“Come on Eileen!”

Luckily today’s PMQs saw a return to the pantomime of days past thanks to the Labour leader’s decision to read a letter from Eileen, a primary school teacher. Here I’m disappointed to report that it took Tory wags a full 30 seconds to start shouting “Come on Eileen!” back across the chamber: an in-form Alec Shelbrooke or Nigel Evans would be expected to make such a quip in sub-20 seconds normally (sub-10 on a good day).

In subsequent sessions we can no doubt expect Jeremy Corbyn to brandish a letter from Roxanne “who has been shamefully forced into putting on the red light to pay her way through college”; Lola, who the Labour Leader “met in a club down in Old Soho where SHE – and I won’t let any transphobe say otherwise – told me that a lack of proper Government regulation means HER – again, I repeat, she is a woman – champagne tastes just like cherry Cola!”; and of course Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Barbara Ann who is apparently “suffering so badly from Tory cuts that they’ve got her “rockin’ and a-rollin’, rockin’ and a-reelin’, Barbara Ann” (her words not mine, Mr. Speaker)”.

Continue reading

May Attacks Corbynistas’ Grammar Educations

Theresa May went ad hominem at PMQs, attacking Labour’s frontbench for pulling up the drawbridge. As Guido has noted previously:

  • Jeremy Corbyn – Attended a grammar school. His son went to a grammar school.
  • John McDonnell – Attended a grammar school.
  • Seumas Milne – Sent both his son and daughter to grammar schools.
  • Diane Abbott – Attended a grammar school and sent her son to a private school.
  • Jon Trickett – Attended a grammar school.
  • Grahame Morris – Attended a grammar school.
  • Paul Flynn – Attended a grammar school.

Another happy reader…

PMQs: Who’s Asking the Questions?

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 John Mann (Bassetlaw) If she will list her official engagements for Wednesday 22 March.

02 Lucy Allan (Telford)

Q3 Angus Brendan MacNeil (Na h-Eileanan an Iar)

04 Charlie Elphicke (Dover)

05 Alex Cunningham (Stockton North)

06 Sir Julian Brazier (Canterbury)

07 Lilian Greenwood (Nottingham South)

08 Chris Evans (lslwyn)

09 Simon Hoare (North Dorset)

Q10 Pete Wishart(Perth and North Perthshire)

Q11 John Stevenson (Carlisle)

Q12 Sir Edward Leigh (Gainsborough)

Q13 Huw Merriman (Bexhill and Battle)

Q14 Siobhain McDonagh (Mitcham and Morden)

Comments in the comments…

5 Things That Could Beat Corbyn at PMQs

Yes another week, another PMQs self-immolation from Westminster’s very own equivalent of a protesting Buddhist monk who sets himself on fire. Or “doing a Corbyn” as they now know it in Saigon.

So dismal was the Labour leader’s interrogation (he actually only managed to use two of his six questions), today we will look at five unlikely things that could best Jeremy Corbyn in a PMQs matchup. Opponents will be ranked by ease of their victories over the Labour leader.

  1. Stephen Hawking

“Ah”, I hear you say, “there is no way that Stephen Hawking could beat Jeremy Corbyn, it takes him ages to synthesise his speech and as such he has to plan out all of his sentences far in advance!”. And? Well, both men have to know what they’re going to say before they get to the Chamber and both have an extremely limited ability to deviate off track. However only one of these men is a theoretical physicist who understands the range of possible outcomes he could have to react to, and that is the clincher. Also, he’s easier on the ear. Stephen Hawking wins this bout comfortably, memorably telling Jeremy Corbyn that he’s met black holes with more warmth than him.

Continue reading

Corbyn Only Asked Two Questions at PMQs

Corbyn had six questions at PMQs. He only asked two. One was about schools.

Question 1: “Big business evades a lot of national insurance through bogus self employment.” No question.

Question 2: “What is she going to do to fill that Budget black hole?” Question.

Question 3: “It is a grossly unfair system where those in self employment pay some national insurance, employers do not and benefit from it. That is a gross injustice which has to be addressed.” No question.

Question 4: “Cuts to social care and cuts to people with disabilities. That is the agenda of her government and everybody knows it.” No question.

