Sunday, March 22, 2009

Shock : Nigel Griffiths MP at it With a Girl

louse

The News of the Screws has a fantastic story (with pictures) about Nigel Griffiths at it with a stockings and suspenders wearing brunette in his office.  They even have pictures – though they declined to publish one of him reclining naked on his sofa enjoying a post orgasmic cigar.  Didn’t Griffiths vote to make it illegal to smoke “in the workplace”?

Why have the Screws only published pictures of her legs and bum?  Is it because the brunette sold the Screws the pictures?  Do any co-conspirators recognise that bum?

UPDATE : Just recalled that Peter Stringfellow once advised Guido that if your wife ever accuses you of being unfaithful, deny, deny, deny – they want to believe it is not true.  He told Guido that a girlfriend had once found a polaroid photo of Stringy’s penis, which she had not taken, he denied it was a picture of his member.  She eventually believed him.  Nigel, hysterically, denied the Screws photos were genuine.  Wonder if his wife will believe him?

Friday, March 20, 2009

Friday Caption Contest

psycho-shriti-sarko

Spice Up Your Wife

haliwell-downing-streetOur ending-celebrity-culture Prime Mentalist had Gerri Halliwell visiting Downing Street this week.  Not sure what the Spice Girl was doing, perhaps she was advising Sarah on push up bras or maybe Gordon on monetary policy.  Both equally as likely.

haliwell

Marina Hyde’s Lost in Showbiz Blog* is excellent on the subject.  It is from her that Guido learns that Geri said “I love talking about poo and wee”.  Aha, it all becomes clear…

*Years ago in the infancy of this blog a number of stories and jokes got recycled in Marina’s Guardian Diary without attribution.  A heated exchange of emails followed and the recycling stopped. Note Guido’s careful attribution.

Churchillian Enigma at Green Park

A co-conspirator emails:

victoriaI just snapped this bizarre poster on the northbound Victoria line platform at Green Park. No headlines or text, just a big picture in a station almost completely bereft of other adverts.  Any idea what the message is supposed to be? “No time for a novice” perhaps? Or “Wait till you’re 65, like I had to”?

The co-conspirator confirms that Cameron is  blurred on the poster and it is not just an out of focus shot. Anyone know what this is all about?

UPDATE : It is, as some of the comments below immediately identified, an advertising campaign for The Times.

Jonah Brown Closed Birmingham Motor Show

motor-showLast July Gordon visited the Motor Show, the showcase for British engineering which has run for over 100 years. The next show has been cancelled.  Only the Kaiser, the Führer and now the Jonah have ever stopped the show from going ahead. The Treasury has a 2p hike in petrol taxes scheduled for next month, this curse on the British Motor Industry is not the result of Jonah Brown’s jinxit is government policy.

Germans Say “Nein, Herr Brown” to More Fiscal Stimulus

merkel-brownAngela Merkel told the Bundestag yesterday “It is not time to look at more growth measures. I disagree with this idea completely. The existing measures must work, they must be allowed to develop”, by which she means the monetary stimuli already implemented.

Referring to the G20 the German Chancellor said: “We need to send good psychological signals from London and not engage in a competition for unrealisable growth packages. We have already done our part.”

Already Treasury officials are back-pedalling on Gordon’s calls for yet more co-ordinated global fiscal stimulus and ceding to Franco-German demands for pan-European financial markets regulation – something that Britain has hitherto resisted. Gordon is caving in to European demands in the hope of getting a G20 boost from having got an international deal of some kind which he can spin.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Lynton Crosby Advising Libertas on Euro-Campaign

Isaby has scooped another story for ConservativeHome, the news that Lynton Crosby is advising Declan Ganley on running a slate of candidates in Britain for June’s European elections.  Guido suggested early on that the Tories should have associated themselves with the Libertas pan-European ticket.  Maybe they felt there was little to be gained in doing so in the UK.  In the wider post-EPP environment after the election it might have been useful, assuming Libertas win any seats.

LibertasLynton is a business-like strategist, he knows he has three major problems; firstly the policy position taken by Libertas is nearly the same as the Conservative stance towards the EU, secondly British voters who are particularly interested in the EU tend to UKIP.  His third problem is name recognition, few have heard of Libertas.  Will be fascinating to see what strategy he comes up with since Crosby has a reputation as a realist when it comes to campaigning.  If he wins a single UK seat he will have done well.

UPDATE : The Fink asks Is Libertas Pointless? He basically draws a venn diagram of potential voters and finds the Libertas subset to be very small.

