February 8th, 2012

Gordon’s Legacy Sulk

Last week the Number 10 website was updated with a full history section about previous Prime Ministers. For balance and independence the biographies were outsourced to Queen Mary University’s Mile End Group, but their historical impartiality wasn’t enough for one person concerned about their legacy. Downing Street sources say that Gordon had a mighty strop about it, vetoed various photographs and demanded revisions as the text “was not flattering enough”. Seems remarkably generous to Guido…


122 Comments

  1. 1
    Hang The Bastards says:

    It started by saying… “This useless TVVAT”

    Like

    • 14
      81IIy 8owden i5 7he gre@test ump1re ever ! says:

      suraly he wont get a nighthood

      Like

      • 17
        Nick Drew says:

        Ah yes, history: the old ones are the best

        I’m from Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath
        I look kinda deep but there’s nothing underneath
        And they all shout out on Hampstead Heath
        Hey Gordon where’s yer scruples?

        Chorus
        Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low
        I’ll bend with the wind where’er it blows,
        And all the Lobby say – hello
        Gordon, where’s yer scruples?

        I was Chancellor for many a year
        But I always slagged off Tony Blair
        I briefed against him withoot fear
        And ye cannae do that with scruples! (Chorus)

        When I screwed up on the Benefits front
        I didnae wish to look a ****
        So I pushed Primarolo oot in front
        For I havnae any scruples! (Chorus)

        Prime Minister I yurrned to be
        Nuclear power? the top-up fee?
        War in Iraq? They were fine with me
        I backed them without scruples! (Chorus)

        When I reached Number 10 at last
        Did I do what’s right for the wurrking class?
        They can stick a Trident up their arse
        If they thought that I had scruples!

        Like

        • 21
          Rat's arse says:

          :)

          Like

          • Rage Against the Political Elite says:

            Here is some questions for History
            1. Was John Smith Assasinated?
            2. Was Tony Bliar recruited by the intelligence agencies?
            3. Was Robin Cook Assasinated?
            4. Is the world a safer place?
            5. Are the Political class a bunch of soft Shit-s
            6. Has the Police State taken Control over the politicians?
            7. Has the WAR bankrupt the country?
            8. Has the WAR on Drugs helped the economy?
            9. How many smack heads do the Police need as informants?
            10. Are we living in a safer fairer happier place?

            Like

      • 20
        Lion Barn says:

        Gordon Brown is a fucking wanker a complete total fuck up sack of shit

        Brown is the reason the private sector is having to work harder and longer for less pay and pensions

        Like

      • 116
        M says:

        Of course he will
        For services to ones self

        Like

    • 34
      • 70
        Rage Against the Political Elite says:

        I would suggest you research the training of the said Dodgy ARABS by USA and British forces in the fight against the Russians. And is this not the real reason that we have to get rid of the Jordanian Cleric, cant put him infront of a UK court in case he Grasses up on the real Terrorists? Send him to Jordan to be executed so that the Truth will be Lost forever. Why in F-ck name are the Politicians so frightened of what he is going to say. Or have I already alluded to it.

        Like

    • 49
      mydadvotedlaboursoidoaswellbecauseiamatwat says:

      In all fairness to the University’s they are probably unable to spell twat after 13 years of Nulabour.

      Like

      • 106
        Apostrophes: the printers' revenge, says:

        Or understand the inflectional difference between a plural and a possessive?

        Like

  2. 2
    Not his biggest fan says:

    Surely, the word “Cock” would suffice?

    Like

  3. 3
    true says:

    Gordon is a waste of space.

    Like

  4. 4
    Hang The Bastards says:

    A bland rewrite-up for a truely inspid man

    Like

  5. 5
    MrAngry61 says:

    The hagiography omits any mention of Gordoom driving the economy onto the rocks, or the growth of the state under his oversight.

    Like

  6. 6
    Baddabing says:

    Sad, deluded fucker.

    Like

  7. 7
    Breaking News says:

    Redknapp and Mandaric not guilty on all charges of tax evasion.

    Like

    • 100
      Anonymous says:

      In that case Gordon is not resonsible for the financial mess and the cause of the bankers wanting to play at bookmakers without the expertise

      Like

  8. 8
    Rat's arse says:

    McMond is bloody lucky he wasn’t taken outside and lynched. Is he really that deluded that he thinks he was the saviour of this once great country.
    Anyone who votes Leiber is beyond help.

    Like

  9. 9
    Really? says:

    They missed out ‘Vastator Mundos, C@nt; first class honours.’

