50 Shades of Burnham

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Guido has spent the afternoon in the strange vortex that is the Andy Burnham online fandom. And it was really, really weird.

There’s the usual fan art:

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Which starts to get a bit weird…

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And then there is this:

A rabbit talking about crashing Liz Kendall’s party and smashing up the Westminster bubble with baseball bats. Still with us?

Then there are the sexual fantasies…

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If you though the Mili-fandom was weird, spend 20 mins searching Andy Burnham on Tumblr

Environment Minister Totty Watch: Bossche Totty Edition

freya

The latest addition to Gaia’s burgeoning gallery of hot environment minister babes is the alluring Freya Van den Bossche. Freya became the youngest minister in Belgium’s history when she was appointed Minister of Environment, Consumer Affairs and Sustainable Development. Known for her piercing blue eyes and “throaty voice“, Freya’s down to earth approach to politics is widely admired.

album_large_433032Gaia likes her a waffle lot…

Tech Totty: Ukrainian Bombshell Edition

Jaanika Merilon

The second offering in our new series of titillating tech ministers continues with Ukrainian  Minister of Economic Development and Trade Jaanika Merilo, the veteran tech investor who has been brought in to boost Ukraine’s e-government initiative. Jaanika aims to improve the business climate by using “digital solutions” to fight institutional corruption. knife totty

More than lip service….

Saucy Susanna Reid Seductively Sucks Her Finger

Good Morning Britain host Susanna Reid had to improvise when she forgot her spoon this morning…

Twosday Lookilikey: Wendoline Morton

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On the left Wallace & Gromit love interest Wendoline…

…To the right Wendy Morton, the new West Midlands Tory MP.

Shocking Cabinet Gender Pay Gap Revealed

cabinet gender pay gap

Following the government announcement today that they will force companies to disclose their gender pay gap, it seems only right to look at how David Cameron performs on the same metric. After all he himself says the requirement will “cast sunlight on the discrepancies and create the pressure we need for change, driving women’s wages up”. Quite…

After carrying out an extensive gender pay audit, Guido can reveal that female members of the Cabinet are paid a shocking 8.4% less than their male counterparts. Men in the Cabinet are paid on average* £126,478 , while women on average* are paid just £116,693…

*Calculation based on the mean average wage by gender for all who attend cabinet.

Soap Opera: Sexy Shower MP’s Story is Sud Dud

New Tory MP Johnny Mercer got Westminster into a lather over his sexy shower advert, but was it all a sham(poo)?

Mercer’s bubble seems to have burst after fitness trainer Vince Ciolino (below, right) came forward to the Plymouth Herald to pour cold water on his steamy claim to fame:

“Johnny and I did the final shoot together, then the advert was aired and it seems they have used my naked scenes and Johnny’s clothed scenes. There are two different people in that advert.

I suppose it’s a little bit of exposure for him to say that he was in an advert. But I run a fitness business and my clients know the way that I do my modelling work, it goes on my reputation. It’s detrimental to my reputation that the advert was put out and it’s someone else.”

Sud-denly, Johnny admits: “it looks pretty much exactly like me. But if it is somebody else that’s good, hopefully the Mickey taking can stop now”.

What a shower…

Brooks ‘Likes’ Another Mystery Social Media Blonde

You would have thought old Brooks Newmark would have learned his lesson about mysterious blondes on social media. So it’s a little surprising to see what he has been up to on LinkedIn:

“If you can’t change your fate, change your attitude” says Brooks’ seductive model friend. Indeed…

Environment Minister Totty Watch: Left Wing Firebrand Edition

delphine totty

Say hello to Delphine Batho, the latest addition to our increasingly popular series of Environment Minister beauties. A lifetime left-wing activist, Delphine became the French Minister of the Ecology in 2012 but was fired by President Hollande after she criticised cuts to her department.[…] Read the rest

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Tech Totty Watch: France’s ‘Miss Louboutin’

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Following on from the popularity of Gaia’s Energy Minister Totty Watch, Techno thought he would give readers his own offering.

Meet Fleur Pellerin, aka Miss Louboutin, the minxy Minister of Culture and Communication who was instrumental in pushing for a pro-startup agenda as Minister the Digital Economy.[…] Read the rest

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Police Investigate Sexy Shower Scene MP

It’s been a busy first few weeks for new Plymouth MP Johnny Mercer. First he put his wife on the public payroll, then hit the headlines for lathering up topless in a shower gel advert, and now he is under investigation by the police.[…] Read the rest

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Environment Minister Totty Watch: Phwoarr-za Italia Edition

italina totty

Today’s contribution to our occasional series of sexy environment ministers is the smoking hot Stefania Prestigiacomo. Stefania was the Italian Minister for Environment, Land and Sea until 2011 and used her time in office to agitate for a pan-global environmental organisation that would be able to respond to global crisis’.[…] Read the rest

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50 Shades of Nanny Statism

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The German “Youth Protection Authority” have ruled that websites can only offer sexually explicit ebooks for download between the hours of between 10pm and 6am. The decision was made following a complaint that children were getting their digital mitts on a popular ebook titled “Schlauchgelüste”…

How German bureaucrats, who don’t have the best reputation with the whole banning books thing, will decide what is ‘explicit’ has not been explained.[…] Read the rest

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Voice of Angel to Critics: “Hopefully Your Dick Will Fall Off”

church

Charlotte Church spent her Saturday marching with the People’s Assembly Against Austerity – whose aims include “increasing taxes on the super-rich” and “closing tax loopholes”.

As Guido revealed in the Sun on Sunday, this is the same Cardiff crooner who is the director of five companies all registered to the London address of Thomas Harris Accountants.[…] Read the rest

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Energy Minister Totty Watch: Norwegian Lumberjack Edition

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The latest offering in our series of sexy energy ministers is former Norwegian Minister of Petroleum and Energy Ola Borten Mo. Posing here with his wife Anna, Ola shows off the steely disposition with which he pushes through his isolationist policies.[…] Read the rest

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Networked Boobs

connected bikini

Techno has long been sceptical of the much hyped wearable tech trend, but a new product from a French has convinced him of the error of his way – behold the bikini connecté.

The connected bikini comes complete with a waterproof UV sensor that tells your smartphone when you need to apply sun cream.[…] Read the rest

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Quote of the Day

The FT’s Wolfgang Munchau on the “fake maths” of economic forecasts:

“The truth is that our ability to forecast the future beyond the current quarter is limited… The curse of our time is fake maths. Think of it as fake news for numerically literate intellectuals: it is the abuse of statistics and economic models to peddle one’s own political prejudice… The fakeness of the maths lies in an exaggerated inference. Economic models have their uses, as do opinion polls. They provide information to policymakers and markets. But nobody can see through the fog of the future.”

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