December 21st, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Can of Worms Edition)


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    “So thats where the real police log was hidden”

  2. 2
    Operation Crossbow says:

    One of us is going to end up as lunch for the worms.

    • 70
      Aaron D Highside says:

      We’ll only get a fiftieth of that if we legalise it.

    • 120
      The voice of unreason says:

      … and these are the entrails of the officer who faked the police log.

    • 170
      Anonymous says:

      Nobody loves us, everybody hates us, guess we’ll go and eat worms…

    • 192
      Kerry lost because of some Florida chads says:

      “Vee half perfected zee machine to dehydrate nothern labour supporters, and zee’s are the results, mein fuhrer. Gwt ja?”

      • 193
        Kerry lost because of some Florida chads says:

        oops, edit, northern even, spells. Does spelling mistakes disqualify? Yes! – well farck you then.

  3. 3

    And here are the metal strips from the £50 notes I burned in front of a beggar when I joined the Bullingdon Club.

  4. 4
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Bush fuckers challenged.

  5. 5
    Operation Crossbow says:

    Let’s call them all Ed

  6. 6
    Andyboy says:

    “If you look really carefully, you can see Bernard Hogan-Howe just popping his head out from under that leaf”

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    I promise that if you bring me back, I’ll turn over a new leaf.

  8. 8
  9. 9
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Nothing to fear, nothing to hide, CCTV is your friend.

  10. 10
    himindoors says:

    No, no, no… I said PUPATE!

  11. 11
    Anonymous says:

    So how much aid are we gonna give them?

  12. 12
    The bruvvas says:

    Former miners’ leader Arthur Scargill has lost his High Court fight to have the National Union of Mineworkers (NUM) continue to pay for his London flat.

    Mr Scargill was president of the NUM until July 2002 and led it during the miners’ strike from 1984 to 1985.

    He stepped down as president of the union but claimed his contract entitled him to a London home for life, or the life of his widow.

    The NUM said the flat cost £34,000 a year, which it could not afford.

    Mr Scargill, 74, said he was given use of the rented three-bed Barbican flat for life when he became NUM president in 1982, a tenure that lasted 20 years.

    The union paid rent and expenses for the flat – rented from the Corporation of London – until 2011, apart from a period between 1985 and 1991 when Mr Scargill paid for it himself.

    The NUM had asked Mr Justice Underhill to declare that it had no such continuing obligation to Mr Scargill.

    The union also successfully disputed Mr Scargill’s fuel allowance at his Barnsley home and payment for the preparation of his annual tax return but not the cost of his security system in Yorkshire.

  13. 13

    “I think the worm is turning, Prime Minister.” “These belong on Grub Street, surely”

  14. 14
    PC Gatekeeper says:

    According to the official police log, there is an aardvark in here ……

  15. 15
    Chris Bryant says:

    “Yeah, lets give the police worms. That’ll teach em!”

  16. 16
    Tom Tomos says:

    Pat Gallan told me that you can’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear.

  17. 17
    Federation of Blog commentors says:

    We need a better deal for our members. As there is no prize we will not comment.

    Everybody aaauuuggghhtt!

  18. 19
    Penfold says:

    See, the’re just like the Police Ferderation, a bunch of worms.

  19. 20
    Nom Dom Nom 2 says:

    These are what we found in Gordon’s bottom

  20. 21
    Jimmy says:

    You’ve never grown your own before have you? I think someone’s been pulling your leg.

  21. 22
    The worm that turned says:

    Are they Gay worms?

  22. 23
    Jagbulon says:

    This is what plebs make.

  23. 24
    Andy says:

    And then that one there said “Let’s pretend he called us plebs”

  24. 25
    Lunatics says:
    • 34
      Terrible But True says:

      And the Xmas ‘Not getting how the internet works’ award goes to… a person who doesn’t do irony in twitter names, for sure

    • 43
      Its even bleaker in sunderland this xmas with only one food bank says:

      I have no axe to grind nor am I a lunatic,this blogs record in holding the thieving politicians to account and exposing their hypocrisy is the best thing to have happened in journalism for years where Private Eye once led Guido Fawkes is now the master and long may it continue

    • 65

      Dear Adam R.
      PC is mostly absent from these pages.
      Whilst it does allow anarchy to operate it is also very liberating. People can say, very nearly, anything they like.

