Friday Caption Contest (Armenian TV Edition)
Another Twittish Tweet from Kerry McCarthy | BBC
What’s the Point of Our Anti-Business Secretary? | Ruth Porter
HuffPo Hiring Pro-Iranian Mehdi “Act of Desperation” | Fox News
Krugman is Seductive, Simplistic and Unrealistic | Jeremy Warner
Lower Taxes, Higher Growth, the Statistical Evidence | CPS
Bash the Unions, Gatecrash the Quangos | ConservativeHome
I Told You So: Euro is Doomed | Douglas Carswell
PM Speaks for the Nation When Bashing Balls | Quentin Letts
Time for an Alliance | Dan Hannan
Farage’s Plan | ConservativeHome
Guardian Open News is a Failure | Heather Brooke
Balls Calls for Deeper Cuts | Speccie
Lessons from the Thirties | CPS
PMQs Idiots | Harry Cole
Jon Cruddas is Not the Messiah | Dan Hodges
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Lord Lamont told ITV News…
“I think the PM is just human and Ed Balls is a pretty irritating person”
Is that Ed Hallam with the camera?
gollum.
I once had an armenian
Or should I say
He once had me
He showed me his pud
“Isn’t it good?
Armenian wood”.
Should I know them?
Is it because I am gray?
I see you got your while you wait $30 suit.
I know the cameraman, but who are the others?
Mr Dale’s bodyguard wrestles killer Triffid to the ground..!
Cheeky !!
I’m obviously missing something here. I don’t recognize any of the people in this picture or what it’s relevance might be at all. :-/
Shut that door !!
“I thought you were going to be interviewing my navel?”
What’s in the papers?
Be innovative? Buy some cheap Russian ones. And plenty of spares.
Fraction of the cost. Delivered overnight. Job done. Down the pub.
Yeah and the next world war will last about 9 minutes
9 minutes?
I wonder how many wrong decisions Brown would be able to fit into 9 minutes.
I think he’s running out of wrong decisions to make, but 9 minutes is enough time to throw a Nokia at a wall and scream, ball and swear at a secretary or two.
Are you ready for your close-up Ms Dale?
[man on right] “Who ate all the pies ? Who ate all the pies ? You fat bastard…”
[cameraman] “Guys, just excuse me because I need to go and get a super-wide angle lens to get all of you in…”
Ambassador, this room is the Charles Kennedy suite.
[mrs dale] “So let me get this right, for £ 5,000 I can get three Armenian brides ? If I bunged you another £ 5,000 could you supply a couple of young lads ?”
[chappie..] “Yes, but the ‘end user licence’ is an extra grand a ‘head’..”
Listen pal, this IS the big time. We have even more viewers than Iain Dale TV!
Do you realy think the public will believe that the bbc stumbled upon this chance meeting!
“Mr Dale, I am so glad that after agree to invest in our p0rn studio you are paying us a ‘site visit’ to complete your due diligence and to supervise the quality control of our early productions..”
Man on the right
‘remind me, who are you’
Armenia gay or what?? (gettit???!?)
No
Me neither. I don’t get any of it. Must be an esoteric thing between political bloggers.
Guido, why don’t you include phony, photo-shopped images of something completely contrived yet nonetheless on-topic, humorous and uplifting. Like Psycholops trying to hang himself, for example? We’d all get a much better laugh out of it.
Armenia = ah mean are ya…
So tell me how does democracy work in Britain, you have popular charismatic leader with frog faced wife, who wins elections. He is involved in unpopular war of Mr Bush.
Dale. yes.
He is forced out and he is succeed by whey faced apparatchik who is not elected by anyone.
Dale: yes.
It gets my vote(s)!
حامد کرزی
Hamid – are you signing your name correctly? It seems to say “Hamid Kharzee”.
Oh, shit.
Well, shit is what a khazi is for!
And from here I’m doing brochure pictures for Yerevan Spring Water who is sponsoring my website
And you can guarantee that your Mr Prescott will not be returning here?
“This would make for a really dull caption competition with lots of crude homo ‘jokes’”
and the copyright licence for the picture will pay for this jolly
I see that four directors of Rover awarded themselves nine million pounds each at the same time as six thousand workers lost their jobs at a plant that collapsed with over one billion in debts. Yep, capitalism works alirght.
