Friday Caption Contest (Blessed Margaret Edition)
Andrew Lansley Has Been Shot | Dan Hodges
Another Gay Gaffe From Ken | Standard
Pensioners Paying Price for Funny Money | Telegraph
Ken Penis Gaffe | Metro
Hague Photo Mystery | Guardian
The Iranian Model is Hitler | Lawrence J. Haas
No.10′s Andrew Cooper Should Look at this Poll | Douglas Carswell
Livingstone Has Form on Homophobia | ConservativeHome
Investors HBack Over RBS Meddling | CityAM
Riddled With It | Pink News
I Went Mad in the Seventies | Ken
Guy Newsroom Splits | Indy
Polly’s Voodoo Polling | UK Polling Report
Labour SpAd Backs the Bill | Mark Wallace
Guido Goes for the Lobby | Press Gazette
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Max Clifford says…
“Most people want to read nasty things about people, not nice things.”
DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:
Maybe if they really wanted to “decontaminate the Labour brand” with business people, they shouldn’t have totally buggered up the economy?
Just a thought.
Britain’s greatest post-war leader looks at the Anti-Christ in the eye
Maggie – £25 for the roast.
Maggie: So the Pope really does wear a silly hat !
Pope: Its lovely to see you … you dont look a day over 127
Benedict XVI: To my right, YEE-HA!
“I know he looks like the Milky Bar Kid, Margaret. But actually, he’s the Pope.”
Lazarus, is that you?
Hitler, is that you?
Pope: Why the fuck are you dressed as a Mexican peasant women !
OK Margaret. You kiss his hand. He kisses your arse.
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FORGIVE ME MOTHER, FOR I HAVE WIND
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“The Holy Father says he is actually here to canonise Joanna Lumley”
Maggie: I might be dressed up as a mexican peasant women Mr God so why do you look like a swan vesta!
Pope: Margaret its been some considerable time . how are you keeping, well i trust and may god always be with you and in your heart, Blees you child.
Maggie: ………………………… What ?………. and wheres me fucking chips!
“Is that you god? The real one, the one that tony blair got?”
Mr Quango, with the greatest of respect sir but you must have misheard the conversation.
What the Pope actually said was that he was here to “analize” Joanna Lumley.
What a dirty old bugger!
Nick Clegg’s unmoderated blog – well worth a laugh.
http://nickclegg.wordpress.com/
Nah, gives me gas…..
Mein Gott!!
Herr Cleggover ist getting a, er, how you say? – ‘Ein Right Royal Going Over’on his Blog, nein?…
Funniest comment on his blog?
“My Dad always said you can’t make a race horse out of a donkey. Now get back to Brighton Beach”
Brilliant.
Pretty unkind, some of those remarks. And that’s just about Clegg. Imagine if Brown had an unmoderated blog!
Or for those who like a straight piss-take – Nadine as the People’s Princess – yes it’s the mash-up
thatcher: i didn’t recognise you without your hitler youth uniform on .
It appears its the Nadine Dorries video bashing weekend spectacular.
go on leave a comment he has none,poor sod.
Pope: Is it just me or can you smell piss !
Get me a G&T would you, Dennis…
Now that’s just sad….
Nope. That’s pretty damn funny.
I will second that !
Third
Trebles all round then!
Excellent
you really haven’t got the hang of this “humour” thing have you ?
re: you really haven’t got the hang of this “humour” thing have you ?
that was for the benefit of post #1 Sandy Jaimeson as most of the rest are pretty funny.
Laugh.Laugh! I nearly bought a round..
Maggie… “Holiness, do you think the Vatican Bank can lend us a few quid… McHoon has brankrupted us.”
Pope…”Certainly, now there is a small matter of Henry viii being ex communicated so our price is……..”
As he shook the Pope’s hand he could feel the mantilla beginning to slip. Gordon just hoped that nobody would notice that it was him in a Margaret Thatcher mask.
Maggie: At last Archbishop you have finaly had a fucking shave!
Funny
Good one
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ZERO POINTS U DURTPOSTER
You’re right, Margaret – that Blair woman is bloody hideous and Saint Tony asked for a miracle to cure his eyesight.
Maggie: your most Eminance where is the shitter i do believe i have ones turtle head poking out!
Tears of laughter and ruined keyboard Harri!
Immortal line and the best laugh I’ve had all day!
Perhaps its just me who has absolutely no fucking shame whatsoever but aint we all been there one time or another!
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ABSOLUTE ZERO POINTS U CEREAL DURTPOSTER
As is said absolutley no fucking shame whatsoever! is the Caps lock stuck on your keyboard.
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THE BLEEDING BLIND HAVE BEEN BLEEDING THE BLIND
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IT WREEDS AS IT WAS WRIT
IT WURKS BOTH WAYS
IT IS TRUE
THE BLEEDING BLIND HAVE BEEN BLEEDING THE PLEADING BLIND
YE ARE ALL BANQKRUPT WHOLLY ROMAN SUBJECTS NAO
Actually it should read…….
‘One of Europe’s greatest post-war leaders meets the Anti-Christ’.
yea but who’s who like…
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POST 417 ABOVE IS THE REPLY TO POST 242
“I’ll have a 99 with some Raspberry sauce Mr”
-The senile old witch thinks it’s an ice ream man as pee seeps out of her shat-pants nappy.
Fcukwit bigot.
Bill Cash is on the way out. Cameron’s just disowned him on the news.
Achtung, ve understand that you vere also a member of zee Hitler Youth, Margaret!
“He is asking you dear, are you the original Black Maria?”
So this abortion we discussed. I’m sure you will agree that removing Gordo McBastard from the womb of England is an act of kindness…
the pope : god i wish your parent’s had thought about contraception .
The two people pn earth who always speak the truth finally meet
No Father, I screwed the miners. Perhaps you misheard.
‘I’m a Nazi too’
“Bless you Herr Ratzinger”
My word I think I am first!!
Can I play this game?
Wrong – again – Gordon.
You will always be second Gordon.
gordon really is a piece of number 2
no mr’s T it’s not wild bill hickok!
Where’s Gordon?
Who’s Gordon?
That is the question of the week. Where’s Gordo? Is he doing Macavity again? No. Gordo is here.
What is Gordon…?
Why, Gordon. Why?
Have a look at Major Plonquer’s link at 64.
It really is good.
I saw a ‘where’s Osama’version in a shop the other day.
gord knows
Gordon? That’s Gordon’s name, isn’t it?
Major Plonquer – that’s very good
What is the point of Gordon?
I’m a great fan a ‘Where’s Wally?” – but why would we want to look for Gordon if he’s lost. If he’s lost let him stay lost and thank God for it!
Ooh, I’d like 8 tins of whiskas and some of the blue tinsel please.
“Bless you, my child”
“And you, Baroness Thatcher”
ROFL!
“Yes your holiness we all think blair is an obnoxious little shit as well and if you ever have the misfortune of meeting his equally obnoxious succesor keep your hand on your wallet”
When I heard on the News that Margaret had gone, naturally i thought it was you. now
But luckily it was just some Luton trougher.
Is it just me, or does it feel like a Thursday to you, too?
Saint Thatcher
MRS T we need you to come to parliament to read them the last rights,
but dont pass the plate around you wont get the fucker back !
Holy father please forgive me. I fiddled my expenses as well.
What you don’t know is that the pope fiddles his too!
Oh feck!
Thanks Sandy Jamieson beaten me again, thats why I don’t like calling a general election because I always lose!!
Bring her back, even if she’s senile she can’t do any worse than the current lot!!!
Actually, she makes us all look senile……
Agreed!!!
It’s not as if we can get up shit creek much further, The world feared and filled their pants with poo everytime they had to face a Mrs T on the warpath in her prime, They’ll be fearful and scared ten times more if they have to face her in senility.
For my generation she started this whole ‘look after yourself and f*ck everyone else’society. She was instrumental in where we’re at now.
You are clearly a socialist. Please leave.
Feck you idiot Dack,
She basically said, if everyone leaches off others, then eventually they’ll be no-one to leach from.
A situation we find ourselves in today.
Self-Interest is not the same as selfishness, and government charity is an oxymoron.
It’s leach apologists like YOU that have ruined this country.
Yeah right. I thought Thatcher oiled the wheels on the rollercoaster to shitesville so I have to be at the other extreme old chestnut. And we’re getting high blood pressure over ‘leaders’who think it’s what you’ve got/can get that matters rather than who you are.
Fucking armchair socialist. Not old enough to remember the seventies when Labour and Scargill were holding the country’s head under water. We almost went out.
I take it you didn’t read my comment above. And I am old enough, as it happens. I don’t support any ‘party’. I do support some policies (whatever the party). I vote for candidates (when there’s one worth voting for). If you can only see extremes I suggest you don’t vote at all, as you’re also in part to blame for the mess we’re in.
