Lily Cole Fronts BBC “CEO Secrets” Series After Running Company Into Ground

lily cole

Who have the BBC got to front their new “CEO Secrets” series? Model, actor, and “entrepreneur” Lily Cole has been offering her “tips for business success”:

“Believe in what you’re doing and know why you’re doing it, so it’s very hard to run a business, and there’s going to be up and down moments, and in those down moments what pulls you through is, you know, inner conviction of knowing why you’re doing what you’re doing and believing in it.” 

Inspiring stuff.

In other news, Lily’s taxpayer-subsidised social network Impossible.com has reported losses of £256,000 in 2015 and £250,000 in 2014. That’s despite taking a huge £200,000 grant from the Cabinet Office in 2013. The site achieved just 45,000 visitors last month. Please, Lily, tell us your secret…

Tom Watson Hires Steve Coogan’s 19 Year-Old Daughter as Aide

clare coogan cole

Tom Watson has hired Steve Coogan’s 19 year-old daughter as his parliamentary aide. Clare Coogan Cole is Coogan’s daughter by his ex-girlfriend Anna Cole, who dumped him after he admitted cheating on her with model Nancy Sorrell and two other beauties. Coke ‘n hookers aficionado Coogan became close friends with fellow enemy-of-press-freedom Watson during their time campaigning for Hacked Off. He went on to star in several high profile Labour campaigns including Watson’s Save the NHS tour. Generous of Watson to repay the favour with a paid job for Coogan’s daughter, who no doubt was hired on merit in an open, full and fair recruitment process. A taxpayer-funded favour for his multi-millionaire Murdophobe mate… up the workers!

How the Husbands Measure Up

Philip John May (above left)

Age: Something of a toy boy, 58 year-old Philip is a year younger than Theresa, and was two years below her at Oxford!

Job: A banker for nearly four decades, he works at Capital International. This won’t be the last you hear of Philip’s investment firm during the next two months.

How did they meet? You all know this one – introduced by Benazir Bhutto at a student disco of course!

What he says about her: Asked if Theresa used to be a corker, Philip says: “Was? She still is!” 

Cheeky fact: Philip convinced Theresa to take part in a debate on why “sex is great” at Oxford.

Strengths: He’s a savvy chap, in the last few days he’s deleted his LinkedIn page.

Weaknesses: Victim of a wacky online conspiracy theory involving Philip and G4S which could’ve been shut down sooner.

What others say: Friends once remarked: “There is no jealousy there as you might sometimes get. Not an iota of that, on the contrary. Denis minus the drinks cabinet.”

Ben Leadsom (above right)

Age: Flaxen-haired Ben hits 50 this month, three years younger than Andrea!

Job: Holds 16 company directorships, house husband.

How did they meet? The City, natch.

What he says about her:Andy” is Ben’s affectionate nickname for Andrea – well she does wear the trousers!

Cheeky fact: A keen dancer, Ben once entered Strictly Come Towcester, wearing a quite spectacular Union Jack waistcoat.

Strengths: Managed to win Andrea’s heart ahead of love rivals allegedly including her campaign manager Tim Loughton!

Weaknesses: Reported as having received offshore loans, though insists it was nothing to do with tax.

What others say: Andrea admits that more often than not she ends up “leaving Ben to deal with the mess, the noise, the chaos” at home.

So who will be our second First Husband?

Gove Goes Commando and Demands “Nubile Young Girl” Inspects Him

Guido has unearthed footage that will surely send shockwaves through the Tory leadership election. A 20 year-old kilt-wearing Gover stood up at the Oxford Union, removed his boxer shorts and demanded a  “nubile young girl” checks whether or not he is wearing a “diamond-studded leather posing pouch”. We’ve all done it.

Can Michael Gove Make Sarah Happy?

Michael Gove, Member of Parliament

Michael Gove and his columnist wife Sarah Vine are clearly a close couple, today’s email reveals they are political co-conspirators as well. Pictured here on a post-Brexit stroll, the Justice Secretary is definitely sporting more than just a victor’s grin. Is that a post-Brexit plan or is Michael just happy to see Sarah?

Gun Totin’ MI6 Spy Boss Daughter’s Musical Remain Endorsement

Corinne+Sawers+#bremain

Corrine Sawers, the Remainer pop-video director with a star wailing that she “don’t want to be dancing on my own”, might be more familiar to Guido readers as the gold Kalshnikov wielding daughter of former MI6 spy chief Sir John Sawers. The gun was a decommissioned Kalashnikov her father acquired as a memento of his time in Iraq. Saddam had several of the gold-plated weapons. She posted the picture on Facebook one Christmas a few years back. She’s all grown up now…

She describes herself nowadays as “an amateur circus artist and film maker. Full time consultant & impact investor. Into the transformation of food systems and centre left politics. Obsessive yogini.” 

