Poor Andy Burnham, try as he will, nothing seems to be going right in his leadership campaign. Despite basing his campaign oop north, last night he was all set for a big phonebanking event at Labour HQ, which all candidates have fair use of.
The volunteers were gathered, the scripts prepared, the pizza man on speed dial. Shame no one had actually remembered to book the room. Much fun was had by all though – down the pub instead.
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Nigel Farage hits the nail on the head:
“This olive oil ban was virgin on the ridiculous.”
Ned Flanders – Clegg
Lisa Simpson – Natalie Bennett
Milhouse – Hilary Benn
Martin Prince – Andy Burnham
Edna Krabappel – Luciana Berger
Crazy Cat Lady – Glenda jackson
Comic book guy – John Prescott
Carl – Chucka
Lenny – Philip Hammond
Willie – Eric joyce
Poochie – Gordon Brown
Reverend Lovejoy – Tony Blair
Gordo cancelled the room!
Burnham? Bury ‘em!!!
and we’re back to hilariously thin shit and the extreme tedium of the Labour leadership contest already
Have you heard Peter Mandelson’s ring tone?
Keep you’re strange gay euphamisms to yourself David Laws.
” No”, but I think I’ve seen it in readers wives.
It’s probably a raspberry fart!
I keep it up my arse on vibrate. Lots of my friends give me a buzz throughout the daywhooooooooooooo there it goes again luvvies.
It’s true. I’m the Phantom Raspberry Blower of Old London Town.
Surely, after a lifetime of bum fun, all Mandy can manage in the trouser trumpet department is a gentle whooshing noise.
Nutcakes !
But it wasn’t Gordo’s fault.
Or Tone’s.
Nuffin is – or was.
It’s the wicked Tory lot.
Innit.
It was all Thatcher’s fault.
Yes. Now pay your tv tax, peasant.
Hahahaha! Get stuffed Beeboid Capita gobshite.
Take your demands for money and stuff it where the sun don’t shine.
If you knock on my door I’ll set the dogs on you.
Scotland?
Ted Heath’s fault.
Thanks a fucking bunch for selling us down the river to the EUSSR.
The fucking gobshite.
see not me.
Piss up-Brewery-Organise-Couldn’t?
And this tosspot wants to lead the socialists. Be about right.
And this pillock was a ‘Minister’ in the last misgovernment!
He and Fat Jacqui Slag-Fivebellies just about sum ZaNuLieBor up!
Completely fucking useless!
And by extension this tosspot wants to run the country.
Just the sort of competent administrative type to take over from Blair and Brown!
P’raps we can have a £10bn IT system to ensure no repeat?
This post is cancelled
This article is a travesty of the truth.
We gathered together at our central phonebank and then realized we had fuck all to say and then we went down the pub.
sounds sensible to me as all Dave does is hold focus groups on telly to satisfy is narcissism
says it all lightweight brain lightweight potential
Pretty good result all round, then?
Hi , My names Tim Lovejoy and i am in love with Andy Burnham hes a pretty boy like me
When we used to share a flat, Andy used to ███ █████ the ███ under a ███ with a ███ █████
………..shag Chingrinner…..twat……..duvet ……huge marrow
We wouldn’t expect anything less from NuLiebour. Incompetents evey one of ‘em.
Och! watch yer wirds buddy!
Ah Sav’d Tha Wuld I did!
Ah Nursey, – ye hav’ ma 12 o’clocky meds?
Hoots! Help ma boab! Jings and crivvens! An that.
Another Eye reader I see.
if only they knew…
Brown-Out!
Natural leaders every one of them. They learn about politics at university, you know.
Every wet behind-the-ears graduate i’ve ever worked with learned more in the first 6 weeks of a job than any time at university.
They grumble a lot for the first month about having to use a broom and make tea.
Teaches them what everyone’s job is
spouts huge t*urds
Phonebanking sounds vaguely dirty, why is such a sweet and innocent young man such as Burnham doing it in front of a big crowd? Sounds ideal to be PM, though, on that basis.
They should give him a cock shaped phone. Hopefully he’ll end up with a sticky ear.
Who’s Andy Burnham again?
who gives a shit about this guff again
He used to be in Wham.