Paraphrasing Ben Elton makes you a yeah/right-on armchair socialist.
Sorry?
we wouldn’t be up europes arse if mrs T was still around
Socialism is a leech. Capitalism is a leech. Taken to extremes.
Fuck off , you must be joking you c unt!
Tell me Mother T, do you prefer ribbed or flavored?
“Oh how lovely! Mark had a hat like that when he was a little boy. It came with a toy gun and a plastic Sheriffs badge”
Pope Finds God
We have a winner!
Hang on – he’s not found ME!
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YE ARE ALL WINNERS
BOGEYMEN
Thank Christ we’ve only got a few more months of Neu Labour.
Do you have any children here?
I am here to steal their milk ration!
Are you the same George Laird that posts pointless shite over on the Coffeehouse blog? If so you are a tedious little weasel and should feck off back to your nasty little hovel!
Dear Prescott’s little sausage
I am the one and the same.
Nice to know I have helped you get interested in politics.
Now go fuck yourself Tory.
Yours sincerely
George Laird
The Campaign for Human Rights at Glasgow University
Do you have any children here?
I have a Catholic priest to steal their innocence!!!
W.W.
St Margaret of Finchley.
Yes Your Holiness, I’m mourning Bristish Politics
Do you come here often?
Do you come at all?
when we were in power welowered the age of consent. god bless you from priests everywhere!
So, do tell me Mr Pope what is it about the Church & child molesting?
A habit !
Archbishop Cranmer’s fantasy dinner party guests begin to assemble.
brilliant
Not at all, not at all.
His Grace has previously disclosed his ‘fantasy dinner party guests’, and (it may surprise you to learn) neither were upon it.
My apologies, your Grace.
My dear Pope, it is a great pleasure for you to meet me
“I understand you screwed the minors?”
Fantastic!
***applause***
Hahaha!
winner!!
also brilliant
MUST BE THE WINNER.
More humour here
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PIQKING WINNERS IS THE NAME OF YOUR GAME U PLONGQKER
Whatever it is you are drinking… absinth is my guess , have you any spare! Nasdravia dobru nocs. try setting light to it first then drinking it from a straw? wait twenty seconds and it will hit you twice as hard. by the way its only 4.99 a litre here.
A winnar is you.
Wish I understood that….
That’s the winner!
Definite winner
I like it, l like it a lot.
Agree with the above – winner!
Yes, better than mine, I suppose. But my comment was quite within the rules in what is, after all, a shambolic system.
Best so far certainly. Nicely done Sir!
Get my vote!
My Grandmother used to say “Red hat = no knickers!”
Off with his head!
Being a grandmother I believe the actual saying was “Red hat no drawers.”
Aw Bless. Don’t you just love her…..XXXXX (Seriously)
Is that Tony Blair up your cassock or are you just pleased to see me!!
‘We’d like to thank you for coming to the funeral of what was once our great country.’
Just leave it blank, Your Holiness, I’ll fill the amount in later.
Tax vobiscum!
Too intellectual for this mob, I fear, but a fine effort.
Not like me..
How about ‘Terrible bookings mix up at Angels and Demons Premiere’then?
“In nomine patri et fili spiritu sancte…call a sodding election Gordo”
Gordo dictus then he fucked us
Let’s hope not.
No Dear, He’s not the Cisco Kid!
BROWN WHY DONT YOU FUCK OFF! nobody want’s you your party hate’s you the country hate you the papers say you are the WORST PM in history your not elected ! you look depressed and about to have a breakdown you’ve lost any respect you might have had and your a total embarressment on the world stage so do us all a favour and FUCK OFF !
Thatcher: “Are you still protecting paedophiles with the Crimen Sollicitationis?”
Pray with me to God to get rid of that EU fanatic Cameron!
Of course , bathtime for Mark and Carol was never the same without their pope-on-a-rope .
E x .
He can’t help breaking wind, Maam.
“No, dear. It isn’t Edward Heath.”
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The Louse In The House
FAT BOY TEDDY
THE HAMPSTEAD HAM,
ALSO KNOWN AS SIDCUP MAN,
SIGNED WITH HIS HAND
THAT TREATY OF ROME,
WITCH PAVES THE WAY,
TO THE EVENTUAL DAY,
WEN WE LOSE
OUR
TREASURED
ENGLISH
KINGDOM
HOME
FAT BOY TEDDY
AT THE TIME UNDERSTOOD,
THAT HE WAS DOING HIMSELF
A LOT OF GOOD
AND THEN THAT USELESS BLOATED LOUSE,
BECAME KNOWN BY THE CHAMBER POT
AS
FATHER OF HE HOUSE
FAT BOY TEDDY,
BUTTERCUP MAN,
AT THE TIME WEN HE SIGNED
WAS HOLDING OLIVER CROMWELLS* CAN
THEN HE PULLED AOUWT A COPY,
OF DEAD KING CHARLIES* HEAD,
AND FORCED RED QUEEN TO SIGN
IN
BLOODY ROYAL RED
Pray with me for a UKIP victory on June 4th!
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UKIP IS A PRIVATE EQUITY GROUP
who give’s a fuck if they get us out of the even bigger trough that is europe!
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UKIP IS A PRIVATE EQUITY GROUP
Well let tell you I’ll be investing my vote in their Fund.
The only way to economic growth is to end socialism.
The way to end socialism is to leave the EU.
+ 1
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THE BANQK OF ENGLAND IS IN YEWROPE NAO
We have matching chins.
Well let me tell you young man, as God said once, and I think rightly…
Grocer’s daughter meets the Große Straße goose-stepper.
Forgive me father, my son is an absolute cuuunt
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FORGIVE ME FATHER, YOUR SON IS AN ABSOLUTE RUNT
But have you got a goliwog for my daughter?
“Do you fancy a shag ?”
ROFL
Is it true you’re
Man in red hat meeets Maggie the Messiah.
Just say three hail Margarets and you’ll be fine.
Ma’am, His Holiness Is asking can he have £5 on Blears to go by Monday.
“May I present Ronnie Barker, Your Holiness”
Old git intervenes at a swap meet to prevent a poor trade, old lady trying to swap her Nazi gold ‘motherhood’cross for an early low numbered NSDAP membership card.
Maggie: What are we going to do about Islamic fundamentalism?
Pope: Don’t worry, the camerlengo’s sneaking the antimatter into Mecca as we speak.
Is that all you have to confess Holy Father?
Obviously not a caption but pleasing to note the respect shown to Mrs T in these captions, compared to the sewage sprayed onto her feeble ‘successors’in similar competitions.
*applause*
No, I think as a hilarious caption you are definitely in the running there Sir Reg.
EAR EAR !
“How the devil do you do, old bean?”
Lady Thatcher could never have rolled back the state as she did so marvellously, had her Tory MPs in marginal constituencies been subject to recall by their pleb constituents.
De profundis clamavi ad te, Domine
I you didn’t keep going on about the evils of condoms, I wouldn’t have had Mark for a son!
Pope : ‘ I understand everything is your fault?’
Pope: ‘Jesus – these fecking waxworks are getting better’
Other old boy: ‘ Yes – it looks like real hair’
Pope: ‘Good God yes – they could’ve put knickers on it’
POPE yee har ! just gonn’a mosey on down the wailing wall for a bit o’h hollerin an ‘ a’hoopin !
Rancid half-dead old Huhne witch meets the pope
*delete*
She will be remembered by millions with affection and admiration which is more than will be said about moronic shitheads like you.
“Maggie asks Pope for special prayers to find son Mark who’s STILL missing in the desert…..”
How the mighty have fallen – Il Papa spares 20 seconds in the street for Maggie – last time she had a personal ‘audience’inside head office.
I must tell you, it was outside the exclusion zone but heading towards our boys!
Unlike Mark who was heading in totally the wrong direction
St Marge: ‘ I really do need to talk to you about Mark’s schooling with the Christian Brothers’
Pope: ‘Bugger’
Pope: ‘Ave Margaret’
“So your Holiness, tell me, do you REALLY shit in the woods?”
Maggie Thatcher – the worst PM this country’s ever had.
Anyone remember 3 million unemployed, 15% interest rates, Poll Tax, Clause 28, the Belgrano, “We are a grandmother”???
twat
Fucking twat
I *like* 15% interest rates. I’ve paid my mortgage off.
BTW we have 3+ million unemployed now, if you include all the scroungers on disability benefit. It’ll be five million by the general election.
totally agree: country of soongers ! also dont forget mrs t slashed our contributions to the euro trough as well. wouldn’t sign away any of our rights as a nation a true patriot! not like these arse licking lilly livered labour troughing scumsucking pondlife . a long slow painfull death to them all ! oh! bye the way iv’e never voted tory !
