‘Hungry, Feral and Aroused’: New Corbyn Spinner’s Raunchy Adult Novel

Jeremy Corbyn’s new spin doctor Steve Howell is the author of a sex-laced thriller about a fictional drugs scandal, Guido can reveal. Howell claims his racy page-turner Over The Line “anticipated the doping crisis in sport and exposed the over-lapping epidemic of steroid abuse for appearance-enhancing body-building.” Guido doesn’t remember Lance Armstrong getting up to the following…

Without thinking, I started stroking her hair with my left hand, and after a few moments, she began kissing my chest with moist open lips, moving slightly higher with each one until she reached my neck and then the dimple in my chin. Our lips met, and we kissed in silence for a very long time, tongues reaching deep into each other’s mouths, hungry and feral. I sensed she could feel how aroused I was. I was embarrassed and surprised by my lust. It had been a long time.” 

“I think we would have made love then and there if I hadn’t been so bruised and battered, but it was hopeless. Each time I tried to hold her more closely, stabs of pain would ricochet through me like electric shocks. Kissing and caressing were one thing, but I needed a body in much better working order to go any further…”  

“I was completely naked, and I sensed Mimi looking closely at me. The cuts and bruises on my torso were less inflamed now, but it had been as comical as it was painful earlier when we tried to manoeuvre our way round them to make love for the first time. Mimi had lived up to her claim to be a good coach — a great one, in fact. I’d felt inhibited and self-conscious by the time we reached the room, over-thinking what was about to happen and wondering if I’d live up to expectations, whatever they were. But she seemed to have no such inhibitions, undressing almost before the door was closed and then helping me along. I had forgotten how exhilarating sex could be — or possibly I had never known. The anaesthetic and soporific effect was so intense it sent me into the heaviest sleep I’d had for days.” 

Surely a contender for a Bad Sex Award

Members of the Lobby beware: the book contains a chilling passage about an assault on a journalist for asking an awkward question:

“My fuse had burnt out in the press conference, and none of it was left to stop me exploding. I grabbed the Argus journalist by his jacket collar… I pulled him towards me so that my chest — which is fairly chiselled for a forty-something — was pushing up into his chin. I was ready to throw him across the nearest car bonnet, and he was looking strangely smug as if he was enjoying the whole thing. Mimi was quick to intervene… The adrenalin [sic] was still pumping, but my saner senses prevailed. Tempted though I was, I realised Meg’s coach beating a journalist up would not help matters at this point. I released my grip and stepped back as he made a show of straightening his jacket.” 

The book’s flyleaf reveals it published in February 2015 by “Quaero Publishing”. A search of books index WorldCat fails to return any other work ever published by Quaero, and the publisher’s address is linked to Howell’s other businesses. Seems like Howell’s book was self-published, not that he mentions that on his promotional website. Steve could give McDonnell’s late night typewriter a run for its money…

Clive Lewis: “None of This is True. I Haven’t Done This”

Much excitement following the HuffPo report that four websites, cliveforleader.co.uk, cliveforleader.org.uk, cliveforlabour.co.uk and cliveforlabour.org.uk, had been registered on 29 June last year. The story took off when Lewis stupidly gave HuffPo a flowery statement quoting LBJ, which was immediately interpreted as a non-denial. He has now flat out denied the story to the Guardian:

“None of this is true. I haven’t done this.”

It would be pretty extraordinarily thick of Lewis to register these sites in his own name. Let alone two days after he was appointed as Shadow Defence Secretary. Much more likely a scheming Labour enemy did it with the aim of doing him in. Guido can disclose that junior Corbynistas had been excitedly talking about the alleged Lewis websites for days before the story broke…

McDonnell’s “Late Night Typewriter” Blamed For “Soft Coup” Claim

Shadow Cabinet member Barry Gardiner tells the BBC that John McDonnell “has retracted” the “soft coup” warning, brilliantly blaming his “late night typewriter”. An excuse that is not used enough…

Britain’s Brexit Negotiating Cards

Bloomberg has a handy series of charts showing the strength of the UK’s negotiating position relative to the EU. On defence, among the EU states, only Britain and France have nuclear weapons. Britain’s defence spending outstrips all other EU nations by at least £20 billion. The EU will still rely on British expertise for defence and security after Brexit…

The UK has the joint second largest number of votes on the IMF board among EU countries.

Brussels will face a shortfall of almost 12 billion Euros in their budget when Britain leaves. Preparations for the next EU budget round will begin around the time the UK leaves, increasing the pressure on Brussels bean counters.

The City of London is home to the continent’s largest banks and trillions of Euros of their assets.

The UK is one of the richest European economies and its GDP per capita far outweighs the EU average.

Obviously, Britain was one of the EU’s most attractive destinations for internal migration. Remember, the negotiating hand is strong…

New Telegraph and Mail Pol Eds

Two big Lobby moves which MediaGuido can announce. Gordon Rayner has been appointed political editor at the Telegraph, leaving his previous role as chief reporter to join the Lobby. An internal hire was inevitable. Would’ve taken silly money to convince a top hack from a rival to join the Tel…

Talking of which, Jason Groves is the new Daily Mail political editor, as tipped by MediaGudio a few weeks back. John Stevens has been promoted to deputy pol ed – he had been one of the favourites for the Sunday Times deputy job. The Mail will be pleased to have kept him out of their clutches.

