The SNP have released a paper detailing what their fantasy independent Scotland would look like and grovelling to the EU about the benefits of rejoining. The 81-pager mainly drones on about what Scotland could bring to the bloc if it was allowed to join. The SNP claims Scotland’s “vibrant culture” and alignment with the EU’s “values” make them ideal candidates. The European Commission must be desperate to bring Glaswegian culture to the continent…

In a nod to Starmer the SNP praises Labour’s proposed renegotiation of the EU trade deal, suggesting that it could lead to a reduction in physical checks and consequently make the whole thing less of a problem. In the unlikely event of an independent Scotland, Guido’s not sure bagpipes and kilts will be enough for the EU to welcome the Scots back into the fold…