      Its a bit like Fox News. You’re not supposed to take it all that seriously.

      • 162
        Public Opinion Instantogram says:

        absolutely Quang … if you want a comic go elsewhere adam ..otherwise say just what you think … we all manage to and our views vary greatly

    • 69
      Faceless Lunatic says:

      FACT: Adam R has three penises.

    • 71
      A faceless axe-grinding lunatic says:

      And a very good voice it is too. Hoorah for Guido!

    • 114
      VoteUkip says:

      At least the people on the blog with an axe to grind are not given full coverage on SKY News, BBC news, etc as they are whenever there is some kind of infantile protest march against the government, against ‘cuts’ for example.

    • 133
      Blowing Whistles says:

      If you can’t stand the heat then stay the hell out of this kitchen.

    • 138
      Fish 'n' Chips says:

      Adam: Look into the fish, not around the fish, only at the fish, think fish, you must help save the fish.

    • 167
      Faceless lunatic with axe to grind says:

      I’m only faceless because I put my nose to the grindstone instead of the axe.

    • 188
      Adam aRse says:

      Bloody plebs having bloody opinions which have not been sanctioned by the Labour party!

  25. 26
    Terrible But True says:

    “OK, you… worms… he’s here now, so tell him to his face what you heard him say”

  26. 27
    Steve Miliband says:

    Independent witness statement from serving police offer;

    ”There were cries from the hundreds of tourists who witnessed a man purporting to be the PM, and the alleged Chief Whip taking delivery of a large batch of what appears to be narcotics in the front room of what’s commonly know as No10. ”

  27. 28
    Anonymous says:

    So, Prime Minster, when I said “completely spineless” to you I was referring to these vegetarians – “plant leaf eating beings”, or “PLEBS”. I trust this explains any recent little misunderstandings. Please can I have my job back now?

  28. 30
    Iain_33 says:

    “Ok Andrew you can come back into Government you have a choice: Minister for these little chaps, Minister for making the tea or Minister for paper clips – which is it?”

  29. 31
    Sir William Waad says:

    “…….and this is where they rear EU bureaucrats”

  30. 32
    I Squiggle says:

    Ah.. so this is your Christmas present to Bernard Hogan-Howe?

  31. 33
    Phil says:

    So where can we fit you in the cabinet with this bunch of tossers?

  32. 35
    TheApiarist says:

    Beats, Shoots, and Leaves

  33. 36
    RJM says:

    Come on out Constable, I promise we’re not going to hurt you

  34. 37
    JimboJones says:

    Now you have to fish out my career from there Dave. Using your face.

  35. 38
    Technomist says:

    What do mean, I hope you know a handy Silk?

  36. 39
    Anonymous says:

    “Maggot Maggot Maggot – Mitchell out!”

  37. 40
    Steve Miliband says:

    On a visit to the Caterpillar Factory, dumb Politicians wonder how they manage to move so much earth

  38. 44
    Liarpoliticians says:

    David, it’s the latest in camouflage kit to hide the truth. It’s called Leveson Green.

  39. 46
    Its even bleaker in sunderland this xmas with only one food bank says:

    The worm has turned!

  40. 46
    Angus Tickler says:

    June 2013: The Prime Minister and Home Secretary visited the New Scotland Yard canteen to see the results of their sweeping reforms to the police service.

  41. 48
    genghiz the kahn says:

    New remake of Downfall fails to impress critics.

  42. 49
    Backwoodsman says:

    Labour attempt to breed more tom watsons uncovered.

  43. 50
    LetThemEatCoke says:

    Politicians are dismayed by the new House of Commons super saver menu.

