with the 50% tax rate and everything. He’ll resist the temptation to upstage Brown, it would in any event tarnish his reputation as a thrice-proven election winner to be associated with Brown…

Party Political Broadcast on Behalf of the Labservatives

A cracking attack on the status quo from the LibDems. No really…

Meanwhile Over at Southwark Crown Court…

The three Labour MPs facing criminal charges went in the back of the Southwark Crown Court to avoid oinking protestors staging a mock execution of a pig-like MP under a banner proclaiming “Hang ‘Em All”.

Can’t think why they were so cowardly…

UPDATE : ITN reports the judge excused David Chaytor, Elliot Morley and Jim Devine from attending in person and just their lawyers attended. Guido understands that they are all represented at the taxpayers expense. Even their lawyers are at our expense…

The ‘Pin-Striped Scargill’ Who Stole Millions for Lib-Dems

During the chancellor’s debate last night Vince Cable attacked the “pin-striped Scargills” of banking, adding for good measure that the LibDems didn’t rely on friends in the City for funding. No, not any more.

The biggest donor in the history of the Liberal Democrat Party was one pin-striped Michael Brown, a financial trader who gave them £2.4 million for a front-row seat sipping champagne next to Charlie Kennedy.  He turned out to be a pin-striped thief and was charged with money laundering, fraud and theft before he went on the run.  Remember that next time the LibDems get on their high horse about the financial probity of political donors…

Bercow Spends £15,640 on Private Detectives

A little piece of  intrigue was raised in committee last week when Stewart Jackson MP was attempting to ascertain exactly why the Speaker had sanctioned spending nearly £16,000 on private investigators with public money.

Mr. Stewart Jackson: To ask the hon. Member for North Devon, representing the House of Commons Commission pursuant to the answer to the hon. Member for Hammersmith and Fulham of 2 March 2010, Official Report, column 1006W, on Members: expenses, how much the (a) budget and (b) approved purchase order is for the use of Detica to undertake investigations in 2009-10; and what it was in 2008-09.

Nick Harvey: An invoice for £15,640, inclusive of VAT, has now been received in line with the original budgetary provision. This was for a piece of work in support of the internal inquiry into the unauthorised disclosure of information about Members’ allowances. No payment for such work was made in 2008-09.

Seems Guido’s initial guess that the Speaker must be worried about his wife proved wide of the mark.

Spin Room Verdict

Dull with no big thrills or spills. Maybe it won’t be the TV debates that decide. The consensus tomorrow will be that Cable benefitted the most…

The Chancellors Debate – via Twitter

The People’s Oink Protest Tomorrow!

Tomorrow morning Chaytor, Morely and Devine will be having their first day in Court as defendants.  If you are in London at 10 a.m. tomorrow you can join the many who will be letting them know exactly how we feel […]

+ READ MORE +

New Labour Poster


Last week Liam Byrne confirmed that a re-elected Labour government would have to make bigger public spending cuts than even Margaret Thatcher did.

This week wee Douglas Alexander, Labour’s election campaign co-ordinator, writes: “Labour has called on its growing number […]

+ READ MORE +

Simpson’s Socialist Shenanigans

When he’s not frequenting sex bars in Bangkok or organising crippling strikes closer to home, Derek Simpson has been harassing candidates about their support for his socialist dream state Cuba:

Derek Simpson
Joint General Secretary
Unite
35 King Street
London

[…]

+ READ MORE +

The Fall of Vince Fable

The long overdue unravelling of “economic-guru” Vince Cable couldn’t have come at a more awkward time for the brazen soothsayer. On the morning of the C4 News debate he has been forced to issue a humiliating apology directly […]

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Liam Fox shreds Cameron’s Calais scaremongering:

“Sad and disappointed to see our Prime Minister stoop to this level of scaremongering, especially as he knows the Calais agreement is nothing to do with the EU and agreed between the two govts”

