August 4th, 2010

Crash and Burnham

Poor Andy Burnham, try as he will, nothing seems to be going right in his leadership campaign. Despite basing his campaign oop north, last night he was all set for a big phonebanking event at Labour HQ, which all candidates have fair use of.

The volunteers were gathered, the scripts prepared, the pizza man on speed dial. Shame no one had actually remembered to book the room. Much fun was had by all though – down the pub instead.


  1. 1
    P. Doff says:

    Gordo cancelled the room!

    • 2
      Schrödinger's cat says:

      Burnham? Bury ‘em!!!

    • 15
      Bayzil Marrsow dot com says:

      Nutcakes !

    • 19
      A po-faced hand-wringing ShamPain Sosherlyst, using the old, justifiably reviled, sosherlyst excuse says:

      But it wasn’t Gordo’s fault.

      Or Tone’s.

      Nuffin is – or was.

      It’s the wicked Tory lot.


    • 63
      English John says:

      Piss up-Brewery-Organise-Couldn’t?
      And this tosspot wants to lead the socialists. Be about right.

      • 112
        Peter Grimes says:

        And this pillock was a ‘Minister’ in the last misgovernment!

        He and Fat Jacqui Slag-Fivebellies just about sum ZaNuLieBor up!

        Completely fucking useless!

      • 145
        Doctor Mick says:

        And by extension this tosspot wants to run the country.

    • 66
      THE ESSEX GIRLS says:

      Just the sort of competent administrative type to take over from Blair and Brown!

      P’raps we can have a £10bn IT system to ensure no repeat?

    • 80
      Andy says:

      This post is cancelled

      • 84
        Andy Burnham says:

        This article is a travesty of the truth.

        We gathered together at our central phonebank and then realized we had fuck all to say and then we went down the pub.

        • 129
          OO look at me I'm on the telly says:

          sounds sensible to me as all Dave does is hold focus groups on telly to satisfy is narcissism

    • 182
      tit says:

      says it all lightweight brain lightweight potential

  2. 3
    Dick the Prick says:

    Pretty good result all round, then?

    • 107
      Tim Lovejoy says:

      Hi , My names Tim Lovejoy and i am in love with Andy Burnham hes a pretty boy like me

      • 158
        James Purnell says:

        When we used to share a flat, Andy used to ███ █████ the ███ under a ███ with a ███ █████

  3. 4
    Hugh Janus says:

    We wouldn’t expect anything less from NuLiebour. Incompetents evey one of ‘em.

  4. 5
    Blue Eyes says:

    Phonebanking sounds vaguely dirty, why is such a sweet and innocent young man such as Burnham doing it in front of a big crowd? Sounds ideal to be PM, though, on that basis.

    • 149
      Why do people vote Labour says:

      They should give him a cock shaped phone. Hopefully he’ll end up with a sticky ear.

  5. 6
    pmt008 says:

    Who’s Andy Burnham again?

  6. 7
    Alan Partridge says:

    With that eye liner he looks like something out of Culture Club

  7. 8
    Nick2 says:

    Burnham. Burnham all.

  8. 12
    I Remember You Hoo says:

    Hardly surprising, this is how they ran the country for the last thirteen years.

    • 36
      Anonymous says:

      Thirteen years of thieving LieBour cost me my financial security for my old age.
      Burnham’s puny & incompetent try for the vacant job costs me nothing.
      In my opinion all the applicants,whichever of them get the job,will prove to be another example of Peters Principle.
      The only good thing arising from this election is the probability of a long rest from LieBour (new or old) goverment.

      • 47
        Backwoodsman says:

        Look on the bright side – you could have been part of the Mid Staffs hospital labour experiment , in which case you wouldn’t be around to complain about the worthless fuckers destroying your pension.

      • 48
        Cato Street Conspirator says:

        ‘Thirteen years of thieving LieBour cost me my financial security for my old age.’

        And this one is going to take away your incapacity benefit and your free commode.

  9. 13
    Breaking News says:

    read this early today

  10. 14

    He looks like Pierce Brosnan…..

    ….with AIDS.

    • 17

      He looks like an action figure of 007.
      Made in Taiwan.

      Pull the cord in his back and he has some stock phrases…
      “Death Tax..Death Tax”
      “Did I mention I’m from Liverpool?”
      “I’m not Ed.”

    • 31
      Datum4 says:

      You have aids?

      To those of us without, they look nothing alike…

      • 43
        Bio Weapons dept says:

        what the fuck happened. I thought aids would wipe out the fags but your all still here.

        • 83
          The Overseer says:

          It was nature’s once-and-for-all-time answer.

          Oh well, back to the Darwin board.

          • Why do people vote Labour says:

            I wonder if he has the glued on underpants too, fear of recurrence of arse injected death?

        • 156
          AC1 says:

          Only explanation is there was a gay cabal running the state who pumped much more money into keeping gays alive than non-gays.

