November 17th, 2011

Ken Continues Gaffing But Boris Needs to Pull His Socks Up

Forget the roguish charm, forget the hair, forget the bikes and forget those Evening Standard placards; the biggest asset to the Mayor’s re-election campaign is, and will remain, his omni-shambolic opponent. Another day and another gaffe…

Over to Chief Former Mayor Monitor Andrew Gilligan:

“On Monday this week, at a public meeting in the borough of Lewisham, the chair, Val Shawcross, asked the audience for their views about housing policy. Ken came in: “Ask how many people think we should hang George Osborne.” Shawcross: “Well, I’m deliberately not asking questions like that because you never know when there is going to be a journalist in the room.” I enjoyed the implication that it would be all right to demand the killing of the Chancellor if no journalist were present.”

That being said, Team Boris cannot afford to simply sit on their laurels. Ken is going to come at him like a cornered bear. This is the end, the last hurrah, and the former Mayor knows it. The latest campaign ad put out by Boris is horrific. It’s too long, too text heavy, slow, clunky and the music sounds like a low budget airline in-flight safety video:

3 out of 10. See Guido.


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Socialist eh?


  2. 2
    anon says:

    Missing pretty pictures Guido?


  3. 3
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Attacking opponents while glossing over your own record, great idea that!

    The LibLabCon candidates are crap, why should Londoner’s bother to vote, whoever gets in, they will continue to get their backside kicked with increased taxes… unless you’re the scrounging class who benefits from benefits, and children having free bus passes (learn to walk or pay your own way to lazy *****).


    • 25
      The Paragnostic says:


      You, sir are Greg Wallace and I claim my five pounds.


    • 27
      AND without a paddle it seems says:

      ALL local authorities throughout England have a statutory duty(this has been the case since at least the 1960’s) to provide free home to school transport for children between 5 -16 if they are attending their nearest suitable school
      and/or live further away from the school than the statutory walking distances (2 miles for pupils under 8, and 3 miles for those aged 8 plus

      Children also qualify for free transport – no matter what distance they live from the school – if they are unable to walk for any of the following reasons:

      they have SEN
      they have a disability or mobility problems
      there is no safe walking route

      In most localities this will be a chartered “school bus” or they will be given a free bus pass to use public transport.

      So London is no different to elsewhere in this matter so I’d delete that point from your argument


      • 68
        Archer Karcher says:

        Nowadays of course the obese little scamps have highly paid walk to school officers, busily visiting schools and encouraging walking and cycling to school.

        Whilst simultaneously, another section of the same local authorities have highly paid officers, encouraging children to do exactly the opposite.

        Really, you could not make this shit up.


  4. 4
    nell says:

    Ken’s becoming increasingly eccentric in his claims that his opponents will ‘burn in hell’ and such.

    Not exactly a serious politician anymore , if he ever was one.


  5. 5
    The Observer says:

    More like 2 out of 10 AND with adverts for a pub and a fish and chip shop.
    Ken will put his radical loonies outside these places soon.
    The petrol price will be out of date daily, and the figures are not substantiated or set against good parameters or standards.
    An O level student would do better.
    If Boris approved this then he needs to wake up and smell the coffee – this is one-dimensional promotion that insults the intelligence of Londoner’s (and I am not a Londoner)


  6. 6
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:


  7. 10
    Jimmy says:

    I wonder who Flashman’s voting for.


  8. 12
    alanmills says:

    That Boris ad is bloody awful. Has he got any policies of his own or is the only one to attack his opponent?


  9. 13
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    Here and now I am starting the ‘No For Ken Way’ campaign to ensure that under ‘No For Ken’ circumstances will the newt loving, friend baby fathering, socialist weirdo become our Mayor and embarrass us at the Olympics in front of the world.

    No For Ken Way.


