Where's Gordon?™ – Not "Humilated Enough" Clearly

With characteristically poor-timing, Gordon Brown showed his face in Westminster yesterday afternoon, just as the village had spent the morning digesting his less than dignified attempts to cling to power, as confirmed by Mandy in The Third Man.  Naturally EyeSpyMP spotted Brown-in-town first.

So what was the burning issue that brought the Rt Hon. Member for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath, who wakes every morning to fight for a fairer Britain, south to the Mother of all Parliaments?

He was all weird smiles at a drinks party in his honour at Labour HQ. Donors, Lord and Lady Prescott, Harriet Harman, Sally Bercow and the like were in attendance. His wife Sarah came too, which must have been nice for her after being dragged back up to Scotland. No expense was spared to honour the most unsuccessful Labour Prime Minister in the history of the party, though as a Scot you would hope Gordon understood the need for the cash bar to be in operation.

UPDATE: Tony Blair was not in attendance. Was he too busy globetrotting for cash or bringing peace to the Middle East. No, he was having a drink at Home House last night. Was he just having too much fun to pop over from SW1 to W1?

Gordon "Offered Professor's Chair"

With the summer recess not far off, Gordon’s friends are putting it about that he has been offered various academic posts, telling the Glasgow Herald “It’s true he has been approached by several academic institutions regarding various things. None of these is settled or completed as yet. There have been approaches in this country and in others.”

Meanwhile Gordon is relaxing in Kirkcaldy, cashing £1,270-a-week, plus pension top ups from taxpayers, to rock in his chair.

Dave Shows Disdain for Gordon's Desertion of Duty

In the Commons yesterday for Dave’s statement on the G8, when Harriet Harman asked him to give due credit to Gordon Brown for his work on international development, Dave retorted “I’d be delighted to, if he could be bothered to turn up to this House.”

If Gordon is taking the time to write his memoirs at our expense he should be ashamed. If he is in fact mentally incapacitated (cue howls of protest, but the rumours are circulating most widely in Labour circles) then he should stand down and take a rest.

Gordon was famous for his Macavity instinct – avoiding negative situations – this negative situation will continue until he either goes back to “getting on with the job” for which he is paid, or he resigns. The sooner the better.

UPDATE : Think last night’s vote on VAT was a three-line whip and Gordon didn’t care to vote. So much for standing up for fairness, remember “I will never let you down”…

Knock, Knock. Who's There? Gordon!

Gordon broke away from answering the door at his Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath constituency office to briefly show his face during prayers in the chamber of the Commons yesterday.

His visit lasted 6 minutes according to Quentin Letts

Not exactly giving the taxpayer value for money is he? He never has though, has he?

Picture courtesy of Stramash.

Where's Gordon?™ Chatting With a Kennedy Apparently

After some excitement this morning that Gordon Brown might actually be in town to represent his constituents the truth unravels. While he may have put a fleeting five minutes in the chamber, (making the number of days he has been in two out of a possible forty-nine,) King of the Lobby Gary Gibbon has what he was really down here for. A meeting with a Kennedy, a chat with Sir Tim Berners-Lee about his future employability and a natter with his old cabinet allies.

All wonderful representation for the people of Kirkcaldy.

UPDATE: Via EyeSpyMP we learn that Gordon has even brought his “wee son” to his day at the office. Clearly “getting on with the job” is his top priority.

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UPDATE: According to Robert Halfon MP, Gordon entered the chamber briefly for Defra questions.  Jonah’s back…

Where's Gordon?™ Obsessing about the World Cup Apparently

Once upon a time there was a man who claimed he woke up every day to “fight for a fairer Britain”. Britain may have said no, but he was returned overwhelmingly by one small part of it to represent and fight for them for the next five years. But this man is refusing to represent them and has now gone missing. Finally we learn he has abandoned his responsibilities and is sticking two fingers up at representative democracy to instead obsessively watch every single World Cup match on telly. While he rocks back and forward in his underwear, ticking off the games on his  free Daily Mirror World Cup pull-out wallchart, the taxpayer is picking up the tab.

