July 5th, 2011

Real War For the Speaker

After the tension between Dave and Bercow flared up again last week, the PM has responded very publicly to the Speaker’s sarcasm. PA report from the PM’s trip to Afghanistan:

“Commons Speaker John Bercow is to spend time trading places with his counterpart in Afghanistan, it was revealed today. Bercow and Abdul Rauf Ibrahimi have been lined up for an exchange scheme agreed between the two countries. Asked if Bercow had been approached to participate in the exchange, a Downing Street spokesman said: “I am sure he is fully supportive of our efforts.”

Of course he is. Apparently “British and Afghan MPs, peers and senators could also take part…” Mark Pritchard and Peter Bone should start packing their bags.


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    They can keep him!

  2. 2
    Southern Softy says:

    One way ticket please.
    And don’t forget to take the wife.

  3. 3
    lord asquith says:

    Maybe John Bercow could swap places with Sally Bercow. She could host commons debates and he could get fucked by everyone in central London.

  4. 4
    Grumpy says:

    Bercow was an utter disgrace last week. He should be ousted asap.

  5. 5

    More bloody costs for me to get babysitters whilst I go and get rat-faced.

  6. 6
    Jackass Straw ( my Dad would n't fight for this Country ) says:

    The word ‘Bercow’ is an abbreviation of ‘Berk Coward’.

  7. 7
    lord asquith says:

    Billy, do you work in the public sector? I only ask because if you do, I’m sure you are on my corridor.

  8. 8
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Does that mean as Leader of the Opposition Ed Miliband gets to swap places with the leader of the Taliban?

  9. 9
    Smig says:

    You’re going with him.

    Make sure you dress appropriately. You already know how to wear a bedsheet…

  10. 10
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    O/T but does anyone know if chris Bryant or tom Watson have tabled a urgent question for today and if so, has Bercow allowed it on Hacking claims?

  11. 11
  12. 12

    Not while talks are ongoing.

  13. 13
    Georges J Danton says:

    This could be the time for bringing back Comité de salut public to deal with turbulent MPs!

  14. 14
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    Bercow and Huhne, our Dream Ticket.

  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

    To do otherwise would be irresponsible.

  16. 16
    the last quango in paris says:

    when does the exchange with Lilliput happen?

  17. 17

    It’s wrong that they call it a Burkha. A Bercow would be much better and give their men something to look at and let their pent-up frustrations out in an onanistic way!

  18. 18
    Smig says:

    That’ll be the ongoing visualisation of the “small man complex” as brought to you by a ceremonial runt of the litter.

    Along with smoking, is dwarf tossing still allowed in Westminster?

  19. 19
    Stan says:

    I would warn the Afghans away from this idea.

    Dont they know how corrupt & venal the British political elite are?

  20. 20
    Southern Softy says:

    Pompous Pipsqueak.

  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    Nobody “works” in the public sector.

  22. 22
    Johann Hari says:

    Just last week, Mrs Bone asked me to pleasure her.

  23. 23
    Bandwagoneer spotter says:

    grauniad latest

    Rebekah Brooks, chief executive of News International, should ‘consider her conscience and consider her position’ , Labour leader Ed Miliband says.

  24. 24
    Smig says:

    Bukakke Bercow.

  25. 25
    loungelizard says:

    There are EU guidelines re. dwarf tossing. all measurements must be metric.

  26. 26
    Stan Butler says:

    Pot and kettle?

  27. 27
    Smig says:

    They already know. They’ve taken to the concept of postal voting like a pisshead to a curry.

  28. 28
    Sir William Waad says:

    If this Abdul Rauf Ibrahimi chappie proves to be half-decent, could we swap him? I picture Bercow facing a crowd of insurgents and quelling them with a cry of “Order! Order!”

  29. 29
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    Not to mention reckless.

  30. 30
    Sir William Waad says:

    The young Bercow once took a job at our local Naturist Summer Camp, but he kept poking his nose in where it wasn’t wanted.

  31. 31
    Red Ed's wedded Wife says:

  32. 32
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Most the people that read/buy the NOTW did when it supported Labour,They will swallow the apology and carry on.

    ps you can change NOTW to any media outlet/newspaper, The readers will still read.

  33. 33
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “In a interview with the NOTW”

  34. 34
    South of the M4 says:

    Equally importantly, do they know how dangerous the streets of London are?

  35. 35
    Mange Tout says:

    I don’t suppose they can take him out for a run in a Snatch Land-Rover could they – Pity

  36. 36
    minusthree says:

    Apparently Mrs. Bercow does it regularly.

  37. 37
    Professor Sir Robert Winstons says:

    Send his fucking ghastly, gobshyte cu’nt wife to lecture the Tallybans on wimmins rites innit

  38. 38
    Southern Softy says:

    He would fit in nicely at Legoland.

  39. 39
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    No – that’s just his adenoids playing up again. He meant his wife was “sick-in-the-‘ead”.

  40. 40
    the last quango in paris says:


  41. 41
    MrAngry61 says:

    Swapping Speakers? What a pointless gesture!

    Quite apart from Bercow speaking no Pashtun(?) and possibly his counterpart speaking bad English, what the fuck does either know about the other country’s parliamentary procedure?

  42. 42
    Southern Softy says:

    “Read” the NOTW?
    Do us a favour Billy!

  43. 43
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    I’ve put him down for a job in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.

  44. 44
    Mark Reckless says:

    I told you not to mention me!

  45. 45
    Johann phoned a friend to ask about the effects of dropping an E says:

    It’s actually quite shocking how far back Hari’s lies go. He pretended to be an Ecstasy user and to have witnessed a murder.