  10. 19
    Seth the pig farmer says:

    The only good bit was the line:

    “Sorry Ken – Not again”


  11. 21
    Moussa Koussa says:


    Swiss bank UBS – 2000.
    British Gas – 850.
    Mothercare – 100 stores to close.
    Numerous Solar Panel manufactures closing this month.
    Aviva – 380
    Citi Group announced plans to cut more jobs
    Rio Tinto’s – 515

    Keep up the good work Neo Con Loons

    No one outside London gives a fig about the Mayor


  12. 24
    Ed Balls, Shallow Chancer says:

    Red Ken is a fool to advocate hanging for politicians.

    It that were permissible, he, Gormless Gordon, Red Ed and 95% of the Liebour party would be swinging from lamp posts.


  13. 34
    Red Ken ( 'pond life' ) Livingscum says:

    Every voter in Zone One thinks I am a brilliant mayor. So much so that many of the electorate there vote five or six times for me.


  14. 35
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    The BBC and Channel 4 will be backing Ken 100% of the way.


  15. 39
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Fancy a bum?


  16. 57
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:


  17. 60
    john in cheshire says:

    Who would like to see Mr Livingstone swinging from a gibbet? More than those who would wish the same for Mr Osborne, I suggest.


  18. 76
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Well bless my cotton socks !!

    The way the Dow is tanking in the USA it’s going to be “Black Friday”

    Dow Jones 11757.29 – -148.3


  19. 77
    a *libertarian* blog with nasty left-wing habits says:

    Choices, choices. Ken to edge it, I should think.


  20. 86
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Not the full trolls out:

    Homophobic trolls =check

    Monkier thiefs=check

    what happened to the funny leftie trolls? Cant afford the talant?


  21. 88
    Sepp Blatter says:

    I don’t know what’s up with these fucking nignogs, I call a spade a spade.


  22. 89
    BillyBob... says:

    What a silly bunt !!


  23. 94
    BillyBob... says:

    Blatter the twat !!


  24. 96
    BillyBob... says:

    hahahahahahahahahahaha nice to see the modded acceptable words :) Nice one Guido :)


  25. 101
  26. 118
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Great to see the trolls out tonight.

    Next time anychance of being funny?


  27. 121
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Why has this post got a picture of Sid James at it’s head ?
    Arf ! Arf ! Arf !


  28. 124
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Why has George Fuckwit Osbourne sold Northern Rock for the Knock Down price of £747 Million ?
    The same company Virgin Money offered the last chancellor Darling £1.5 Billion not 18 months ago which he turned down ! This part of the company is called by the government (the money making part )
    This deal must be on par with Gordon Brown’s selling all the gold off at rock bottom price . What a set of fuckwits !


  29. 130
    nell says:

    Presumably then since the trolls have hit this particular thread about ken so robustly that means that the trolls are ken and pals.

    Which explains why they aren’t funny. kenlivingstone is one of the most unhumorous men alive.


    • 132
      nell's crusty wart says:

      And if it hadn’t been for you pesky kids I’d of gotten away with it.


    • 136

      It’s either that or Jimmy has got the whole school with him today. If they had IQs one point more, they would be geraniums.


      • 215
        Jimmy says:

        A point lower and they’d be you.

        You keep setting ‘em up, I’ll keep knocking ‘em in.


        • 223

          Whatever you like Jimmy.

          I defended you recently as you had set out a politically philosophical position very clearly and succinctly. I did not agree with your point but accept your right to argue it and I will listen to what you have to say because, think as you may, my mind is open to ideas. So I know you have a brain. If you get your rocks off with what some of these other ‘commenters’ are saying and who turn up at exactly the same time as you do, then perhaps you have a problem. Keep on knocking them in, old son. Hope it makes you feel better. I prefer discussing ideas to lobbing ad mominem but, if pushed, I can give back as good as I get – with interest.


    • 139
      Tessa Tickles says:

      Londoners, in my view, get the mayor they deserve.

      And I think they truly deserve Ken.


      • 155
        Lou Scannon says:

        Most ‘Londoners’ weren’t born in this country anyway. As far as I make out, many immigrants settle in London because it’s the only place in the UK that they’ve ever heard of. After a while some of them figure out that there is actually life outside of London and move on from the shit-hole that it’s become.