Gordon was quick to head down to Parliament to sign on for his cheques, so that for an hour and a half of football he is set to make around £45+ per match, or just over £3000 for the sixty-four game tournament. Find Guido any sports fan who wouldn’t love to be paid to sit around watching football. Thousands would have gone to the World Cup if it wasn’t for the cost and yet the taxes that deprived them of the trip are paying for Gordon to watch. Where’s the “fairer Britain” there?

If Gordon Brown needs time to reflect, plot revenge, write his book, find himself, detox, or whatever it is he is doing all alone in Scotland – fine – he should not expect to be paid for the pleasure by the taxpayer. There are 93,272 constituents in Kirkcaldy who are completely disenfranchised from the political system while their elected representative broods in a darkened room. Brown needs to make a decision – walk into the sunset and break completely from the House of Commons, or engage in the job he was elected to carry out and is paid to do. Guido is one of those inclined to say Brown is bonkers, but while this situation is allowed to continue the taxpayer is being taken for a fool. It is time to blow the final whistle on Gordon’s sulky withdrawal from parliament. He should either resign or “get on with the job”…

*Fag-packet maths: 252 working days a year. 9 till 5 = 8 hours per day = 2016 hours per year. £64k divided hourly = £32 per hour = £48 per game. And that doesn’t include expenses.

Labour's Missing Economic Genius

Labour are running round like headless chickens this morning. Alastair Darling has had a lie-in, attack dogs like Liam Byrne are nowhere to be seen, while Harman and the leadership candidates are all trying to get a look in. The airwaves have no-one of economic authority to hand from the opposition benches.

Foolishly they are really overlooking one MP who could coordinate and streamline their attacks and message. Where is the man who “abolished boom and bust”? The “best man for the job”? The man who kept debt low, who invested for the future, who fought for fairness and Britain every day. The man who “made all the right calls”, the man of “substance”.

Where is “the great clunking fist” and why isn’t he “getting on with the job” the taxpayers pay him to do?

Gordon the Scottish Dancing Monkey

Paul Waugh reported yesterday evening that the real reason the former Prime Mentalist was seen in public for the first time in a month yesterday was to disprove rumours (first reported by Guido) that were going round primarily in Labour circles.[…] Read the rest

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Gordon's Alive

Gordon has been allowed out today. Still not doing the job we actually pay him to do. He is being paid £1,264-a-week to stay at home recuperating in Kirkcaldy “writing his book”, if he wants to stay on as an MP perhaps we should see him at his place of work.[…] Read the rest

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Finished

“Thank you and goodbye.”[…] Read the rest

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Where's Gordon?

A quick glance at TheStraightChoice leaflet archive shows that not a single Labour candidate has deemed it a good idea to put Gordon on their literature. Guido will give a copy of The Big Red Book of New Labour Sleaze to the first person who sends him a scan of such a leaflet.[…] Read the rest

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Gordon's Scottish Snowstorm

Whoever says  Scottish politics is dull might want to take a look at last week’s unravelling saga around Labour controlled Glasgow City Council. Who would have thought when Gordon sat next to him on the Thursday before last that within a week one of Scotland’s up and coming politicians would have attempted suicide, that a police investigation would link the same man, Glasgow’s most senior politician, to major organised drug criminals and an 18-year-old Labour activist would be end up dead outside the city’s Council Chambers.[…] Read the rest

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Gordon Claims for His Second Home: Where is His First Home?

There has been a lot of tut-tutting about Gordon belatedly paying back £500 for the “questionable” painting of a summerhouse in the garden of his Fife home. So there should be, how did Gordon imagine it was that the summerhouse expenses claimed had been incurred “wholly, necessarily, and exclusively” in the performance of parliamentary duties?[…] Read the rest

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Where’s Gordon?™ Summer 2009 Edition

Dave has written to Gordon asking him where he stands on the release of the Libyan Lockerbie prisoner.  Where is Gordon?  Guido wonders if he is in Punkaharju, Savonlinna, Finland

Via : nabidana.com[…] Read the rest

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How Many Standing Ovations Will Congress Give Brown?

Guido never tires of reminding his Labour minded friends that they got rid of a three-time election winning political genius and replaced him with Gordon Brown. They took a leader who instinctively understood the dynamics of a personal or political situation and replaced Blair with a man who suffers from social autism and an unceasing ability to make himself look an embarrassing twat.[…] Read the rest

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