I think you’re doing a grave injustice to the present incumbent of No10 there – Charles Old Boy
And YOU think that to-day is any better ?? At least the voters knew what they voted for and that Maggie did what she said she would and stuck to it unlike our present “dear Leader” who lives in some fantasy world where the UK is a world player;he is regarded as a statesman of world stature and he actually thinks other people actually take any notice of his re-launches(what is it now 101st and counting ?)
She put this country back together again after the last lot of Labour loonies ruined it, only for this lot of Labour loonies to ruin everything she achieved – we need her back
I haven’t forgotten about ‘graphics fidelity’though Charles – where are the citiations?
She was one of the best and had more balls than the one-eyed Scottish idiot who is presently in hiding from the nation. He is the worst – by a friggin mile.
she would NEVER “U” turn (THE LADY’NOT FOR TURNING!) not like shithouse brown best U turn he ever made was in george bush’s golf even a fucking idiot like bush made him look a total twat !
Dear sad dinosaur: do you think your pathetic little list (“We are a grandmother” – so what?) adds up to anything like the iniquities of NuLab? However:
Clause 28 – a bit mean but of its time – too many of our gay friends associated themselves with the subversive demented left then
15% interest rates – that was after Thatcher – in fact when we fell out of the ERM – and for about 5 minutes – what about this lot and 2% savings rates (NB there are six times as many savers as borrowers)?
3 million unemployed – yeah right. That’s because Wilson and Callaghan never faced reality and were forced to subsidise dead industries by their union paymasters, Jack Jones, Hugh Scanlon, Gormley and their shitty ilk. Having stopped supporting the non-jobs she paved the way for the huge fall in the jobless that followed which benefited Blair no end. Anyway McMental’s jobless figures are heading that way…
The Belgrano…..? Still going on about that? (Well, you and Tam “Bookcases” Dalyell) What the fuck did the Argentines expect by sailing a warship into a war zone?
And they’re only Dagos – so they don’t count.
The Belgrano?
Most people I knew at the time wanted Buenos Aires bombed to the ground, they got off lightly!
Re: Clause 28, I wonder if Labour’s reduction in the “age of consent” had anything to do with Blair’s Catholic Tendencies.
BELGRANO ! play with fire ,you get burnt on the gurkha’s mr’s T would have welcomed them with open arms not have to grovel with embarressment like he did having to face the very people he turned his back on . he just doesn’t get it !
Quite, old Chap: quite. I mean, didn’t the fellow have some sort of nickname – Miranda or something like that? And that was before, if I recollect rightly, he married the Pillar-box: afterwards, would have been understandable – if not, perhaps, forgiveable – but before, before! Still, they do call Fettes ‘The Eton of Scotland’– perhaps that’s why. Course, at Harrow, when we sang ‘Head between the knees’it was one’s own head and one’s own knees one pictured, ‘Jolly good Boating Weather…’and all that.
Not quite as bad a PM as the current unelected one.
Where is he today anyway?Where’s MacAvity hiding while Cameron clears out the Tory pimps & whore? Oh, I forgot for a moment, if Gordo cleared out the NuLabour pimps & whores there’d be less than 5 government seats filled at PMQs.
I know a lot of you are angry with Gordon Brown. But think what the alternative is.
Cameron loves being the swaggering hero but behind the mask he’s about as dumb and sensitive as it gets. I’ve had the suspicion that all those accusations of arrogance, nastiness, and dithering he likes to chuck around are just him projecting his own faults and insecurities. This article helps draw this out.
Some people are calling this class envy and an ad hominem attack but that’s just cliche and cheap shot. It’s clear that Cameron’s intellectual foundations are built on insanity. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s also quick to be nasty and doesn’t like it if someone undermines his image. This is a matter of basic competence, teamwork, and ability to go the distance. What you do and who you are matters. I don’t want some over-promoted deadwood middle manager running the country, tah.
Cameron’s basic claim to leadership is just a collection of carefully arranged buzzwords and stroking. He beat his way to the front of the queue and relies on a constant media presence and uncritical media to keep that position. He bolsters that by continuously making bold and positive claims about himself and briefing like mad behind the scenes. It’s pure marketing that hides the fact he has no product and covers up the long-tail of unreformed Tory MPs: turbo-Thatcherism with added bounce.
Bit long winded and not very funny, Charles.
I think it’s hilarious.
Go away you pathetic Toryboy Troll.
Now that one has a chance!
If that is aimed at me, thank you for acknowledging me oh mighty one.
“basic claim to leadership is just a collection of carefully arranged buzzwords and stroking. He beat his way to the front of the queue and relies on a constant media presence and uncritical media to keep that position. He bolsters that by continuously making bold and positive claims about himself and briefing like mad behind the scenes. It’s pure marketing that hides the fact he has no product and covers up the long-tail of unreformed Tory MPs: turbo-Thatcherism with added bounce.”
Well done.
You’ve just described New Labour.
Which Brown was the architect of as much as Blair and Mandy.
I think they need you back at LabourLost.
*rsp*
Angry at McDisapear!! I think I speak for most people we are f@”%*ing livid at the waste of space, self serving prat !!
For gods sake go back to your like minded morons at the labour list!
Are you going to give us some of your zen taoism Mr Hardwidge? Or is the Largactil kicking in now?
The Troll Hardwidge knows anything about Taoism is the most embarrassing thing he’s written.
Authoritarian Socialism is about the furthest thing away from Lao Tsu’s words as is possible.
Interesting Goebbels style propoganda from New Labour again..
That is all that is left for New Labour as we know with McBride
But interesting to note what Mandelscum has just said on the radio :
“Unfortuneate that all of this has come out NOW ..”
‘It has been going on for long”
New Labour’s THIRD WAY WAS/IS TO CORRUPT EVERYTHING IT TOUCHES
Prostitute Parliamant and then lie, thieve and fraud…
Get the Speaker to cover up and pervert the course of justice
Stuff the House of Lords with corrupt shit
Establish “light regulation” for banks, vaunt it and let the banks go bust and then get the taxcpayer to fork out £ billions to save their friends like Fred Goodwin and their banks…all Brown’sv friends I may add…during the good days !
New Labour represents a litany of fraud, deception, corruption, theft, peversion of justice and cover up
And now all their apologists can do is try to smear the Opposition
Hardly surprising
and completely predicable…like Pavlov’s dogs…!
But we know who you are you scum
There are many crimes of New Labour officisl/Ministers/Mps and “financiers” to be prosecuted
The next Government will have to prosecute them to show that JUSTICE IS DONE
The British People are not going to foget the multiple crimes of New Labour
And we can prove it all
So off you go Carter Ruck and brush up your plea bargaining like a good chap
and stop trying to stiffle FREEDOM OF SPEECH which the British People have fought for for centuries
BTW Where is Baroness Uddin’defence ? – no word about her clear fraud and theft eh?! You are meant to be defending her Carter Ruck !!
Doesn’t matter what you think, Charlie boy.
Brown was never elected as PM. Cameron will be.
Not really a caption, CH?
I’ve corrected Charles’comment (corrections bold ital.), now makes perfect sense!
——
I know a lot of you are angry with David Cameron. But think what the alternative is.
Gordon Brown loves being the swaggering hero but behind the mask he’s about as dumb and sensitive as it gets. I’ve had the suspicion that all those accusations of arrogance, nastiness, and dithering he likes to chuck around are just him projecting his own faults and insecurities. This article helps draw this out.
Some people are calling this class envy and an ad hominem attack but that’s just cliche and cheap shot. It’s clear that Gordon Brown’s intellectual foundations are built on insanity. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s also quick to be nasty and doesn’t like it if someone undermines his image. This is a matter of basic competence, teamwork, and ability to go the distance. What you do and who you are matters. I don’t want some over-promoted deadwood middle manager running the country, tah.
Gordon Brown’s basic claim to leadership is just a collection of carefully arranged buzzwords and stroking. He beat his way to the front of the queue and relies on a constant media presence and uncritical media to keep that position. He bolsters that by continuously making bold and positive claims about himself and briefing like mad behind the scenes. It’s pure marketing that hides the fact he has no product and covers up the long-tail of unreformed Labour MPs: turbo-Stalinism with added bounce.
——
PS. Citations, please Charles, where are the citations?
So is Charlie a plagiarist?
So you are saying Brown should become the leader of the Tories? Is that it?
more torys guilty than liebour not convinced by cameroon at all clegg sounds good but its a wasted vote so just going to write SCUM on ballot paper.not giving up my rights .
Charles Softwinky said: Cameron’s basic claim to leadership is just a collection of carefully arranged buzzwords and stroking.
And Blair’s wasn’t!!!???
Fuck me you are as delusional as you are stupid.
Ma’am, may I introduce Derek Draper.
We love Maggie with all of our hearts.
