PMQs SKETCH: Beast On a Leash, Parliament Behaves Itself

They could at least have brought in visual aids to express solidarity, to raise awareness, to promote resilience among the nation’s flood victims. Fabricant in flippers. Hancock in a wetsuit. Dromey with his big black periscope.

No, they played PMQs like it was Lent.

All the Tories wanted to do was express their joy at Miliband in wet weather gear – you can’t do that under Storm Force Eight.

The Leader from Primrose Hill pretending not to have wellington boots filled with black, freezing water – that could only be honoured with Tory thunder.

When Miliband stood, they started to crank it but some sense of propriety, or possibly a Whips’ choke chain silenced them.

It was like watching drunks nearly throwing up.

All MPs realized how their natural effusions would come across on TV. The storm-tossed public out there in the plashy fens – they didn’t want to see their representatives enjoying themselves.

And Miliband without the mockery doesn’t do as badly as Tories think. He asked about “money no object” – what did that actually mean?

Sandbags.

Then, why was Cameron laying off 500 flood workers from the Environment Agency.

He knew Cameron couldn’t say, “Because they’re indolent box-tickers corrupted by left-wing, humanity-hating environmental ideology.” So he said they were spending £200 million more than Labour on the humanity-hating agency. Miliband asked the question again, planting it somewhere in the argument.

The session did produce one good laugh. Cameron said: “He seeks to divide the House when we should be coming together for the nation.”

Unfortunately, it wasn’t perfectly clear whom we were laughing at.

Several MPs from the submarine regions said they wanted money not just for flood relief but for marketing the south west as “open for business”.

Come to Devon and Cornwall to buy mud. Faecalised run-off on special. Buy two drowned voles get third free.

Good luck with that: we flood tourists are off to the Okavango Delta for half term.




Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Jo Swinson on Chris Rennard…

“Vince — and Tim before him — have repeatedly, publicly said Rennard is not welcome anywhere near their frontbench team, even as an adviser. I remain deeply frustrated that he was not expelled from the party through its disciplinary process. It just feels wrong, and I do not want Lord Rennard to continue as a member of the party. As far as I am concerned, he is not welcome.”

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.
Viral Animal Sentience Fake News Story Seen by Two Million Viral Animal Sentience Fake News Story Seen by Two Million
Labour Suspends Ivan Lewis Labour Suspends Ivan Lewis
IPSO Clears Kavanagh Column IPSO Clears Kavanagh Column
Corbynistas’ Shameful Milosevic Defence Corbynistas’ Shameful Milosevic Defence
Stella’s Fake News Stella’s Fake News
McDonnell Asked 8 Times How Much Labour Would Spend Servicing Debt McDonnell Asked 8 Times How Much Labour Would Spend Servicing Debt
Tax Cuts in The Budget Tax Cuts in The Budget
Corbyn Goes Shouty Crackers Corbyn Goes Shouty Crackers
OBR: Hammond’s Budget Rabbit Will Increase House Prices OBR: Hammond’s Budget Rabbit Will Increase House Prices
Hammond’s Banter Budget: All The Jokes Hammond’s Banter Budget: All The Jokes
Watch: Corbyn’s Black Rod Message Backfires Watch: Corbyn’s Black Rod Message Backfires
Budget Pic Budget Pic
Putin: Alex Salmond is Not a Kremlin Propagandist Putin: Alex Salmond is Not a Kremlin Propagandist
Gilbert and George Come Out as Brexiteers Gilbert and George Come Out as Brexiteers
Rudd Missed Key Brexit Vote Last Night Rudd Missed Key Brexit Vote Last Night
Top Corbynista Compares Mugabe to Queen Top Corbynista Compares Mugabe to Queen
Owen, Piers, Guido Three-Way Owen, Piers, Guido Three-Way
EU Game Teaches Kids to “Collect More Taxes” EU Game Teaches Kids to “Collect More Taxes”
Kezia: I’m A Hypocrite, Get Me Out of Here Kezia: I’m A Hypocrite, Get Me Out of Here
Siemens to Cut European Jobs, Expand in UK Siemens to Cut European Jobs, Expand in UK