  44. 51
    David Icicle says:

    Their mouths began to water as they surveyed their Claridges ‘Taste of Noma’ lunchbox…

  45. 52
    mbobbyd says:

    Oh, so that’s what common people look like!

  46. 53
    Nonce Finder General says:

    This is Yasser Arafat?

  47. 54
    Ed the head says:

    Gosh! Reminds me of me squirming during Levenson, LOL Still they’ll finish the job nicely on Hogan-Howe once you’ve done with him eh Slasher! LOL

  48. 55
  49. 56
    Peter Grant says:

    AM: “David, it looks like Nadine Dorries has sent us what she was unable to eat in the Jungle! Wasn’t that thoughtful of her?”

  50. 57
    Simon Harley says:

    “Filthy maggots.”
    “They’re worms, Andrew.”
    “I was talking about the fucking police.”

    • 110
      Lavender Blue (Dilly Dilly) says:

      Careful there, Sy– one wrong key stroke and they’d have stitched you up on homophobia charges.

  51. 58
    illogical says:

    Dave and Andy test Edward Lorenz’s ‘Butterfly Effect’ and beyond.

  52. 60
    Mrs Entity says:

    Mitchell forces PM into bush tucker trial as proof of genuine apology for not backing him during Plebgate scandal!

  53. 61
    HMMM says:

    Triffid experiment is looking promising for the next generation of cabinet ministers.

  54. 63
    Max says:

    Ironic that the only way to tell us apart is with a product of their labour.

  55. 64
    Sir William W says:

    Cultivating the Green Vote?

  56. 67
    LetThemEatCoke says:

    Are you sure they should be allowed to marry as well, Prime Minister?

  57. 68
    Liarpoliticians says:

    And this David, is what’s left of the Green Belt after your policy to carpet the UK for more housing!

  58. 72
    gramma says:

    160000 moths in the world and yet we concentrate on 2 Death’s-heads.

  59. 73
    Rhonddablue says:

    H.M. Opposition is not what it was.

  60. 74
    Sir William W says:

    “We’re breeding a new kind of politicians who can spin for themselves.”

  61. 75
    Moussa Koussa Mark 3 says:

    Dave: O God , I hid you away in International dev, the moved you to back office post chief Whip, and now it looks like I’m gonna have to give you a proper ministers job…another officer class fop for me to have to apologise for.

  62. 76
    Old Dude says:

    Well, if they’re good enough for Nadine …..

  63. 77
    Liarpoliticians says:

    An this is as green as our environmental policy is…..

  64. 78
    Kent Constable says:

    Is it true That Cressida Dick’s Maiden name was Love-Truncheon?

  65. 79
    Bill says:

    Good news – arthur scargill has lost his fight to stay in the NUM flat in the barbican.

    one out all out

    merry christmas

  66. 80
    Babel Worms with Turrets says:

    Simply drop one in your ear, and inform a Pleb who is in fucking charge.

  67. 81
    Moussa Koussa Mark 3 says:

    My god Guido and neo nuts when is Dave ever gonna learn. Has given that pain in the arse mummsy Newlove another job…AGAIN

  68. 83

    …and here’s the new crop of Tory backbenchers we’re growing to replace those who keep voting against you, Prime Minister. They are much more responsive to the whip!

  69. 84
    Fahrenheit says:

    “Ugh, it’s slimy, it’s dishonest and it smells pungently of rot and decay. Why is Lord Mandleson still on the premises? He should have gone ages ago. OK, we’ll just box him up again and send him off to Brussels.

    • 184
      tyret says:

      “Ugh, it’s slimy, it’s dishonest and it smells pungently of rot and decay, it’s Mousy Koozy

  70. 85
    Sir William W says:

    “I like to watch them wriggling… the caterpillars.”

  71. 86
    pythagoras says:

    Before opening a can of worms, check what it says on the label.

  72. 88
    Guardian of the gates says:

    Rustbugger in the Rose Garden.

  73. 89
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Why David they are just like you, no spine and wriggle in all directions.