        • 158
          Nick Griffin says:

          VOTE B&P!
          I’ll have ‘em all out NO fucking around.


        • 168
          Tessa Tickles says:

          That’s sort of my point. The sad thing is, as you say, they do move out of London – and it seems the liked moving to Brighton. Once Brighton got overrun (and I mean, ‘overrun’ – the place is like a choked foreign city), I joined the “white flight” to Suffolk.

          It makes a refreshing change to hear English being spoken so widely again.


          • nell says:


            I don’t regard the Suffolk and Norfolk dialects as English per se.

            They are special to themselves and I love them dearly.


          • I emigrated from Hove in 2007, Tessa, after Brightonanhove became merged and everything that we fought against happened. The whole place became a socialist republic. I recognised that when they appointed four people to the council at £120k pa each whose task was to save money…


          • Tessa Tickles says:

            @ Cat

            I thought something was up because Brighton has three MPs. What the fuck’s that about? It’s not as if Brighton’s a real city.

            And then, whenever the local council have to do any roadworks (especially between Palace Pier and Portslade), when do they do it? Right at the start of the holiday season. Every year for the last four years, as soon as the tourists start arriving, out come the cones and up comes the tarmac. Tossers.


          • Bunch of crooks. I had lived there for 21 years – far too long. I had seen the writing on the wall for a long time. Loved it as a kid. Went to stay at Royal Cresent Hotel (long closed now) to see a school friend of mine recovering from an op. Both Cream and the Who were performing in Brighton that night and were staying there. We saw all of them. Ended living there in a lovely spot on the hill overlooking the sea, near Dyke Road Avenue. But in this false oasis of calm, I knew that one person a night on average was being bottled or knifed in the centre. I don’t miss it. Hell, I looked out at the Dolomites clearly visible to the north today…


          • Tessa Tickles says:

            “one person a night on average was being bottled or knifed in the centre”

            Indeed, this is a real problem. It wasn’t just that every voice my husband and I heard was foreign, it’s that the place was being over-run with drug-addled scum. Apparently, Brighton has excellent facilities for the homeless, especially those who are homeless because they’ve wilfully destroyed their own minds, so they migrate south – they can’t get further south than Brighton – and stay. Half the people on the streets look like extras from a George A Romero zombie film.

   crime-stat website shows even the nicer areas of Brighton as warzones. So we left, and we’re glad we did.

            I’m glad you made it to somewhere better, too.


  30. 137
    I've scared them all away says:


  31. 140

    The whole fuckin’ kindergarten is here. Way past their bed times.


  32. 147
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    O/T A phone in on 5 live this morning discussing giving sex education to kids as young as FOUR !
    Seems to me that peadophiles have finally infiltrated the education department
    the text is just plain wrong for kids that age Talking of the pleasure while having sex and the pleasure increasing as they reach orgasm telling kids it’s great to masturbate and touch yourself There was worse and there is also accompanying video’s parents have a right to remove their kids from the lessons but how many will ?
    For me this is total fucking mental !


  33. 157
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Is anybody else singing this tune all day after the TV add ?


  34. 161

    Here is some prog rock with real class. The best ever musicians to play in this style. Libertarianism in music. There is nothing like it now. Gentle Giant:


  35. 162
    AC1 says:

    I see the piss soaked tramp TAT is back in tonight, will the sad bastard ever get a life?


  36. 189
  37. 190

    The Silence of the EuroLands

    Dave Cameron is talking to young and pretty ace treasury department agent Justine Greenling.

    “Its a tricky assignment. The Doctors think he’s mad. Just a crazy loon wailing in the moonlight. But he had knowledge. He used to be brilliant..brilliant but deeply, deeply flawed. Flawed and ..and unpleasant…He’s never gonna be released now..But..this Euro crisis…we need some help.
    I want you go and talk to him…See if he can offer any clues.”

    “Yessir” chirped the young agent brightly. This was Greenling’s first assignment for the Cabinet of investigations. “I’ll ask him plenty.”

