For the first PMQs since last week’s Opposition Day of Rage, and Keir Starmer’s intervention on the Order Paper followed by 87 signatures on an anti-Speaker EDM – your sketch writer was concerned that Lindsay Hoyle’s era of a kinder, gentler politics was in danger of passing.
However, before the session started, there were indications of a humanitarian pause in hostilities. Keir stood beside the Chair giving off an air of nonchalant humility, chatting with the Speaker’s staff, awaiting the Speaker’s signal to proceed along the front bench to his place. He was acknowledging the authority of the chair.
The Tories who had signed the EDM might have disrupted proceedings with barracking, stamping and a concert of disorder. They have before – but perhaps mindful of the consensus (“We let ourselves down badly, last week”) they too made no move towards mutiny.
And most powerful in the circumstances, the Scottish Nationalist Intifada could have pursued its theme of a Chair contemptuous of legitimate aspirations to sovereign nationhood, and the colonial oppression of a genocidal government stealing the talent and resources of a conquered nation. But no – Flynn talked about Gaza. With Caledonian eloquence he made the five-month death toll – modest for the region – sound awful enough that the PM should vote for a ceasefire at the UN. He received the answer he always receives and he seemed content.
The Speaker is probably going to be all right. Lion taming is more psychology than violence and for the time being at least, the great beast of the Commons is back under control.
To show there were no hard feelings, the two main leaders put on a crowd-pleasing display of mutual abuse.
Mocking Liz Truss’s description of an ‘administrative state’ frustrating politicians’ directives, Keir asked, “When did the Tories become the political wing of the Flat Earth Society?” It made his party laugh. Will they laugh so heartily in government when they try to discourage the Home Office working from home? We – and they – shall probably see.
The PM was at his ease in this environment, returning the Opposition’s arguments with Spineless! Helpless! Utterly hopeless! And if they were talking former leaders – a deft segue – what about the loathsome anti-semitism of Labour’s previous leader?
Keir ploughed on with: Tin foil hats! Enoch Powell! Rivers of Blood! And then, most eloquent of all, Nigel Farage!
He asked whether the PM would let Farage back into the Conservative party? As Nigel is the founding father of the challenger party most properly called Revenge UK, it is unlikely he would ever want to join a party of lepers, liars, fraudsters, charlatans and multi-purpose morons (his words, with some additions).
Rishi is too dignified to say such things out loud. He responded that the diverse and progressive Tories had for over 100 years chosen all sorts of exotic minorities as leaders, including women and himself.
He also gave one of the best prime ministerial responses ever heard at the despatch box. When asked how he could have attended a meeting in Wales dominated by climate change deniers, conspiracy theorists and other seditious idiots, he said: “That’s no way to talk about the Welsh farming community,” and sat down. What fabulous, furious noise he produced.
I was by chance sitting in the gallery next to the Speaker of the Swedish parliament and very proud at that moment to be British.
When Rishi declared, “We will always stand up for British values!” he got such roaring support from his back benches you might have thought they actually had a chance at the next election.
PS: One slight misfire on LOTO’s part may or may not be significant. He chanelled Tony Blair from the 1990s and said. “I changed my party for the better!”
His bettered MPs sat behind like the monkeys who neither saw nor heard anything. It will be interesting to watch when they come to life.
PPS: The tribute to courteous and even-tempered Patrick Cormack might have been fuller. The late and lamented peer created one of the memorable moments in the Commons of last two decades. He was the only Member who reacted manfully when Otis Ferry’s gang invaded the Commons Chamber to protest some damn thing or other. The Serjeant at Arms – actually armed with a sword – did nothing. Patrick launched himself down the gangway, grabbed the ring leader and wrestled him towards the exit. He was a substantial presence when roused and inspired by the violation of the established order. He was a proper Tory, RIP.