    Like

  10. 10
    Flashman says:

    Looks like another fake smile from Brown

    The biography entry’s simple: The worst Chancellor since medieval times briefly became PM and lost every single election his party contested before being wrenched out of office by the British people. He is now a rare sight in parliament despite notionally being a sitting MP.

    Like

    • 83
      Anonymous says:

      Sitting? Don’t you mean shitting?

      Like

    • 85
      Gordon McDoom, the Iron Chancellor says:

      I sold the British Gold Reserves at $230 an ounce, because Goldman Sachs, acting for the US Government to prop up the dollar, told me to. I swapped the gold for Euros. Gold is now trading at $1750 an ounce and the Euro looks to be doomed. I was the greatest Chancellor of all time, I abolished boom and bust and I rescued the world from a global depression. I should have been appointed Head of the IMF instead of that French Bint.

      Like

  11. 11
    Nigel Doughty's Ghost says:

    And Nokia’s and Blackberries must of flown that day.

    Like

    • 36
      Biffo says:

      “Have”, and not “of”.

      “Nokias”, and not “Nokia’s”.

      “BlackBerrys”, and not “Blackberries”.

      Like

    • 48
      HoC IT Troughers says:

      It’s lucky he didn’t have an iPad that the troughers are about to award themselves – could have done far more damage than a measly Nokia.
      iPads will be purchased “to save on paper”…what the ferk have they got 3 desktops and 2 laptops each for already? 650 x around 7 grand = 4 million + B’taards

      Like

      • 88
        Handycock No1 Trougher in Parliament says:

        I already have an iPad bought on expenses by you mugs, it cost £539.00. I use it to watch porn when I am sitting in the Commons, as on the whole I don’t understand a word they are all talking about.

        Like

  12. 12
    Bof says:

    Arguably Brown was a bigger risk to UK than the extremist Qatada.
    Extradite them both to Jordan!

    Like

  13. 13
    Nick says:

    That’s Queen Mary… not Margaret, unless I am missing a joke.

    Like

  14. 16
    Rachel Reeves says:

    MR BROWN IS A FUCKING GOD

    Like

  15. 18
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    “….vetoed various photographs…”

    Was one of them a shot of McMental holding his head in his hands during the radio broadcast?

    … or when he mysteriously and uncharacteristically had to break into a run?

    … or during his visit to the troops wearing a helmet 3 sizes too big?

    … maybe it was shaking the hand of his beard after she introduced her “hero”

    I’m sure there are plenty more, but it hurts to be reminded of what that man did to this country, my pension etc.

    Like

  16. 19
    Steve Miliband says:

    Dr Death is on DP

    Like

    • 77
      just saying says:

      I honestly thought he was dead, until he recently crawled out of the wordwork along with Paddy Pantsdown.

      Like

  17. 22
    Tuscan Tony says:

    If you want a belly laugh at the snot-munching revisionist his self-penned bio is well worth a look:

    http://gordonandsarahbrown.com/gordon-brown/the-biography/gordon-brown-prime-minister

    In case you didn’t already know it; what an utterly deluded tool.

    Like

  18. 24
    Speedster says:

    Seems almost usefull reading that nonsense,
    I was waiting to see where the references to pissing everyone’s money away were, or any mention that we’re all going to be in debt for a long time to come becuase this ar seho le cant count??

    Like

  19. 26
    Basil Brush says:

    Hoho, dived right into the sight problem. Oh how short-sighted they have made you look, Gordon. Forever known as the PM with vision(ary) difficulties, the irony is unmissable unless you can’t see it. Boom boom.

    Like

  20. 27
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    That was the biggest load of literary botox I have ever read. Are you sure it wasn’t written by a certain J Hari?

    Like

  21. 28
    Anonymous says:

    Queen Mary Guido, we usually get confused with St. Mary’s which is bad enough….

    The Mile End Group prides itself on impartiality, established by Lord Hennessy, cross-bench peer.

    Like

  22. 29
    NO ACCOUNTS FILED says:

    very interesting that there are no accounts filed

    THE OFFICE OF GORDON AND SARAH BROWN LIMITED
    THE BROADGATE TOWER
    THIRD FLOOR 20 PRIMROSE STREET
    LONDON
    UNITED KINGDOM
    EC2A 2RS
    Company No. 07362179

    Accounting Reference Date: 31/08
    Last Accounts Made Up To: (NO ACCOUNTS FILED)
    Next Accounts Due: 31/05/2012
    Last Return Made Up To: 01/09/2011
    Next Return Due: 29/09/2012

    Like

    • 33
      Hugh Janus says:

      And I’m willing to bet that he doesn’t receive snotty ‘reminders’ (i.e. blatant threats) from Companies House for his failure to do so – unlike the rest of us.

