October 25th, 2012

Misery Index: Happy Days

We are officially the happiest we have ever been since the Coalition came to power. Unemployment has fallen below the crucial 8% mark, inflation has dipped to 2.6% and the Public Sector Net Cash Requirement has plummeted. Best of all today’s better than expected 1% GDP growth sees this month’s misery index fall to an all-time low of 10.68. The Treasury insists complacency will not set in.

Enjoy it while it lasts…

N.B. stats bods can check Guido’s adding up here.


  1. 1
  2. 2
    Aunty Matter says:

    Seeing blinky make a mong of himself makes me happy.

    By the way has anyone else noticed Steph Flanders forehead looks like Worf’s out of Star Trek? Even Neil Armstrong would have had a job landing on that wrinkled face.

  3. 3
    V1le Labour ruined my Country says:

    Lying Balls is at it again.

  4. 4
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    rED is happy – cause Balls is taking the flack.

    Gordon is happy because he is still PM, and thetablets still work.

  5. 5
    Ex Justice Secretary says:

    I’m cock a hoop

  6. 6
    This Fat'un says:

    “The BBC is not an agency of the Government.”
    True – it is an agency of the Labour Party.

  7. 7
    marvin TPA says:

    happiness? don’t talk to me about happiness!

  8. 8
    UKIP.i.am says:

    I am not going to wear a Kick-it-out anti-racism T-shirt today.

  9. 9

    An anonymous poster said on the previous page Debt isn’t the biggest problem.

    It will be when the rates start to rise and the cost of servicing the debt soars.

  10. 10
    marvin TPA says:

    then i’ll reconsider my current position – but not much

  11. 11
    P.Mandevilson, the Eminence Greasy says:

    I’m cock a poop.

  12. 12
    B13 COW says:

    I’m pleased to meet someone of your stature.

  13. 13
    The Jimmys of Westminster. says:

    Two men caught on video wandering ouround schools completely Unchallenged.

  14. 14
    Gordon Brown says:

    It’s because of me the happiness index is up! I saved the world, cured cancer and increased growth! Wibble!

  15. 15
    UKIP.i.am says:

    The truth is Labour screwed up big time. They allowed debt (personal, bank and government) to soar much higher than in other major countries. And they did this to keep the illusion of growth going in the minds of the gullible electorate.

    How could they give banks the green light to offer 110% mortgages? How could they not see this was unsustainable other than the fact they were grossly incompetent?

  16. 16
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Indeed that was my first impression of the woman: Klingon forehead.

  17. 17
    Rotherham Person says:

    What idiot would do that and call himself a banker

  18. 18
    My Piggy Bank is empty says:

    And my piggy bank is filled up.

  19. 19
    Dan Dare Pilot of the Future says:

    I think Norman Smith when he frowns is far more alien like.
    He could also get a job in Star Trek, or a washboard in a skiffle group.

  20. 20
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Sardines for tea puss?

  21. 21
    Rotherham Person says:

    Wibble, wibble, wibble, wibble

  22. 22
  23. 23
    Planet EU says:

  24. 24

    You are Ed Balls and I claim all your property to offset your malfeasance.

    Total UK public debt stands at over £1tn and possibly much more if PFI and other smoke and mirror accounting swindles are taken into account.

    Can you tell me where the bank account is where we can just write a cheque to pay it down? Likewise for Corporate debt? Likewise for private debt?

    What is in the vaults? Can you tell me where all that gold went?

    BTW Don’t forget the government still has to pay half the country’s wages, a running cost. Where is that going to come from? Don’t say taxation when more than 100% of receipts will have to pay off interest.

  25. 25
    Rotherham Person says:

    With Gordy’s fake money?

  26. 26
    Rotherham Person says:

    The was a director of RSB and Northern Wreck

  27. 27

    You can give them to MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD.

  28. 28

    I can climb in and out of my car unaided, thank you.

  29. 29
    My Piggy Bank is empty says:

    I am very happy to be British and we have the very best in the world;

    Harold Shipman, Blair, Brown, Balls Clegg, Cameron, Gosbourne, Fox, Gove, Hunt.