Not sure what conspiracy theorists will make of the Bilderberg attending MI6 boss’s daughter telling us to vote Remain…

Bum-ga, Bum-ga! Italian Politician’s Peachy Message to Voters

mario poster

Sex scandals and corruption rarely hold Italian politicians back. In the North Italian city of Bologna, known as “il rosso” (the red) due to it’s large lefty student population (it has a street named after Stalingrad), one candidate is using an age old tactic to stand out. An independent who supports the Lega Nord, Mario Turrini’s poster claims the photo “serves to get your attention” to vote for the candidate on June 5. After the image sparked outrage among locals, Turrini captioned the posters with an apology -and promised that if he wins he’ll “publish the other side”….

Tory Hunk’s Taxpayer-Funded Social Media Juice

mercer fb

Soapy hunk Johnny Mercer should have no problem getting social media followers. Those shower commercials should mean he has all the ingredients required for likes, follows, and re-tweets galore. Surprising then that this Tory totty has charged the taxpayer £2,500 on expenses for “professional services” on social media management. His Twitter following stands at a relatively modest 13,579 – fewer than many 2015 intake colleagues – and his Facebook page has a mere 3,708 likes. His YouTube channel has a paltry 33 subscribers and his last video had just three views. If Johnny wants to boost his following, selfies are probably a better approach…

MILF Fan Tory Claims “I Was Hacked”

Hull Daily Mail

Yesterday’s story Top Tory Copper in MILF Porn Shocker, about the Twitter favouriting of MILF porn stars by Humberside deputy police and crime commissioner and Councillor Paul Robinson hit the front page of his local paper the Hull Daily Mail this morning. Awkward is the election day headline. Will it lose votes for Humberside Police and Crime Commissioner candidate Matthew Grove? Guido’s not so sure judging by the comments on the paper’s website…

“So he’s into adult women, whats the issue here?”

“Men appreciate looking at women, of all sizes, shapes and…..Well we shall leave it there! I wish he had not denied it, I think he might have received more votes for just being a human, not a political robot.”

“The guy likes MILFs, well so do I! Non story.”

This story could yet have a happy ending…

Totty Watch Poll

totty

Debate swirls in Westminster about Tory MP Col Bob Stewart’s use of the word “totty” to describe the Speccie’s Isabel Hardman…

Isabel Oakeshott says: “Strong women don’t need to whine about sexists calling us ‘totty’”

Isabel Hardman says: “that is NOT on and lobby women shouldn’t have to put up with it. So I have passed the MP’s name on to a whip.”

Cathy Newman says: “I’m with Isabel on this… Isabel Hardman.”

Julia Hartley-Brewer says: “Many years ago I was at a dinner at a Conservative Party conference with a couple of MPs. One of those MPs kept putting his hand on my knee. The third time I removed his hand and said it is very simple, either you don’t put my hand on my knee again or I am going to punch you in the face.”

Who are you backing? Take Guido’s poll…

Budget Flash Back

Theresa May

Last year’s Budget saw Theresa May’s eye-catching number cause more of a stir on Twitter than George Osborne. This year T-May has worn an identical outfit (except for her iconic shoes) – cue identical results:

We’ll keep you abreast of all the most important Budget news…

Irish Election Special: Fine Gal

FINEGAL

One candidate for the upcoming Irish general election stands out somewhat. Running as an independent in Dublin Fingal, law lecturer Roslyn Fuller previously released racy pics for a calendar, Wikilicious, in defence of Edward Snowden. Roslyn’s pitch to the voters:

“… condemn me as a harlot if you will, but the fact remains that if we are serious about wanting to fix the problems in our society, including those revealed by whistle-blowers like Edward Snowden or Chelsea Manning, we’re all going to have to put our money where our mouth is and get used to getting out of our comfort zones”

Freedom for whistleblowers, and the nipple…

Sexy Socialism: Seb Corbyn’s Tinder Profile in Full

Last week’s Sunday Times revealed that the taxpayer-funded 24 year-old chief of staff to the Shadow Chancellor is a Tinder lothario, a story which wound up all the right people. Guido can bring you sexy socialist Seb Corbyn’s full profile on the hook-up app. He has enlisted the help of Dame Judi Dench to impress the women of Westminster:

Labour aides have gossiped about fun-loving Seb’s extra-curricular activities for months. The Peroni-sipping adviser is rarely seen without a crowd of adoring female fans, and party staffers have been known to take clandestine late night photos of him and his admirers and share them on WhatsApp for a laugh. Lad.