Corbyn’s New Spinner Worked For Copeland ‘Baby Killers’

Jeremy Corbyn’s new spin doctor is a lobbyist whose firm works for the Cumbria Success Regime, the controversial NHS programme which Labour said would kill babies in Copeland. Steve Howell, Jezza’s new Deputy Director of Strategy and Communications, is founder and director at PR company Freshwater. Their latest company accounts lists the Cumbria Success Regime among their top ten clients:

The Cumbria Success Regime was appointed by the government to overhaul healthcare services in Copeland. It recommended moving maternity services away from West Cumberland Hospital in Whitehaven, provoking outcry from Labour and inspiring the party’s infamous “babies will die” posters during the by-election. And now Corbyn has hired the man whose firm did their PR. Spin that…

McDonnell: “Soft Coup Underway”, Murdoch and Moderates Behind Plot

John McDonnell has issued an extraordinary warning to the Corbynite left that a “soft coup” is in progress to unseat Jeremy Corbyn. McDonnell accuses an alliance of Labour centrists and “the Murdoch media empire” of working “covertly” to undermine the leader, taking the unusual step of naming Sunday Times journalist James Lyons, suggesting Lyons has “regularly received leaks from within the Labour Party – usually used to attack Jeremy and his team“. The text appeared yesterday on the hard-left Labour Briefing website. Here are the key excerpts:

“WE HAVE TO ALERT PARTY MEMBERS and supporters that the soft coup is underway. It’s planned, co-ordinated and fully resourced. It is being perpetrated by an alliance between elements in the Labour Party and the Murdoch media empire, both intent on destroying Jeremy Corbyn and all that he stands for…

“The plotters are effective in distorting the media coverage because they have extensive contacts and allies in the media, many inherited from Mandelson’s days. The professional planning of interventions in which attacks to undermine Jeremy are framed evidences an exceptionally well resourced ‘dark arts’ operation of the old spin school.

“Both quantitative and qualitative polling is undertaken by the Party regularly under the direction of Jon Trickett, the Party’s National Campaign Co-ordinator. Jon arranged for one focus group to be carried out by the Party’s polling agency in Manchester to assess how our frontbench members appearing on television programmes at the time were being perceived in the north west. This polling took place back in November and its results were only accessible to a small number of party officials, Jon Trickett and the polling agency. To this day I have still not seen the results. The polling was leaked by someone to James Lyons, a Times journalist who has regularly received leaks from within the Labour Party – usually used to attack Jeremy and his team.

The Murdoch media had already run earlier in the week fake news stories in The Times and Sun alleging that Jeremy was planning to stand down as leader of the Party… The media then invented the story that the polling on the perception of Shadow Cabinet members in the north west was the Party testing the perceptions of potential successors to Jeremy.

“…we can defeat the plotters again. This is the testing time for the Corbyn transformation. The challenges are great and the times are tough – but we all know that this is the socialist opportunity of a lifetime.”

Siege mentality…

UPDATE: McDonnell’s spokesman says:

“This article was written over a week ago in response to the intervention from Tony Blair. It was published in print last week and only went online last night. However, as John said yesterday he wants us all to focus on party unity following last week’s by-election results. And he is looking to reach out in the coming days to those across all sections of the party and none.”

Rich’s Monday Morning View

Gerald Kaufman Dead

Jeremy Corbyn statement:

“I’m very sad at the passing of Sir Gerald Kaufman MP. An iconic and irascible figure in the Labour Party, Gerald worked with Harold Wilson when he was Prime Minister in the 1960s and became a Labour MP in 1970. Gerald was always a prominent figure in the party and in Parliament, with his dandy clothes and wonderful demeanour in speaking. Gerald came from a proud Jewish background. He always wanted to bring peace to the Middle East and it was my pleasure to travel with him to many countries. I last saw him in his lovely flat in St John’s Wood in London, surrounded by film posters and a library of the film world. He loved life and politics. I will deeply miss him, both for his political commitment and constant friendship.”

Which means Ken Clarke is the new Father of the House. By-election in Manchester Gorton, where Labour have a 24,000 majority and the Greens came second in 2015…

O’Flynn Rejects Arron Banks’ Hostile UKIP Take-Over Offer

Snarling Angry Corbyn

Corbyn is cracking up, ease off the snarling senile socialist everyone…

Rudd: Fake News Being Spread About Child Refugee Settlement

Shami: Media Unfair to Labour

Corbyn: ‘Well Done Our SNPs’

His allies have been talking up a “progressive alliance” but “our SNP” may be a bit much for Scottish Labour. Pressure is getting to him…

Saturday Seven Up

This week 204,520 visitors visited 654,004 times viewing 1,080,257 pages. The top stories in order of popularity were:

You’re either in front of Guido, or behind…[…] Read the rest

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Cat Smith’s Comical Ali Moment

Top Corbynista Cat Smith tells ITV why Labour’s performance in Copeland was still an “incredible achievement”.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Trump to CPAC

[…] Read the rest

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Politically Weaponised NHS Has Been Disarmed

Ed Miliband wanted to weaponise the NHS to defeat the Tories. For half-a-century Labour has used the natural Tory reluctance to pour unlimited amounts of money into the NHS as a means of scaring voters into their camp. David Cameron decided in opposition that it was time for the Tories to embrace the NHS as fervently as the voters; this was a key part of his modernisation agenda.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Dimbleby Calls Copeland Wrong

11:12pm last night:

“Copeland has been held by Labour. The Tories haven’t taken Copeland.”

David Dimbleby’s sources on the ground let him down…[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +

Now Hancock Gets Copeland Tory’s Name Wrong Too!

Last night Matt Hancock was unable to name Stoke Tory candidate Jack Brereton when asked by Andrew Neil. His excuse was that he had been up in Copeland…

This afternoon Hancock did the double, getting new Copeland Tory MP Trudy Harrison’s name wrong on Radio 2, repeatedly calling her Judy Harrison.[…] Read the rest

+ READ MORE +



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