  74. 90
    Antipo-dean says:

    “Anne Widdecombe said she could help with the Met problem. I sent them over to her, and an hour later she gave me these…”

  75. 91
    Mr Plum says:

    These GM pizza’s are going to be a big hit.

  76. 92
    doudadthree says:

    “And they all grow up to be Labour Voters,amazing”

  77. 93
    Stepney says:

    Christ. Now we’ve been bugged.

  78. 95
    PC Savage says:

    I distinctly saw the Prime Minister and the Chief Whip screaming abuse at silkworms. I was shocked at their language and wrote it up in my notebook some hours later at Police Federation HQ. I am receiving counselling.

  79. 96
    the immortal perfect perfor-ming mitch n elle says:

    you see dave
    i have no new leaf to turn over
    i cant be eaten by these

    oh cool mitch
    can i be your bitchgate

  80. 97
    @nby83 says:

    “I sorted them DC, now feed them to the pigs”

  81. 99
    Dave Bruce says:

    This is what happens if u mess with me… A slab in the morgue

  82. 100
    The Village Idiot says:

    ‘If you don’t tell anyone the green shoots of recovery are dead, I might give you your job back’

  83. 101
    The soon-to-be-ex-tit-in no. 10 says:

    The Wholly Norman Umpire said I had to go on this Diet this very afternoon.

  84. 102
    The Howard League for Penal Reform says:


  85. 103
    Red Egg Millitwit....... says:

    Ok Dave, from now on it is, “F*cking worms’ ..

  86. 104

    Andrew offers Dave a deal

    “you give me my old job back, and I’ll give you Miliband’s blank sheet of paper.”

  87. 105

    Dave reads the card again.

    ‘Merry Christmas, scumface!’

    The card wasn’t signed but the return address on the box to “the offices of Gordon and Sarah Brown” rather gave the game away.

  88. 106

    This must be Nadine’s lunchbox.

  89. 107
    The world is nigh! says:

    So Andrew, this is the secret to world domination – mind controlling worms in the food supply!

  90. 108
    Ghost of Greg Stone. says:

    Ah, so that is what the Police Federation leadership looks like.

  91. 109
    Garrick Club says:

    I did not ooze the worms attributed to me

  92. 111
    the furry fish says:

    “and we are giving them 100 quid per worm? bloody ‘ell I know who would be interested in this.”

  93. 112
    David Cameltoe says:

    I say, Andy old seed, do you remember that song from when we were children…

  94. 113
    spinner says:

    One silkworm to another-

    Urgh ! Two creepy-crawlies.

  95. 115
    Perry says:

    OKAY – you said, I said, they said ………………….and there’s the proof

  96. 116
    Anonymous says:

    bullingdon boy bends over for the whip

  97. 117
    Rizla rustler says:

    Smells like good shit Dave….you skin up and i’ll go get the Bob Marley CD’s

  98. 118
    Percy Thowheroverhereplease says:

    “See how the main body of the plant is riddled with rot, disease and parasites?”

    “Yes, I think we’ve done rather well there.”

  99. 119
    the poor bloody taxpayer says:

    its the Diet of Worms!

  100. 122

    ”Your plebs are eating my fig leaf!”

  101. 123
    Patrick says:

    UKIP members – and they’re breeding.

  102. 124
    Old Curmudgeon says:

    “You said you’d had some s**t from the copse: did you get this from the same woodland?”

  103. 125
    boing says:

    fucking hell, what’s that?
    it’s the new takeaway down the road – good job the plebs have to pay for it!

  104. 126
    Attilla the Geordie says:

    Its my new t shirt it says
    ” When was one a crowd”?

  105. 127
    Captain No Fun says:

    “Look Prime Minister, something else that has more backbone than you”

  106. 129
    50 Calibre says:

    Oh look Andrew! Lowlife. Does it make you feel at home?

  107. 132
    PC Mitch says:

    “This is all that is left of the first officer…”

  108. 134
    Taxfodder says:

    DC…look see Andrew if my tie swings to the right I am undecided and if it swings left I’m not so sure…

    AM… But its hanging in the middle David

    DC.. Arrr yes, that often happens Andrew in which case I find it best to go overseas till it makes up its mind…..