Tory Boob: I Was Hacked!

Rushton

Yesterday Guido revealed how Tory councillor Nick Rushton had boobed by following an assortment of Twitter accounts dedicated to well-endowed ladies. Today naughty Nick has called in the police claiming he was hacked, telling his local paper:

“My Twitter account was hacked by someone with malicious intent. Whoever has done this changed my password, as I was unable to log onto it for a considerable period of time.”

Guido can help the police with their enquiries.

The screenshot of Rushton’s ‘Following’ page was taken over the weekend, after which Rushton’s account continued to tweet a series of selfies showing the man himself.

Either Nick’s long-lost identical twin changed his password or the hacking story doesn’t quite add up…

Tory Council Leader Boobs Big Time

Capture

Click to Enlarge

It’s all gone tits-up for Nicholas Rushton, the Tory leader of Leicestershire county council, after one of his eagle eyed Twitter followers noticed that he was following a few rather risqué accounts. It appears that Rushton doesn’t understand the public nature of his followings. He clearly has something of a sweet spot for bosomy women, and accordingly decided to follow accounts dedicated to the veneration of such. Readers should not get the impression that Rushton’s obsessed – he also follows the ILikeBootyDaily account. Tits ‘n ass!

UPDATE: Too little, too late:

blocked

WATCH Oh! You Pretty Things: Keith Vaz’s Russian Glamour Models

Yesterday Guido revealed that Keith Vaz spent Christmas in the Indian party state of Goa, where he was also the invited guest of honour at “Tito’s 2016 calendar launch”, a raunchy calendar featuring partially-clothed Russian glamour models in a variety of suggestive poses. This is the behind the scenes video that must have caught Keith’s eye:

Guido can’t blame him for being a little late getting back to Westminster…

Tory Sex Scandal: Who Shagged Whom?

The latest revelations in this morning’s Telegraph allege that a 22 year-old activist woke up in a Tory MP’s bed with no memory of the night before. One MP is threatening an injunction, and at least three others have been accused of inappropriately having sexual relations with young volunteers on Mark Clarke’s infamous RoadTrip campaigns. This is Guido’s handy flowchart of who has been bonking whom. It is by no means complete. If you woke up naked next to a Tory MP – or indeed are a Tory MP who woke up naked next to Mark Clarke – and can’t remember the night before, call Guido’s helpline on 0709 284 0531…

Bonfire of the Lads Mags: Zoo and FHM Shuttered

A sad day for connoisseurs of gentlemen’s magazines this morning as both FHM and Zoo announce within a few minutes of each other that they will be suspending publication. Nuts and Loaded are long gone and follows on from the announcement from Playboy that they are dropping pictures of naked women. FHM say:

“Unfortunately it’s true and it has been announced today the intention to suspend publication of FHM. It’s been an absolute joy producing the magazine over the years. Thank you for all your support, we will keep you updated with developments over the coming weeks.”

While Zoo confirm:

“It is with regret we have to inform you of the intention to suspend publication of ZOO. We’ve loved every minute of the near 12 years and 600-plus issues we’ve shared with you and would like to thank each and every one of you who’ve been there with us along the way.”

Heavy job losses are expected.

Their parent company Bauer say in a statement: “Over time young men’s media habits have continually moved towards mobile”. This infographic explains exactly what is happening:

PORN-MOBILE

The decline of lad’s mags correlates with the rise of big screen mobiles resulting in a more pleasurable online handheld experience…

Telegraph Frees the Nipple

The paper of Bill Deedes has crossed the Rubicon and freed the nipple. Scroll down on this click-chasing article about “72 hour drug-fuelled sex binges” and readers of Her Majesty’s Telegraph are confronted with a stock photo of a lady whose arm doesn’t quite cover her modesty:

A change in policy, or was it a big boob?

Tom Bradby Sex Appeal Figures Sexed Up

“Tom Bradby is so hot he got 500,000 new viewers,” claims a headline in the Times today. It follows on from yesterday’s puff piece reporting ITV News at Ten “has put on half a million viewers since Tom Bradby began presenting”.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Shadow Education Secretary Angela Rayner:

“We have no plans to write off existing student debt.”

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