November 24th, 2011

To Russia, For Love?

What would you do if you were an MP, on the Defence Select Committee, whose former aide and lover is facing deportation for spying for the Russkies, you are one of the most pro-Russian politicians in the business and you have a reputation for banging Russian women? Avoiding Russia would be pretty high on the list if you had any concern about keeping your job. But then again you’re not lusty LibDem MP Mike “Handy-cock” Hancock. Red Mike is off to Russia this weekend to “monitor their elections”. And the rest…


181 Comments

  1. 1
    Taxandspendisnotmyfriend says:

    In otherwords he is reporting back to his fsb handler

  2. 2
    Frankly Bananas says:

    That should of course be “formerly on the Defence Select Committee”, but hey, what are mere details?

    • 38
      smoggie says:

      But, in an exchange of letters released by the party today, he made clear he hoped to resume membership once Ms Zatuliveter’s case is concluded.

      More like a sabbatical innit.

    • 83
      Gordon the Mong says:

      I take it the taxpayer is funding his airfares and hotel accommodation.

  3. 3
    Geoffrey G Brooking says:

    He never stops does he?

    • 10
      Dazza says:

      Repeat offender…

    • 14
      Azure a bend or says:

      Who were the idiots who voted for him? Oh, Labour donkeys – that explains everything. I no longer vote for anyone. I suggest we all do the same and eventually, when the turnout drops below 10%, the House of Bastards and Thieves will get the message. Although I wouldn’t count on it.

    • 59
      Puzzled of Sussex says:

      A vote is a mandate to be ruled over, don’t give it.

  4. 4
    jgm2 says:

    Maybe his ‘handler’ has got information from his mole in MI6 that young Mike might be in the frame.

    Perhaps he’s doing a Burgess.

  5. 5
    billy's newly ripped arsehole says:

    I’m not going anywhere

  6. 6
    Popeye says:

    I’m puzzled, if he is reporting direct to the Boss, she wasn’t a honey-trap, merely a reward?

  7. 7
    Gerald Vernon Jackson says:

    I do hope he’s not doing a runner.

    All this negative publicity that Mike gets does wonders for the party here in Portsmouth.

    Please don’t leave us Michael – you are Mr. Portsmouth after all!

  8. 8
    Cynic says:

    Who is paying this time?

  9. 16
    The Poet Laureate Writes says:

    SUBJECT: Germany’s Bond Issue

    As Lard-arse was selling her wares
    Traders of bonds preferred shares
    Of a Bund with a bond
    We’re not terribly fond
    At 2% who the fuck cares ?

  10. 17
    Ian Fleming says:

    Doesn’t MI6 have a “wet” unit to deal with scum like this?

    • 19
      Hariet Harperson says:

      They did but I shut it down. Can’t deprive traitors of their right to screw their own country.

  11. 18
    Jacqui Hancock says:

    Please accept my forgiveness in advance darling – whatever you get up to :(

    • 78
      Handycock No1 Trougher in Parliament says:

      Thanks Jaqui, hope you are enjoying your new car, I bought with taxpayer’s money. Another makeover for you when I get back.

  12. 22
    Aulde Nick says:

    I hope he catches the terrible Cockrotte.

  13. 23
    Rh- says:

    cancel his passport, dont let him back into the country if he returns.

    • 25
      jgm2 says:

      Cancel it and keep him in internal exile like his heroes used to do to dissidents.

      • 48
        Lady Virginia de Seigneur says:

        It would have to be a real shithole for me to derive any enjoyment out of it but we might want to keep him away from places like Keighley though.

    • 74
      Mornington Crescent says:

      They don’t check passports any more, apparently, so the bastard could walk straight back in.

    • 84
      Bristol Boy says:

      … but in any case didn’t his passport ‘fall into the sea’?

    • 177
      Millligan from beyond the grave says:

      Do you need a passport these days what with ‘streamlined’ processing and next weeks strike.

  14. 26
    Anonymous says:

    Never the less, is this man more of a traitor than Cameron and his conservative party, including the so called Eurosceptics?

  15. 31
    Wendy Bendy says:

    If he has a mistress then he is presumably more Dem than Lib? Liberals tend to be of the other sort.

  16. 37
    MB. says:

    A rare apology from the Grauniad

    “Published: 23 Nov 2011
    THE Guardian was forced to apologise to the Leveson inquiry today after falsely accusing The Sun of doorstepping lawyer Carine Patry Hoskins. “

  17. 39
    International Rescue says:

    So Germany is promising me a 30% gain if I lend Greece some money but only a 2% gain if I lend Germany some money so that they can give Greece the money to finance my 30% gain?