Question 5: “Can she say what she’s doing to help the worst off and poorest in our society rather than continuing cutting local government expenditure, schools expenditure and underfunding social care.” Question, about schools.

Question 6: “What she has to do is address the issues of injustice and inequality in our society, and a government that’s dedicated to widening the gap, not helping those that are hard up, working self-employed to try and make ends meet, and not getting access to any benefits at the same time.” No question.

As May said, “I don’t think the Right Honourable gentleman has quite got the hang of this. He’s supposed to ask a question.” Extraordinary…

PMQs: Who’s Asking the Questions?

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Huw Merriman (Bexhill and Battle) If she will list her official engagements for Wednesday 15 March.

Q2 Stephen Doughty (Cardiff South and Penarth)

Q3 Jeremy Quin (Horsham)

Q4 Mike Weir (Angus)

Q5 Mr Andrew Turner

Q6 Nick Thomas-Symonds (Torfaen)

Q7 Mrs Theresa Villiers (Chipping Barnet)

Q8 Will Quince (Colchester)

Q9 Callum McCaig (Aberdeen South)

Q10 Victoria Atkins (Louth and Horncastle)

Q11 Tim Loughton (East Worthing and Shoreham)

Q12 Geoffrey Clifton-Brown (The Cotswolds)

Q13 Ms Tasmina Ahmed-Sheikh (Ochil and South Perthshire)

Q14 Hannah Bardell (Livingston)

Comments in the comments…

PMQs & Budget Double Bill


Jeremy Corbyn kicked PMQs off today by bragging about his party’s impeccable record on gender equality, boasting more women MPs than all other parties in this House combined”. One of which he’d even bonked himself and then promoted to the front bench! Now if that’s not equality then I don’t  know what is.

Of course this being International Women’s Day Mr. Corbyn would not be the only person to pipe up with some cheap gender-points scoring. For the Tories it fell to Victoria Atkins who asked the PM if she would “confirm that, when it comes to female Prime Ministers, it is 2-0 to the Conservatives?”. The surprise here was that this honour wasn’t bestowed upon professional brown-nose Chris Philp, best known for asking the Government probing questions along the lines of  “whether or not the Prime Minister would agree with me that the sun does really shine out of her magnificent backside?”. Continue reading

May’s Weird Shoulder Laugh


Jeremy Corbyn somehow manages to blaze the Surrey council open goal over the bar at PMQs. And Theresa May is loving it…

PMQs: Who’s Asking the Questions?

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Mrs Sheryll Murray (South East Cornwall) If she will list her official engagements for Wednesday 8 March.

Q2 Maggie Throup (Erewash)

Q3 Chris Green (Bolton West)

Q4 Michael Fabricant (Lichfield) What recent assessment she has made of the (a) performance of the economy and (b) adequacy of provision of public services in the Midlands Engine region; and if she will make a statement.

Q5 Tracy Brabin (Batley and Spen)

Q6 Mark Menzies (Fylde)

Q7 Gordon Marsden (Blackpool South)

Q8 Dan Jarvis (Barnsley Central)

Q9 Julie Cooper (Burnley)

Q10 Yasmin Qureshi (Bolton South East)

Q11 Johnny Mercer (Plymouth, Moor View)

Q12 Amanda Milling (Cannock Chase)

Q13 Geraint Davies (Swansea West)

Q14 Deidre Brock (Edinburgh North and Leith)

Q15 Alec Shelbrooke (Elmet and Rothwell)

Comments in the comments…

The Bumble in the Jungle

It’s a boxing cliché that bouts between fighters of different styles make for the most exciting spectacle: think slugger Joe Frazier facing off against a dancing Muhammad Ali, or Iron Mike bobbing and weaving his way through a succession of opponents throwing out straight jabs. Like all bloodsports, politics is subject to the same rule.

Jeremy Corbyn is an out-fighter. Cautious, he throws out a succession of punches to keep his opponent at bay, hoping that eventually enough of them stick for him to be awarded a points-decision. Such a style naturally gelled with David Cameron. Corbyn furiously jabbed; Cameron parried, then dished out a ruthless finishing blow back across the Chamber à la Floyd Mayweather. PMQs finest counter-puncher.

