It has been a month to be proud of our globe-trotting former Prime Mentalist. Not only did he manage to make it a year since he last spoke in Parliament but he has also declared over £300,000 in December’s Register of Members’ Interests, all held by the Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown and not going into his own pocket, of course. While Kirkcaldy goes unrepresented those lucky enough to have Gordon grace them with his presence include the Chinese, Koreans, Americans and Ukrainians. The total £305,037 declaration for the last month is for sixteen hours’ work, or £19,064-an-hour. More than many of his constituents earn in a whole year.

A letter has gone out from the Tories to Ed Miliband calling for the Labour leader to sack his former boss. Brown is jet-setting around the world, refusing to speak up for those he is paid £65,000-a-year of taxpayers’ money to represent, while earning vast sums of money that is being “held” by his company to “support (my) ongoing involvement in public life”. Surely it is time for that “public life” to be lived away from the House of Commons…

Hold the front page: Gordon Brown is speaking in Parliament today. And why is the jet-setting Prime Mentalist gracing us with his presence? He’ll be speaking in a debate on Scottish independence, but don’t let that fool you. The only reason Gordon is speaking, today of all days, is that he somehow got wind of the huge celebrations planned tomorrow to mark the one year anniversary of the last time he spoke in the House. That’s right, the last time Brown spoke in Parliament was on the 30th November 2011. His utter contempt for serving Parliament and his constituents knows no bounds…

Guido’s mole reports a flurry of Westminster activity from the former Prime Mentalist.  Not only did Gordon actually vote last night, he almost made it into the Chamber today. But not quite! He stopped short behind the Speaker’s chair.

So, Leveson aside, why is Brown in town? Guido can report that instead of representing the people of Kirkcaldy, as he is paid to do, Gordon was showing a mysterious balding gentleman around the estate.

A doorman’s conversation was overheard by one witty Member:

Doorman: Who was that then?

MP: The former Prime Minster.

DM: No, no with him.

Boom-tish.

Who’d have thought John Bercow would want to add to his reputation as a stupid and sanctimonious dwarf? The pint-sized Speaker has fulfilled at least two of these three criteria by parking his bright red £30,000 Land Rover Freelander, complete with self-titled personalised numberplate, outside his parliamentary apartment for all to see. Bercow’s latest vanity project will have set him back anything between a few hundred quid and several thousand. His wife’s other car is a Volvo…

As the TUC prepare to go on another pointless walk this weekend, Guido couldn’t help but chuckle when he read the London Loves Business interview with union boss Bill Hayes this evening. It turns out the £97,000-a-year fat cat is paid so much he has lost count:

“It’s not £97,000. Off the top of my head, I’d have to look it up. I don’t think [it's more]. Without looking at my payslip, I don’t know, I don’t know – but it’s good pay.”

Union bosses are so rich they don’t know how much they earn. Guido wonders how many of those paying him through their subs can say the same?

Tom Watson managed to escape his own gate-gate moment when he tried to bust a young blonde into Labour’s conference hotel without credentials late last night. Although there is is no official police control around the Midland Hotel, stewards were having none of it, not even for the Party’s Deputy Chairman. Managing to show some restraint in light of recent pleb-related outbursts, Watson was left apologising to his young friend and promptly abandoning her. At least he can’t blame how this one ended on the Murdochs…

If the Prime Mentalist didn’t already know just how much everyone misses him, he will now. Gordon was supposed to speak at a press conference at the UN in New York last night but had to cancel after just one journalist turned up. McMental had hoped to enthrall a room of hacks with a speech about his latest schools initiative but was left red-faced when he was confronted with an empty room. It’s almost tragic. Almost…

In the wake of the carnage he wrought by opening the NYSE on Tuesday, Gordon has been speaking out about the state of the economy. Yesterday morning Reuters reported:

“Europe is enjoying a moment of calm due to the European Central Bank’s plan to buy debt of euro zone countries, but the region will struggle to solve more fundamental problems, former British Prime Minister Gordon Brown said on Tuesday.”You’re in the new tranquillity period,” Brown said.”

By yesterday afternoon there were riots on the streets of Athens and Madrid, Spanish bond yields started to soar again.

Fears of Spanish bailout wiped £23 billion off British markets as the FTSE plunged 91.62 points.

The Prime Mentalist did always have problems with the concept of tranquillity…

As we predicted beforehand, the Jonah effect wiped over 100 points off the value of the Dow and saw the NASDAQ experience its worst day since June. If you watch the video closely you’ll see that he even screwed up “ringing the bell” to open Wall Street.

He’s still the accursed one-eyed son of the manse…

Just 24 hours after having to apologise for blowing his top at the coppers on the Downing Street gates, Chief Whip Andrew Mitchell tried to use the main gates again on the Thursday of last week.

No surprise then that the story broke on the Friday.

Don Mitchell, tilting at gates…

UPDATE: Talking of history repeating itself, a co-conspirator writes:

“About 18 months ago, I walked past the back of Downing St on the way into HMT. En route, I observed Mitchell at the gates screaming (not muttering …) at police that he was a Cabinet minister and was late for a meeting with the PM. It was fairly clear that he had basically forgotten his pass (or couldn’t be bothered to get it out) and decided to adopt a shouty version of ‘don’t you know who I am’ (clearly they did not). I don’t think he actually swore, but the outline as reported by the Sun seems entirely credible.”

It was only a matter time.