Michael White does not like being teased. In a very touchy separate “Footnote” to his column today:

Some of my warmer critics in the blogsphere assume I write this sort of stuff because I fancy Tony Blair or think he’s going to give me a peerage. Two points here. I steer clear of any intimacy with politicians, it’s not healthy. Blair and I wouldn’t choose to go on holiday together, we’d annoy each other. Personally I wish the little chap read more books and spent less time in the gym. He probably feels just the opposite about me. As for the peerage, they don’t give them to people like me, which is good because we don’t accept them. That said, conventional wisdom has written Blair off as a crook or has-been. The rightwing press, in tandem with the opposition-is-more-fun (and we get lower taxes) left, says so very loudly every day. So I take the opposite view. Of course he’s been a disappointment: that’s life. But he’s still a formidable operator.

Guido never suggested a peerage, merely a knighthood for his beyond-the-call-of-duty service in excuse making for politician’s excesses. Judge for yourself; Exhibit A is an atrocious bit of White-wash making excuses for the secret loans to Labour, and Exhibit B, wherein he swallowed the demonstrably ridiculous claim that Ms Beckett’s jetting to Derbyshire was not excessive because the 110 times she used the Queen’s Flight cost only £100,000. A blatant bit of bullshit spin from New Labour that an intelligent journalist like Sir Michael should not have been taken in by. In that same article he said “That doesn’t strike me as excessive, though I am open to correction.” It is not excessive, but it isn’t true either, as a National Audit Office report makes clear. So go on, correct yourself in another footnote.

Incidentally, the “Sir Michael” line was given to Guido by one of his own colleagues.

Sources close to the Mirror told Guido yesterday that the breaking of their scoop was not part of some conspiracy to get Clarke and Hewitt out of the limelight. They spent a lot of time with the angry boyfriend. When they put it to Prezza it was blankly denied. He lied when caught. Little did Prezza know that the Mirror had certain legal difficulties proving what it knew to be true, after all, the diaries where not the boyfriend’s property. But Prezza caved in much to the shock of the Mirror team, who were by this time “banging our heads against the walls”. Media students will note that the scoop was not broken by the Mirror’s lobby journalists.

If Prezza had stuck to his story and Tracey had kept quiet, Guido is assured that the Mirror would not have been able to run with the story, despite the diaries and photos. He would not have been humiliated about his tiny todger.

Tracey has already received offers for Love Island and Endemol’s Big Brother. She will easily make a million if she wants, as a sort of Chantelle/Abi Titmuss/Rebecca Loos tabloid hybrid. Welcome to “reality” Tracey.

We Media was as expected about Media Tarts and people who want to be Media Tarts. The wannabees are all earnest types who want to change the world and the suits run the world, or at least know the people who do.

Checking the audience, Guido asks “Who knows the blog?” Half the suits put up their hands, together with the political bloggers and the BBC types. Those saving the world and wanting to be proper Media Tarts look blank. Conclusive proof that monging on this blog will not help save the world, which is a relief.

Ran through the presentation, cracked a few Rosie Winterton jokes. Argued with a drunk Tim Ireland. Got introduced to Mr BBC, Mr Yahoo and Mr Other Important Suit. Mr BBC was a Guido RSS subscriber and everyone else’s boss, Mr Yahoo had windswept hair and looked like he had badly overdone the sunbed. Clearly had no idea where he was or why. Perhaps he was fire damaged. Judging by the simpering of Media Tarts around them, these were important suits.

Note to Biased BBC, you are getting under their skin. You will be pleased to know you are the recognised enemy. BBC types representing all shades of opinion spoke at length, from those that want to extend the licence for another decade, to those that want to increase the licence merely in line with inflation and those that think it is a disgrace that we even have to discuss the hallowed licence fee. One speaker talked entirely about the disgusting idea of advertising. He thought it would be a threat to the BBC’s impartiality.

Things Guido learnt : Some people think blogging will change the world. They each have blogs read by 7 other world-changing type people. They think Reuters, News Corp. and the BBC will be dethroned from the elite heights of Media Tartdom by using trackbacks and through backpacking American undergrads taking pictures of demos in Nepal, which they upload from their digital cameras to the internet. Bloggers will especially dethrone Murdoch and the bad King of Nepal (possibly not in that order). The Media will be better for it. The suits were very quiet during these bits. Blogging about blogging will save the world. Some of the world-saving bloggers intend to make money from this. They are the suits of the future.

John Hegley was on the Daily Politics doing a poem today. His chosen subject was a “revelation by a junior member of the foreign office that for an undisclosed period Mr Straw…” for a moment Guido thought we were going to get another shocking revelation about a cabinet minister.

Well listen to it yourself, jump to 29 minutes in to the video. Guido has parsed the poem carefully for hidden innuendo and has so far failed to find an excuse to mention anything. But given more time…

Guido is speaking tonight at the no-sell-out We Media fringe thing tonight along with other “trailblazers of the connected society” – that means media tarts to you and me. Whatever.

Tim Ireland of Bloggerheads is speaking also. So it will be his first opportunity to apologise to Guido in person.

Guido has just spoken to the Cabinet Office regarding his public interest FoI request about Ruth Turner’s job specification. Difference of opinion on how many working days since the 4 April have passed. They say it is due tomorrow, Guido reckons today. You say tomayto, Guido say toomarto.

Now Guido has heard a rumour that Ruth has apparently had no meetings with Capita representatives since becoming Director of Government Relations. So you might ask who does Ruth relate to on behalf of the government if not their biggest contractor? The request is for her job description. What does she do? Is that a state secret?

All will be revealed (or not) tomorrow. Unhelpfully they would not say if the response will be substantive or “sod off”. Given that they are needlessly dragging it out as long as legally possible suggests they are not that so keen on openess and transparency.

“Can I say to the right hon. Gentleman that it is true that I may get the grammar wrong? I have to take the blame for that, as that was my education, and I am responsible for it, but I would sooner get the words wrong than get my judgment wrong. After all, he was the leader who slammed Bank of England independence, who claimed that the minimum wage was the height of irresponsibility and would cause unemployment, and who said that Lord Archer was a man of integrity. If there is a choice between getting my words wrong and getting my judgment wrong, I would sooner have my problem than his.”

But this week we will make an exception. Please send Guido copies of election leaflets. Preferably via email (scanned or whatever), alternatively fax it (remember it will be black and white). Guido particularly likes the Respect party leaflets with “Trots in Veils”, you know Eileen O’Connor wearing a veil, Mandy Smith with a Hijab etc.

Email : guido.fawkes@Order-Order.com
Fax : 0709 201 2337