Continue reading

May’s Weird “Incredible” Joke

What was that?

PMQs: Who’s Asking the Questions?

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Andrew Bridgen (North West Leicestershire) If she will list her official engagements for Wednesday 1 March

Q2 Mr Steve Reed (Croydon North)

Q3 Stephen Metcalfe (South Basildon and East Thurrock)

Q4 Mary Glindon (North Tyneside)

Q5 Roger Mullin (Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath)

Q6 Sarah Olney (Richmond Park)

Q7 Judith Cummins (Bradford South)

Q8 Nigel Adams (Selby and Ainsty)

Q9 Jo Churchill (Bury St Edmunds)

Q10 Alex Cunningham (Stockton North)

Q11 Bob Blackman (Harrow East)

Q12 Kevin Barron (Rother Valley)

Q13 Andrew Bingham (High Peak)

Q14 Glyn Davies (Montgomeryshire)

Q15 Victoria Prentis (Banbury)

Comments in the comments…

DAB PMQ

Readers of this sketch will remember its recurring and heartfelt concern for the sanity of poor Tom Watson. First chronicling his deepening existential despair here, in subsequent months I went on to speculate it was only a matter of time before he would finally lose it and go the “full Bill Murray and turn up to PMQs stark bollock naked”, all in a desperate attempt to break this cycle of Groundhog Day-style self-immolations by the Labour Leader. Today was that day…

He’d almost made it as well, valiantly surviving most of Jeremy Corbyn’s rambling monologues by nodding his head slowly back and forth in scenes eerily reminiscent of One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. That lasted right up until Mr. Corbyn finally took the plunge into complete self-parody and used his last question to spit at Theresa May that she needed to “INVEST IN OUR. ENN. AITCH. ESS!”, dementedly hammering his fist on the despatch box like a toddler to punctuate each syllable of “NHS”. At this point something broke in Mr. Watson, and he decided to do what any normal 50 year old politician would in such a situation and throw his arms maniacally in the air, performing an urban youth dance-craze known as a “dab”. Well, at least he didn’t go full Miley Cyrus and twerk on a dwarf in the chamber. Then again, Bercow may have been game…

Continue reading

Tom Watson’s PMQs Dab

Tom Watson performed a “dab” at the end of PMQs. For readers not familar with the Atlanta hip-hop dance scene, a dab is a dance move popularised by various musicians and sports stars, and copied by naff people trying to be cool. Was it for a bet?

PMQs: Who Is Asking the Questions

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Yasmin Qureshi (Bolton South East)

Q2 Caroline Flint (Don Valley) 

Q3 Andrew Bingham (High Peak) 

Q4 Michael Tomlinson (Mid Dorset and North Poole) 

Q5 Gerald Jones (Merthyr Tydfil and Rhymney)

Q6 William Wragg (Hazel Grove)

Q7 Kerry McCarthy (Bristol East)

Q8 Phil Wilson (Sedgefield)

Q9 Dr Julian Lewis (New Forest East)

Q10 Dr Tania Mathias (Twickenham) 

Q11 Chris Davies (Brecon and Radnorshire) 

Q12 Crispin Blunt (Reigate) 

Q13 Neil Parish (Tiverton and Honiton)

Q14 Nic Dakin (Scunthorpe) 

Q15 Gavin Newlands (Paisley and Renfrewshire North)

Comments in the comments…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

The Councillor Who Came in from the Cold

Jeremy Corbyn began PMQs today with a damning tirade against patients waiting “up to 13 hours and 52 minutes to be seen” at the Royal Blackburn A&E department: a frustrating delay that is coincidentally is the exact same amount of time it takes to get a meeting with Jeremy Corbyn during a reshuffle.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

PMQs: Who’s Asking The Questions?