Aaaaawwww……….kitty’s.
http://my.stltoday.com/assets/stlouistoday/users/C/B/5/B/CB5B2C32-462E-4CB9-812B-AD3792F2CB27/photos/4CE61EC7-963E-4DBA-98DA-4095250104BB/85327595-7727-41D3-B52D-AC6F1817531D.jpg
Copenhagen interpretation.
There’s no need to collapse into a state.
So many cats, so few recipes…
Tired Pussy Joke #27
He’s the one who personally signed off Mid Staffs hospital foundation status, despite it having 3 outstanding mortalilty warnings.
Up to 1,200 people are thought to have needlessly died as a result of the neglect they received inplace of care – some might say that Andy Burnham was in the perfect position to uncover & do something about this… but, of course, he failed to act – so wrapped up in Labour’s flagship hospital policy, such as he was.
So, another Labour leader with blood on his hands?!
Seems like they’re good at producing those.
and the new ConLib are happy to let them get off Scot free for it as they are all pissing in the same pot
The NHS is the best health service in the world bar none. If you make any criticism of it it means you want people to die. Nasty nasty nasty party!
Of course we want people to die.
How else are we going to reduce the public sector pension deficit, state pension and the exhorbitant cost of healthcare provision for the elderly?
Should revoke the smoking ban too. Kill them off before they get to retirement age.
Might as well do away with the seatbelt and drink driving laws too. That’ll knock the population down a bit.
Outlaw Ishlam too. That’ll get rid of a few million ragheads.
Anything else?
Yeah, you could do us all a favour and top yourself…
I went fishing and caught me a politically correct numpty.
With that eye liner he looks like something out of Culture Club
Culture Secretary club, surely?
Faux outrage over “flirting with a 17th century British terrorist as part of a campaign” has spread through the American left.
Are you a freedom fighter Fawkes?
We need more Fox News over here, and less of the BBC pretending not to be foaming at the mouth, hippy lefties. Much more fun all round.
Za
Burnham is New Labour’s answer to Boy George..
I suppose it had to decend to that…
I am going to vote for Jim Garner…
He is so dsicreet even his mother does ot know him…
And Mandy is Boy George in trousers…
(Charlie Whelan’s line)
He looks like a ringer for Gary Numan
http://chrisescars.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/garry-numen.jpg
Burnham. Burnham all.
Hardly surprising, this is how they ran the country for the last thirteen years.
Thirteen years of thieving LieBour cost me my financial security for my old age.
Burnham’s puny & incompetent try for the vacant job costs me nothing.
In my opinion all the applicants,whichever of them get the job,will prove to be another example of Peters Principle.
The only good thing arising from this election is the probability of a long rest from LieBour (new or old) goverment.
Look on the bright side – you could have been part of the Mid Staffs hospital labour experiment , in which case you wouldn’t be around to complain about the worthless fuckers destroying your pension.
‘Thirteen years of thieving LieBour cost me my financial security for my old age.’
And this one is going to take away your incapacity benefit and your free commode.
no it won’t as we will riot unlike when you were getting robbed you let it happen
read this early today
He looks like Pierce Brosnan…..
….with AIDS.
He looks like an action figure of 007.
Made in Taiwan.
Pull the cord in his back and he has some stock phrases…
“Death Tax..Death Tax”
“Did I mention I’m from Liverpool?”
“I’m not Ed.”
You have aids?
To those of us without, they look nothing alike…
what the fuck happened. I thought aids would wipe out the fags but your all still here.
It was nature’s once-and-for-all-time answer.
Oh well, back to the Darwin board.
I wonder if he has the glued on underpants too, fear of recurrence of arse injected death?
Only explanation is there was a gay cabal running the state who pumped much more money into keeping gays alive than non-gays.
if you’re a paranoid fucking nutter like you AC1, then yes, that’s an ‘explanation’
About the same action from this bunch of muppets .ZERO
Was it Lord Ashcroft’s fault?
by the time the ConLib split comes I will have enough to buy 2 elections
Thatcher’s. Like everything else.
slash and burn em
KHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!
Rodney, you plonker!!!
I hope he organised his department better when he was in Government, however, i very much doubt it, the usless C*unt.
Burnham and co may be dim but still not stupid enough to obey ze Euro orderz and sell gold at rock bottom, eh Prudence Brown?
I certainly wouldn’t bank on it. Don’t forget the fact that one of the contenders – the odious Testicles – was up to his armpits in the gold-selling fiasco.