  18. 40

    If constituents are reflected by their MPs, then:

    Bury North are a load of thieving crooks (David Chaytor)
    Portsmouth South are a load of sexual perverts (Handycock), and
    Buckingham are a load of thick mouthy mongs (Spеaker Bercow)

    • 55
      Lady Virginia de Seigneur says:

      And presumably the people of Winchester are a bunch of sh1ts

    • 79
      Portsmouth Voter says:

      Portsmouth LibDems are certainly a load of sexual perverts. Most of them are benders.

    • 90

      OK, then. Of these categories, which ones do we hate most?

      My view is that you will always find sexual perverts and thieving crooks in any society. Its the thick mouthy mongs you have to blame because, if they developed their brains and each one grew a pair, then we would not be letting in the governmental types of Blair, Brown, or Rusty.

  19. 42
    Canary Wharf Rat says:

    Monitoring his own erection more like, Meanwhile Clegg is now chasing the Black vote telling us their are not enough ethnic managers in football. What next Nick? Sharia rules after half time? That should pull in a few votes. What a twat.

    • 58
      Lady Virginia de Seigneur says:

      Nobody complains about the number of black players in football – in population terms they are massively over-represented but that appears to be about participation and ability.

  20. 43
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    1. Who voted for this moron?
    2. Why are we monitoring Russian elections?
    3. How is he going to monitor the elections?

    • 44
      The Last Quango in Paris says:

      oh yes

      4. Are we paying for him to go out there and do whatever he is doing?

      • 85
        Handycock, Russian Spy Shagger and Russian Spy says:

        I have had no education, I left school at fifteen, have had no education since. I am famous in Portsmouth for being both unable to spell nor put a grammatical sentence together. My letters are passed around as a source of great public amusement. I am not really monitoring Russian elections, I would not know how to even start. I am however the biggest sex trougher, parlaiment has ever seen, so there is your answer. If I have to do a little work for them to recipropcate for the young girls they provide, c’est la vie. Boaz.

      • 108
        Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

        5. and who will be paying for the treatment for whatever he catches whilst he is there.

      • 109
        Anonymous says:

        Thomas Crook’s

  21. 49
    ffs! says:

    Why the fuck has this c’unt not been kicked out of parliament ffs?

    • 111
      HM The Queen says:

      It saddens me that it has come to this in my reign. This piece os sh*t (pardon my french) represents everything that has gone wrong with this benighted country, I am seriously thinking of giving up and abdicating.

      • 126
        Duke of Edinburgh says:

        Well said old girl, abdicate and we wll emigrate to Greece. Nice and cheap these days and lots of sun for our aching joints. I cannot for the life of me understand why he has not been tried for treason and incarcerated for the rest of his life and once inside let us hope they chop his balls off.

    • 144
      brass neck says:

      He asked a question in the border agency debate too….

  22. 54
    genghiz the kahn says:

    He’ll need to de-brief his FSB handlers.

  23. 56
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron seems to have a spad on here to respond to critics of his treacherous EU behaviour.

    Is it getting to him?

    Enjoy your one term, you won’t get another.

    • 71
      Hang The Bastards says:

      He’ll need more than a SpAd to get the treacherous label of his back.

      Cameron is a fucking disgrace

    • 105
      RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

      Hear, hear !

    • 120
      Pundit Too says:

      Poor old AnyMouse is getting paranoid – or at least well above what is acceptable even for loony lefties.
      Perhaps he is rooting for the return of Brown & Balls?
      God help us if this comes about as even dedicated tribal lefties would be circumspect on this.

      • 128
        Anonymous says:

        pity you don’t seem to have a brain, but then Camerons tories don’t seem to have one grey cell between them and that includes you.

    • 129
      The Audacity of...not very much Hope at all really says:

      Who knows re SpaD allegation but I think he may very well might get re-elected in 2015 as long as the Labour Party is led by the “Two Eds”..one is completely useless and the other one would put the country into administration and IMF control….Cameron may be losing some support in his party and losing the support of women etc but Miliband & Co aren’t getting much traction with this group either….people realise that Labour’s plans on dealing with the deficit and the economy aren’t belived and neither is their close relationship with the unions either…so we could be in for another dose of Coalition politics…………..

