Don't Mention the Substance

Ring, ring…

Beeboid : Are you available for the Radio 5 breakfast show tomorrow?
Guido Fawkes : Well you know I’m more a Radio 4 person and it is a bit early for me…
BBC R5 : You would be up against Kevin Maguire.
GF : What time will you send the car?
BBC R5 : 07:40
GF : What are you looking for…?
BBC R5 : What do you think the hiring of Tom Baldwin says about Ed Miliband, how do you think PMQs will go…?
GF : It speaks of desperation, scraping the barrel that you think your PR will be improved by hiring someone like Baldwin, he’s an operator but…
BBC R5 : What do you think about Bob Roberts?
GF : He’s a bit of a wet fart.
BBC R5 : Ha, no really, what do you think?
GF : Ed’s got a cokehead and a re-tread.
BBC R5 : You can’t mention cocaine, it is breakfast.
GF : OK, I’ll say he’s got someone who has personal issues and someone we’ve never heard of..
BBC R5 : No cocaine references – it is live.
GF : Is it Richard Bacon?
BBC R5 : No, God no. What does Miliband need to do?
GF : He needs to come out swinging to cheer up his backbenchers or else the Blairites will have his job by party conference.
BBC R5 : What do you mean by that?
GF : His brother hasn’t gone away.
BBC R5 : OK, I’ll book the car for you.

Hours pass, it is midnight. Ring, ring…….

BBC R5 : Sorry we don’t need you tomorrow.




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“In effect, new MPs are being elected day by day now, as, amid huge secrecy, small cabals of party bigwigs pick candidates for safe seats.”

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