All hail her saintly presence.
She is a Living Messiah who was betrayed by the Judas Heseltine.
You are all worms not fit to grovel at her feet.
Will this do ?
Yep
Nicely. Except it’s Maggie (PBUH) next time pls.
we need another like her,to replace the shower of shite we have now,michael.
Thatcher to Pope: ‘You may kiss my ring’.
The Ladies not for Catholicism…
Nearly.
‘The Lady’s not … etc
‘The Lady’s not for Gurning?’
HH Benedict XVI: ‘I have a hole in my sock…’Ambassador/Civil Servant chappie: ‘The Lady’s not for Darning.’
Did anyone see Daniel hannan on Question Time last night?
If he’s the best you’ve got then bring on the next Election!
Caroline Flint pwned him so badly I almost felt sorry for him. She was more knowledgeable, quicker-witted, and more persuasive.
Can’t see that one winning
me neither
Flint was a hilarious car crash.
You are as staggeringly out of touch with the public as she is Hardwidge old bean.
She lost many, MANY votes last night to her shrewish whining and pitiful excuses.
While Farage was a barracking boorish twat who weaseled about expenses and let the Tory youtube whatsisname do all UKIP’s work for him.
Caroline Lucas? The creature from the green lagoon?! Do me a favour. Old Danny Boy was superb and put all the others to shame and you know it.
caroline flint was geered trying to defend her scumsucking( unelected) boss and her £ 220,000, + wage/expenses package . ARE YOU AWARE THAT AFTER NEXT WEEKS ELECTION MEP’s SALARIE’S'S ARE TO RISE BY 45% YES 45% and you think our scum are troughers !
Caroline Flint just needs a good dentist.
actually we all know what she needs…..fnarr
How can you think Flint was good? At one point she had to try and talk down the audience.
‘The Hovercraft’was her usual low flying self.
Shes out after the Euro mash up next week anyway. If she had any sense she would quit today and try to take Gordoom with her.
Then she gets a post in the next shadow cabinet instead of having to listen to McBean telling her that Labour coming behind the Greens was her fault..
Charles,I agree with you on something at last-bring on the election.
Carolien Flint ‘quick witted’hahahahaha. There is something about her which is not nice.Whether it’s the twisted mouth,the tone of voice,which let’s be honest is a tad common.Yes,that’s it, she comes across as common.She looks common and sounds common. By golly she is common.How could anybody like her end up as an MP?
When you think of some of her predecessors like Jennie Lee,Barbara Castle and Betty Boothroyd,they had style.She looks like the local bike.
FROM THE SAME BIKE SHED AS HAZEL BLEARS salford slaggg
and she sucked them off afterwards – I was there and watched.
Da Finchley Code
nice!
Or “Da Finchley & Spode.”
(allusion to the Nazi Youth days of course)
No, Your Holiness, I don’t trust that man Blair at all, either.
One is delighted to meet you. And what is it that you do ?
What a load off tripe, you must be a representative of ZaNu’s ‘care in the community’programme!
Troll.
Everyone is a troll but you. Charlie.
Charles, old boy. There seems to be a technical fault with your keyboard. Every time you type the word “Brown” it produces the word “Cameron”. This is the only possible explanation I can see. Unless of course the problem is a biological one with your brain…
Is that you Major old boy? Are we still in charge of the country.
“With this ring I do thee wed…”
Do we have a winner?
MT: I used to be Prime Minister of Great Britain.
Pope: Of course you did dear.
can I kiss your ring?
mmmm you username and subsequent entry seem to belie a specialist interest thta goes beyond just the assholes in westminister
I thought everybody liked a selection of chutney with their starters
Do you have golliwog hair under that hat your holiness?
No, it’s not the whisky or the pills Margaret dear, he really is wearing that hat.
Ah Margaret – you are proof our policy on contraception was wrong, even 80 years ago
ok ok “toooomorrow belongs tooomorrow beelongs to meeee”
Now can i have my fucking hat back!!!!!!!!!
Old man intervenes and stops aging far right leaders stare off.
Dave Cameron is proof that a little learning is a dangerous thing. As someone with degrees from Oxford and Cambridge, and probably accomplished more by the time I left fulltime education than most of you ever will in your lifetimes, I think I’m well qualified to offer him some advice on reading material.
It’s no suprise that amateur politicians, journalists, and random wannabes are sucked in by Machievelli. They want to control that which cannot be controlled, and desire that which cannot be desired. The Tao embraces openess and shapelessness. A steel blade can snap but you’ll wear yourself down attacking a cloud.
By sidestepping Cameron’s soundbites and sloganised emotionalism one can get inside his thoughts and under his guard. Here, one can paint almost any narrative one wishes and cause Cameron to explode from the inside out. He’s already shown himself to be too keen on going for the easy target or nastily putting anyone down that doesn’t kiss his ass. That’s enough to suggest a direction for other people to explore.
So, Cameron’s been running a game of WOW. All the crack addicts have signed up and are mashing their buttons for a buzz but his polocies have no gameplay value and people get bored. By grabbing the initiative which is there for the taking, and getting people excited for the better alternative Labour has on offer the Tories sandbox will empty. Cameron can call an election all he wants and shriek in faux anger but if his game is played out, it’s played out.
you haven’t got the hang of this caption competition at all have you. “Go away you pathetic toryboy troll” is a much better effort, succinct and leaves you thinking who’s saying it to whom. But this entry is terrible, too long, boring, no punch line frankly dull. 0/10
Oxford Polytechnic? Cambridge College of Arts and Technology? Did you do Gas Fitting? Sociology? Or zen bollocks?
Sad little man…..
And that’s your caption entry?
Not exactly a stinging one line zinger is it?
Can’t see Paul Merton giving that mouthful a run out tonight..
Only Oxford and Cambridge?
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
…so accomplished, that you do not give quoation-marks to, or an attribution for, your ‘lift’:
“A little learning is a dangerous thing:
Drink deep, or taste not of the Pierian Spring.”
(Alexander Pope)
…quotation-marks, in fact.
I would say all the ZaNuLab wimmin clones are actually proof of ‘a little learning is a dangerous thing’
Over promotion of cookery teachers, school lollipop ladies etc. etc. to ministers, is a very dangerous thing!
I forgot to add “… and modest with it.”
If you’re Charles E Hardwidge why don’t you just feck off back to Nick Robinson’s news blog. F*cktard.
MacTwat is even greater proof that no learning at all is an even more dangerous thing!
Either say some thing worthwhile or sod off. Liebour loser!!
The only thing missing from this waffle is maple syrup.
Yes we should have a party illiterate badly educated MPs running the country instead. Oh yeah we do and it’s cost us 1.5 trillion.
The only degrees you have from Oxbridge are the 1st degree burns you picked up from working in the Kitchens
The man is living proof of why it is wrong to send 50% of the population to university. Most of that is yet another waste of taxpayers’money.
Haha now that IS funny.
Advice from a “care in the community” case.
Charles Hardwidge says:
May 29, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Dave Cameron is proof that a little learning is a dangerous thing. As someone with degrees from Oxford and Cambridge, and probably accomplished more by the time I left fulltime education than most of you ever will in your lifetimes, I think I’m well qualified to offer him some advice on reading material.
Lao-tzu says (trans. Legge)
“Therefore the sage holds in his embrace the one thing (of
humility), and manifests it to all the world. He is free from self-
display, and therefore he shines; from self-assertion, and therefore
he is distinguished; from self-boasting, and therefore his merit is
acknowledged; from self-complacency, and therefore he acquires
superiority. It is because he is thus free from striving that
therefore no one in the world is able to strive with him.”
Lets beat this shit’s brains out with Darling’s fraudulent expenses claims dossier.
*
*
*
TO ACHIEVE WITHAOUT STRIVING IS THE WAY
BE WATER
humility is obviously a virtue that you do not suffer from
My, my, Charles – modesty isn’t exactly your thing is it? Maybe Brown’s delusions are spreading like an epidemic amongst NuLiebore supporters.
try it with delete cameron and insert clegg works perfectly
may consider blog post tag change to larry softchump
oxford and cambridge! so you’re a pack of fag’s whilst you were getting your butt rogered the rest of us were all out working you see we all live in the real world and you with your long thin unmasculine fingers that have never done a days work in your miserable existance(except pick up a very heavy pen or push an extreamly hard button or move a very large piece of paper . dont start telling us about your daddy’s financed education and how somehow you’re opinion count more than anyone else’pompous twat! PS. if your sooo! fucking clever give us your fantastic caption . fuckin’billy na’h mate’s
caption:
“If you wait long enough it’s all forgotten”
*
*
*
AUNTIE MAUDS* EDUCATIONAL POLICY OF WOT THE ROMANS DID FOR YE
IS PROOF OF THAT
Old man judges the annual silly headgear competition at the Vatican church fete
great !