      Like

    • 35
      Co-conspirator says:

      I never published the true accounts of Britain PLC while I was Chancellor and PM

      So why should I publish my own accounts

      Whain this land of broken justice

      Like

    • 75
      Evil Landlord says:

      It’s a new company hence why no accounts files , and accounts are not due to be filed until 31/05/2012 if you read your post carefully.

      Like

  23. 31
    Anonymous says:

    ‘Nobody chose him to be Prime Minister and their faith was duly rewarded.’

    Like

  24. 32
    Co-conspirator says:

    It is also incredibly generous about Blair

    The economy was prosperous etc

    ONLY because Blair and the Goon Brown were running the biggest ponzi scheme in British History FFS

    Like

  25. 37
    Ballymoney Boy says:

    It may turn out that Gordon Brown was our country’s last Labour prime minister.

    Like

  26. 39
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    What a revolting lot of little chancers the ‘Mile End group’ look. Like rejects from The Apprentice.

    Like

  27. 41
    albacore says:

    Poor Gordon hasn’t been flattered enough
    No wonder that he’s gone off in a huff
    Look upon his works and despair, ye mighty
    Napoleon and Hitler took on Blighty
    But they were as nothing compared with Brown
    They didn’t need armies, just one great clown

    Like

  28. 42
    Pedobear says:

    just realised that theres an ad for a ‘mature dating uk’ at the bottom of the post thought it was Gordons wifey for a min,needs more coffee and drugs

    Like

  29. 43
    Dave Bruce says:

    The 13 years of Labour spend spend spend… It has come to a head with this current government having to deal with the mess
    And even now Labour won’t tell ‘us’ ordinary folk what their cuts would have been
    I am truely saddened by what Labour have done to our country, but no doubt Labour will return to power soon enough to spend spend spend again

    Like

  30. 45
    Egg? Nog! says:

    Interesting to note that the Brown biog on that website is the only one that doesn’t have an author attached to it…

    Like

  31. 47
    I don't need no doctor says:

    It does not matter a toss what Brown wants to edit. We all know he is a demented idiot that Blair and the other labour cronies were too weak to get rid of. The only thing the public want to read is when Brown is sent down for his crimes against the UK.

    Like

  32. 50
    Anonymous says:

    What’s he doing under the ‘Prime Ministers’ section anyway.
    Who voted him PM?

    Like

  33. 51
    Marcus Aurelius says:

    give me back my pension you thieving bastard

    Like

  34. 53
    Anonymous says:

    It seems that his bio is the only one that can be read on http://www.number10.gov.uk/history-and-tour/past-prime-ministers/

    Like

  35. 56
    Ear Trumpet says:

    PMQs taken off BBC Radio 5Live after 30 seconds and replaced by a string of bozos talking about Nedkrapp and his dog’s bank account. Sums up the state of this country.

    Like

    • 102
      No news is good news, or so they say says:

      Similar on CNN this morning. They were broadcasting Ron Pa*l’s speech, but when he said it was time for “us” to get control of our currency back from the Federal Reserve….” the producer cut away immediately to something totally pointless. Creepy lefty bastards must be joined at the hip to the Beeb.

      Like

    • 114
      Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

      It gave them an excuse not to have to broadcast another pathetic Miliband performance – what do you expect from Radio 5 Labour?

      Like

  36. 57
    Call in the doctors says:

    Not long ago he bullied the editor of a local paper in Fife to remove an article about neglecting his duties as an MP. This sort of fixation with his public image and his manner of bullying is abnormal. I know it’s a common joke that he’s off his rocker but I do wonder if he seriously requires an actual psychiatric assessment.

    Like

    • 104
      No news is good news, or so they say says:

      Cowardy custard eiitor. What could possibly have happened to him or his paper of he has simply told his tormentor to effoff??

      Like

    • 111
      Broon, the parasite's parasite says:

      I’ll do it pro bono — he’s a Hare Checklist high scorer and it’s debatable whether he’s a common or garden malignant narcissist or a full blown psychopath, although the latter tend to be superficually charming. Either way, he’s ‘morally insane’.

      Like

  37. 58
    bergen says:

    I see that Sunny Jim is described as having served in the “British Navy”. I bet the ghost of Lieutenant LJ Callaghan RN is furious.