On a related matter, there has not been one comment here on the fact that Thatcher tried to prevent the fall of the wall, the demise of communism, and the reunification of Germany. Yes, Margaret Thatcher, your beloved idol, did not want the Berlin Wall to come down. And she put pressure on Gorby to try to stop it too.
Margaret Thatcher attempted to stop the fall of communism. It’s so staggering as to be almost beyond belief.
What part of “caption contest” did you not understand?
Anon’s right mate, the photo’s shit – poof in a bar.
I think it’s very funny to put a fellow blogger in the caption contest and the inevitable homo jokes. I can’t wait for Dale’s response.
Anonymous, you really are a prize Hoon. No wonder you won’t use even a made up name. Just for the record, capitalism and free markets don’t mean abolishing the rule of law or the police. You can’t have a market without rules, by definition. However, Labour morons like you have clearly thought exactly the opposite for the last 12 years, that’s why the Phoenix Four still aren’t in prison along with a substantial chunk of the directors of the leading banks. Oh, and those of us not in the Labour Party also think laws (like not accepting million pound bribes from cigarette promotors) should also apply to politicians. How radical we are.
Thatcher takes it up the ass.
You could always ask her what was behind her reasoning.
At a guess, perhaps she was worried that a crumbling East Germany, Soviet Union and Yugoslavia would create a massive power vaccuum and lead civil unrest and war.
Can’t imagine where she’d get that impression from. Apart from Croatia. And Bosnia. And Serbia. And Chechnya. And Georgia.
What is it with the ‘-ia’-s eh? They’re worse than the ‘-stans.
this sort of logic will not be allowed to interfere with my irrational hatred of Adolf Thatchler who clearly loved Communism.
She knew that Angela Merkel was lurking behind it.
Incidently Beria, after Stalin died, wanted to give East Germany back. That, actually, was his downfall and gave Kruschev the pretext to depose him (and have the shit beaten out of him).
Also the open brags about killing Stalin didn’t help Beria’s case either.
you’re dead right mate, leave the United Kingdom as is. Don’t want to upset the status quo do we, even if it is shit, corrupt, evil… just like Bolshevism in DDR, USSR….
There you go – projecting Scotland’s problems onto the rest of the UK again Alex.
Thatch probably realised half the USSR, the oligarchs, the Russki mafia and the rest of the Iron curtain countries would decamp en masse to the UK.
Simples.
and she was concerned that cheap manufacturing would go east
“Yes but enough of this Thatcher talk I want to know about football”
Leonard Cohen didn’t want the wall to come down either! “Give me back the Berlin Wall” … don’t think he’s a ‘follower’ of M. Thatcher.
Many West Germans didn’t like the idea either, particularly because of the 1:1 exchange rate for the old DDR Marks to Deutschmarks, triggering the first signs of inflation in the economy for years. My grandparents, who fled to England in 1937 because they were Jewish, were horrified by the prospect of the wall coming down. I’m sure they were not alone. Like Bliar’s Good Friday Agreement, the reunification of Germany was as much to get Helmut Kohl into the history books as anything else
lol – yeah because everyone knows that british leyland/rover was a model of free-market capitalism. I did once hear a rumour they had been nationalised though? Probably the evil Tory press.
(And yes, I know they had been denationalised by then – but the damage had been done – the government, not capitalism, had ruined a once great company)
shut up Charles
Mr Dale, is it true that your Prime Minster has not been seen for six weeks in public, he has pyschotic episodes, he is pepping pills and looks fat and puffy? I read that notbornyesterday.com is registered to a Mr Petyor Mandsonovitch. Is this also not false.
Camera guy – can you take that hideous tie off Dale?
Sorry I’ve got to go now I’ve just heard that Guido is trying to steal my job as Nadine’s errand boy.
Ha ha ha
Nadine says don’t forget the milk and could you pop in to see how her mother’s doing on the way home
I’ll pop in and see her daughter…
Your password reminder is on the tv screen behind you.
The solitary goose flies only at night.
Surely its “the goose in the blue shirt flies close to the stars”? Or was that the working title for one of those Graham Norton TV shows. I get muddled.
Incorrect Password!, try again.
Aw, bugger.
Incorrect Password!, try again….
Get it wrong again and you’ll have to call the Indian call center.