  109. 136
    H says:

    “Say hello to my little friends!”

  110. 137
    I'm a prime minister, get me out of here says:

    So, you really expect me to eat this Andrew ?

  111. 139
    Blowing Whistles says:

    See that Margaret Hodge down there … She’ll be getting her ‘reward for failure’ pretty soon. Covering up child abuse down at Islington – let’s see if we can find out what plod have been hiding through all them Labour years.

  112. 140
    Buster Gut says:

    so these are the pods that will eventually hatch into plods?

  113. 142
    keredybretsa says:

    ‘Oh Dave Dave! This had made me so sick. Look, this mornings, fresh from my gut!’

  114. 143
    WobblyJim says:

    Is Joe Public still buying this ditch weed from us ?

  115. 144

    What do you think, Dave? Do they look shocked? Or look like tourists?

  116. 146
    Pomerol says:

    “yep! That’s definitely the one who wouldn’t open the gate”.

  117. 147
    Sir William W says:

    “Nobody loves us, everybody hates us,
    Think we’ll have to go and eat worms…..”

  118. 148
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    There’s more intelligence in that box than in the whole of the Met Police.

  119. 149
    Andrew W says:

    Found em in my bike basket, David … might have been planted by plod

  120. 151
    Bang_to_rights says:

    Cameron: ‘I don’t know what you think, Andrew, but to me they just look like all those plebs we see wandering around Parliament square.’

  121. 152
    Wormtongue says:

    “One of them’s waving his truncheon at you!”

  122. 153
    better than last week says:

    Mitchell and Pleb look…

  123. 154
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    Ever feel like you’re being boiled?

  124. 156
    corridor of uncertainty says:

    Rocket salad for Mr Miliband

  125. 157
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    Well I’m laughing at some of this week’s contributions, but then I’m easily pleased.

  126. 158
    Bang_to_rights says:

    ‘I see what you mean, Andy: viewed from our height they do look like plebs.’

  127. 160
    Inspector Knacker says:

    See that one near the stalk? He’s a fucking pleb.

  128. 161
    Inspector Knacker says:

    So this is what a gazillion dollars buys you in Rwanda.

  129. 166
    Clown Shoes says:

    And you say you’ll make me eat these if I don’t give you my dinner money?

  130. 168
    Total Fuckwit says:

    Well, I know it looks like shit but just let me taste it to make sure.

  131. 169
    anonemo says:

    Now you know why I invested £16,000,000 in the rwandan bicycle clip factory.

  132. 171
    Blowing Whistles says:

    You do realise Dave that we’re now going to have to go after every dirty copper in the UK who ‘in collusion’ with their mates have put hundreds if not thousands of innocents in prison on trumped up charges and falsified evidence; including all the coppers who have lied in court to get people convicted for daring to speak out against the bent cops, politicians and judges – ‘cos that’s what deocracy is all about Dave innit?

  133. 174
    DOS says:

    ‘This puts me in mind of our democracy, Andrew. We’re up here, ruling over these plebs, and they’re down there, just eating, defecating, and reproducing.’

  134. 175
    The savant10.4 highway patrol says:

    Don t look now. Cammers.but behind us there s a pervert with one of those telephone thingy s trying to take an upskirt picture of our arses.

  135. 176
    Disco Biscuit says:

    “Plebs, the lots of them!”

  136. 178
    Balkan Intrigue says:

    A half eaten kebab was found at the scene with Tom Watson’s DNA.

  137. 180
    Sarf Lunnon says:

    Deep Throat: It was a Tory wot dun it

  138. 181
    Enemy Of The State says:

    And this is where the white powder comes from!!!????

  139. 182
    We Are Many - They Are Few says:

    So this is the new hospital food – Soylent Green

  140. 183
    We Are Many - They Are Few says:

    DC: Oh I see, mitchell old chap, so this is where baby plebs are left while their slave pleb parents are working for us, a sort of pleb nursery, yah

    AM: Exactly, a f*cking pleb nursery!

