Trouble in paradise this morning as Macron is suing the European Commission for employing English-only tests in its hiring processes. Paris has been getting increasingly annoyed at what they say is the decline of French proficiency in the bloc.

Paris’ case is focussed on the hiring process for officials in key sectors like economics and defence. Macron’s arguing that using tests exclusively in English violates the EU commitment to treat all citizens on equal terms. Liberté, égalité, anglais…

Starmer gave Macron a lovely gift at the Elysee Palace today – a means for the French President to wear his support for the UK’s cross channel migrants policy on his sleeve. On both sleeves of the Arsenal 23/24 Home Shirt, which has had Macron’s name specially printed on the back, are the words of the sponsor: “VISIT RWANDA.” Guido looks forward to seeing Macron sporting this fine message…

The second episode of Guto Harri’s Unprecedented podcast reveals Rishi Sunak wasn’t the only one who got under Boris’s skin: he called Emmanuel Macron “a c***” too. In the immediate aftermath of the Putin’s invasion of Ukraine, Harri claims the former PM unleashed an enraged diatribe against Macron after the French President criticised the UK’s handling of the refugee crisis, saying “He’s a four-letter word that begins with C. He’s a weirdo. He’s Putin’s lickspittle.” At one point Boris told close allies he was “going to have to punch [Macron’] lights out”…

Luckily the pair “patched things up” at the G7  a few weeks later over a glass of whisky, with no harm done. Harri also reveals what Zelensky told Boris after the UK supplied NLAW missiles to Ukraine: “Every time we fire them, we think of a love story… all you need is N-love…”

The UK will spend nearly half a billion pounds over the next three years to help fund a new detention centre in France, as part of a new deal agreed today between the PM and French President Emmanuel Macron. According to Number 10, the new detention centre will increase French detention capacity, meaning migrants who might otherwise try crossing the channel will be “removed from the French coast“:

“For the first time, the UK will help fund a detention centre in France to enhance the country’s ability to cope with the level of people being trafficked across the Channel. This new centre will support French efforts to increase detention capacity, allowing more migrants who might otherwise travel by dangerous and illegal routes to the UK to be removed from the French coast.”

The package will also see an increased French patrol presence along the coast, with “enhanced technology and insights” – including drones – to stop more crossings. At the time of going to pixel, Rishi and Macron are up in front of the press extolling the virtues of their renewed friendship, hailing a “new beginning” for the two countries. It’s all smiles, although it remains to be seen whether any of this will be effective. “Merci, mon ami”…

Rishi is fast tracking the the Illegal Migration Bill through Parliament, with MPs set to debate and vote on the draft legislation by Monday evening at the latest. Downing Street confirmed this afternoon that the PM wants the Bill to passed as “swiftly” as possible…

“Certainly we are doing it as swiftly and thoroughly as possible. We think it’s a vital piece of legislation.”

While Labour plan to oppose it, it is expected to sail through the Commons with no major Tory rebellion. Although Rishi may enter choppier waters when it comes to dealing with Macron, who’s set to oppose a returns agreement for Channel migrants… 

The new King has taken time from his busy schedule to catch-up with world leaders, with one in particular catching Guido’s attention. On a call yesterday to Emmanuel Macron, the French President committed to working with Charles to deal with common challenges “starting with the protection of the climate and the planet“. Co-conspirators will of course be aware of Charles’s meddling record on the environment and this does not augur well for the continued neutrality of the constitutional monarchy. From now on Charles should restrict his political views to his conversations with his plants. The King seems to be under the illusion that his environmental ideas are non-political…