June 18th, 2012

Family Breakdown Rocks Cabinet

Millionaire Cabinet Secretary Caroline Spelman spent a year’s salary on a botched injunction the last time her son went off the rails, but ‘roid-popping Jonny’s latest embarrassment has been laid bare for all to see. The disgraced England rugby prodigy posted a video online claiming the Environment Secretary is kicking him out of the family home, then begs for money to support his new chosen career: body-building. According to the Daily Star Sunday Jonny has dropped out of his £31,000-a-year boarding school, moaning:

“My aim is to be the biggest guy there ever was…basically you know I wanna be the next Mr Olympia. Obviously this does come at a price, I’m afraid, as I’ve chosen bodybuilding as my life and my parents have sort of decided that they’re not happy with that. They’ve told me eventually I’m gonna have to move out and they’ve stopped supporting me financially.”

With Dave leaving his daughter in the pub and Spelman leaving her son out in the cold, family breakdown is spreading throughout the Cabinet. Did someone say Broken Britain…


  1. 1
    Anonymous says:

    I wish my girlfriend’s tits were that big…

    • 8
      Friendly Neighbour says:

      So do I.

      • 33
        Norfolk's Finest says:

        Who gives a stuff? If the boy wants to spend his life covering himself in Bovril and gurning at idiots why stop him? It’s not that much different from being a politician after all… although they do usually keep the slathering-themselves-in-Bovril to the bedroom…

        • 38

          Should have left HIM in the pub!

          • Lord Mandelbum of Fondleboys says:

            Does he realise what an ugly treacle stained gimp he looks?

            Still, with all those muscles he’ll be well placed to be an even bigger grasper than his mother should he enter politics….

          • £31,000 well spent to achieve that standard of English

            Mum and Dad must be so proud of their narcissistic little prick

          • Forkbender says:

            That photo for a moment I thought wass old Boris

          • Urgh Bisto! says:

            “My aim is to be the biggest guy there ever was”

            biggest gay morelike

          • Aunt Mat says:

            What is it that makes these people think that OTHER people should pay for their hobbies?

            Get a job and pay for your addiction!

          • Jonny Gould says:

            Does he realise what an ugly treacle stained gimp he looks?

            This is the guy who joined a body building site claiming to be a 21 year old and asked a question as to what he a 17 year old should use as anabolic steroids?

            The answer would be no he would not realize what a gimp he looked like.

    • 34
      hercules says:

      Anyone got a link to the vid of him moaning?

  2. 2
    Legal Crook says:

    Is it Jodie Marsh in drag?

  3. 3
    Pop Psychologist says:

    He is obviously having mental problems, possibly not helped by the drugs. What he needs is one of David Cameron’s hugs and three years in the army and he’ll be fine.

  4. 4
    Peter Hitchens says:

    I bet they live on a council estate.

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    Is he using fake tan there, or Ronseal?

  6. 6
    Anyone for wiff waff? says:

    Totty watch?

  7. 7
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    In other words he just wants to make a career out of his favourite pass time
    Pumping himself , Full of drugs

    • 61
      Forkbender says:

      That game is full of it inspite of all the complications that ensue through taking them, well documented. It wasn’t these sweeties that got him banned was it

  8. 9
    chris bryant says:

    Yummy, my kind of guy!

  9. 10
    Gawd Help Us says:

    Can they not get hold of some of those vouchers for parenting classes that Dave was advocating a couple of months ago?

  10. 11
    Bull says:

    Is it human?

  11. 12
    School for scoundrels says:

    Cabinet member raises fuckwit child, non shocker..

  12. 13
    The Very Lovely Alan Duncan says:

    Tasty,very,very,tasty !

  13. 14
    Anonymous says:

    ““My aim is to be the biggest guy there ever was…”

    Tom Watson is bigger than Johnny?

    • 62
      Forkbender says:

      Tommy is bigger than most people, but hasn’t got that guy’s definition

  14. 15
    Penfold says:

    Sorry, was that Brokeback Britain?

  15. 17
    Johnny Norfolk says:

    Another spoilt boy gone off the rails. They should have dealt with him years ago.He has been indulged and this is the result. a very sad story.

    • 23
      Reetwar says:

      And yet his parents are still deemed fit to tell the rest of the country how they should be living their lives. How wierd.

  16. 18
    Louise Mensch says:

    Everyone deserves a second chance,even Jonny.

  17. 20
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    He could always move to California and become Governor. I hear voters go for immigrant body-builders there. (He could even try to marry a Kennedy into the bargain.) In any event, let’s just all say !Hasta la vista! to the young Mr Spelman, and Mum too, for that matter.

  18. 21
    Alexis Tsipras says:

    It’s gathering momentum !

    2 Tory councillors on Milton Keynes Council have defected to UKIP !!!!!!!!!

  19. 24
    Hector says:

    You’re a sick bleeder putting this up Guido

  20. 26
    Gordon Brown says:


  21. 28
    Curbishly says:

    Easy to sneer at a families distress, becoming a bit like the Daily Mail around here.