It pays ( us ) to have friends in high places. For the plebs of course, it’s not so hot.
Yeah what is the full story there marcus? Somebody should write a fucking book about Brown and the gold bust, exposing the little shit for what he is.
er like the Telegraph was going to do,before the election,
Did you notice CamerHunts q and a yesterday was full of agenda monkeys,no one from the general population was there
All those rigged NuLiebour Q & A sessions have obviously shown him the way to do it.
yep,new boss same as the old boss
Well the “new politics” lasted a couple of months before business as usual. I expect all the old crap Labour were pedaling prior to the last election, will resurface over the coming months as “new dynamic thinking” re-branded coalition crap. It’s becoming a where do you want the vomit competition, on your shoes or on your lap?
yes
I’m sick of my MP already. Doesn’t answer my questions. Answers questions I’ve not asked. Patronises me about the law, events, repeats things in words of one syllable. Says government correct in acting the way it is. And I can go fuck myself. Business as usual
Hi , My names Tim Lovejoy and i am a BBC legend who does not like Andy Burnham
Tim Loveboy? I’d keep quiet about that if I were you.
Achtung Tories. You never won the election
But I became PM, and I live in No 10. Fuck you!!!
Hey, Tovarich, neither did you.
None of us did
But Dave did.
(which is the answer to both 60 and 49)
No he didn’t
2005: Labour 35.2%, Tories 31.7%. Labour majority of 66.
2010: Labour 29%, Tories 36.1%, no overall majority.
So, Postal Vote fraud and Gerrymandering aside, yes we did win!
meaningless figures
Is that why Dave is sucking Clegg’s cock ?
Only in your wettest dreams.
Wait for it………
Clegg and the Dib Lems will end up dumped like one of Jordan’s exes in the next 18 months – and Dave will probably say they were all crap in bed too. Hmm that is true – they’re only interested if it involves cottaging, rent boys or something else weird.
wait until the winter sets in and we start our actions,we’ll see who runs the show then.
calm down little minion, you’ll get your turn
The Yorkshire ripper should be released as he was ill, the European court of human rights will make it happen if the UK courts don’t,as they will class the brits as inhuman in their treatment of the mentally ill.
test
Yorkshire ripper
It’s been said before
The Coaltion Govt is actually getting on well – most if not all subjects / policies are discussed etc etc and an agreed sensible position established
We don’t need an ‘official opposition’
We don’t need “Labour’
fuck off to Bhopal
Who needs Labour, I’m a phucking Lord now?
the civil service is the Opposition (to the people of the country).
Correct
agree
6 months ago comlained about my tax . two months ago got a letter saying they would be sending me an apology. still haven’t had it
test
p*aranoid
Oi! Controversy! p a rranoyd ‘as gotta ‘h’ in it.
innit
tittle tattle eh!
Anyway. wouldnt politics be better if it was done in a pub and not in a focus group call centre. if not better, at least not as painfully earnest.
or a restaurant? such as Granita perhaps?
Yup – without doubt.
And a proper smoking pub – so it wasn’t tainted by the reek of piss and Noo_Lie_Bore wimmin.
I notice on my list your down for Thursday
It’s “you’re”, as in “you are.” It’s simple, really.
Then it would be more of an out-of-focus group.
That is a good description of Blinky Testicules’ Campaign…
Thanks to Guido spacing him out…
It is thoroughly and irremediably out of focus…
Get back into focus, Blinky
We still want you to win…
Andy who?
He never seems to get a grip on anything.
With all these cloned cows about I’m very concerned for Iain Dale’s Dairy
If it’s illegal why has no one been arrested?
Every beast has a tag in it’s ear. Evan Davies finds the controversy a bit of a joke.
This post has been air brushed
This cabinet has been bear rushed.
Boo
Mwahahahaha. Andy needs B£iarites money to buy the leadership campaign. The foo£ Burnham does not stand a chance of winning. He is just a puppet contender to make the whole campaign appear to be democratic. I££usion! Mwahahahaha
Thank you very much
is Dennis here. Yoo hoo Dennis
fuck off you senile old bat
Darling, could you put the kettle on…
…oh dear.
Happy birthday darling I’ve bought you some new lingerie…
…oh sorry, I forgot.