          • Tin Foil Hat Watch says:

            if you’re a paranoid fucking nutter like you AC1, then yes, that’s an ‘explanation’

  11. 16

  12. 23
    The Lobbyist says:

    Was it Lord Ashcroft’s fault?

  13. 32
    Kubla Khan says:

    slash and burn em

  14. 33
    GrimeLord says:

    Rodney, you plonker!!!

    I hope he organised his department better when he was in Government, however, i very much doubt it, the usless C*unt.

  15. 34
    marcus aurelius says:

    Burnham and co may be dim but still not stupid enough to obey ze Euro orderz and sell gold at rock bottom, eh Prudence Brown?

    • 38
      Hugh Janus says:

      I certainly wouldn’t bank on it. Don’t forget the fact that one of the contenders – the odious Testicles – was up to his armpits in the gold-selling fiasco.

      • 146
        Goldman Sachs says:

        It pays ( us ) to have friends in high places. For the plebs of course, it’s not so hot.

    • 50
      Anonymous says:

      Yeah what is the full story there marcus? Somebody should write a fucking book about Brown and the gold bust, exposing the little shit for what he is.

  16. 37
    Charity boss from ferrari mobile says:

    Did you notice CamerHunts q and a yesterday was full of agenda monkeys,no one from the general population was there

    • 42
      Hugh Janus says:

      All those rigged NuLiebour Q & A sessions have obviously shown him the way to do it.

      • 51
        I am the heir to Blair says:

        yep,new boss same as the old boss

        • 154
          I am Sick says:

          Well the “new politics” lasted a couple of months before business as usual. I expect all the old crap Labour were pedaling prior to the last election, will resurface over the coming months as “new dynamic thinking” re-branded coalition crap. It’s becoming a where do you want the vomit competition, on your shoes or on your lap?

          • P.O.T (pissed off taxpayer) says:


            I’m sick of my MP already. Doesn’t answer my questions. Answers questions I’ve not asked. Patronises me about the law, events, repeats things in words of one syllable. Says government correct in acting the way it is. And I can go fuck myself. Business as usual

  17. 39
    Tim Lovejoy says:

    Hi , My names Tim Lovejoy and i am a BBC legend who does not like Andy Burnham

  18. 49
    Tick Tock says:

    Achtung Tories. You never won the election

  19. 54
    Controversy is my name says:

    The Yorkshire ripper should be released as he was ill, the European court of human rights will make it happen if the UK courts don’t,as they will class the brits as inhuman in their treatment of the mentally ill.

  20. 55
    Controversy is my name says:

    Yorkshire ripper

  21. 58
    Lord Blunkett says:

    It’s been said before

    The Coaltion Govt is actually getting on well – most if not all subjects / policies are discussed etc etc and an agreed sensible position established

    We don’t need an ‘official opposition’

    We don’t need “Labour’

  22. 59
    Controversy is my name says:


  23. 64
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    tittle tattle eh!

    Anyway. wouldnt politics be better if it was done in a pub and not in a focus group call centre. if not better, at least not as painfully earnest.

    • 72
      Flat'un Scruggs stole muh sippin whiskey says:

      or a restaurant? such as Granita perhaps?

    • 74
      Pub Crawler says:

      Yup – without doubt.

      And a proper smoking pub – so it wasn’t tainted by the reek of piss and Noo_Lie_Bore wimmin.

    • 98
      Sir William Waad says:

      Then it would be more of an out-of-focus group.

      • 148
        Bob the Builder says:

        That is a good description of Blinky Testicules’ Campaign…

        Thanks to Guido spacing him out…

        It is thoroughly and irremediably out of focus…

        Get back into focus, Blinky

        We still want you to win…

  24. 69
    Flat'un Scruggs stole muh sippin whiskey says:

    Andy who?

  25. 76
    MilliSquit's Pinky says:

    He never seems to get a grip on anything.

  26. 78
    Dan Archer says:

    With all these cloned cows about I’m very concerned for Iain Dale’s Dairy

    • 123
      Cop collecting tax on the verge says:

      If it’s illegal why has no one been arrested?

      • 173
        barefootcontessa says:

        Every beast has a tag in it’s ear. Evan Davies finds the controversy a bit of a joke.

  27. 81
    Girl Guides Law says:

    This post has been air brushed

  28. 86
    Hiding under a flower pot at the bottom off the garden till we get a Tory goverment says:


  29. 87
    Rendition, Torture & War Apologist, David Miliband says:

    Mwahahahaha. Andy needs B£iarites money to buy the leadership campaign. The foo£ Burnham does not stand a chance of winning. He is just a puppet contender to make the whole campaign appear to be democratic. I££usion! Mwahahahaha

  30. 89
    Amal Shukup, asian Elvis impersonator says:

    Thank you very much

  31. 90
    Maggie says:

    is Dennis here. Yoo hoo Dennis

  32. 91
    Gonk says:

    He looks as though he’s signed up for
    a time share without telling his wife and
    now trying to cancel

    • 124
      Salesman says:

      I’m affraid we are unable to cancel the timeshare contract, you have signed for a full 25 years and have waived the right to cancel by purchasing the cheaper policy. Good bye.