    “Be careful Justine. You don’t want Dr Gordon Lecture messing with your head…And take care. Its not pretty in that remote asylum in the Highlands. Lecture might be even more unpredictable than usual. He hasn’t been outside his cell for over 18 months now. And he has some..lets say ..bad hygiene habits. Always use the shutter system. And don’t ever, ever touch his hands..You really have no idea where they’ve been.”

    “I’ll be careful sir. Is it true what they’re sayin’, he’s some kinda vampire?”
    “They don’t have a name for what he is… except …..a Twat. And you’d better be alert. He..he has a thing about women..He hates them..
    Also, I am going to show you why we insist on such precautions. On the evening of July 8th, 2008, he complained of market fluctuations and was taken to the Treasury. His mouthpiece and restraints were removed for an inflationary scan. When the economist leaned over him, he did this. [pulls out photo. Greenling was shocked at the terrible damage.]
    “He bashed the economy in with his unsustainable borrowing. His pulse never got above 85.”


    Kirkcaldy Schadenfreude Institute for the terminally deluded.

    Agent Justine Greenling’s high heels clicked down the gloomy corridor as she walked towards the brighter light of Lecture’s prison at the end of the passage.
    She glanced through the bars beside her, at Ed ‘multiple expenses’ Balls, lying on the bunk in his cell, furiously masturbating.

    “Yeuchh…”she thought..he looks like a pre-dator but he sure is a producer too.

    She finally arrived outside the end dungeon. There, standing silently in the middle of the small floor, in his insane issue, red, party workers overalls, unnaturally still, head slightly tilted, was Doctor Gordon Lecture.

    “Dr lecture! You’ve been expecting me?” she asked.

    “No” he replied.

    “I see..” She tried a joke. “So you normally stand still in the middle of the floor, all by yourself, in the middle of the night. Finger in your nose?”


    “Oh..I see..OK..well Doctor, Dave Cameron sent me..” She held up her Treasury pass to the reinforced glass, “..He was wondering if you’d help me with some financial details..”

    But Dr lecture was studying the pass.

    “This says you’re a junior treasury minister…A neophyte. Barely more than work experience..”Dave..” Lecture almost spat out the name. “Dave Cameron…sent a see me?” he asked incredulously.

    The great doctor, the super brain, being spoken to by a junior! A women junior! He was badly slighted.

    “But Doctor,” soothed Greenling, “I really need your help. I heard you wrote books? Is that true?”

    Slightly mollified Doctor Lecture passed one into the metal case for her to take.
    It opened on her side of the glass with a clang.

    “This is a book. Take it…if you dare..”

    Greenling bravely put her hand into the deep drawer and took out the book.
    she read the title.


    “Yes..its mostly about me and how brave I am. Now what did you want to ask me? I am waiting?”

    “Erm.. well.. Its the seems that the Eurocrats don’t know how to stop contagion.”

    “I’m not surprised. They’re not very bright. Berlusconi used to be a friend of Blairs. And as I always like to say ‘Any friend of Blairs’ a Huhne.’
    So Papandreuou has gone. Best thing really, his socialist policies were going nowhere.”

    “Will you help us doctor Lecture? Will you put your famous clunking financial acumen to the test? I’ll do a quid pro quo? You ask me things and I’ll…”

    “I’m not interested in you!” hissed the mad doctor. “Women are of no concern to me. Just window dressing.”

    “I’ll get you someone to talk with. Some of your old cronies. Maybe Ed Miliband and Damien McBride? They could visit you…Or maybe you just aren’t capable anymore, doctor? Maybe you’d rather just be remembered as the crazy man who murdered all those pensions?”

    “Don’t try and trick me agent Greenling” said the doctor, slyly.
    Alistair Darling once tried to test my economic competence and my Tom Watson attack dog ate his liver with some arctic monkey music and a nice whiskey.
    Slllllhhhhhhhtttttthhhththth. ”

    Justine felt her skin crawl as the monster licked his tongue over his fingers…”I’ll help you,” he said, “but I want a deal.”

    “What kind of a deal?”

    “All good things to those who wait. Greenling.. I want to be out of this stinking pit.”

