Nicola Sturgeon’s Sister Clarifies She’s “Not Psychic”

Up in Scotland, Nicola Sturgeon’s sister Gillian has finally settled the question of whether the Sturgeon family possess psychic powers. Given Nicola’s apparent ability to read the minds of the Scottish electorate every time she mentions independence, this had long been a floated conspiracy. Now, however, the truth emerges.

Taking to her public Facebook page last night, Gillian posted a furious riposte to her critics after claiming she had dreamt of Deborah James’ death the night before her passing:

Just to clear up. I posted about the passing of a beautiful woman the other day.

⚠️⚠️⚠️There was nothing psychic in the post.
I had a dream because I was thinking about her that day.
[…]
Anyone that thinks ( only the bullies ) that my post was anything to do with being psychic are deranged.
I AM NOT PSYCHIC !!!!!
Never have been. ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️
[…]
Now sweet dreams & I might dream tonight that Scotland win the referendum…. Oh but everyone knows that will be the case anyway !!!!”

This will come as a disappointment to the SNP, who will presumably now have to rely on actual data to determine the “settled will” of Scotland…

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