“Please be giving me your password before I can be giving you your password reminder, sir.”
I especially like the e-mail message they send you on how to set up your e-mail.
Should you not see it, there is one on the table edge also.
That’s a model of a Spitfire flying left to right.
You tell the mayor of doncaster that he can’t have a refund on these car flags
Not only is he fat he going bald as well.
It’s probably not a real emergency filming- it’s probably just a drill. The other night I was about to bone my girlfriend, and they called for some emergency filming, and even though I told my girlriend that it was just a drill she said that there was Noooo Wayy.
Is this an esoteric Family Guy reference?
We tried to arrange a Turkish version of Big Brother but only you turned up.
Surely he’s not fallen for the Turkish TV Big Brother scam!
What you mean Yerevan Central isn’t a safe seat and I’ve wasted my time coming here
Govt orders extra CCTV coverage for gays in pubs.
“It might stop another Iain Dale” says Delyth Morgan, MP
I’m so excited to do this interview. I loved you in Bruno!
“well Mr. Dale imporatnt questions first – posh or Jordan”
Jordan, up the wrong ‘un.
That’s my lunchtime web browsing sorted then.
Iain orders something tall, icy and full of gin and gets a drunk reporter.
Where can I order one of those pretty silver brooches with the blue leaf?
There’s a bulb out above that bar. Ninth one along. That could be a health and safety issue that. Someone ought to sort it out.
I noticed that. I filled out a ‘STOP’ card.
There was me thinking it was the second one Frank
Ah, but because we don’t know how many other lamps were out of camera shot, I chose to begin at the only end that would produce a certain and unambiguous result, and work backwards.
Can you tell I have a philosophy degree and work in software development?
A philosophy degree? And yet you don’t talk utter bollocks? How is that possible?
I approached my studies armed with a finely calculated blend of hard drugs and loose women – this appeared to counter the mind-bending nature of the beast.
Are those lightbulbs energy savers?
The blown one is
The lightbulb millionairess Lynne Featherstone swore they were …
How many 100,s of million pounds does it take to change a light bulb?
But it’s British jobs for British people. Therefore it’s money well invested.
Whats that EUSSR flag doing by Dale ?
Good question. Will give the EU-fanatics their due – they never give up and they pay attention to detail – near me an area of development has big EUSSR flags on boards to let us proles know who paid for it. Anyone know where the EUSSR get the money in the first place though?
Don’t worry Mr Dale. Whatever you say will remain secret.
Because nobody remembers the Armenians.
“Yes we bought these internal pub fittings as a job lot from the UK; plenty of different styles to chose from because as you know they are closing 52 of them each week”
Interior design by Osborne and Little.
“I can spare you abbout three hours. What? No, the blog will be fine. I’ve left another top 100 list and an open thread.”
Ar men ian your preference?
10/10
clever!
winner
“Everyone in Britain thinks Gordon Brown is a complete Hunt”
So, you are future government minister from United Kingdom and comings here to be talking about oil contracts? Yah?
What do you mean Steve Hilton is hiding here.
Waiting for A400M’s? Is that a crap play about the futility of life?
I rekon even the French air force has given up on the idea.
How about the UK’s most famous blogger becoming your PM?
Dave promised me the position of Ambassador to Armenia, which he says will be the next China, so I thought i’d better come and have a look. He said if I didn’t like it there is always Rwanda
Did you know with the over 50 plan you can have an Iain Dale interview for the price of a pub lunch?
I’m here in Ken Clarke’s shoes to buy euro fridge magnets for Dave.
Nothing interesting to see here, move along please.
O/T I know but having seen the photo of 9 year old Liam Small tearfully and bravely salute hus dead stepfather, Lance Corporal Richard Brandon REME, I felt sheer boiling anger at Brown’s loathsome attempts to first hog the credit then attempt the disappearing act over the Farrell rescue.Truly, no words can be too vitriolic to describe this spineless, dishonourable disgrace of a man, who has brought our country into international shame
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1212581/Brave-boys-tearful-tribute-hero-soldier-stepdad-killed-Afghanistan-bomb-blast.html
Agreed. No words do Brown justice.
A firing squad would come closest.