    “You mean Kirkcaldy?”

    “I want to feel the sun on my face and the breeze in my greasy hair. I want to walk tall..”

    “Well you could always go to the House of commons. You’re still allowed in there. Its just that you choose to stay in here. In fact, you should be there now..”

    “You mock me, you bigoty woman. away little Greenling, fly away, ..”
    and the angry psychopath slunk back into the dim interior.

    As the young agent walked back down the corridor a jabb-ering Ed ‘both’ Balls flung his se-men at her. She recoiled in fright and disgust. She could hear Dr Lecture calling her back.

    “Agent awful. I detest rudeness, but not in me, you dank bitch.. Listen carefully. Look deep within yourself, Justine Greenling. Take this document. Go now, I don’t think Balls could manage again quite so soon, even though he is crazy. Go…”

    As she left the sanatorium she met Dave Cameron. She handed the document over.

    Dave skimmed the dossier. “It says to help bail out the Euro countries Britain should guarantee all their deposits. And also guarantee the Chinese any money they lend to Europe. .. then it says Britain should convert to the Icelandic Krona as they got out of their troubles pretty quickly..”

    “So I didn’t learn anything useful sir?”

    “I wouldn’t say that Greenling. You learned that he’s still a fruitcake, batshit loon, and on no account should anyone go near him again. ..that’s always good to know.”

    And they drove away, while doctor Gordon Lecture stood silently, staring straight ahead, arms at his sides, all alone, in the centre of his dark cell.
    Smiling, that weird, serial killer, corpse smile.


  38. 195
    nell says:

    nigel farage at his best tellling rompuy and the eu about their lack of democratic credentials!

    Now He Is Entertaining!! Which is more than we can say of the leftie labour trolls that have been on here tonight.


  39. 208
  40. 210
  41. 213
    Question Time (Special Y Fronts Edition) says:

    This week David Dimbleby is joined in Aberystwyth by the usual lefty rent’a’mob foaming at the mouth for Tory babyeater blood.

    Tonights panel is and in no particual order.
    Grant Shapps,
    Chris Bryant,
    Elin Jones,
    Will Hutton and Sir Simon Jenkins.


  42. 229
    EdButLookBalls says:

    £180k pa bankrupter having a major rant on QT!!


  43. 244

    My schizophrenia seems to have a life of it’s own tonight, I don’t know if I’m coming or going.


  44. 260
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    All you socks do realise that every post you make earns Guido a fortune, don’t you? Keep submitting comments, ladies. Guido is laughing all the way to the Bank.


    • 262
      Fabians are Evil. says:

      Methinks we ought to be dusting off those Spitfires – Germany seems to be up to her old tricks!


      • 286
        "Dave" speaks to the nation after the Anglo-German Summit ??? says:

        ” The settlement of the Euro-Zone problem, which has now been achieved is, in my view, only the prelude to a larger settlement in which all Europe may find economic stability. This morning I had another talk with the German Chancellor, Frau Merckel, and here is the paper which bears her name upon it as well as mine. Some of you, perhaps, have already heard what it contains but I would just like to read it to you: ‘ … We regard the agreement signed last night and the Anglo-German Fiscal Agreement as symbolic of the desire of our two peoples to solve the financial crisis engulfing the Euro-Zone

        My good friends, this is the first time in our history that there has come back from Germany to Downing Street an Agreement on Fiscal Union with honour. I believe it is the solution for our time. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And now I recommend you to go home and sleep quietly in your beds”


      • 290
        MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

        How is it we have come to trust this nation of vile murdering scum ?
        A nation that ignored the Geneva convention and torchered and executed our military personnel and millions of people just because of their religion
        they are teaming up with their old allies from the axis of evil France
        to finnish the job started by Hitler


  45. 270
    Good Luck with That Tactic- You'll Need It! says:

    Desperate measures indeed Guido!


  46. 273
    Fabians are Evil. says:


  47. 276
    Beware of Big Brother Control says:

    In Britain you watch TV, in Soviet Russia the TV watch YOU!


