PMQs: Miliband’s Sixth Sense

The Sketch Team spent the morning drowning kittens to train for PMQs. Piteous sights and sounds we beheld, quite wither-wringing. On a positive note, we got through the carnage of Ed Miliband’s performance without a tear.

How the Tory dogs leapt on him. Tore at him. The noise (so chamber reporters said) has never been noisier. Cameron was on his best form for years and made a very decent joke.

“Bill someone,” Ed Balls had said last night on Newsnight, when asked to name a Labour business backer. “Bill,” Balls said. Bill who? It turned out to be Bill the chairman of Labour’s Small Business Task Force. Balls had just been having dinner with him, not an hour before the interview. Small business significance in the Labour cosmology can be determined by the fact that his name had escaped the shadow chancellor. Bill, Bill someone.

Cameron was laughing at him (and to be fair Balls was laughing back), “Bill someone! It’s not a person, it’s Labour’s policy!”

Several Labour MPs committed hari-kiri on the spot.

The Tories threw off the thin veneer of civilization.

Bercow lost control twice. That’s the danger for him, as he knows. His position is deteriorating fast. Though not as fast as Labour’s.

Miliband returned five times to hedge funds that didn’t pay stamp duty on stock market transactions (three concepts that don’t exactly ring the doorbell in Burnley Bumbleside, but still). Five times Cameron came back with a different answer. Labour had allowed foreigners to avoid stamp duty and capital gains tax, Labour didn’t put on a bank levy, Labour took donations in shares, Labour’s fund raiser was a tax exile.

“I’m afraid I’m going to keep asking,” the Labour leader said, kittenishly.

He has never looked so small. But that’s not to say he can’t shrink further. At some point he will disappear.

He is being wiped out in Scotland by a party to the left of him, and south of Nottingham by the business-friendly right. It’s because there isn’t really anything there.

It may be like that film with Bruce Willis where you only realize at the end that he’s been dead all along.




Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

No prizes for guessing who Andrea Leadsom is talking about:

“As you said last week, Mr Speaker, we have a responsibility to safeguard the rights of this House and as Leader of the House I seek to do exactly that, treating all members of parliament with courtesy and respect. I hope and expect all Honourable and Right Honourable members to do likewise.”

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.
Gallery Guido’s PMQs Sketch Gallery Guido’s PMQs Sketch
Red Gammon Red Gammon
Named: MPs Who Voted Against Press Freedom Named: MPs Who Voted Against Press Freedom
Bercow Welcomes Vaz Back from Illness Bercow Welcomes Vaz Back from Illness
Former Black Rod: Bercow Unfit For Public Office Former Black Rod: Bercow Unfit For Public Office
Sketch: Busting The Corbyn Clip Crap Sketch: Busting The Corbyn Clip Crap
Bercow Bullying Victim: I Was Paid £85,000 To Stay Silent Bercow Bullying Victim: I Was Paid £85,000 To Stay Silent
Bully Bercow’s “Medicament” Slurs Bully Bercow’s “Medicament” Slurs
Gallery Guido’s PMQs Sketch: Mission Accomplished Gallery Guido’s PMQs Sketch: Mission Accomplished
May: Labour Took Decision on Windrush Landing Cards May: Labour Took Decision on Windrush Landing Cards
Ruth Smeeth Reads Anti-Semitic Abuse from Corbynistas Ruth Smeeth Reads Anti-Semitic Abuse from Corbynistas
What is Happening in the Commons This Afternoon What is Happening in the Commons This Afternoon
Sketch: Jezza’s False Flag PMQs Sketch: Jezza’s False Flag PMQs
Watch: Woodcock vs Williamson Watch: Woodcock vs Williamson
Mogg and 13 Other MPs Write to May Declaring Transition Deal “Completely Unacceptable” Mogg and 13 Other MPs Write to May Declaring Transition Deal “Completely Unacceptable”
Corbynistas Hold Boozy Victory Party as Moderates Vacate HQ Corbynistas Hold Boozy Victory Party as Moderates Vacate HQ
Gloria De Piero’s Office Manager Still In Job Despite Defecting to Tories Gloria De Piero’s Office Manager Still In Job Despite Defecting to Tories
Fake LibDem Newspaper Lies to Richmond and Twickenham Voters Fake LibDem Newspaper Lies to Richmond and Twickenham Voters
Inside the Freer Launch Inside the Freer Launch