It’s definitely August in Westminster now and the commentariat appear to have settled on wild speculation about who will be the ‘caretaker’ Prime Minister as their activity of choice for this year’s silly season. Guido runs the rule over the many hopefuls to see who’s got what it takes to step in and rescue the country from the terrible fate of implementing the referendum result. Truly spoiled for choice:
- Yvette Cooper – Already had a trial run thanks to hijacking the order paper with Hilary Benn. Well qualified to lead after coming third in her own party’s leadership race.
- Hilary Benn – Could form a glorious triumvirate with Cooper and Oliver Letwin, would he be willing to share? Would be worth it just to see the look on Corbyn’s face.
- Heidi Allen – Exemplary track record at keeping a group of 11 MPs happy and harmonious. Keeping 320 MPs united will be a doddle.
- Jeremy Corbyn – Probably has the best chance of getting a Government of National Unity formed. Only problem is that it would be united against him.
- Jo Swinson – Leads 2% of MPs in Parliament. Can’t argue with a mandate like that.
- Chuka Umunna – Only a matter of time before he tries to take over his new party. Might as well skip the hassle and go straight to the top job.
- Caroline Lucas – The “obvious choice” according to a fellow Green Party member. Sadly not according to anyone else.
- Sarah Wollaston – Already been touted during one of the more hilarious coup attempts of the May era. Will plotting mastermind Nick Boles consult her in advance this time?
- Ken Clarke – Failed to win his party leadership on three separate occasions. Can Comrade Corbyn help a former Tory Chancellor belatedly realise his lifelong ambition now?
- Dominic Grieve – Plucky underdog hoping to come out victorious in the Battle of the Doms. A tsunami of adulation from adoring Remainers would no doubt carry him straight into No 10 if he succeeds.
- Rory Stewart – Somewhere, somehow, Rory is still walking on. A few more selfie videos and he could end up walking all the way into Downing Street.
- Phillip Lee – The country is desperately crying out for a hero. Who better to turn to than Great British Hero Dr Phillip Lee MP?
Spoiler alert. It’s not happening…