  48. 277
    Thank fuck for Fridays says:


  49. 279
    not a machine says:

    Oh er Georges surprise rock sell off , seems to have something of the backroom about it , Presto had me in stitches , yes he got the figures right , but did he include the losses (I mean hasnt the tax payer paid for the losses as well as the sum injected ??)

    TW may have got a little more interesting , It was only some time after it had finished that I thought Dan Snow was onto somthing , but perhaps he was only looking at one aspect Democracy and systems management ooohhhh matron a language of 1s and 0s does not need a vote it, defines life without ever experienceing the reality of it , which as I have thought for some time would lead to some very horrible outcomes on mimicking in the end , but oh no yea cry we cant go back to peasant and master , were liberated ! Well we are liberated from one form of control , but I question this new control and have been for some time on where it all exactly ends , and a perfection that is not human …………

    meanwhile at eurofawlty towers , Dave lands facing a cornered viemar tasmanian devil , after a series of charachtureless technocratic handshakes , dont mention ze basal3 ,Dave , its off to dinner and parlour games of who can rodger the other the most , without appearing to move from the chair .Mrs Merkel should remember that the KGB would have taken Dave on as recruit , so he knows an FDR when he sees one .
    One trader made it through torpedo nets , “at these yields somthing has gotta give ” he looked a little tired , but then quite a few of us who have been patient on the procession of this crisis are tired , tired of asking for the obvious , tired of never receiving any clue from our unelected brussels mob , why or how the euro should work or can have its flaws removed .

    summon the blood , toughen the sinew , bagpuss we hope will return with more than just the story of democratic truth and longlived nations and empires .


  50. 280
    not a machine says:

    Enjoyed Therresa speccie snippet “you lett em go and I lock em up” perhaps Hune and vicky one was a bit keen , but Rooster May , sherrifs in town , £10 to Children in need if anyone can find a clip where she says “is that a gun yer packin or are you just pleased to see me ” Got to admit better than jackie julliet bravo in the lines dept


  51. 281
    albacore says:

    Dear me, The MailOnLine’s full of cheery news today, including nuclear war all set to kick off in Europe; and U S space satellites being routinely hacked into by somebody with a, erm, Chinese footprint.
    Meanwhile, back home, there’s more pressing problems to whittle about, like which plonker’s favourite to get elected mayor of Londonistan.
    Never mind, though. At least we’ve got Dave and Ed.


  52. 284
  53. 287
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    How can Cameron shake hands with that Fecking Toad Faced bastard Barroso ?
    An unelected self serving twat !


  54. 288
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    The theory underpinning this piece is largely true. I think Boris has been a decent mayor and he has two qualities largely lacking in modern politicians – a sense of humour and the knack of not taking himself too seriously.

    His shortcomings are papered over though by the fact that Ken is

    a) a bitter twisted old man with a long track record of pandering to special interest groups that are a million miles away from the concerns of most voters

    b) a violent drunk

    We see the same scenario written larger on the national stage. Cameron is virtually useless but Miliband is such a tosser with no principles or answers that it is almost impossible seeing him make any red/blue conversions in the way Thatcher or Blair did.

    A very depressing political landscape that disenfranchises vast swathes of the population whatever their political views


  55. 289
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    During a recent visit on one of his over-paid Stateside lecture tours, David”Arse” Cameron addressed a major gathering of Native American Indians.
    He spoke for almost an hour on his plans for a Carbon Trading Tax for the UK and Europe.
    At the conclusion of his speech, the audience presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name – Walking Eagle.
    A very chuffed David “Arse” Cameron then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds
    A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select Our Friend David’s new name.
    They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.


  56. 291
    Not surprised says:

    I don’t live in London only an occasional visitor but I seem to have received a text from Ken promising to cut fares by 5% in Lambeth??!! I suspect it’s either a mistake, spam or my number previously belonged to someone else and it’s still on file. I can provide a copy if it’s of any use.


  57. 292
    Broadsword calling Danny Boy says:

    Can we hang journalists if Osborne is in the room?


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