Brown and his horrible crew are all that is worst about our country and human nature.The whole con trick of the last 12 years has been about them getting into power, clinging on to it and lining their pockets at our expense. How could so many people be so stupid and so blind as to vote them in not once but 3 times and a considerable number still support them?They should be ashamed
welcome to Great Britain – shithole of the world.
Frank, I hope Brown burns in hell for eternity
Too quick. A nice bit of impaling should do it. Are you ready, Vlad?
We should start a campaign to make him the next Gerry Mander, remembered only as a description for squalid behaviour. To gordonbrown: to shamelessly self promote in the absence of and behind the back of the actual do-ers without any shame or indeed belief in your own weakness and inadequacy. Alternative usage: to hide away when you’re confronted with searching or difficult questions or situations.
that should justabout do it.
“And when the Foreign Office finds a Treaty’s gone astray,
Or the Admiralty lose some plans and drawings by the way,
There may be a scap of paper in the hall or on the stair–
But it’s useless of investigate- Macavity’s gordonbrowned!”
The other day on here Tony Pendry accused some of us of being too hard on Brown.WE ARE NOT HARD ENOUGH.Let us be his implacable enemies until he and his horrid crew are driven from power and all trace of the stain on our country’s honour has been erased.TT, I agree with you, the name of Gordon Brown should pass into the language as a synonym for all that is vile in politics
TT, I have replied but again, it is awaiting moderation!I have not even used any Anglo Saxon!
Guido moves in mysterious ways, etc. Plus he’s probably completely battered by now, being well past 1pm Red Lion time
I’ve just done a Gordon
Gordon Bennett! 104
“So then Mr Dale; just what do I have to do in order to secure a place on your top 100 lists of lists about lists of blog list?”
or
Cameraman…”Gonna have to get a wider lens to fit this 18 stone fattass in”
Oh, so you’re not Jim Dale?
.. not even Dick Dale?
Emma Dale?
Boisdale I think is the one you seek. Fine restaurant, too.
Lol
O/T
See the Times report on Longbridge demise. At least one former employee hasn’t lost his sense of humour:
“Maurice Minor who worked at the factory for 32 years, said: “I think the report was a huge waste of money – it’s not going to do anything for anybody.” ”
http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/industry_sectors/transport/article6830331.ece
Apparently his kids are called Allegro and Princess.
Wot? Allegro Minor and Princess Minor? That’s bloody brilliant.
Good job he did not have a boy, or he might have been called Rustbucket
I bet he called his dog ‘Rover’ too.
Although, to be fair, ‘Rover’ was a very appropriate name for their cars because they were all right old dogs.
” And now, Mr Dale, please delight our viewers with one of your fascinating lists!”
No, Apparently we’re due to meet some git naPPANRELT
No Iain, we don’t want you to our morning paper review. And what is a Mars bar?
Same as a snickers bar, larger with more toffee and more chocolate.
We still call ‘em Marathons. Confuses the shit out of the kids.
Fucking ‘Snickers’. Fuck off yanks.
Fancy an opal fruit?
Humbug.
‘Ere, Tel, we got 50 units to shift pronto, I’m off to see ‘er indoors . . .’
The remake of ‘Minder’ showed little originality.
It is nice to welcome you to my country. I understand you are gay, would you like to sleep with my brother’s goat tonight?
You dolt – this is Armenia not Kazakhstan – the two countries are quite different. It’s equivalent to assuming that Bulgarians talk like the French in Allo Allo!
I demand you withdraw that insult immediately or face the consequences.
I must not be reading much news (thankfully) these days but I haven’t a clue who this lot are. Please somebody, tell me who they are and why I should know. (this is not a caption).
“Who’s ‘some quick fellow Horatio’ you keep talking about, Iain?”
No-one reads Total Politics here either Iain
My last comment was pulled, it wasn’t that bad surely! So Orwell was right, who controls the present controls the past….
Big Blogger
You can’t control my gurning http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h496r-YzPLw or my mind as it’s blown….
“who controls the present controls the past…”
No, who controls the present is actually Father Christmas.
I thought it was the Ghost of Christmas Present.
Mary, Tony’s is a synecdoche for the marketing/spin business, whose first hit was the invention of Fr. Xmas for the Coca Cola company. They have since gone forth and so multiplied that the paedo scare has had to be marketed/spun to prevent the world being overrun by fat and/or padded unreal men in red suits.
Did you say you could fix me up with a night out with Mandy?