Coming to TV : Spin Bloggers versus Reality-Based Bloggers

At the request of readers Guido has been trying to avoid blogging about Draper, so this plug is a bit of a, hopefully forgivable, relapse.  This anecdote is to illustrate the difference in the approach taken by Draper (spin) and the rest of the blogosphere (authenticity).   Do you recall when Guido wrote about the suspension of Dolly’s Twitter account for abuse of the service?  A co-conspirator has just pointed out that at the time Derek’s rapid rebuttal claim was:

“Guido and Iain Dale are upset that I am the most followed political twitterer.”

Mike Power, the long established blogger retorted via Twitter:

Draper Bullshit

derek-v-borisIn the reality-based part of the blogosphere we know that Draper has a little over 3,000 followers and Boris Johnson a little short of 20,000 followers – none of whom Boris spammed for attention.

Yet another example of the same old Derek, same old spin.

Some of you will be looking forward to the Daily Politics Draper v Guido show next week. It might not be as exciting as you think, the producer is determined that it will not be a personal slagging match and we are to be restricted to the subject of Labour’s approach to blogging.  Guido will be contrasting Prescott’s authenticity with Draper’s artificiality.  Draper’s CV has unfortunately been ruled off the agenda.

Psycho Won’t Work in No. 10

As many co-conspirators speculated at the time, the Blockbuster DVD box set gifted by Obama to Gordon is Region 1 DVD locked – meaning it won’t play on UK DVD players.  According to the Telegraph

Alas, when the PM settled down to begin watching them the other night, he found there was a problem. The films only worked in DVD players made in North America and the words “wrong region” came up on his screen.

Downing Street is very touchy about DVDs, when Martin Bright reported that they had compiled a DVD of Obama apologies for the Prime Mentalist to learn from, Damian McBride went into overdrive, denying it and even texting Bright to demand a correction.

McBride really should stick to dictating copy to Derek Draper – at least he reprints it.

Potty Mouthed Populism is an Antidote to Political Spin

Just noticed (via the ASI Blog) that David Aaronovitch fears the populist influence of “potty-mouthed right-wing bloggers on some political journalism”.   His Times colleague Daniel Finkelstein credits Guido with helping to focus mainstream media attention on the sleaze and petty corruption of politicians.  The raison d’etre of this blog is to foster an anti-political atmosphere by encouraging popular scepticism about politicians and their client media.  This is because Guido wants to de-politicise more areas of human action, increasing the non-political space in our society and culture, for which a necessary pre-condition is the discrediting of politicians by exposing their venal, self-interested behaviour.  Aaronovitch is right to fear.

He is wrong on one thing, and Polly Toynbee makes this mistake as well, Guido is not the “potty mouthed” author of profanity on the blog.  The readers comments however are a different story, there the anger is allowed to let rip.  If it tells our political masters anything, it tells them they are hated.  It may not be polished prose, but it is genuine anger.  They read it, they know it is real and it stings them.  David Miliband, Peter Hain and Ed Balls will, if you ask them, tell you how much they despise this blog.  Yet they still read it, just as Caesar listened to the baying mob at the circus.  You can’t spin the booing of a crowd.  Politicians should consider the blog’s potty mouthed comments a free and unfiltered focus group.


Seen Elsewhere

Tory MP Tells Leftie Jon Snow to Retire | Guardian
Russell Brand’s New Book “Sub-Undergraduate Dross” | Telegraph
Tory MP Barrister Represents Monaco Billionaire | Scrapbook
MOBO Singers Slam UKIP | ITV
Could UKIP Keep Britain in the EU? | Iain Martin
Why Piketty is Wrong | ConHome
Guido Whips Politicians Into Shape | Guardian
Milburn Levelling Down | Kathy Gyngell
Crosby and Carswell Make Friends at Guido’s Dinner | Mail
Mrs Danczuk Beats Mensch to Win Guido | Telegaph
PM Congratulates Blogger Who Destroyed Minister | Mail


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Rob Colvile reviews Russell Brand’s new book:

“Oddly, the person I feel sorriest for isn’t Brand himself – although he certainly comes across as a rather pitiable figure, projecting his own brokenness on to the world around him – but Johann Hari. Drummed out of Fleet Street for plagiarism, the former Independent columnist has washed up as “my mate Johann, who’s been doing research for this book”. For a genuinely talented polemicist, it would have been a humbling experience to have to treat this sub-undergraduate dross as the scintillating wisdom of a philosopher-king.”



Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!


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