      Slightly O/T but not much….the first part of Nick Robinson’s New Series on BBC1 available on i-player is well worth a look at..he actually achieves balance(something I ‘d never thought was possible)and quite honestly makes the point that if people in the UK want better services then they’ve got to be prepared to pay for them.He also debunks the rationale for next weeks public sector strikes.

      http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b017vd5m/Your_Money_and_How_They_Spend_It_Episode_1/

      • 151
        Anonymous says:

        but then you have gone just for lab v cons, haven’t you? you need to think outside the box

      • 166
        Mike Hunt says:

        PM of Luxembourg had it spot on the other day:

        We all know what needs to be done but we want to be re-elected as well.

        FOR GAWD SAKES, STOP SPENDING OUR MONEY ON UNNECESSARY STUFF

  24. 61
    Euro Patriot says:

    Cameron must go. He is a traitor.

  25. 62
    I thank you says:

    Yuri, a Lib Dem English traitor-pervert wants to speak to you.

    Another one?

  26. 64
    Hard-Lazing Voter says:

    He’ll probably be spending most of the time there monitoring his own election.

  27. 68
    albacore says:

    Just another plank in the desensitisation, demoralisation and globalisation programme.

  28. 69
    Handycock says:

    And a very Merry Christmas to you too Mr. Fawkes.

    As you will find out very shortly (possibly as early as tomorrow) I have got off the hook again and my former secretary is not and never was a spy.

    So where better to go and celebrate than good old Russia?

    It was only a test case all along you mugs!

    • 88
      Katya says:

      See you in Moscow the day after tomorrow, Mike. I hope you have bought me a teddy bear.

    • 112
      Grand Master, Grand Lodge, The Strand says:

      Mike I told you to keep quiet about this. We don’t want them to know that the Judge is one of us. Jahbulon.

  29. 70
    Hang The Bastards says:

    Bit harsh Guido !

    He’s probably only going over there to have a few evenings & threesomes with cheap Russian Prostitues.

    No need to hound the man !

  30. 73
    Jess The Dog says:

    First it’s the debriefing at SVR headquarters , Yasenevo District, Moscow, followed by a secret presentation of the Hero of the Soviet Union medal in George Blake’s* dacha outside Moscow. Then, he’ll be back in the USSR to commemorate the 100th anniversary of Kim Philby’s birthday on 1 January 2012.

    For those who doubt what he was up to, flick through this record of written questions: question about the deployment of QRA Typhoon to Iceland; UK/US co-operative engagement capability on UK ships; extensive questions on the nuclear deterrent, some of which were refused answers on security grounds.

    Hancock is as personally flawed as other traitors … Philby, Ames, Hanssen… and, like Philby, he will be sorely disappointed by the sparse gratitude eventually offered by Mother Russia.

    (*The traitor Blake caused the deaths of hundreds of agents, but at least had the excuse of brainwashing as a Korean War prisoner)

    • 82
      albacore says:

      Whizz-bangers of old Blighty unite! You have nothing to lose but your parking meters.
      http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-15867823

      • 102
        Anonymous says:

        Fifteen attacks have been carried out by 14 meters in the last three months with the most recent attack on Monday.

        Councillor Carl Maynard said such acts could seriously your wallet.

        • 123
          Pundit Too says:

          Meters attacking whom? Pedestrian or motorists? Are they robots?
          Seriously your wallet? Hmmm since we are on Russia could it be the vodka talking?

    • 91
      Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

      Sex for secrets. Nothing new about that , has been going on for years. In any case we don’t have a Royal Navy any more, so no harm done passing on the information. Lock up your daughters Russia! Whoahey! Boaz.

  31. 76
    Lady Cutlass says:

    Sound like a great life, how can I meet him?

  32. 89
    Dave says:

    Why have the people of Portsmouth elected a kiddy fiddler, liar and traitor as their mouthpiece?

    • 93
      Portsmouth Social Worker says:

      A long history of high local incest and perversion in the city.

    • 101

      The old problem arises, if I could put it in the most infelicitous way.

      You are using your own criteria of judgment and deciding that he is of foul character.

      The people of Pompey are using their own criteria of judgment and deciding that he is a god. He is everything that they aspire to.*

      * I except from this the Portsmouth voter evidenced elsewhere in this thread.

  33. 94
    Gordon F Brown says:

    I am paid lots of lovely taxpayer’s money for doing absolutely nothing except standing on the beach along the coast for 5 minutes this week when I complained about it glowing in the dark as it has for 60 odd years during which time I said nothing.

