GOLD: These Were His Salad Days

“Remember we were partners in crime…”

Osborne Hooker Arrested After Tweeting “Off His Trolley” Photo

Two days ago Natalie Rowe, the former dominatrix who claims to have done cocaine with Osborne, tweeted this previously unseen photo of a young George:

Her tweets were increasingly hysterical and from her timeline she appears to be having some kind of episode. Today she was arrested for unrelated “abusive behaviour” on the King’s Road last Thursday:

One for the conspiracy theorists. Rowe’s home was raided by the cops after she announced she would be revealing all in a book last year…

Lobby Snorts at Labour Lawbreaker Line

One question has been buzzing around today:

One for Ed’s team to sniff out.

Crystal Methodist Pleads Guilty

Rev Flowers has pleaded guilty to possession of cocaine, methyl amphetamine and ketamine at Leeds Magistrates Court. He has been fined £525. Or 6 Gs as he would call it.

Friday Caption Contest (Lines to Take Edition)

When David Axelrod met his future colleague Tom Baldwin, then the Times’ Washington correspondent. Captions in the comments please…

Via @laurapitel

Crystal Methodist Thanks BBC for Newsnight Fawning

Having been charged with drug offences this morning, the renowned gak-fiend Reverend Flowers lavished praise on the BBC for giving him such an easy ride when he appeared on Newsnight:

“There is a phrase for some people, they call them vultures, and I really do hope that somebody quotes me on that, especially the BBC. The BBC have been really nice to me but the rest of you are vultures.”

He must be very grateful that Newsnight failed to ask him about his use of drugs and rent-boys since he declared himself a changed man…

Chuka Ne Remember Rien

The socialist French government have been showing Chuka Umunna some love, whisking the our two-faced chum across the channel for an all-expenses paid three day visit.

The £4,348 cost of the trip included the services of a translator, which is odd given Chuka boasts on his CV about his degree in English and French Law.

Clearly the year that he spent at the University of Burgundy in Dijon, France did not cut the mustard.

Have all those long nights partying in Ibiza had some sort of negative effect on Chuka’s memory?

Farage Does Drugs

faragedugs

“Last week, Nick Clegg returned from a trip to South America. Goodness knows what he smoked out there, because he actually made a couple of smart points. First, the so-called War on Drugs isn’t working. Second, we should appoint a royal commission to look into the alternatives. The fact is our current approach to drugs is neither practical nor effective. I strongly believe in promoting individual freedom – but I also strongly believe in reducing the public harm caused by drugs. As a parent as much as a politician, I say we have to accept that current policy has not achieved the reductions in crime or consumption that we’d hoped for. I know he slagged me off in this newspaper yesterday, but on this one I agree with Nick.”

Finally a politician with an interesting line

Time For Watson to Launch Corrections and Clarifications Page

Oh the beautiful irony. Tom Watson put his X-Box down for ten minutes to have a go at Labour for playing up Ed as a strong leader like Thatcher. ‘It’s highly likely that a spin doctor, working for Ed, chose to persuade people that he really would “Govern like Thatcher”‘ he blogged. Within an hour or so it was a full reverse ferret:

“Tom Baldwin, an adviser to Ed Miliband has been in touch to say: “For the record, I didn’t mention thatcher once in all the lobby briefing around the speech. Truth is, I suspect, they got together and constructed line themselves.”

Perhaps he should have checked his facts before he mixed opinion and news? Time for a due-prominence apology, for sure.

This is not the first time Watson has cocked up like this.

Remember when he accused Guido of selling drugs to George Osborne at a rave?

Or when he had to apologise to Nick Robinson for accusing him of being a Murdoch stooge in his book?

Maybe he should add a permanent corrections and clarifications section to his website, as they’re piling up…

It’s what Brian Leveson would want…

IoD Sniff at Ed’s Big Speech

Unsurprisingly business leaders weren’t impressed with Ed’s speech either. Institute of Directors boss Simon Walker has his say:

“The state has a very poor history of creating competition in banking. The last time the Government told a bank what to do, Lloyds was ordered to sell branches to Rev. Flowers, and we all know how that ended.”

Wounder.

WATCH: The One Where Chandler Meets Peter Hitchens

“You are just a person who is talking who is wrong.”

WATCH: Highgella: The Movie

Saatchi Claims Nigella Was "Off Her Head" on Coke

It’s been an open secret that Charles Saatchi has been trying to put around the Nigella coke angle, but her lawyers have been stopping anyone from printing it. Now it’s been said in court:

Saatchi’s friends tell people that is why he was looking up her nose that day…

Image reconstruction.

UPDATE:

This explains so much:

GALLERY GUIDO: Smear Executive Decided to Smear Labour

We’re making up a Labour smear story.

We’re going for their most cherished example of mutual, collective endeavour. The Co-op. Ethical, modest, decent. Let’s make it go bust through filthy capitalist greed. And let’s get it taken over by US vulture funds who have the power to call in Labour’s loans, but don’t because they act more ethically than the previous management.

But you want more.