    Like

  38. 59
    Nick says:

    I think I see Gordons hand on the Interesting Fact :
    “when he started as Prime Minister himself.”
    Presumably changed from
    “When he walked unelected into number 10″

    Like

  39. 60
    Rh- says:

    just replace the entire page with the words … fecking useless, arrogant, violent, bipolar, phone throwing, pension stealing git …thats how I always describe him when he appears on my tv

    Like

  40. 63
    Lobster Throttler says:

    Did he really expect the words “The useless deluded wanker ruined Britain and the lives of millions of people” to be flattering?

    Like

  41. 64
    JH says:

    Here’s my version. Apologies for length. Ahem.

    Mr Brown became MP for Dunfermline East in the 1983 General Election with a majority of 11,000 welfarite Buckfast-crazed losers who to this day just want to get their roll-up stained fingers on other people’s money. He shared his first office in the House of Commons with Tony Blair where the two became friends, which lasted until Mr Blair tried to deny Mr Brown his Precious. Working together they won a landslide majority in 1997, which the country has bitterly regretted ever since.

    As Chancellor of the Exchequer, Gordon Brown presided over the longest, most reckless ever period of debt-based faux-growth that would make Charles Ponzi blush. He also made the Bank of England independent of any common sense. His passion for generosity with other people’s money was reflected in his negotiation of debt cancellation for the world’s poorest nations and the tripling of the development budget, given to countries that hate us with bigger space programmes than our own.

    It was during his time as Chancellor that a Beard was arranged for Mr Brown to stop him looking such a tragically awkward poofter. He apparently ‘proposed’ to Sarah Macaulay and seven months later they were married at their meeting place in North Queensferry. She lives comfortably on the ongoing proceeds, and boasts as such on Twitter with piss-boiling regularity.

    Mr Brown was coronated as Prime Minister on 27 June 2007 after Tony Blair was hounded out of office by a cabal of vile incompetents. During his time as Prime Minister he oversaw the creeping realisation among the populace that he was actually a brooding, malevolent incompetent who would not know how to run the country if it was lasered backwards on to the cornea of his good eye. He signed world’s first ever Climate Change Act, in another fit of suicidal indifference to common sense and other people’s money.

    The greatest challenge Mr Brown faced in office was his own blundering incompetence for anything other than stabbing his betters in the back. In April 2009, he hosted the G20 Summit in London where world leaders committed to make an additional $1.1 trillion of funny money available to ‘help the world economy through the crisis’ and ensure the ensuing bust would be all the more spectacular. They also pledged to strengthen financial supervision and regulation, thus guaranteeing to throttle any organic recovery by people who actually work for a living.

    Mr Brown regularly visited Iraq and Afghanistan and in December 2009, he became the first Prime Minister for some considerable time to stay in a war zone when he stayed overnight in Kandahar, Afghanistan. Unfortunately he did not become the first Prime Minister to be killed in a war zone, and minced about in just the type of helmet and bullet proof vest denied to many front line combat soldiers.

    At numerous international engagements Mr Brown behaved in a uniformly imbecilic manner, including chasing President Obama into a kitchen, entering the White House with a trouser leg tucked in to his sock, and leading Al Gore into a broom cupboard.

    He now spends his time sulking in his Kirkaldy shitehole, in between pretending to be some sort of financial guru to in speeches to gullible hedge fund managers.

    Like

    • 66
      Cato Street Conspirator says:

      ‘Mr Brown was coronated as Prime Minister on 27 June 2007 after Tony Blair was hounded out of office by a cabal of vile incompetents.’

      ADD: As, of course, Tony Blair was eminently competent, having presided over ten years of Brown as Chancellor and lied Britain into a disastrous war in Iraq. His competence was allied with that of his lovely wife, Cherie, AKA ‘The Gob’.

      Like

    • 95
      Anonymous says:

      Very good, and vastly more accurate than the ‘official’ version.

      Like

    • 108

      You might add:
      Brown’s most spectacular, national, unforgettable public act was to pick his nose, eat the product after close inspection, and then wipe his fingers on his tie while sitting on the government benches of the House of Commons during a nationwide broadcast.

      Like

      • 115
        JH says:

        There’s just too much to remember, isn’t there. I didn’t mention:

        Phone throwing
        Gold selling
        Nose picking
        Mrs Brady whatever her name was, the bigot
        Printer smashing
        Complaints being dealt with in the usual way
        Osama Beach
        Wanting to be PM and chancellor at once
        Weeing himself in public
        THAT orange blob of makeup on his forehead
        Being made up next to the window of his plane, in front of world press corps

        I’m sure I missed something.