  46. 46
    Hamid Karzai says:

    I am in awe of Tony Blair’s ability to accumulate wealth in and after being in office.

    He makes me feel ashamed of my own pitiful efforts.

  47. 47
    Trashbin Alibi Clown says:

    Both Johann Hari and Kia Abdullah are fine upstanding journalists. Leave them alone or I’ll report you to the police and to Trevor Philips.

  48. 48
    Kinnochio says:

    Using feet and inches is racist.

  49. 49

    You never know, there might be a parliamentary outpost in Helmand. The little twat would go down a storm with the ragheads there…assuming he wasn’t fragged by our guys first.

  50. 50
    Moley. says:

    Credit where it is due.

    If true, this shows real class on Cameron’s part.

    Who could possibly dream of a better revenge?

    And can Bercow look forward to even more opportunities to share his talent with other Nations in need of a bit of Order?

  51. 51
    Marcus Aurelius says:

    There is no one on the Liebore front bench whose father has ever served in any armed service.

    Milliband’s grandf ather betrayed his homeland (Poland) by joining Stalin’s side in the Nazi Soviet partition.

    They are not on our side. They are on the other side.

  52. 52
    Hot off the Press says:

  53. 53
    Jimmy says:

    Well as we have seen the Bitish free press at its finest this week it is now time for state controlled media.

  54. 54
    Who's Hari Now says:

    John looked me squarely in the eye and authoritatively confided ‘order, order’

  55. 55
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Why don’t we send the whole effing lot over there – and tell the Afghans no exchange necessary, you can keep them all.

  56. 56
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Don’t you think they might have more reason to frag Cameron (who keeps them wasting their time there) than the talking dwarf?

  57. 57
    Gordon Brown says:

    I have the authority and respect to be Speaker.

  58. 58
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Sally is there for the taking

  59. 59
    Penfold says:

    Any chance that he could go for a bit of a stroll and be gone for a bit of a while.
    Doesn’t matter where, as all of the wretched country is in flames.

    Can he take his wife as well, please, pretty please…..

  60. 60
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    It’s odd how an anagram of John Bercow’s name sums up his dilemma: Job or wench.

  61. 61
    Bercunt in his younger days says:

  62. 62
    Gordon Brown says:

    I am on the other side too

  63. 63
    Gordon Brown says:

    It would be the right thing to do

  64. 64
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    It’s a bit hard to imagine him firing his Kalashnikov in the air to quell them though isn’t it?

  65. 65
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Bercow obviously considers himself even more important than the PM. Bercow needs a good kick up the arse, and booted out of parliament. Why is it little men are always aggressive and loud mouthed, why then is he not a labour MP.

  66. 66
    Backbencher says:

    “A point of order Mr. Speaker. I should be grateful if you could rule on whether this exchange can be made a permanent arrangement for the benefit of this House”.

  67. 67
    Call me Infidel says:

    Great moniker.

  68. 68
    dziękuję says:

    You mean the Polish-Soviet War of 1919-21. Given Poland’s endemic antisemitism the Red Army might have appeared a better option to a Jewish lad until Stalin rose to pwer and began killing Jews wholesale.
    I agree that there was no moral difference between the Nazis and Soviets’ behaviour in Poland.

  69. 69
    Osama's Ghost says:

    Could not happen to a nicer guy.
    We will welcome into paradise.
    The Taliban will have to adjust their sights to his height – but hey ho Silver.
    Wonder if he will ask for US Seals to protect him the little runt.

  70. 70
    RetardEd Millitwat says:

    It is wrong for these critithisthisms to be made ofth these two fine jthournalists by the right wing presth. My wife wasth sthickened.

  71. 71
    Airey Belvoir says:

    If there was ever a case for the discreet slipping of a travel itinerary to the Taliban…….

  72. 72
    Jabba the Cat says:

    Definite case for getting some of our lads to frag Bercow whilst he is over there.

  73. 73
    Jabba the Cat says:

    We must then make sure the US drones have the correct Millimong co-ordinates and don’t miss.

  74. 74
    Pilgrim Father says:

    What’s happened to that gaping orifice Gorbals Mick? Does he put the time in or is he as useless, now ennobled, as he was before?
    God help us if they ennoble this dwarf and his easily available partner to push him out of the way.

  75. 75
    Anonymous says:

    would that traitorous as opposed to loyal if he had joined the Nazis?

  76. 76
    Cynic says:

    Shouldn’t be a problem for MOD kitting Bercow out. Hamley’s do an excellent line in GI Joe and Action Man outfits

  77. 77
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    I’m not going out there. I never went out there even when I was Chairman of the Commons Defence Committee. Why? For the simple reason, you can’t get a shag in Afghanistan.

  78. 78
    Anonymous says:

    Do they make flak-jackets in size ‘annoying midget’?

  79. 79

    Afghanistan, the new Northern Ireland of UK politics.

  80. 80
    Iloathlefties says:

    Why discreet?

  81. 81
    Frank Longford says:

    It was ever thus.

  82. 82
    Cynic says:

    Some of those Camels are dammed attractive you know

  83. 83
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    Wait till he shouts ‘Order’ ‘Order’ to the Taliban Party!!

  84. 84
    Leftin Frefall says:

    The world isn’t configured around a binary simplicity, you cock. Loyalty would have been to fight for Poland against any who would conquer her.

  85. 85
    Sandy & Julian says:

    Ohh, duckie! He’d really love that!

  86. 86
    Sandy & Julian says:

    What a little shit he is!

  87. 87
    Cat says:

    What good has procedure ever done us in the UK? Greedy bastard MPs get away with lining their pockets and fleecing the public whatever colour/persuasion/religion they are.

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