PMQs Sketch: Dennis “Tyson Fury” Skinner Heckles PM

simon“A f***ing Happy C***mas to you, you c***-foombling, fist-f***ing, f***-fest!”. 

So shouted Dennis Skinner to the Prime Minister, in rowdy Commons scenes just now. (Reported dialogue may not represent actual words actually used.) The Speaker had lost control of proceedings and the Commons abandoned itself to South Korean scenes. Even inside the chamber it wasn’t possible to hear what it was old Tyson Fury Skinner was yelling but people did think there was an outside chance he might cross the floor and lamp the leader of Her Majesty’s Government.

The session had started promisingly with Jeremy Corbyn congratulating Major Tim on his space journey and saying, “He may not be on this planet.”There may have been a joke in there he was trying to get out, but he gave up gracefully went into five questions on forecasting increasing funding pressure on social care cuts in the shortfall of the Autumn statement’s confederation piling more pressure on the forecasts of social care.

“A comfortable win,” the left thought. “Boring as forty kinds of buggery,” the verdict from Eton.

He finished with Abbie who wanted to retrain as a midwife but had £25,000 of student debt already which it seems we are supposed to pay off on her behalf.

“A comfortable win,” both sides would have thought there.

Angus Robertson put his finger on a sore point, and then gave it a good punch. Most Scots want to stay in the EU – what happens in the event of a Brexit? He implied that more than anything would guarantee another referendum and Scottish independence.

Britain out of Europe and losing Scotland? There’d never be a Labour government again.

Maybe it’s all a cunning plan after all.

No one admires David Cameron more than me, so I do hope we aren’t losing him to political dementia. After so long in leadership, he is displaying mild symptoms. Some of his utterances are getting a little wild: “The Government is responsible for everything”, he has said more than once. He made up a greeting on Corbyn’s Christmas card. And his evasive answer to Douglas Carswell didn’t even count as an evasion: he may wander away from a question to pick flowers in the hedgerow.

There was nothing demented in his reply to Gerald Howarth whose question stirred some ancestral sense of national identity that has hitherto not been part of respectable conversation. Howarth said, “we will not tolerate those who abuse our freedom to try and inflict their alien and violent fashions on us, particularly in the name of Islam.”

Cameron replied, “Yes, I believe Britain is a Christian country,” before going on to praise Anglican tolerance as the reason we are the top multi-faith, multi-cultural, multi-ethnic society in the world.

That famous tolerance goes a long way, but when it runs out, old Arthur emerges from his cave and God help everyone then. It won’t be Mrs Thatcher next time. Tyson Fury himself may be on the front bench and Dennis Skinner really will have something to shout about.




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Quote of the Day

David Davis is asked by Die Welt if his “training in the British commandos” has helped with the negotiations:

“Well, I never killed anyone.”

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