  33. 92
    Hiding under a flower pot at the bottom off the garden till we get a Tory goverment says:

    They are all fucking bent

  34. 95
    Sir William Waad says:

    And there was my valet, poised by the telephone, ready with the 3/11d he’d found in his piggy bank for brave little Mr Burnham’s campaign. Dear Carstairs, he’s such a well-meaning chap. He always jokes that as he spends much of his time around my wardrobes he’s a ‘closet gay’!

    • 120
      Miliband says:

      Can you teach me how to waterboard better Bill.

      • 134
        D Militwat says:

        That is an outrageous slur. I never tried to block the release of any infortmation, it is just a malicious slur by the Ed Balls camp.

  35. 96
    Caroline Flint says:

    I’d like to talk about inverted nipples.

  36. 101
    marcus aurelius says:

    So if Andy Brnham Wood and Diane “Princess Leah” Abbott are running weak campaigns that means Liebore can choose between Millimossads major and minor.

    Not very inclusive is it?

    I predict a good turnout for Respect at the next General Election

    • 121
      Fu**ed off says:

      I predict a better turnout for the B&P.

      • 169
        AC1 says:

        B&P and Respect

        Two cheeks of the same marxist arse.

        • 175
          Pedantic says:

          To be fair, the B&P are, as was their inspiration, a non marxist socialist group. Though socialist they most definitely are, they are not marxists like Respect.

          • Anonymous says:

            This is true, but even the most capitalistic of countries has a degree of socialism within it that can never really be privatized for the benefit of the country as a whole.
            For example I give you the NHS (or degree of), Police, Teaching, Defence, General Government, Justice & Courts, Ambulance service, Fire Brigade ect.

  37. 102
    Rendition, Torture & War Apologist, David Miliband says:


  38. 105
    All's fair in love and politics says:

    So Dave’s going to crack down on spongers living in homes subsidised by the taxpayer.
    This from a man who claims £20,000+ a year for his modest hovel in the country.
    Chutzpah is the word.

  39. 106

    Caption Competition.

    Labour Leadership Conference prepares to announce the results on Saturday 25 September 2010. 3pm.

    “Hello..Oz cabs? Taxi for one at the conference hall. 3.01pm please.”

  40. 111
    Fu**ed off says:

    Cllr Pervez Choudhry of Tuns Lane [Slough], who represents the Central Ward, was arrested and charged yesterday (Monday).

    The 52-year-old will appear at Maidenhead Magistrates Court on Monday (09/08) to face one count of bigamy.

    Fucking hell. These cheap tacky foreign imports just don’t know where to draw the line. Fuck off you dirty cheating bastard.

    I know where to draw the line. Dover.

    Fuck you!

    • 116
      France says:

      You can’t draw your line there as we own it now

      • 141
        French Electriketu, Water, Sewage . , taunting, says:

        Actually we own the fucking lot of you – AND the FRENCH Channel – and thanks to EU Dave it won’t end there …

        We fart in your general direction …

    • 138
      A Virgin's Treasure says:

      Hymen you say?

      WIGIG – as they say in Tesco.

  41. 118
    Beyond Parody says:

    They say oily fish is good for you,so the Americans have a lot to thank us for.

  42. 127
    Survivor says:

    just got back from a close shave on a cruise. ship looked like it was sinking and space in the life boats were a bit short.Some woman came up and said women and children first. Well there was no kids so I said ,That was before equal opportunities missus get to the back,never saw her again.

  43. 131
    Armadinijad says:

    ha ha missed me

  44. 133
    Life at the top is the bottom says:

    I see one of Daves funders kids blew his brains out,self loathing

  45. 137
  46. 147
    Brookey1940 says:

    Burnham wanted to impose mass medication (Fluoride) in Hampshire despite the vast majority of the public being against it.
    God help us if he ever got to power.

    • 155
      In the area between verwood and fordingbridge. says:

      Funny you should say that as I was in Hamps last week and asked some waterboard chaps what they were doing and got told Fluoride distribution ,apparently it has to be added locally due to coating problems.

    • 170
      Herman Von Rompuy says:

      Impose, I like that word.

  47. 167
    I kidd you not says:

    In college Andy had a hat that he stuck his hair to with setting gel,he would sleep in it and get up with that hey presto hairstyle,look close you can see the hat.

    • 174
      barefootcontessa says:

      Does he use the new Oreal mascara ?- ‘no clumps, just thicker, longer, and blacker’.

  48. 184
    Down with Brown! says:

    He crashed and ended up with a BurntBum!

  49. 187
    Gordon Broon's Granny says:

    My god. They organised a piss up

  50. 192
    Joe E says:

    I should be PM cos I’m not from loondooon & I have northern authoritarian fucks like blears & blunkett supporting me

  51. 193

    We have all been there I bet the pub was better though!

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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