        Like

  42. 65
    Neville says:

    “Impartial” Mile End Group is actually overseen by professional Blair apologist John Rentoul.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-13600642

    Like

  43. 68
    Marcus Aurelius says:

    Gordon

    When will you gt it? We hate you as much s Bliar.

    And Dave, don’t be complacent.

    We don’t trust you either. We would rather have a patriot Prime Minister, but there’s none on offer Both Milliband and Clegg owe their allegiance elsewhere.

    Like

  44. 69
    northofsouth says:

    Sold gold at the bottom “Brown’s bottom, amd brought Euros! Ha,ha ha.

    Like

  45. 73
    Jimmy says:

    “Downing Street sources”

    You know when the tories talked about a classless society, they really meant it.

    Like

  46. 74
    Anonymous says:

    He had a strop about the photo and *that* was the best one.

    He truly is a physically repulsive individual.

    Like

  47. 80
    Anonymous says:

    Just read this nonsense.

    He should be relieved – there’s comment relating to the longest period of growth, yet I couldn’t find mention of the clusterf*ck that followed.

    Also, the only ex-PM never to win an election – no mention of that either.

    For the sake of impartiality, they really should state that he was, without question, the worst Chancellor and PM in living memory.

    Like

    • 93
      Cato Street Conspirator says:

      I think Churchill as Chancellor (Gold Standard, 1925) beats him. Churchill greatest PM, it goes without saying.

      Like

  48. 87
    Plate Hoe says:

    They say a picture spe*aks a thousand words.

    Perhaps the picture of Brown in a nappy sitting on a rocking horse was pulled because it left nothing more to say.

    Like

  49. 89
    Harry Lauder says:

    What’s the Scottish for “A WHITED SEPULCHRE”?

    Like

  50. 94
    Rhonddablue says:

    ‘Brown: 52 of 52.’ At least they took the trouble to rank them all in order of competence.

    Like

  51. 97
    Anonymous says:

    Gordon Brown is a useless one eyed fucking idiot.

    He should be shot for treason – I hate the fucking twat. Gordon Brown is a fucking Hunt and we are all a lot poorer because the Labour party allowed him to rape the nation for over a decade.

    Gordon Brown is a useless MP and surely must go down in history as the most useless C of E and PM this country has ever had. He turned a well run economy into a fucking wreck and his political games always backfired upon him.

    Gordon Brown should have all his assets confiscated and he should be put under house arreast and tortured for the rest of his life. Fucking Bastard Gordon Brown.

    Like

  52. 107
    On Harman Pride's Dossier says:

    “Gordon Brown was a Hunt” would have been a flattering biography.

    Like

  53. 113
    Anonymous says:

    He can change the text as much as likes, the population, and history, know what to make of his ‘achievements’.

    Like

  54. 117
    Brown is a genetically fucked up useless turd says:

    Another pile of useless, unaccountable, spineless, Socialist crap to emerge from Edinburgh University. Jog On Mongs!

    Like

  55. 118
    Anonymous says:

    Must be wrong – it doesn’t says he’s a one eyed Scottish moron who couldn’t find his arse in the dark with both hands.

    Like

  56. 119
    edmartin says:

    Are we referring to the sub-prime minister – creator of the eponymous Gordon’s Brown Hole?
    A little more respect please!

    Like

  57. 120
    Anonymous says:

    It was greedy, grab what you can, screw everybody else, tax avoiding, Thatcherite f*ckwits who screwed this country and always will. Yes Brown made mistakes like not reining in these d*ckheads earlier. If Brown had pulled the plug during the boom years, the very screaming right wing hateful trolls who post on this site would be the first to scream ‘government interference’. Grow up people.

    Like

    • 121
      GlobalGaz says:

      You have to be f**cking joking….The boom years as you put it were based on debt not real economic growth.

      Brown made mistakes..understatement of the century. Brown was the biggest incompetent that has ever filled the Chancellor and incredibly the PM’s post.

      Blaming Thatcher! Oh you really are brainless. WTF has Thatcher got to do with Brown stealing pensions, selling gold at the lowest price…I can go on.

      Grow up people? Grow a brain anon…

      Like

  58. 122
    Anonymous says:

    Its easy to be critical in hindsight. Brown was unlucky with the gold, it is worth around £7b now. BIG DEAL! Dont forget, Brown made around £22b from selling 3G licences (fresh air) at the height of the tech boom. They would be worth less now. Either way, he got no credit for that. Maggie sold off all our industry to the highest bidder. She also sold our public services, that were never meant to make profits, to greedy extortioners who are now ripping us off blind. Just what we need in a recession, eh?

    Like


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