What poise our PM has, what a sense of balance. It was inspiring to watch him hopping into action like that French knight in the funny film, diminished but undaunted by losing one limb after another.

Moments before the session started, a fabulous blonde – slightly, but only slightly less fabulous than the Leader of the House – had wandered across to the wrong benches and sat down behind the Leader of the Opposition’s place.

Had she lost her way? Reader, she had. The poor thing had lost her way. This was a woman who inherited her Dover seat from her ex-husband by the grace of Conservative HQ, and for years tore into Labour like a feasting wolverine (see Guido, below). What can she think she is doing?

Did the Tory whips know? No one knew. In the hubbub of pre-PMQs, the Leader of the House went to give the news to Rishi standing at the Speaker’s side. His most vociferous Conservative had defected in the last 90 seconds – the unkindest cut of all.

Rishi is getting seriously short of members. And quite short of Members. But what a brave face he put on it. He certainly welcomed the new Labour member for Birmingham with more warmth than Keir welcomed the new Labour Member for Dover. “He looks a lot happier than the person who was sitting there last week,” he said, smiling in that way he has.

In defeat – in the aftermath of “the biggest by-election swing in history” as LOTO put it, the PM behaved with a dignity and a posture that was entirely admirable, and even amazing, for someone with no arms and but one leg. He congratulated all former councillors, PCCs and mayors, saying, “I hope his new ones do him as proud as I am of all of mine”.

Keir’s script was less gracious but no doubt more pleasing to his supporters. “He’s lost 1,500 Tory councillors, half of his party’s mayors, and a leadership election to a lettuce.” It took a full second for his deputy to realise her leader had made joking and she almost made laughing. “How many times does the public, and his own MPs need to reject him before he takes the hint?”

Rishi replied more joshing than jousting, to remind him of Tony Blair’s advice, that “He can be as cocky as he likes about local elections, but in general elections, it’s policy that counts.”

Labour laughed and were probably right to do so. If policy counted, the Tories would be 20 points further behind the 20 they currently are.

To Keir’s question, How many small boat crossings had there been in the last 16 days since the PM had promised action not words? Rishi offered a slightly less-than-complete answer.

He said, What about that Sadiq Khan? He believes there’s an equivalence between the terrorist attack by Hamas and Israel defending itself. So will LOTO take this opportunity to … (etc and so forth).

It set Keir up for a repartee we have grown to know and love: “He’s getting ahead of himself before a general election, asking me questions.”

One alarming thought occurred during the PM’s summary of reasons why illegal migration is down by a third – strengthening border forces, increased detection, clamping down on the gangs. They sounded very like Labour’s proposals.

It was Sir Edward Leigh who said the thing that would actually deter the boats, the seemingly impossible thing, the 14-word solution to illegal migration: “To arrest and detain all those who land illegally and then offshore them promptly”.

The PM agreed that deterrence was key to it but couldn’t admit that there is no deterrence involved while the courts have a role in adjudicating appeals, and the police are powerless to stop protestors blocking migrant busses cleared for take-off. Add to this that (according to Keir) Rwanda will take migrants only in their hundreds, and that les misérables modernes will now spend their entire lives in a backlog queue at public expense.

The deterrent effect so far is of an entirely limbless premier sat on his torso shouting, “Get back! Turn round! You can’t come! You shall not pass!”

C’est magnifique mais c’est pas dissuasion.

The only serious political advice Gallery Guido can offer is: Never let a Labour party member get between you and the door.