Iain: “And if I visit Tajikstan next month I’ll bring my total TV appearance hours this year up to 1 and a half.”
“And zeeze are our specially designed Armenian TV Interview armchairs that do not make zee farting noise when you squirm during interview”
Can I put you on my list?
So, to be a successful blogger I need to get a grey suit and brown shoes?
If the “Friday Caption Contest” has any purpose it is surely to poke fun at those in power, and shed some revealing and unfriendly light on them.
This Friday’s edition has been used to poke fun at a harmless blogger who, judging by his recent electoral record, has about as much chance of wielding power as Basil Brush.
Given the comments that are regularly found in the blog, you must have known, Guido, that a torrent of homophobic jokes would follow. Pick a better target next time.
OOh get you.
HAND BAGS AT DAWN DUCKIES
Yeah and fattists, ageists, anti-armenians, anti EU reactionaries. Makes yer sick.
I didn’t know Italians read this blog.
And what does “homophobic” mean?
It comes from the Greek, ‘homos’= ‘the same’; ‘phobos’=hatred or irrational dread. So, it means people who like variety, who can’t stand the same old thing over and over again, people who want something new and unexpected in their lives…
It really is this big
“Iain, we are most grateful to you for assisting us with our planning for Prime Minister Brown’s visit to Armenia. You’ve already mentioned that he likes cheese so we’re intending to hold a cheese and wine event. Are you aware of what kind of wine he likes?”
(man with camera to man typing this): So, who the hell are these two guys?
(man typing this): I have absolutely no idea.
You would like me to translate, Mr Dale?
I said “whose round is it?” and…..
Hey! where has everybody gone?
Iain Dale tries to keep calm in the face of his biggest TV audience yet
An Armenian gives Iain Dale tips on how to revive the UKs failing industries.
‘The secret is in the Oats’
I hope your broadcast system is better than that crappy Guido Fawkes website that keeps crashing!
Mrs Dale: “The Hammers, the Hammers is the nickname of what English football team?”
Hamilton Academicals
Filming begins on ‘Iain Dale: Cultural Learnings of Armenia for make Benefit Glorious People of Conservative Party’.
ID “so how do you think democracy and human rigths are progressing in Armenia ”
resp “It is going verys well , ow you say in british like hut on fire”
ID “really so many of your people are taking it up as a mdern day theme?”
resp ” no because if they do we set there hut on fire , how do you expect satellite dictator to run a country ,AK47 is main policy instrument round here”
Dale: …so, you were saying that Gordon talked about cows in his interview?
Interviewer: Yes, yes! PM Gordon, ee says to me, eef zat h’effer, Dale,
bull and oxes up zee EU by grassing Sarkozy’s father’s leetle visit to Heetler’s Germany at the end of zee war, ‘ee will personally geev you zee biggest
cow pat you ‘ave ever ‘ad.
you cow pat , you h’effer.
Dale: “I’ve got a great idea. Give me a list of your top 10 armenian blogs.
That’ll fire up my blog.”
“So, let me see if I get this, now, Iain? If people I see on Sky TV are shouting: ‘It’s Balls’, it might not be the swearage?”
I thought we booked Norman Lamb.
Interviewer – So, the tie, is it really an old flannel.
Dale – Yes, but it is a Duchamp
DON’T CRY FOR ME ARGENTINAAAAAAAAAAAA
Oh shit balls wrong country init
sherry?
Interviewer: “You do realise that we still have capital punishment for sexual deviants in this Country?:
Dale: “Have you seen the seen the tits on that bird over there? Phwoooar!”
Was Dirk Bogarde gay i saw a film called ”victim” where he played a batty man all too well and it made me wonder.
Cameraman — “Look guys, FFS!…..I don’t give a rats ass which one of you does it but I’ve got to get the ‘moneyshot’ right now!
Iain Dale does interview for Armenian X factor audition.
Seen Dale’s latest bullshit on why the Prime Mentalist needs to be hugged and loved? Sickening.
“Are you sure it’s not loaded?”
“As you can see, Mr. Dale, my country has liberated every remaining incandescent bulb from the fucking lunatic you call Comrade President Brown, in order to brighten the shithole up. I hope you don’t mind meeting on the set of our version of Coronation Street? I understand your sort love that sort of thing.”