    Both: haw haw haw.

  141. 185
    Because I'm Worth It says:

    Interestingly PM, each worm has both male and female reproductive organs. Hence, like the Police Federation, they can quite literally go and f*ck themselves.

  142. 186
    JimboJones says:

    Your going to fish my career out of there then Dave?

  143. 187
    One-term Dave says:

    This is the worst photo opportunity I’ve had since I cycled to parliament on my bike with my car carrying my briefcase following a short distance behind at the tax-payers’ expense.

  144. 189
    idonotbelieveit says:

    Oh my God, don’t they look so small!! Wait a minute, I can see my house from here; is that Rebecca doing anything for a pony?

  145. 190
    Kerry lost because of some Florida chads says:

    “Do you come in peace?”

  146. 194
    Kerry lost because of some Florida chads says:

    “As you can see Prime Minister, there is not much left of Savile to take him to court”

    • 200
      Dickson of my dock side sailor's arse for a farthing says:

      Come on Guido, I am the winner here, shirley. But I suppose you have your guidelines Guido.

  147. 195
    Kerry lost because of some Florida chads says:

    “This is how the Head of the Met will look like after I have finished with him, Prime Minister”

  148. 197
    Quantitative Sleazing says:

    Passer-by looks “visibly shocked” at Mitchell’s digesting habits.

  149. 199
    Chris says:

    I have named the big wriggling one, “Hogan Howe” Prime Minister.

  150. 201
    C Pexposed dot com says:

    . . . and you have this on cctv . . . now how do you want the ‘log’?

  151. 202
    David says:

    Right so which bit of the video didn’t you understand !!

  152. 203
    It's Xmas for fuck sake, no school/work for most monday, pen pushers mainly says:

    “Tell me Andrew, as I ask my self at times, why do we wear these stupid ties”

  153. 204
    It's Xmas for fuck sake, no school/work for most monday, pen pushers mainly says:

    try again Guido, but edited for crap,

    “Tell me Andrew, as I ask myself at times, why do we wear these stupid ties”

    • 205
      It's Xmas for fuck sake, no school/work for most monday, pen pushers mainly says:

      bollox, forgot the question mark again – HUNT FINGERS!

      “Tell me Andrew, as I ask myself at times, why do we wear these stupid ties?”

      • 206
        It's Xmas for fuck sake, no school/work for most monday, pen pushers mainly says:

        think it is touch and go between my polite one above and my Savile one.

        Anything else I will really feel robbed this week. I have put the work in – genius see!

        But if not Guido, I will understand. Yeh – a brit level playing field? – MY ARSE!

        • 207
          It's Xmas for fuck sake, no school/work for most monday, pen pushers mainly says:

          Phone call for Mr Hunt, phone call for Mike Hunt….

          • It's Xmas for fuck sake, no school/work for most monday, pen pushers mainly says:

            Mr Bates, your son Master Bates waiting for you in reception…

          • It's Xmas for fuck sake, no school/work for most monday, pen pushers mainly says:

            Phone call for Shah – Shah Lafacuha.

            could go on all day here…

            Phone call from Bart, Bart Timeigaveup.

  154. 210
    DWMF says:

    “This is all that’s left of Nadine Dorries after she came back from the jungle.”

  155. 211
    Eskimo Nell says:

    This is my silkworm collection that is my secret weapon against Chinese domination.

  156. 212
    Di Rear says:

    “I can’t see a slug , the only slug here is you Andrew”

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Dan Hodges on Team Miliband:

“‘Poisonous’, was the picture painted by one former senior advisor. ‘Dysfunctional,’ said one shadow cabinet member. ‘A bunch of medieval courtiers, not an office,’ said another. The most positive description I could get was ‘It’s a work in progress. They’re learning. Slowly. But they are learning.’”

Nick Clegg says:

Do you want lies with that?

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