    I’m very good at nothing…

    PS: I stole a big part of your pension. Fuck you…….

    • 100
      fuck you too says:

      A part?!

    • 122
      Desperate Dan says:

      “Four separate papers by the best brains in the Treasury and the Inland Revenue disagreed with Gordon Brown’s judgment that the raid on the pension funds would cause little or no long-term harm.
      All four papers were in no doubt that the value of pension funds would fall. One predicted a drop of up to £75 billion in the overall private pension pot and resultant hardship for the eight million people in such schemes. If the shortfall was to be made up, employers and employees would need to contribute an extra £10 billion a year for the next ten to 15 years.”

      • 127
        Desperate Dan says:

        “Brown ignored them. More than that, he went out of his way to conceal their doubts from public gaze. It would be ten years before the documents were released showing Civil Service objections to the raid on pension dividends – and then only after a two-year campaign under Labour’s own Freedom of Information Act forced them out into the open.
        But, at the time, all Brown AND HIS GANG (ie Balls and Miliband) were concerned about was ‘being able to get away with it without anyone complaining’, as one observer put it.
        They were hooked on the idea that occupational pensions were too generous to corporate Britain. They refused to recognise the obvious truth that if the system was weakened, the burden of pensions would fall back on the state.”

        • 137
          Desperate Dan says:

          “The 17th March 1998 should be renamed “The day I plundered the pension of the ordinary working man” because that it is exactly what Gordon Brown did and this is very much borne out by history. He claimed that he was not responsible as Stock Markets fell but he was advised by his own treasury officials not to take the course of action that he did but he ignored their advice. This is not the mark of a prudent man.”

          • It wasn’t that well concealed. Mr Raft, who was not and is not in government, came in that very evening, ashen-faced, and explained that the pensions industry had been destroyed by moving money from the prudent and patient to those who would be voting Labour next time out.

            Brown’s job was to buy the votes for the next election, and that’s what he did.

      • 169
        Mike Hunt says:

        But they don’t work for the state, and thus vote Liebour so they can go and fuck themselves.

  34. 95
    red sausage says:

    Monitor an erection more like.

  35. 98
    Clegg impression says:

    Is Nick Clegg thick or what?. Until the early 70s it was rare, very rare indeed to see a bl@ckman in the UK. Is it little wonder then that the boardrooms and football clubs of the UK are still mainly run by whites? It’s fuck all to do with racist views and all to do with demographics.

    I suppose it is all to do with Nick’s rarefied upbringing in public schools and swiss ski chalets surrounded by the offspring of rich heads of state and business men of foreign countries.

    • 118
      Desperate Dan says:

      Black people were so rare in the 70s that small children had to be hushed when they pointed and asked in loud voices “What’s that?”

      • 125
        Pundit Too says:

        Poor old Clegg impression must have been living around Gateshead that still has few black and asians compared to the rest of Britain. Labour as well – says something.

    • 130
      Engineer says:

      In quite large swathes of the country, it’s still rare to see someone of darker skin pigmentation.

      It’s also true that in some parts of Britain, you are more likely to suffer racial discrimination for having an English accent (or the wrong Engish accent) than for having dark skin.

      • 138
        Anonymous says:

        There are tens of thousands of white people who would like a place in the boardroom but they went to the wrong school or are in the wrong social set. Clegg is being very stupid and playing for a cheap race vote on this. He’s moving back to the Labour days of discriminating against ordinary white folk.

        • 148
          Engineer says:

          Something that is usually forgotten in the discussions around boardrooms and who gets to sit in them is that boardroom places account for a very low proportion of the available jobs (or jobs for which payment is available, if you prefer).

          Consequently, however many may aspire, very few will get one of them. Most people realise that either they’re not cut out for it, they don’t want the hassle (risk, stress, long hours, backstabbing and politics), or that their life aims are better met in other ways. I suspect that’s why so few women really want boardroom jobs – they’ve got better things to do with their lives.

          Better to let natural selection be the main criteria for the selection of directors, as with top sportspeople. You then stand a chance of getting people who really want to do that job – with the proviso that excessive financial rewards are as likely to distort the selection as grossly inadequate reward.

          It’s nothing to do with skin pigmentation, gender or such factors, more to do with ambition and ability.