He looks as though he’s signed up for
a time share without telling his wife and
now trying to cancel
I’m affraid we are unable to cancel the timeshare contract, you have signed for a full 25 years and have waived the right to cancel by purchasing the cheaper policy. Good bye.
They are all fucking bent
money or sex?
And there was my valet, poised by the telephone, ready with the 3/11d he’d found in his piggy bank for brave little Mr Burnham’s campaign. Dear Carstairs, he’s such a well-meaning chap. He always jokes that as he spends much of his time around my wardrobes he’s a ‘closet gay’!
Can you teach me how to waterboard better Bill.
That is an outrageous slur. I never tried to block the release of any infortmation, it is just a malicious slur by the Ed Balls camp.
I’d like to talk about inverted nipples.
An inside view.
Less talk, any chance of a picture?
Ok.
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Invertednipple.jpg
You frighten me love, every time I see that gap in your teeth I remember when I was five and caught my winky in my zipper.
So if Andy Brnham Wood and Diane “Princess Leah” Abbott are running weak campaigns that means Liebore can choose between Millimossads major and minor.
Not very inclusive is it?
I predict a good turnout for Respect at the next General Election
I predict a better turnout for the B&P.
B&P and Respect
Two cheeks of the same marxist arse.
To be fair, the B&P are, as was their inspiration, a non marxist socialist group. Though socialist they most definitely are, they are not marxists like Respect.
This is true, but even the most capitalistic of countries has a degree of socialism within it that can never really be privatized for the benefit of the country as a whole.
For example I give you the NHS (or degree of), Police, Teaching, Defence, General Government, Justice & Courts, Ambulance service, Fire Brigade ect.
Mwahahahaha!
You Evil leftwing socialist C U N T!
So Dave’s going to crack down on spongers living in homes subsidised by the taxpayer.
This from a man who claims £20,000+ a year for his modest hovel in the country.
Chutzpah is the word.
fucking cameron benefit scrounging twat
Hunt
That’s c’unt actually!
Caption Competition.
Labour Leadership Conference prepares to announce the results on Saturday 25 September 2010. 3pm.
“Hello..Oz cabs? Taxi for one at the conference hall. 3.01pm please.”
Cllr Pervez Choudhry of Tuns Lane [Slough], who represents the Central Ward, was arrested and charged yesterday (Monday).
The 52-year-old will appear at Maidenhead Magistrates Court on Monday (09/08) to face one count of bigamy.
Fucking hell. These cheap tacky foreign imports just don’t know where to draw the line. Fuck off you dirty cheating bastard.
I know where to draw the line. Dover.
Fuck you!
You can’t draw your line there as we own it now
Actually we own the fucking lot of you – AND the FRENCH Channel – and thanks to EU Dave it won’t end there …
We fart in your general direction …
soon it will be the county of esseux
Hymen you say?
WIGIG – as they say in Tesco.
They say oily fish is good for you,so the Americans have a lot to thank us for.
just got back from a close shave on a cruise. ship looked like it was sinking and space in the life boats were a bit short.Some woman came up and said women and children first. Well there was no kids so I said ,That was before equal opportunities missus get to the back,never saw her again.
These are the days of miracles and wonders.
ha ha missed me
We only need to be lucky once.
We don’t miss…
I see one of Daves funders kids blew his brains out,self loathing
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2010/08/04/love-split-teen-shoots-himself-dead-while-on-phone-to-police-115875-22462176/
Toilets will be happy
Sitting in “democratic” socialist Cuba
be careful what you snort
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newsvideo/7926351/Peru-suffers-deadly-plague-outbreak.html
Burnham wanted to impose mass medication (Fluoride) in Hampshire despite the vast majority of the public being against it.
God help us if he ever got to power.
Funny you should say that as I was in Hamps last week and asked some waterboard chaps what they were doing and got told Fluoride distribution ,apparently it has to be added locally due to coating problems.
Impose, I like that word.
In college Andy had a hat that he stuck his hair to with setting gel,he would sleep in it and get up with that hey presto hairstyle,look close you can see the hat.
Does he use the new Oreal mascara ?- ‘no clumps, just thicker, longer, and blacker’.
He crashed and ended up with a BurntBum!
My god. They organised a piss up
Cheers!
I should be PM cos I’m not from loondooon & I have northern authoritarian fucks like blears & blunkett supporting me
We have all been there I bet the pub was better though!