    Just a few of the vast numbers that put the UK on the map, for egg on face day in day out, knee jerk reactions that don’t fix the problem.

    Jimmy may have been a pervert, but a least he did fix things!

  30. 30
    Sir WW says:

    Why is 8% ‘crucial’ compared, say, with 8.1% or 7.9%?

  31. 31
    FEDDED UP says:

    More to the point who have they agreed it with?, not with us, Ireland, Spain, Portugal or Greece.

  32. 32
    My Piggy Bank is empty says:

    You forgot his straight jacket and head band with propeller

  33. 33
    I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

    I don’t know what the situation is now, but under Labour – towards the end, under the genius of Brown – every penny raised in income tax was paid out in benefits. And it still wasn’t enough. And on top of that, there was the bill for the public sector (salary, pensions, offices, expenses), the military (ditto), debt-interest payments etc etc. The total debt is rumoured to be around £4trillion, and I can well believe it.

  34. 34
    The PRick Posing as PM says:

    Say what you like, – the sheeple like to feel the Power is with them – that’s why I plunge neck deep into the all embracing shit that is the €USSR and the ‘Green’ Agenda – it makes the sheeple feel secure and cared for – ‘happy’ if you like – especially as there’s a long cold wet winter ahead – together with all the financial uncertainties.

    It’s better that the sheeple look on me as their Leader.

  35. 35
    Anonymous says:

    If you are in work it doesn’t matter, if you are out of work it doesn’t matter either, it’s just a stat.

  36. 36
    My Piggy Bank is empty says:

    Bum I always thought it was cock a poop shute

  37. 37
    Sarah says:

    Oooohhh Gordo! – my Hero!! . . . . take me in your arms! . . . . hold me like you’ve never done before . . . oh! ……..

  38. 38
    I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

    Good point. What about 8.00000000000000001%?

  39. 39
    Merv says:

    - or me!

  40. 40

    Not sure but the scrapping of the Parliamentary Boundaries Review means that it will now be lower by 50 than it would have been otherwise.

  41. 41
    DANGER says:

    Hello Dumbo!

    Just wanted to remind you that this is a stupid index and you are a moron!

    According to your index methodology, the government could move immediately to a huge surplus by slashing spending or vastly increasing taxes, and everyone would be happier!

    Have a nice day! Dumbo!

  42. 42
    Why is a North Atlantic Island in The European continent Union? says:

    If the EU is so good why are Ford shutting up shop in the UK and Belgium and relocating to Turkey?

  43. 43
    Ed Balls (channelling Garbage) says:

    # I’m only happy when it rains
    You know I love it when the news is bad
    Why it feels so good to feel so sad
    I’m only happy when it rains

    Pour your misery down on me….

  44. 44
    The Loony Left says:

    Brighton Council plans to remove Mr and Mrs titles from all documents to protect city’s transgender community from offence


  45. 45
    My Piggy Bank is empty says:

    Is that the same value as the spiders webs in there at present.

  46. 46
    Engineer says:

    You think the UK has problems (well, it does, I agree) but at least we admit we have problems. The EU is blindly carrying on as if nothing is wrong, and even the ruination of countries like Spain and Greece is not waking them up. America is still running a trillion dollar deficit, and the current administration of that country doesn’t seem bothered.

    Therein lies a bigger problem, methinks.

  47. 47
    I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

    Because the Turkish workforce won’t show up in the morning half-cut and nursing hangovers?

  48. 48
    My Piggy Bank is empty says:

    Turkey & Russia according to Sky at 2pm

    I agree what the F’uck is going on…

  49. 49

    It depends how they treat unfunded items like pensions. Where the higher figures capitalise more of the future revenue charges, one needs to also capitalise more of the tax revenues on the other side.

    Not entirely satisfactory in my view as spent money is exactly that: spent. Future earnings are merely prediction.

  50. 50
    I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

    “LGBT activist Steph Scott said: ‘Being called Mr or Mrs forces me to choose between genders.

    ‘It’s assuming people live in a binary world where you’re either one thing or another and it pigeonholes people.”

