Monday, May 11, 2009

Q. How Many Expense Claims Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Two BrainsA. One.  According to a claim made by “two brains” David Willets.

In the great scheme of things £100 for a workman to change 25 lightbulbs is trivial.  What it does highlight is the undeserved sense of entitlement that politicians have.  Whereas even a DIY dummy like Guido manages to change his own lightbulbs, politicians don’t need to worry about such trivia.  They just charge it to the taxpayer.

Until that culture changes and politicians realise taxpayers are their masters not their benefactors we will continue to have a parliament of petty pick-pockets. Our pockets…


Sleaze Deluge Delays Guido’s Hoon Guide

Hoon's Flipping FiddlesThe promised guide to how to become a millionaire in politics has been delayed in order to incorporate a lot more information. Don’t worry it will be published, but it will be a lot more comprehensive than Guido first envisaged.

To be frank, Guido is being overwhelmed with sleaze.  Dirt which has to be checked out, it all takes time.  Wouldn’t want to give a fiddling politician the opportunity to sue over a mistake…

All Sorry Now

Dave said sorry last night, Alan Duncan said earlier this morning “every MP must apologise for what has arisen over time”.  Gordon has just jumped on the apology bandwagon:

“I want to apologise on behalf of politicians, on behalf of all parties for what has happened in the events of these last few days. I want to assure you…we must have the highest standards for our profession.”

Politics is not a profession Gordon, it is a racket, and this has been going on for decades not days.  Guido won’t believe they are sorry until they pay back the money they have embezzled.  Then they will be really sorry…

Gordon Has His Own Powder Puff

Make UpThe Sun has got hold of  Gordon’s fashion tips.  According to a leaked typed guide sheet for the Prime Mentalist, his personal routine is;

1. Transparent Brush. Foam all over.

2. Small pot under eyes, dimple, creases, blend in.

3. Clinique. Super balanced make-up. All over again, like painting a wall, and ears. Shut eyes over lids then with make-up pad smooth over liquid.

4. Powder (dark brush) terracotta Guerlain, all over.

The mystery of  how Gordon ended up with a big orange blob on his forehead is solved…

Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View

Two Shits Prescott

Sunday, May 10, 2009

+++ Letwin Claimed for Tennis Court ++++++ Maude Flipped Property +++

UPDATE : Story is now up on Telegraph site.

Story Guido didn’t already have: Andrew Lansley renovating a property just before flogging it and flipping for another.  Chris Grayling claiming £100,000 for council flat story is an old one done here before.  Maude story was on Channel 4’s Dispatches a few weeks ago.

Doesn’t exactly fill you with confidence that as soon as they get their bums into the ministerial limos they won’t start troughing away.

+++ Cameron Expected to Make Statement Tonight +++

UPDATE : Cameron basically said it was a bad day for the Conservative Party and he was sorry.

+++ Gove Claimed for Nights at the Garrick ++++++ Osborne Claimed for Chauffeurs ++++++ Cheryl Gillan Claimed for Dog Food +++

Guido’s turn to do a spoiler on Telegraph Now we’re even…

UPDATE : Telegraph is flagging up Alan Duncan’s Jacqui Smith style claims for gardening.

+++ HMRC Official : MPs Will Be Investigated +++

Benefits in kind going undeclared by MPs and flipping primary residences to evade capital gains taxes will now be investigated according to a statement released by HM Revenue Commissioners.

Listening to the politicians who lecture us on redistribution and tell us “it is right that those who have more, pay more” explain why they evaded capital gains taxes is going to be fun.  Fun for Guido at least.  In fact it is like all Guido’s Christmases have come at once.  Smeargate followed by the total exposure of the reality of politician’s troughing venality and lack of integrity is everything Guido has ever wanted.

Finally, after four hundred and four years, the torture of the original Guido Fawkes is being repaid without resort to the rack.  When they start jailing politicians, old Guy will have been completely avenged.

Sunday Sleaze Bumper Edition

Sunday SleazeThere is a heck of a lot to round-up this morning.  So first a bit of light entertainment:

Tory MP James Gray, who Guido can confirm from previous behaviour is a complete shit, is exposed today by the News of the World “as a greedy skinflint after claiming for Remembrance Day wreaths on expenses.” Iain Dale calls James Gray “a class one copper bottomed shit… I feel sick to the stomach that an MP from the party I support could even contemplate claiming money for a wreath, let alone actually going ahead and doing it.” So bad news for the Tory Shadow Scottish Secretary David Mundell, who also claims for wreaths.  They are both pretty much unashamed that their tribute to those who made the ultimate sacrifice is to put in an expense claim.

Guido alluded to LibDem CEO Lord Rennard’s troughing ways yesterday, the News of the World has found out about his lying to the parliamentary authorities about his place of residence so he can trouser £41,678 tax free.  Guido will be returning to Lord Rennard in the near future.  His troughing dishonesty doesn’t end with this, nor does his personal morality bear much scrutiny.

The News of the Screws has a competition , the winner can live like an MP!

Live Free Like An MP

rsz_caroline-flint-wearing-hi-heelsCaroline Flint is posing as a diva in a fashion spread in the Observer.  The hard-hitting interview asks “Will she ever be able to improve on her number seven ranking in the Most Fanciable MP list?”  No questions however about the former Housing Minister getting the taxpayer to pay her stamp duty tax.

The Times reports that Baroness Thornton, a Labour minister in the whips’ office, with a £1 million family house near Hampstead Heath claims up to £22,000 a year in expenses by saying that her mother’s modest bungalow in Yorkshire is her main home.

Hazel Blears flipped her main residence and told a different story to the tax man enabling her to avoid paying capital gains tax on the £45,000 profit she made out of taxpayers.

Tom Watson, the mendacious Minister for Mudslinging and Digital Engagement, claims almost £100 a week for food.  Together with fellow Minister Iain Wright, he has used parliamentary allowances to lavish more than £100,000 on their shared Central London home since the last General Election.  That is one gold-plated pig sty.

Something to mull over; HMRC allows £5 per night subsistence deductions to taxpayers for overnight stays in the UK.  MPs voted themselves £20-a-day tax-free subsistence payments.  Why is the rule different for MPs?  Do they eat 300% more than the rest of us?

UPDATE : Talking of Tom Watson, after reading the above a co-conspirator emails;

tom_wThe first time I met him, after many bottles of vino and hours of him talking to my tits, he started telling me all about his second home in London and that he and Siobhan were looking to buy another one in the capital. I was thinking she must be loaded, but now that I consider it in light of current events, I have my doubts.

He is of course (like all MPs) loaded, courtesy of the taxpayers.


Seen Elsewhere

Labour Beats UKIP in South Yorkshire | LabourList
Mock the Week’s Weak Comedy | Nigel Farage
Can Jim Murphy Save Scottish Labour? | Guardian
There is Still Appetite for the Westminster Lunch | Jon Craig
Labour Turn Their Backs on Jewish Community | Dan Hodges
Chivalry is Not Dead | Laura Perrins
Jonathan Jones is a Tw*t | Iain Dale
Second Scotland Poll Suggests Labour Wipeout | Times
Paedo Probe Boss Urged to Quit | Sun
Keynesian Tories Won’t Eliminate Deficit | Tim Montgomerie
Whitehall Doesn’t Work | Dom Cummings


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