Pope – If only i was 30 yrs younger
St Marge: if only I was still alive
For a minute there I thought you were Charles Hardwidge’s Mother – I fucked her as well.
“It’s all handshakes these days, but 60 years ago, one of these people was about to become a member of the Hitler Youth Movement. The other old man pictured on the left is Pope Benedict XVI”
MT: You can claim HOW MUCH for your second home at Castel Gandolfo?
Pope: ‘Is this the blow-up doll for the older gentleman?’
Other old codger: ‘ It’s very good….hope you don’t mind sloppy seconds?’
Former member of Hitler Youth meets the Pope
Listen Kraut, now half time is over, let’s get on with the war.
“Do you still do indulgences, because MAAAN I’ve got a lot to buy off.”
This gives me an idea for a new religion
Do we still get to persecute the Jews?
pope;i dont like darkies!!!!
michael miles: WHO DOES!
“As one old Nazi to another how did you avoid a war crimes trial?”
Finished uploading Question Time, finally and Stanislav, a young Polish plumber writes on Bill Cash:
First Thing is Kill all the Lawyers.
Mag: “Goodness! Little Billy Hague….you still have that bonnie red hat. My how the drink has gone against you though dear.”
“No tongues”!
Pope: “I’ve got a boner”
Pope loses infallibility contest
maggie; have you seen that trick where people blow rubber johnnies up on their head?
pope: who,s johnnie
old boy: mine
GOT TO BE THE WINNER !
OK. Thats the witty ones out of the way.
NEW THREAD>>>>>>
or..
“I think I preferred you in that nice blue suit Mr Blair.”
Mrs Thatch, Mrs Thatch, can I interest you in a New Life in Jesus?
Piss off, Dolly.
sackcloth and fascists fancy dress party
How much for a canonisation?
Hell’s Welcome Committee for Karl Marx
+ 1 For the Name
+ 1 for the Comment!
Bernard Ingham shows that he can still work a puppet.
[pontiff] No you can’t have your hat back !!!
[lackey] “The Pontiff regrets that the job isn’t open to women…”
[maggie] “We’ll let you keep Widdecombe if you excommunicate Tony…”
Rotznaser (for it is he): Ach, Sie kommen mir irgendwie bekannt vor. Der Sieg wird unser sein!
[lackey] ” He IS the pontiff, NOT Madonna !!”
[pontiff ] “An inspired decision to have Denis embalmed, Margaret..”
MT (shouting): ‘I said get Denis a g-and-t pronto, waiter.’
Doesn’t ANYone read previous entries………..?
What, with the boss looking over my shoulder?
or “Lucky heather mister?”
Classic !!!
nice one !!
mrs T “yes im trying out channels new semi burkah could be all the rage by 2015″
pope “yes i recall the archbishop when i last saw him sporting one”
Mrs T “any news on cardinal newman”
pope “yes hes doing fine , getting plenty of practice in to ride the motorcycle over the fence into switzerland , oh hand a minute ime thinking of steve mcqueen, right next, papers please”
Maggie : At least you don’t any krauts in your job .
[maggie] “If you’re still selling indulgences, there are a few ‘War Crimes’I’d like to have taken into account, and would it be possible to put a ‘down-payment’for my son’s arms trafficking ? “
“Who are you?”
“It’s 4:30″
“Lovely weather”
“I put it in my handbag”
“What?”
“Eh?”
etc
Pinter and Becket would have been proud.
No one expects….
that gets my vote. very good.
[lackey] “The Pontiff says he will consider your request for a ‘Roberto Calvi’on Gordon Brown, but regrets that Silvio is a bit busy shagging schoolgirls to give his full attention to such important matters…”
So – you’re not John-Paul II then ? So what’s he up to these days ? Oh I see playing golf with Dennis !
[maggie ] “Those twats aren’t STILL giving you grief over the Hitler Youth, are they ? “
Pope: “Don’t look now, but that bloody Winterton’s watching us from the back!”
Things to do before you die.
#76 – Lunge wildly at the Pope
[maggie] “Come on, boss, Carol fessed up to the Golli-wogg thing, what more do you want ?”
MT ” Please tell St Peter that we are ready to see him now!”
We have something in common Mag, that little shit Blair is now after my job.
Yes I know the last film starred Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou but THERE has been a recession you know !!
MT >”What’s the difference between acne and one of your priests ?”
…….”Acne doesn’t come all over a choirboy’s face until he’s thirteen.”
GOOD ONE
Pope – “I’m young at heart.” Thatch – “Remember me”
HELP THE AGED rolls out it’s new poster boys for their slogans.
“Thatcher and Pope? We sound rather like a frm of country solicitors, don’t we?”
But meanwhile
Roy Hattersley and the Commonwealth (yes, THAT Commonwealth) are attacking Gordon. No wonder he went missing!
Roy Hattersley
The only Labour Grandee to have participated in the Labour Party bankrupting Britain TWICE !!!
Lord, I miss 1979……………….
I hear your son is also an Alms dealer?
*applause*
Zing!
The revenge of the Portrait Of Dorian Blair!
Lady Thatcher: You must tell me who your milliner is: That hat will go perfectly with my Easter outfit.
Who is this nice man in the red hat that wants my blessing?
Hag meets fag
I gather you met my son Tony’The Halitosis kid’Blair the other week.
Yes I did Margret, what a Huhne he is and, his bitch wife, her mouth looks like a Huhne also, I bet it bleeds once a month.
Yes Benedick it sure does, especially when Gordon gives her one with his clunking fister
Pope: “The lady’s not for burning…. oh what the fuck, why not!”
Now tell me; where is the ‘vicars and tarts’party?
“Before you leave, your Holiness and Tony Blair takes your job, will you grant Absolution to my darling but sometimes naughty son, Mark?”
I heard you were also a right wing fascist in your early life.
Caption comment
Pope; ” thank you for your donation.I shall cast the money towards heaven,God will take what he needs and whatever falls to earth I shall keep!”
” good heavens, i have’nt seen you since the hitler jugend ball in 38″
Frail ex Pm meets leader of the biggest paedophile club in the world.
Lady Thatcher: “And what did you do in the war?”
Pope Benedict XVIth Flakkorps (Munich) : “I voz only following orders, ja!”
Paul Johnson: “Shhh Josef, there are reporters about!”
You burn if you want to; the lady’s not for burning
Hey a thespian!!
Yes I am infallible, how about you?
Pope: “Bring the censor – I think she’s leaking.”
Fuck the Pope, I’m a Rangers supporter.
Charles Hardwidge, what a miserable little life he clearly leads!
[pontiff] “No, it is you who are meant to kiss MY ring…”
No, not THAT ring…
People keep asking me. Is it true you shit in the woods?
Il Papa:
Nein, I do not shit in the woods.
we both have alot in common
your god was crucified and its now happening to MPs daily
Bless you my son, your sins are forgiven.
Yes!!! I’d been reading through all these posts just to see if anyone said that, hoping they hadn’t because that’s what I was going to send.
Congrats! I think that’s the best one.
“You are Gordon Brown, and I claim my five pounds.”
Mrs Thatcher: “Forgive me Father for I have sinned”
*
*
*
BENEDUCTUM
FIRST !!!
Having rare dual expertise in the computer gaming industry and political technology I see pattern where others only see mess and that is why I saw to the bottom of David Cameron before anyone else. You should be proud that I have chosen this blog on which to propagate my findings even though most of you will be too stupid to understand.
Cameron has led a pampered existence and speaks with all the specious charm of the public relations charlatan. He sounds plausible but to those of us with the academic training to read the runes, his words are weasels, weasels that scratch behind the walls by night and keep fat souls from sleep. He has shifty eyes and a fish-gill mouth. A Bentley shadows his bicycle and he wears a frock-coat beneath his Austin Read suit. If you look closely at PMQs you (or rather I) can see the hem and it is not a pretty sight.
Cameron may play the flaneur but his thoughts are red thoughts and his teeth are white. His enemies will ask for peace but he will bring them death. On the overhead monitor that I patented when I was still at school I saw him sacrifice a toad on the basilisk’s abode. He will dodge and he will weave. He will come flying through the beaded curtain like Cato in the Pink Panther films to the accompaniment of crazed screams from the undergrowth. But this sort of mystification will not fool the Samurai. The cloud that is passing the window is also passing my mind. Mediocrity recognises nothing but itself. You spotty tory boys may laugh but I have seen it all. Through the dewdrop concealed in the lotus flower.
Cameron throws back the hood of his cowl. He turns and points his conical nose at me. He leers but he has not seen the light sword in my pants.
Fall in line, you little men. What are you doing in a forum like this?
prat
Charles E Hardwidge wrote:
“Having rare dual expertise in the computer gaming industry and political technology etc. ad nauseam”
A dual-hoon by implication then?