Okay, let’s have the outgoing chairman of the ethical bank to be a most complete representative of the Labour movement – a Co-op member for years, a Methodist minister who could be your dad, who gives money to Labour from Co-op funds. How much?

Half a million! Why half a milion? It’s a smear, make it a million!

Let’s have him only being an amateur in banking with no qualifications except “a professional requirement to be charitable”, and he gives a million to the party generally and also smaller donations to – who do we hate most? – Ed Balls.

Let’s get this perfect Labour guy who looks like your dad to give, what’s a really large private sum, fifty thousand pounds to Ed Balls’ office. Perfect.

But you want to have him personally corrupt? Is that really necessary? What, watching porn on his work computer as a Labour councillor? Okay, it’s a Harriet Harman sort of crime but –

You want him to be contracting rent boys? The chairman of the Co-op bank hiring rent boys? I guess it’s not imposs-

You want him to be doing DRUG DEALS? Now it’s too much. What sort of drugs? CRYSTAL METH?

You want him to look like everyone’s father, chair a Labour bank, give money to Labour shadow cabinet names, and be a rent-boy-seeking Labour councilor buying CRYSTAL METH in a car? It’s too much.

Smear-wise it’s beyond anything previously attempted.

More seriously, it will damage the whole smearing industry.

WATCH: Rob Ford: The Movie

Via teh internetz.

Special Offer of the Day

Arena Flowers wins for their outstanding effort at shoehorning Rev Flowers into a promotional offer. Promo code “crystalmethodist”…

Coke-Snorting Co-op Boss' Night With Chuka

Rev Flowers has been nicked as Labour’s Co-op embarrassment makes the front pages once again this morning. By far Guido’s favourite story of the day however is this little gem found by the Sun, who have got hold of Facebook messages written by Flowers in which he lusts over a certain party loving Labour frontbencher:

Thank god he didn’t favourite anything on Twitter…

PMQs SKETCH: Power is Not the Only Drug

Considering the aggregate of recent events Stephen Brine enjoyed quite a range of options with which to open the Government batting at PMQs. He said: “The nightmare of my disbelief at the Opposition Leader’s gay-porn male prostitute front bench million pounds for hard working mums and dads against Ed Miliband’s Welfare party on amphetamines?”

The Prime Minister agreed that there were questions for Labour to answer, about who knew what when, why, whither and who in the Labour party had put the meth in Methodist.

“Edward Miliband!” the Speaker called in such an impartial way that a stress fracture broke out in his forehead.

Ed Miliband rose to speak for the children of Chipping Norton. They were having their Children’s Centre closed. “Children’s lives are being destroyed by the Conservative cost of living crisis,” he said. “Heartbreak soldiers pride in British children with a fair wage, without VAT tax evading fraudsters pouring money into the Conservative party because their leader is a LOSER!”

The Prime Minister handled it with ease and some asperity. “What he doesn’t say, because he’s pathetic, is that now there’ll be one fewer set of school gates where Labour donors can peddle crack cocaine!”

That played into Ed Miliband’s line of attack: “I think we have established that the out of touch Prime Minister just doesn’t understand that the price of crack cocaine now puts it totally beyond the reach of squeezed children who are being forced into coke banks by pay day Tories!”

George Osborne heckled: “Shove it up your forearm with a turkey baster, you sick, bent, rent boys!”

Visibly deflated, the Opposition leader concluded his attack with, “What he has shown today is that he has no answers!”

“I may not have answers,” the Prime Minister laughed, “but you don’t have any questions.”

“Touché,” all sides cried and repaired behind the Speaker’s Chair where the crack pipes are kept.

Note. Reconstruction. Dialogue may not represent actual dialogue. Steve Coogan appeared as David Cameron and Johnny Vegas as Ed Balls. Ed Miliband was played by himself.

Drug Banter from Dave the Rave

It was all banter, mate.

Cameron declared that he was only joking when he accused Michael Meacher of being on mind altering substances. Something the PM and Chancellor would know all about.

Dave admitted he smoked pot and has never denied taking cocaine, even when he was asked whether he took it after he was elected. When asked by Alex Thomson of Channel Four News, all he confirmed was he hadn’t snorted since 2001:

AT: “If you were asked have you ever taken class A drugs as an MP, would you answer that question?”

DC: “I have always said that lawmakers cannot be lawbreakers. All I have said about my past, though, is that what is private in the past should remain private.”

AT: “If I asked you if you’d snorted cocaine as an MP, you’d therefore say No, wouldn’t you?”

DC: “That’s right, but please, I mean, I think we’ve dealt with this issue…”

AT: “So that’s ‘No’?”

DC: “I’ve absolutely answered your question.”

AT: “Say No.”

DC: “I’ve just said No.”

AT: “Thank you. Right. We can move on.”

That’s a rather extended “normal university experience”. 

Labour's New Tough Line

Labour have this afternoon suspended coke-snorting Rev Flowers from the party.

Since they are taking such a tough line, Guido wonders if there is a precedent for such action against known cocaine users?

See also: 

[…] Read the rest

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