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

Squandermania: Roof Not Fixed Squandermania: Roof Not Fixed
OSBORNE’S BROTHER STRUCK OFF: READ RULING, THREATENING EMAILS OSBORNE’S BROTHER STRUCK OFF: READ RULING, THREATENING EMAILS
HAPPY AS LARRY: SANDERS NEW GREEN PARTY SPOKESPERSON HAPPY AS LARRY: SANDERS NEW GREEN PARTY SPOKESPERSON
LABOUR CAMPAIGN CHIEF: “WE HAD NO STRATEGY” LABOUR CAMPAIGN CHIEF: “WE HAD NO STRATEGY”
CLEGG’S ASTRONOMICAL SPAD BILL HYPOCRISY CLEGG’S ASTRONOMICAL SPAD BILL HYPOCRISY
STRICTLY CYMRU DANCING: LEANNE WOOD’S WONDERFUL WALTZ STRICTLY CYMRU DANCING: LEANNE WOOD’S WONDERFUL WALTZ
LEAVE AHEAD WITH ICM LEAVE AHEAD WITH ICM
HAPPY ‘I HEART UNIONS’ DAY HAPPY ‘I HEART UNIONS’ DAY
CORBYN WEARS SPONSORS’ BADGE CORBYN WEARS SPONSORS’ BADGE
Open Minded Herbert’s Made His Mind Up Open Minded Herbert’s Made His Mind Up
Amazon’s Lawyers Prepare for Zombie Apocalypse Amazon’s Lawyers Prepare for Zombie Apocalypse
PMQs (Rap Version) PMQs (Rap Version)
Top Europhile Defects to Out Campaign Top Europhile Defects to Out Campaign
BARROSO: BRAKE WON’T PUT OFF MIGRANTS BARROSO: BRAKE WON’T PUT OFF MIGRANTS
PESTON OUT OF THE LOOP PESTON OUT OF THE LOOP
LABOUR’S CONSISTENT FLIP-FLOPPING ON SURVEILLANCE LABOUR’S CONSISTENT FLIP-FLOPPING ON SURVEILLANCE
UBER TRIES TO KILL HAILO UBER TRIES TO KILL HAILO
CALAMITY CORBYN’S COMICAL CAMPAIGN COCK-UP CALAMITY CORBYN’S COMICAL CAMPAIGN COCK-UP
PARLIAMENTARY PANCAKE RACE (INSERT MANDATORY TOSSER JOKE HERE) PARLIAMENTARY PANCAKE RACE (INSERT MANDATORY TOSSER JOKE HERE)
SADIQ LOSES IT WITH BBC JOURNALIST OVER TFL FARES SUMS SADIQ LOSES IT WITH BBC JOURNALIST OVER TFL FARES SUMS
FRENCH GOVERNMENT DISPUTES CAMERON ON CALAIS FRENCH GOVERNMENT DISPUTES CAMERON ON CALAIS
EX-LABOUR MINISTER COMES OUT FOR BREXIT EX-LABOUR MINISTER COMES OUT FOR BREXIT
EU GOING TO PAY FOR THAT? EU GOING TO PAY FOR THAT?
TORY MPS PAN CAM’S CALAIS SCAREMONGERING TORY MPS PAN CAM’S CALAIS SCAREMONGERING
LEAK: LANSMAN MOCKS “CLUELESS” UNITE CHIEF LEAK: LANSMAN MOCKS “CLUELESS” UNITE CHIEF
CARSWELL: “NOT GOING TO CRITICISE FELLOW EUROSCEPTICS” CARSWELL: “NOT GOING TO CRITICISE FELLOW EUROSCEPTICS”
SUNNY DAYS AHEAD FOR SCRAPBOOK SUNNY DAYS AHEAD FOR SCRAPBOOK
HOW MANY MPS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A SOAP DISPENSER? HOW MANY MPS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A SOAP DISPENSER?
KEN PREDICTS MCDONNELL WILL BE NEXT LABOUR LEADER KEN PREDICTS MCDONNELL WILL BE NEXT LABOUR LEADER
Don’t Criticise Fellow Brexiteers Don’t Criticise Fellow Brexiteers