“You mean ‘blog’ is the Armenian for ‘diarrhoea’?”
Interviewer: So Miss-ta Dale- Is it true that all you English are Homosexuals and your, Prime Minister, is a depressed, fucked up drug popping loon, due to his love affair and menage a trois relationship with Peter Mandelson & Tony Halitosis Blair in a cottage-in Oxford.
Iain- I really don’t know (in the vice of Mavis from Coronation strasse<
Nurse, Nurse what time is Mc loon arriving for the weekend get to know your fellow patents.
Impossible
1st talking head: So we lead with the story that Armenia is the cradle of all civilisation?
2nd talking head: Fuck no. We’ve finally got proof that one major politician is a shapeshifting Alien Grey in disguise, confirmed no less than by another major politician. See, we found this quote on Guido Fawkes’ blog about Tony’s skin.
1st talking head: Fuck no! I thought Guido steered clear of international politics and all that. Are we really going to credit him?
2nd talking head: Fuck no. You ‘aving a larf? We’re trying to put him out of business before he puts us out of business. Now drink up. You having another one before we’re on?
1st talking head: Fuck yeah. (To cameraman) You having one too? And by the way, isn’t that thing supposed to be on a Dolly?
Cameraman: Fuck yeah. Fuck no. Not toady anyway.
2nd talking head [to producer off stage]: Any way we can get a toad in, like to go with reptiles? They are reptiles right?
“It’s called Iain Dale’s Diary.
You must have heard of it.”
So you’re representing a comedy duo called Cameron & Osborne who want to do a projectile vomiting act on Armenian Idol?
The actors were muttering scornfully to themselves.
Little did the camera man know his lack of ingenuity was cruelly highlighted by the broken light bulb above his head.
So tell me, how much it cost to refurbish this pub in English style so to attract more custom?
I think you’ve had quite enough to drink, Iain. You’re listing too much.
“……and is that blue duck on the TV a mirror of the one on the table or vice versa?
Well, we’re getting nowhere fast are we? Lets cut the crap. How much for Ms Dorries in a pinny and curlers with a feather duster?
My mistake. I thought I was meeting Dale Winton.
Iain Dale: Do I look fat in this?
Better Get The Beer In At 20P Per Pint Before Cameron Put’s It Up To 25P !
Lobster Thermidor £4. 99 Robbing Bastards I’ll Need More Than £400 Per Month Food Allowances At These Prices !
What Time Is Guido Getting Here? We Need A Political Lead For The BBC Six O’clock News
So Mr Dale, you confess to blowing Bubbles, how else were you involved with Micheal Jackson?
“Is that the blue bird flying over the white cliffs of Dover passing by the TV screen back there?”
I know all very Harry Hill but I will never win first prize of an XL Guido Tee shirt anyway!
So what brought you to video dating Mr vale?
Aramo Chakhoyan, Presenter of ‘Good Morning Armenia’, with his final guest Iain Dale, the British Blog personality; minutes before they were fatally shot by a member of the Kurdish Workers Insurgency (KWIP) posing as a cameramen, his weapon disguised as a TV camera. The PM in a national broadcast this afternoon said “at this sad time our thoughts are with the family and friends of the deceased”.
cheeky !im a married man you know
Dale: “What the fuck am I doing in this God-forsaken country?”
Journo: “Erm… excuse me?”
Dale: “Oh I’m sorry, was I voicing my thoughts again? Yes it’s lovely to be here, the beauty of Azerbaijan, the warm welcome of-”
Journo: “Armenia.”
Dale: “-her people… What?”
“Welcome to Sky News Armenia. It’s a quarter past 11, and we are joined by Tory blogger Iain Dale to review the papers”
[...] and so multiplied that the paedo scare has had to be marketed/spun to … See original here: Friday Caption Contest (Armenian TV Edition) – Guy Fawkes' blog Share and [...]
” You want me to say it again for the camera? OK. ‘You are Lobby Ludd and I claim my £5.’ “
These are the special ‘PM Model’ chairs.
If we strap you in, the sides hold you up until the meds wear off
[...] Friday Caption Contest (Armenian TV Edition) [...]
Iain Dale? My agent said Jim Dale. So, the Windsor visit . . . that’s not Barbara? What a carry on! I wish I’d gone to Specsavers, now.