Dual expertise in being a deluded twat and a fool.
That’s Charles E ‘Modesty’Hardwidge then? Funny how all the Labour Trolls are like that – fantasists of the first order. Charles E ‘Modesty’Hardwidge you are Dolly Drooper & I claim my £5.
Get some fucking help mate. It’s a sunny day – go find some windows to lick.
Looks beyond help, I’d recommend a lobotomy and would be willing to stump up the search fees
Weasels don’t leave behind walls. You’re thinking of mice. A weasel’s stoatally different.
WTF?
Taking you on the level, Hardwidge, I may not have ‘seen through’Cameron in quite your way, but as a left-ish / liberal-ish (sometimes libertarian-ish) average-ish Kiwi bloke, I saw in the 1980s what a Labour party that sells out its soul to neo-con capitalism can do. It sucked then there, and it sucks here now.
As a consequence, when I moved to Blighty in 1997, while everyone else seemed to be in thrall to the bastards, I saw through Blah and Blue Labour in all of five minutes. Even so, I was surprised by just how staggeringly appallingly bad they’ve been. 12 years living here under U-labour have turned me off Labour for life.
A very long winded way to say you couldn’t hack it in the computer games industry. Try and be more succinct next time.
LOL.
He would be more interesting if he just printed up his old Doomdark’s Revenge reviews and screenshots.
“Gordon the Mute stands in the halls of the thieves looking Northwest to electoral oblivion.
He has is alone”
Haha.
Very funny.
PS – Stepney is right. Get some help. You’re unhinged.
If a 1000 monkeys typed a 1000 pages a day for a 1000 years, would any one page make less sense than this pseudobabble bullshit?
Snake oil anyone?
It would be used by that criminal Darling for his next budget
1000 pages by 1000 monkeys is this the liebore party manifesto or should it be 1000 pages by 1000 wankers.
Spare some thought for Charles’unfortunate wife.She thought she was marrying an intellectual giant from Oxford and Cambridge but instead found a deranged bookmaker playing internet poker in the attic all night.Still,all that betting with the Chinese improved his Taoism no end.
Charles E Hardwidge says:
“Having rare dual expertise in the computer gaming industry and political technology I see pattern where others only see mess and that is why I saw to the bottom of David Cameron before anyone else. You should be proud that I have chosen this blog on which to propagate my findings even though most of you will be too stupid to understand.”
Lao-tzu says (trans. Legge)
“Therefore the sage holds in his embrace the one thing (of
humility), and manifests it to all the world. He is free from self-
display, and therefore he shines; from self-assertion, and therefore
he is distinguished; from self-boasting, and therefore his merit is
acknowledged; from self-complacency, and therefore he acquires
superiority. It is because he is thus free from striving that
therefore no one in the world is able to strive with him.”
Why dont you go back to your master baiter tag-its almost funny and very apt.
‘Cameron throws back the hood of his cowl. He turns and points his conical nose at me. He leers but he has not seen the light sword in my pants.’
That’s some good acid, man.
Not Charlie, but an excellent parody.
Makes more sense than Charles – that was the giveaway.
Thanks Doc. Of course there’s no way of proving authorship but I nearly had a flaming aneurysm when I saw what I’d provoked. People were asking me if I was all right.
Well done. Did you do the Oxford and Cambridge graduate one, as well? That was barking.
If you are the same Charle E Hardwidge that can’t get his mobile phone to work and seeks advice from the web???
If that is you then I would really stop sprouting this rubbish and go back to whatever little hole you have come from. Switch off your computer and save us all alot of bother.
You sound like a Warcraft nerd. Go have a barclays with Gollum.
Charles, may I have a few ounces of what you’re smoking please? It must be good stuff with all the delusional crap that you’re coming out with!
If you’re seriously trying to persuade people to vote for the One-Eyed Twat by slagging off David Cameron, I suggest that you save yourself the bother because you’re just making yourself look utterly ridiculous.
On the other hand, just carry on as you were…….
THAT SAYS IT ALL MR BRAIN THE SIZE OF A HOUSE, AND HE SITS ALONE PLAYING GAMES ON HIS COMPUTER GET A FUCKING LIFE OH AND SOME FRIEND’S YOU SADDO ! HE’S GOT NAAH CHUM’S
“I saw to the bottom of David Cameron before anyone else.”
I fucking bet you did you dirty fucking lefty.
Maggie> When I said the lady,s not for turning I didnt mean that I dont like it up the jacksie.
Pope. Oh thank christ for that!!!
couple more for this week.
Mrs T “Do you know one is a grandmother?”
The P “You hum it darling, I’ll play it”
and
The P “Keep distracting her Guido, the bugger’s almost off…”
(nice cameo role there this week oh blogmeister”
Maggie: “Ronald! How lovely to see you! They told me you were dead!”
Mrs T – Forgive Charles Hardwidge, Holy Father, he does not know what he writes
Pope – Thank God for that – I thought he was normal
foggive charles hardwidge farther for he is a sad lonely bastard who whack’s off to shemale porn in his bedsit and was thrown out of the 18plus for being soo fucking boreing zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Thatch: “Where’s my Milky Bar then?”
Thatch: “That…would…be….an….ecumenical…matter……….DRINK!”
I used to be in the Hitler Youth you know
Before you were Prime Minister surely?
Don’t call me Shirley
MT; forgive them father for they have sinned.
Pope; So have I
when i was in the hitler youth i really looked forward to tuesdays that was rape and pillage day but alas that all stopped when i joined the church to escape prosecution alas nowerdays we have to make do with choirboys.
You should have sent your Mark to one of our schools in Eire. We’d have kept him on the straight and narrow.
Maggie: Bless you my son
What the hell is Cameron doing? Bill Cash is being thrown to the lions while Labour scamsters like Hoon and Blears et al get away with it.
I’m getting pretty sick of this. It’s starting to look like a stitch-up.
(Morley doesn’t count. He’s your real-life fraudster.)
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
Cash, unlike Julie, doesn’t have a pussy.
You may be surprised about that mate – oranges and stockings,after all…..
Maastricht. Does that answer the question ?
Rome is better than Germany, but in Ireland you get to fu*k children!
Ben: And how can I help you, child?
Mag: Well, I want a Barbie, and a My Little Pony, …
Maggie: So do you really shit in the woods then?
Here is Charles’post translated inot Swedish Chef
Hefeeng rere-a dooel ixperteese-a in zee cumpooter gemeeng indoostry und puleeticel technulugy I see-a pettern vhere-a oozeers oonly see-a mess und thet is vhy I sev tu zee buttum ooff Defeed Cemerun beffure-a unyune-a ilse-a. Yuoo shuoold be-a pruood thet I hefe-a chusee thees blug oon vheech tu prupegete-a my feendings ifee thuoogh must ooff yuoo veell be-a tuu stoopeed tu understund. Bork bork bork! Cemerun hes led a pempered ixeestence-a und speeks veet ell zee speceeuoos cherm ooff zee poobleec releshuns cherletun. He-a suoonds plooseeble-a boot tu thuse-a ooff us veet zee ecedemeec treeening tu reed zee roones, hees vurds ere-a veesels, veesels thet scretch beheend zee vells by neeght und keep fet suools frum sleep. He-a hes sheeffty iyes und a feesh-geell muoot. A Bentley shedoos hees beecycle-a und he-a veers a fruck-cuet beneet hees Oosteen Reed sooeet. Um de hur de hur de hur. Iff yuoo luuk clusely et PMQs yuoo (oor rezeer I) cun see-a zee hem und it is nut a pretty seeght. Um de hur de hur de hur. Cemerun mey pley zee fluneoor boot hees thuooghts ere-a red thuooghts und hees teet ere-a vheete-a. Hees inemeees veell esk fur peece-a boot he-a veell breeng zeem deet. Oon zee ooferheed muneetur thet I petented vhee I ves steell et schuul I sev heem secreeffice-a a tued oon zee beseelisk’s ebude-a. He-a veell dudge-a und he-a veell veefe-a. He-a veell cume-a flyeeng thruoogh zee beeded coorteeen leeke-a Cetu in zee Peenk Punzeer feelms tu zee eccumpuneement ooff crezed screems frum zee undergroot. Boot thees surt ooff mysteefficeshun veell nut fuul zee Semooreee. Zee cluood thet is pesseeng zee veendoo is elsu pesseeng my meend. Bork bork bork! Medeeucrity recugneeses nutheeng boot itselff. Yuoo sputty tury buys mey loogh boot I hefe-a seee it ell. Thruoogh zee doodrup cunceeled in zee lutoos flooer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Cemerun throos beck zee huud ooff hees cool. He-a toorns und pueents hees cuneecel nuse-a et me-a. He-a leers boot he-a hes nut seee zee leeght svurd in my punts. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Fell in leene-a, yuoo leettle-a mee. Vhet ere-a yuoo dueeng in a furoom leeke-a thees?