    I’d pigeonhole “LGBT activist” Steph Scott as a fuckwit.

  51. 51
    Dagenham Dustbin Worker says:

    47 You F’ucking Tosser

  52. 52
    Engineer says:

    They just need to be more specific. For example.

    Mr formerly Mrs
    Mrs formerly Mr
    Miss formerly Mr
    Mr formerly Ms
    Mr though nearly Miss

    etc etc

    That should save confusion….

  53. 53
    I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

    Is the best advice still “buy baked beans and shotguns”/

  54. 54
    Pongo Pete says:

    True, but they might have to increase security if the fire fight across the border really hots up and they find Iranian funded ‘freedom fighters’ poping across for a bit of bomb planting. Could go very wrong very quick and then NATO might find its got another security and stability mission. Still Ford will have cut it’s wages bill and that’s the main thing.

  55. 55
    I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

    How about “M*” ?

  56. 56
    Worlds Gone Mad says:

    Mr & Mr, Miss & Miss, Mrs & Mrs or even Miss & Mrs.

    Fu’cking PC nuts. I will stick to Poofter’s Fag’s and Dyke, the big Dykes

    are Diesel Dykes.

  57. 57
    I hate Parliament so much it hurts says:

    The truth hurts, dunnit?

  58. 58

    There are estimated to be 7,500 transgendered people in the UK out of the most recent estimate of 62.262m total population.

    That works out at 0.012% of people. On this basis they are changing things for 99.988% who are not affected.

    What about people with big noses or bald heads? Far higher statistically.

  59. 59
    My Piggy Bank is empty says:

    My wife just reminded me when I am at my happiest is when a MP or other sleeze-bag drops dead or has a nasty. I never used to be like that, must be modern times.

  60. 60
    Brighton's Pink Rock says:

    And 99.99999% live in Brighton

  61. 61

    It’th waining again
    Oh no, my credibilitieth at an end.
    Oh no, it’th waining again
    and you know it’th hard to pretend. (It’th not weally, that’th poetic lithenth!)
    Oh no, it’th waining again
    Too bad I’m thafting a fwiend.


    Thung by RetardEd Thupertwat.

  62. 62
  63. 63
    Garth Crooks is retarded says:

    If we kick blacks out of football there won’t be any need for anti-racist nonsense.

  64. 64
    Anonymous says:

    savile. he did achieve exterrnally. internally with his devotion to the dead, he hardly lived?

  65. 65
    Anonymous says:

    the biggest problem is anxiety, leading to withdrawl as we fear a punitive God.
    we can change our Gods.
    God can be loving.
    You can feel at one with your fellow man and feel joy.
    your choice.

  66. 66
    The savant says:


    Drunken smith says no more benefits after second child .

    Pram faces duly shafted

    Personally I would have limited it pro rata. to the first Half. of the first sprog Which exits the vulva. .

    And anyway what happens if pramface has triplets. ??

    Work that one out. Dunky !!!

  67. 67
    The savant says:

    Oh…. So you’re not at your happiest when you’re shafting her then ??

    Wonder if she’s traumatised about that —– Or possibly euphoric .??

  68. 68
    ozzy half brain. says:

    FCUK the double dip,i,m going for a hat trick .If your,e gonna do it ,do it right

  69. 69
    Sian of the living says:

    Excellent result! Just think how much happier we would be if we left the EU and exported the muhammedans.

  70. 70
    Nik says:

    Hah! You’re right. I’d still give her one though.

  71. 71
    Nik says:

    Rather than Mr, Mrs or Ms, for the appeasment of the LGBT community, there will be one new title that will be used for all: WKWTFYA (who knows what the f*ck you are).

  72. 72
    Edward speaks Balls says:

    End of double dip recession is just a precursor to the coming triple dip recession,

  73. 73
    Anonymous says:

    But still Milliband and Balls think all they have to do is hang on until 2015, and we will beg them to form a Government again, you can see it in their faces.

  74. 74
    Anonymous says:

    But people took on 110% mortgages, so they are also to blame. Instead such people whinge as though they had no resonsibility in the mess at all.You hear them all the time.

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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