    • 30
      Pope Pious says:

      You are so right. We should be making those deep throaty chuckling noises instead.

    • 32
      Rusty says:

      Spot on. Who cares about their family problems? Only a moron. I care about how well she does here job. I hope someone gets hold of Guido s family issues and publishes it.

    • 65
      Anonymous says:

      Easy to sneer at shit grammar. ” a families” ? FFS.

  22. 29
    Rusty says:

    Muckraking of the worst kind. Thisis exactly the sort of journalism that Levison was set up to stop. Guido, you look after your kids and keep your dirty nose out of other people’s families. Schadenfreude on an industrial scale is very ugly.

    • 31
      Heartless Commoner says:

      This young man is begging from the public for money instead of going out and earning his living. I think it is worthy of comment.

      • 36
        Rusty says:

        And what has that to do with his mother? Are you so low-brow as to be interested in this? I assume you signed up to Guido for political insight, not common gossip. If you need that in your life I suggest you try “Hello” or “East Enders”.

        • 39
          Heartless Commoner says:

          I was far less interested until you came along trying to pretend there was something wrong with a person following the doings of a beggar whose mother is supposed to be someone worth listening to. Obviously, drugs have a lot to do with this story, but where was she when he was first taking them?

        • 41
          MP's deserve all they get says:

          The fact his mother has spent 10′s of thousands on ‘lawfare’ to keep this over-privileged twat out of the news, whilst lecturing the nation on how they should live their lives?

          Will that do?

          • Backwoodsman says:

            Or the fact that with a dozen proper farmers or countrymen in the ranks of Tory MP’s, cmd gives Defra to an MP with serious links to the sort of large pharma companies, with a very direct interest in introducing mono-culture geneticaly modified crops , which are absolutely not in the best interest of the British countryside.
            FFS, if she can’t explain to her own son that taking ‘roids are going to leave him with a dick the size of a peanut and a high likelehood of ”roid rage issues’, why should we trust her judgement on what are acceptable chemical inputs for our agriculture ?

          • Boudicca says:

            MP’s present an idealised view of themselves and their families in order to get elected.
            The public has a right to know if it’s bullshit.

          • Forkbender says:

            “Backwoodsman” yes but you can live with that, but there are even worse side effects such as high blood pressure and sclerosis of the liver

  23. 35
    Rusty says:

    And what has that to do with his mother? Are you so low-brow as to be interested in this? I assume you signed up to Guido for political insight, not common gossip. If you need that in your life I suggest you try “Hello” or “East Enders”.

    • 37
      Heartless Commoner says:

      Signed up? No one ‘signs up’ to visit this site.

      It has to do with his mother because he is still legally a minor and responsible for his care and conduct. An old-fashioned view, granted, but not one without its merits.

  24. 42
    Pentangelis says:

    I wish I could say I gave a flying fuck, but I don’t!

  25. 43
    Fog says:

    Complicated grown-up family relationship problems, and misplacing your kids now and then – most of us have been there, done that. Not parliamentary tittle/tattle enough for me. Hypocrisy and sleaze is what I want here.

  26. 44
    Anon E Mouse says:

    All we need now is for that public schoolboy to have a fling with ex model and now bodybuilding champion Jodi March and the story is complete.

  27. 45
    Tim0 says:

    “My aim is to be the biggest guy there ever was”

    Yes, but will you be able to swim faster than a shark?

  28. 48
    Prince Rupert says:

    I suggest, gentlemen, that this is a wind up, and that young Spelman is pulling your plonkers.

  29. 50
    NE Frontiersman says:

    Well, we’re hardly invading the privacy of a chap who wants to make a living posing in public.
    Anyone else remember Clive James comparing Arnold in his prime to a ‘brown condom stuffed with walnuts’?

  30. 51
    EUREF says:

    Video is here:

  31. 52
    Jimmy says:

    Kids are off limits.

    Poor show.

    • 54
      the stench of hypocrisy says:

      But it’s OK to comment about Cameron’s daughter eh?

    • 57
    • 69
      Forkbender says:

      The “Kid” in question is almost 18 not an eight year old girl, kids of that age are like miss guided misiles you have got to have eyes in the back of your head to keep track of them, it was the adults fault not the kid’s, but in the 18 year old’s case he is old enough to know, as Mainwaring would say, “Stupid boy”

  32. 58
    Desperate George Osborne says:

    Shouldn’t meat heads like him be charged VAT?

  33. 64
    Rupert my Hero says:

    It frightens me, if this is how they treat their children, what chance does Britain have.

    • 67
      Forkbender says:

      Of course he could have gone to a bog standard comp, and his parents having to put overtime in to make ends meet

  34. 70
    Anonymous says:

    doesn’t even look that big; is he getting enough protein at home?

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Via @courtnewsuk, asked in court about Rebekah Brooks’ letter referring to waiting for 6 years, Andy Coulson says he had a “different interpretation” of their relationship.

Nick Clegg says:

Do you want lies with that?

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