That makes more sense than his original waffle.
His new name is now Charles “Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp!” Hardwidge.
Wasn’t Charles Hardwidge one of the teachers of dark magic in Harry Potter and the Gordon of Doom?
No I don’t think so. Isn’t he the small, skinny, outrageously gay one from the Carry On Films?
554 No sir: that was Charlton Heston!
I am Charles Hard-Luck-Story (Oxford-Brookes & Cambridge Computer & Gaming-expert; self-certified Film-Buff)- and I claim my £5.
oh my god was he gay ?
charles hawtrey
charles hawtrey !
you mean charles hawtrey !
And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Success at last for “Pope” Compo as an eager Nora Batty gets taken in. BBC1, Sunday 6:30pm
No, Margaret, this is the Pope, he can’t sell you a 99 with raspberry!
No, but he can give you a 69 and a raspberry!
Sorry, Jim Dee, you had that one first.
And who are you?
Fine thanks hoos yer sel?
The Pope meets God’s Representative
Sorry but surely God’s Representative is Tony Blair
Bless You My Child For Those Words!
That bastard is not my representative!
Tony – come back -pleeeeeeeeeeease !!!!
tony eat shit and die pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
If it was A Campbell and the pope it would be: “Bless me father for I have spinned”
but it isn’t so not very funny
a campbell : he should be first for the rope !
Um, meanwhile, away from Vatican affairs, it seems that 50 plus of Labour’s troughing MPs want to avoid justice and have formally applied for a safe sinecure in the Lords! They just really, really, really Do Not Get It.
Read this Graun’article and weep… Or rather, seethe with rage…
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/may/28/labour-reform-a-new-politics?plckFindCommentKey=CommentKey:9018c044-5ed8-49ac-9c63-76716f9f6446
It is staggering that all these New Labour frauds now only want to openly continue the life of privilege
Blair, Mandelson and Brown really have created of New Labour Party uniquely motivated by greed, fraud and privilege…and bankrupted the country at the same time…bravo…
These title-seeking Labour Mps represent everything that a democratic party should OPPOSE !
4 ‘A’Levels and a certificate….exactly my point.
Interpreter (bellowing): “His Holiness says, ‘Has anyone told you that are are even more beautiful than Eva Braun?’”
Mrs Thatcher: “Thank you but I’ve never met the Prime Minister’s wife”.
Maggie, “Bless you my son”
Fuck the Pope – Maggie is my woman!
Who are you calling a cυnt?
You rang?
http://wikileaks.to/leak/guido-censorship-2008.pdf
guido, are you aware this is out there?
Fucking hell – this is red hot stuff – must be the same that Private Eye are prevented from reporting since January by the Carter Fucks
It is now in the public domain
So we can publish it…
I hope all UK gag orders are published on Wikileaks
They are serving the sacred British cause of FREEDOM OF SPEECH
Enough of this “Star Chamber” justice
It is a disgrace to Democracy
Theirather Jimmy “Golden Balls” Goldsmith was well known in the old days for “retaining” the leading libels lawyers when he had a problem…!!
But Private Eye knew all about that a long time ago…
Can you find any more “secret” gag orders out there ?
Thay are contrary to the very basic principles of British Justice
JUSTICE MUST BE DONE AND BE SEEN TO BE DONE…
Rumour has it (not here on Guido’s blog) that Ed Balls and Watson have some kind of secret “gag orders” being applied
Any news of them ?
With people like Zac Goldsmith on it using secret gag orders, the Tory “A” list looks as rotten as their Grandees !
Cameron really does have problems..
I will never vote for the likes of Zac Goldsmith and Miss Cash…
God help us…
Will Miss Cash wear the same outfit she is pictured wearing on today’s Daily Telegraph,if she gets in to Parliament – would look good,although she could lose the black panties and hopefully sit on the front bench of Dave’s new Parliament….
Who am I?
Grandfather. I have something to confess to you. I’m not really a nun.
Maggie: “Do you know who I am?”
Pope: “Oh not again – tell her somebody….”
“I’ll have a drumstick, a Crispy Strip, an individual box of Popcorn Chicken, two Homestyle sides, a biscuit and a Pepsi.”
The Barclay Ultimatum
Mad Nad
Maggie “the cheque’s in the post”
Pope “fuck of there’s a reccesion…..cash only”
“fuck OFF” is the correct English – as Education Secretary,I must correct you,peasant.
Now where’s all that free food I can claim for,you scum taxpayers.
Ed darling,you missed “RECESSION” – surely you can spell that correctly,after all we caused the fucking recession!
Dankie vir die Engles lesson , nou jou fok off , poe’s
I was a Nazi.
So was I.
“Are you a Catholic?”
(if it’s been done, sorry, but who reads 400 posts?)
Me. Sad ent I……………
Maggie: “I used to be Queen of England, you know – I said [louder] I used to be the Queen”.
Maggie;
“Dennis,Dennis….is that you Dennis? They told me you had died!”
Dennis (for it IS he);
“I am so sorry Margaret,I was promised a job testing the Communion booze in Rome and I had to do a Lucan – now they’ve got me down as a bloody Nazi pope for god’s sake…and I can’t even claim for a second altar here!”
Does my arse look big in this?
I id not have sexual relations with that altar boy.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest II
HH:, “Ah Mahlzeit Cherie my dear!”
CB: “You’ve got to help Joe wack. We left one of my portraits in the loft at the old house and that Jock bastard won’t give it back!”
HH – so that’s a a good thrashing and a scourging for Spanker then?
You silly old fool, John Wayne died years ago
Are these the men in white coats you told me about Alan?
Following on from Labour’s sins: The Cabinet: Who’s who of Thieves see what the Tories have been up to: The Shadow Cabinet: Who’s who of Thieves
Let me kiss your ring.
Ooh, you are awful, and I don’t like you.
I always enjoyed your records when you were with Culture Club Mr. George.
Mark you’re a naughty boy, do try not to get lost again.
Are we? Are WE there yet? Where’s the General Election?
Are we there yet? Oooh, my giddy aunt, it feels just like 1979 all over again.
Changing the subject for a minute, Nick Clegg has an unmoderated blog -
http://nickclegg.wordpress.com/2009/05/20/progress-on-expenses-reform/#comments
Who cares………
The people posting comments on it, you fucking moron.
Just left my 10 pence worth (re Parliament is a cancer in our country).
He HAS to be thanked for an unmoderated blog – very clever and hopefully the criminal Brown will read it (have sent the Huhne 3 letters telling him he is a shit).
I used to be the Prime Minister of Britain.
Yeah, and I’m the fucking Pope.
‘Howdy Adolph, how’s it hangin”?
648 of them – all around Parliament Sq,if you need to know,from lamposts paid for by that piece of shit Brown
Maggie: “Forgive me Father for my MANY sins”.
And this, Margaret, is your representative on Earth.
Bless you my daughter,
No! Bless you my son,
mrs t “do you believe it all started in america then ??”
pope “Gordon still owes me money from my last meeting and my wristwatch was missing after we shook hands”
mrs T “you want to see what he achieves with a pen”
Pope: Could you bless me please Lady Thatcher?
Maggie to Pope
“Is that pubic hair between your teeth you naughty Pope??”
Tell me Margret were you a nazi when you were younger like I was
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THE QUEEN WILL WIN INDyEND
oi hippie! should’nt you be puttin yer tepee up at glastonbury?
Mrs T. Mmmpf mmf mmlgmpf nggh ?
Capt Mainwaring. No dear! He’s the FUCKING POPE!
Who is the bloke in the silly red hat?
Maggie, I’d like you to meet Pope Tony I, he took this job instead of European president.
Pope: “Have you met the Queen?”
Mrs T: “I don’t think I have…..how do you do Monsignor………..”
Mrs T: “Have you met the Queen?”
Pope: “Pleased to meet you Mr Johnson…”
Maggie meets the king of the Catholics, while Labour can’t even get Leona Lewis (who?).
Well, who’d want to be seen dead with Gordon the Broon?
Are you Buffalo Bill?
The Liebourgraph says we can expel, MP’s
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/mps-expenses/5402830/MPs-expenses-Commons-can-expel-dishonourable-MPs.html
There is a precedent
So come on then DC and Clegg
What ???
The Rotten Commons throwing out its own Members ?
Where would it start ?
With the Speaker ?!!
And then which one of the hundreds who have behaved “dishonourably”
Give me a break………
That is why the British Constitution has broken down in a nutshell..
Members of the House of Commons don’t even know what behaving “honourably” is !