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Toby Perkins (Chesterfield) If she will list her official engagements for Wednesday 8 February

Q2 Johnny Mercer (Plymouth, Moor View)

Q3 Patrick Grady (Glasgow North)

Q4 Scott Mann (North Cornwall)

Q5 Jake Berry (Rossendale and Darwen)

Q6 Mrs Theresa Villiers (Chipping Barnet)

Q7 Iain Stewart (Milton Keynes South)

Q8 James Morris (Halesowen and Rowley Regis)

Q9 Dr Sarah Wollaston (Totnes)

Q10 James Berry (Kingston and Surbiton)

Q11 Mr Graham Brady (Altrincham and Sale West)

Q12 Karl McCartney (Lincoln)

Q13 Julian Sturdy (York Outer)

Q14 Chris Green (Bolton West)

Q15 Gavin Newlands (Paisley and Renfrewshire North)

Comments in the comments…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Lucky Donald Trump is a Calm and Forgiving Man

This week has been a political wet dream for Jeremy Corbyn. Lefties angry? Check. Popular protests? Check. US President to blame? Check. Hasn’t spilt Cup A Soup down himself on the News at Ten or participated in some other colossal screw up in front of the entire nation?[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

May on Corbyn: “He Can Lead a Protest, I’m Leading a Country”

One of Corbyn’s better outings and yet the well-prepared PM brushed him aside with consummate ease. She’s getting more confident…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

PMQs: Who’s Asking the Questions?

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Peter Heaton-Jones (North Devon) If she will list her official engagements for Wednesday 1 February

Q2 Stuart Andrew (Pudsey)

Q3 Jonathan Reynolds (Stalybridge and Hyde)

Q4 Mrs Maria Miller (Basingstoke)

Q5 Mrs Theresa Villiers (Chipping Barnet)

Q6 Chris Elmore (Ogmore)

Q7 John Nicolson (East Dunbartonshire)

Q8 Deidre Brock (Edinburgh North and Leith)

Q9 Ruth Cadbury (Brentford and Isleworth)

Q10 Will Quince (Colchester)

Q11 James Duddridge (Rochford and Southend East)

Q12 Alec Shelbrooke (Elmet and Rothwell)

Q13 Mr Stephen Hepburn (Jarrow)

Q14 Mr David Winnick (Walsall North)

Comments in the comments…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

A friend of David Cameron responds to his request for a lunchtime game of tennis:

“Sorry, can’t make it; I have a job.”

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

Sunday Shows Sunday Shows
Watch: Brillo’s Message to Terrorists Watch: Brillo’s Message to Terrorists
Channel 4 and Guardian Sanctimony Backfires Channel 4 and Guardian Sanctimony Backfires
We’ve Named the Wrong Man: Channel 4 News in Shocking Blunder We’ve Named the Wrong Man: Channel 4 News in Shocking Blunder
PICTURED: Minister Tobias Ellwood Gives CPR PICTURED: Minister Tobias Ellwood Gives CPR
Westminster Attack – How it Happened Westminster Attack – How it Happened
Gallery Guido’s PMQs Sketch Gallery Guido’s PMQs Sketch
HS2 Gravy Train Rides Again HS2 Gravy Train Rides Again
Three of Five Gorton Candidates Back Iranian Government Three of Five Gorton Candidates Back Iranian Government
Get The Look: May in Vogue Get The Look: May in Vogue
Exclusive: Jon Lansman was at Unite HQ Just Two Weeks Ago Exclusive: Jon Lansman was at Unite HQ Just Two Weeks Ago
Leaked UKIP Memo: Candidates Must Leave Social Media Leaked UKIP Memo: Candidates Must Leave Social Media
Guido Investigation: Trojan Horse at the Heart of Birmingham Labour Party Guido Investigation: Trojan Horse at the Heart of Birmingham Labour Party
“St Patrick was an Immigrant” “St Patrick was an Immigrant”
Watch: McLoughlin vs McCaffrey Watch: McLoughlin vs McCaffrey
Watch: May Launches Plan for Britain Watch: May Launches Plan for Britain
Bus-ted: Tories Fined £70000, Treasurer Faces Charges, Thanet Re-Run Bus-ted: Tories Fined £70000, Treasurer Faces Charges, Thanet Re-Run
FLASHBACK: Labour Election Fraud FLASHBACK: Labour Election Fraud
FLASHBACK: LibDem Election Fraud FLASHBACK: LibDem Election Fraud
Watch: Minister Hit with NICs U-Turn on Live TV Watch: Minister Hit with NICs U-Turn on Live TV