        • 158
          Desperate Dan says:

          White people are usually intelligent enough to calculate how far up the greasy pole they can climb according to their various skills, talents and personalities. Some ethnic minorities whose skills, talents, language skills and personalities are nothing to write home about are being encouraged to think that it is their right to be brain surgeons, nuclear physicists, CEOs, football managers or leaders of the LibDems. What they need is a dose of reality not another MP buttering them up with fairy tales.

  36. 104
    Hang The Bastards says:

    Isnt this trip a bit obvious.

    HE IS DEFECTING and WE as mugs are picking up his airfare

  37. 107

    The FSB recruited him by mistake.
    They had a tip off that there was a lecherous, floppy haired, weirdo, who liked spouting a load of balls, available to be trapped by any big breasted blonde.
    He had little power but oversaw important things.

    Naturally they thought it was Boris Johnson and mounted an operation.

    Poor FSB have been stuck with ‘the cock’ ever since.

    • 113
      mikehandlemycock says:

      There may be snow on the roof, but there’s a raging fire underneath.

      • 124
        Engineer says:

        That’s because of the dense insulation between the ‘snow on top’ and the ‘raging fire’.

        It’s densest where the brain is usually located.

    • 133
      EdMiliband says:

      Why do the Federation of Small Businesses want to recruit either the Cock or Boris?

  38. 114
    Desperate Dan says:

    He’s quite normal for a Liberal Democrat.

  39. 131
    Anonymous says:

    We need to borrow some more money so we can keep up the aid and IMF donations.

  40. 132
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:
    • 134
      Desperate Dan says:

      Yes, we knew that yesterday.

    • 150
      151211 says:

      December 15 is the 349th day of the year (350th in leap years) in the Gregorian calendar. There are 16 days remaining until the end of the year.

      Famous Deaths:
      Glenn Miller
      Walt Disney
      Sitting Bull
      Izaak walton
      Fats Waller

      Famous Births:
      Nero
      Dave Clark
      Frankie Dettori

      Famous Events:
      First flight of the F-35 Lightning II.
      John Paul Getty found alive in Naples.
      Gone with the Wind première .
      The United States Bill of Rights becomes law.

    • 173
      Mike Hunt says:

      Can they afford it?

  41. 143
    A LibDem spokesman says:

    Pervsrus

  42. 145
    Ah! Monika says:

    Where’s the NOTW when you need them to follow somebody to Moscow

  43. 146
    Raving Loon says:

    Yes, a sandle wearing, lentil eating, tree hugging hippie Lib-Dem really stands a chance of “monitoring” Vladmir Putin!

  44. 149
    Desperate Dan says:

    I hate those Egyptian rowdies. They sound worse than the tent dwellers of St Paul’s. The BBC is reporting their every move so they must be worthless trash.

  45. 154
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:
    • 163
      Engineer says:

      The conclusion from this interview is that Huhne is perfectly well aware that he has made a gargantuan fuck-up of energy policy, but hasn’t worked out how to wriggle out of it without losing face.

      He’s trying ‘bullshit baffling brains’. It won’t work.

  46. 162
    Anonymous says:

    Mein Fuhrer, I promise you and Sarkhess that you can have your treaty change. I won’t need a referendum, just a review of the working time directive. Please tell me I’m still your friend though.

  47. 164
    Anonymous says:

    I will reduce immigration.

    I will get back powers from the EU.

    • 170
      Billy Bellend says:

      And I will freeze your council tax errrrr….except if you live in Brighton and some other places because actually we have no control over it despite what fat Pickles has said in the past.

  48. 165
    By the way.... says:

    Russia on combat alert and directs missiles to point at Europe.
    A good time for a Brit to be caught kiddy fiddling there.

  49. 171
    Face Palm says:

    If only it was anyone but Handycock. If only! Can they keep him?

  50. 172
    Isambard Brunel says:

    monitor their elections?

    s/l/r/g

  51. 175
    Albert Hall says:

    You’ve got to hand it to the bloke though. For an old white haired beardy he pulls the chicks.

  52. 178
    An Impartial Observer says:

    A reputation for banging Russian woman is not necessarily something to be ashamed of. Climbing aboard a lusty Rusa is not a task to be lightly considered. Stamina & endurance beyond the normal are the minimum requirements if not to disappoint.

  53. 179
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    Now if he was a Ruskie he’d be sent to Siberia in a Men only prison. Here they let him fly off for a freebie, bit of totty here, there, everywhere. Taxpayer pays so what!


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Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”



orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?


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