Otherwise ONE OF THEM would have denounced this theft and fradu years ago…
Putting ‘fradu’thru my Joe 90 decoder ring – provides training for the Royal Navy, such as simulated attacks on Royal Navy ships.
Hmmm. are the military plotting a coup then ? put the pitchforks and burning brands away then chaps.
i wish they would
” I suppose I am the closest you will ever get to a GOD, your holyness” .!
For an extra tenner mister, I can take me teeth out prior to giving you a gobble.
New poll shows havoc!
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article6390069.ece
GREAT NEWS…
LABOUR THIRD (IF LUCKY) !!
it’s all over bar the shouting
All bar none
it ain’t over till the fat lady sings
ain’t it so?
HAH
HAHAHAHAHA
HA!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
HA
\ha
HAH!!! hee hmpf hohoho Arf
HaHAHhhhhhhAH!
Yes, it is kind of funny in a twisted way – like being hit on the funny bone.
none of the big three should be alowed to take part that would be fun .
The Conservatives fall four points to 30 per cent, compared with their position of three weeks ago, Labour drop nine points to just 16 per cent, and the Liberal Democrats fall eight points to 12 per cent.
UKIP are the huge beneficiaries, rising 13 points to 19 per cent, ahead of Labour and the Liberal Democrats. The Greens rise five points to 10 per cent, and the BNP are up three points at five per cent.
It looks like his dodgy eye just popped out in the photo.
‘Say Holy C once more, it makes my panties wet!’
AH (C)
Channel 4 news has confirmed that Elliot Morley will step down – at the next election.
Hoon
Morley will not stand for re-election per Sky.
Titter.
Caption:
That Additional Cost Allowance of yours was a good idea Maggie
“A gottle o’geer – a gottle o’geer”
Well thankee kind sira
“A gottle o’geer – a gottle o’geer”
Okay both of you old bastards, the camera’s off ya….back to yer fookin beds.
___________________________
all hope remains in Spedo Shorts
Elliot Morley announces that he will not stand at the next election.
Why won’t the fraudulent bastard resign completely?
It’s all about benefits silly
Perhaps Brown will make him a PEER !!!
Wonder what his constituents told him…..
Minutes of the meeting
Chairman: Are you still here?
Morley: I’ll get my coat.
Think there might have been more expletives.
Lord Mandelson, the business secretary, told reporters in Downing Street today that the system of allowances and expenses which had been operated for many years by successive Governments and successive Parliaments had been exposed to have failed.”
The peer said MPs would make their own decisions about what to do, and whether to stand again.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/mps-expenses/5406185/MPs-expenses-Elliot-Morley-to-stand-down-over-phantom-mortgage.html
I think you will find the public want to have a say Mr Mindyourson
Are we talikng about the dear Mandy who went on a spending spree on his Hartlepool house after accepting Tony’s offer of the job of EU Commissioner , so knew he was stepping down as MP??
Decorator £1350 . Garden Work £1500. Roof and Bathroom £385. etc etc. Result – House sold soon after for £136,000 profit. CGT????
Where is he now?? House near Regent’s Park bought for £2.5million (16 times his income)
Eurotroughing makes Westminster scams look like pocket money. Won’t mention Kinnock and clan…..
oh come on ronaldo his rentboy lover will make that it a year ,in the circles they move in . what can you say . mandy this grubby little crook pops up more times than a drowning man .this lowlife, foul, cockroach ,scum/sorry cumsucking pondlife dweeb, makes my skin crawl i’d like to fuck him (up )with a baseball bat twat.
nice one
Oddly enough that same system doesn’t appear to have failed for :
(a) the 10-15 MP’s who consistently claim close to nothing
or
(b) MPs that haven’t felt the need to maximise there expenses. MPs who’s expense claims, don’t include extravagent items, and are in line with them being very active in parliment and their constituencies. The same set of MPs who have good voting records, table lots of questions and appear in lots of debates. ie they try to do a good job.
We don’t know how many come under (b) precisely, but we know of several dozen who haven’t been troughing.
You’re an idiot ‘Lord’Mandelson.
Thought you all might be amused, as I was at this article in the Guardian.
“The Daily Telegraph may be in the middle of a sales bonanza as a result of its exposure of the MPs’expenses scandal, but there is one place where the broadsheet isn’t flying off the newsstand like hot cakes: Westminster. Stacks of untouched copies were lying untouched by the doors of Portcullis House yesterday while every other paper had been picked up, reports the Independent. Head in the sand syndrome, perhaps?”
Just another example of how Public money is wasted. They have the papers paid for and delivered and they can’t even be bothered to read them.
It’s a boycott by 645 hoons.
It’s the first time most of them have turned down something for nothing for more than a decade.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I suppose if they can claim for loo seats AND loo roll holders,then they can also claim for loo rolls themselves,otherwise they can wipe their grotty arses with a page torn from a free Daily Telegraph (imagine for a moment being the page that Blears uses…)…..
The Faith Foundation is a front for taking over the Vatican, you will find a 666 on Tonys bald spot your holiness – he must die.
Nah, good authority the mark is on Tone’s perineum, or nearby.
Leave it to me. He’ll get what’s owed.
Polling update Labour down to 21% for GE and only 16% for Euros – 20 point Tory lead
Latest results from Times
Blimey…Gordon’s really fucked next week.
imagin the scene (old monty python scetch) returning officer: gordon Mc trougher sleaze bag bottleless unelected pimpernell one eyed arsehole brown NO VOTES ! NOT A SAUSAGE ! BUGGER ALL ! can’t wait.
Dearie me.
Says his health and family are suffering.
That’ll be the trough fever. Snout you an do about that when you catch it.
I am not a heretic , the lady is not for burning !
Get’s my vote.
Do you have a bus pass as well?
Maggie: Do you know I am your greatest fan?
Pope: No. You hum it, I’ll sing it.
My dear Mr Reagan! Why on earth are you wearing that dress?
As part of his brief to assess miracles, the Pope here meets the famous Lady With A Johnson.
Pope: “Dont talk to me about banks jeez “
Haven’t we met before?
Holy Margaret Mother of Tax, Have you been fiddling the polls?
It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr Fawkes, I see you’ve shaved your beard off.
Darth Sidious had never before met a leader who managed to divide opinion more than he had…
Maggie: “You used to play the hard man in Porridge. Ronnie Barker was good too. Ah yes, reminds me, ‘back to British political events….”
Yes my Son, of course I will forgive you, on condition that you sort out that Blair bloke.
Well sir, just when are you going to become a methodist?
“Holy Mother of God!” – “Actually you can just call me Margaret”
are you in disguise gordon?
I don’t think so Dennis was a pupil of mine
Radical Mullah In Finsbury Park – fcuk off home to the subcontinental sh1th0le you crawled out of and go back to where you crawled out from among your st00l.
you durty b@st@rd
Da Pope: Hey Señora Margarita – You are a right, he does look a little like a Godfrey out of a Dad’s Army.
“Dennis, take off that silly hat!”
Fuck off, you kiss my ring you Nazi Christian fuckwit.
“Tell me, your Holiness – is He one of us??”
Maggie: So you’re German.
Pope: Ja Frauline.
Maggie: Don’t swear it’s rude.
At school he was my fag….
Aide: “His Holiness asked, has your son now found the road to Penitence and the way to Salvation?”
MT: “Oh yes, Holy Father! We gave him one of those GPS thingy’s for Christmas…..”
Voice off: Hi, my name’s George Romero…
Ian..? Ian Paisley? Thanks heavens. For a moment I thought I you were that papist antichrist.
“Well I’m blowed, Geoffrey Archer, what will you get up to next you little Popey Woo you”.
“I loved you in The Three Amigos Mr. Martin, of course that was back when you were still funny!”
Is that you Dennis? Is it…..you? Really? You’ve changed a bit, and what’s with the frock? Was it cos I wore the trousers?
*
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POX VOBISCUM
Benedict XVI : “Margaret it iz delightfull zat you vish to become a believer”.
Baroness Thatcher: “Sod that you doddery old foll, I’m here to appoint you Archbishop of Canterbury in place of that tree hugging Left Liberal twit in Lambeth palace”.
Blessed Maggie: Did he say with tongues or without?
I’m sorry my dear, there’s nothing I can do about it – you’re definitely going to HELL.
No, not Gordon in a funny hat… It’s… Oh, never mind.
Reunion at the retirement home for Alzheimer patients.
Pope: Didn’t you already introduce yourself?
Maggie: Great, do you remember my name? I’ve already forgotten.
You fucked more kids than our priests!
Lady T. “I’ll give you a fiver for that hat – it’ll do nicely for lady’s day at Ascot”
Are you waiting for Godot?
I say they told me you were dead.
Did you not know there is know death without smoke
No, no. Don’t worry dear lady, I’m sure we will find your contact lenses.
Fuck me, you look old!