PMQs SKETCH: Maybe Miliband Has a Chance

The Nolan principles of sketch writing – fairness, objectivity, kindness and so forth, I forget them exactly. Does he offer refresher courses?

Miliband today was, I thought, as bad as he’d ever been.

The face a mash-up of several untamed animals. The angry eight-year-old delivery. The whole package that of a bedroom boy locked away with his best friend, making economic models out of Lego. Not even worth breaking up for parts. And the drivel!

“Too harsh. He was quite good today,” one of his Labour enemies said.  “The big story is whether Freud will survive the day.”

What! No! Really? As a result of Miliband’s questions? But that must mean he did quite well!

Seriously?

Continue reading

WATCH: UKIP’s First Prime Minister’s Question

UKIP’s first elected MP used his PMQ to call on David Cameron to keep his promise on a “real” Recall Bill. The Tories had been encouraged to not barrack Douglas Carswell out of respect for the people of Clacton. “I look forward to having them in the House of Commons,” said Dave. Talking about debates on Recall rather than UKIP MPs…

PMQs is Back: Who Is Asking the Questions Today

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Joan Walley (Stoke-on-Trent North)

Q2 Kerry McCarthy (Bristol East) 

Q3 Mr David Davis (Haltemprice and Howden) 

Q4 Robert Halfon (Harlow) 

Q5 Mr Adrian Bailey (West Bromwich West)

Q6 Graham Jones (Hyndburn)

Q7 Mr David Ward (Bradford East) 

Q8 Mrs Emma Lewell-Buck (South Shields) 

Q9 Jenny Chapman (Darlington) 

Q10 Mr Steve Reed (Croydon North) 

Q11 Lorely Burt (Solihull)

Q12 Rehman Chishti (Gillingham and Rainham) 

Q13 Richard Harrington (Watford) 

Will UKIP’s first elected MP be called by the Speaker?

PMQs Off: Joint Statement From Cam, Clegg and Ed

They’re very, very rattled. A joint statement announces that, in the panic, PMQs is off tomorrow:

“There is a lot that divides us – but there’s one thing on which we agree passionately: the United Kingdom is better together. That’s why all of us are agreed the right place for us to be tomorrow is in Scotland, not at Prime Minister’s Questions in Westminster. We want to be listening and talking to voters about the huge choice they face. Our message to the Scottish people will be simple: ‘We want you to stay.’”

Crisis mode. Accountability out of the window for a last minute flap.

UPDATE:

PMQs Order Paper: Quitting Chris Kelly to Question Cam

Douglas Carswell’s decision to do the honourable thing means we will likely be denied a box office showdown with the PM for a few more weeks. There is however a question for the departing Chris Kelly on today’s PMQs order paper:

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Eric Joyce (Falkirk)

Q2 Mr Jim Cunningham (Coventry South) 

Q3 Stephen Metcalfe (South Basildon and East Thurrock) 

Q4 Kerry McCarthy (Bristol East) 

Q5 Mr Tom Watson (West Bromwich East) 

Q6 Ms Diane Abbott (Hackney North and Stoke Newington) 

Q7 Richard Drax (South Dorset) 

Q8 Dr Matthew Offord (Hendon)

Q9 Dr Alasdair McDonnell (Belfast South) 

Q10 Lindsay Roy (Glenrothes)

Q11 Jim Shannon (Strangford) 

Q12 Karl Turner (Kingston upon Hull East)

Q13 Mark Menzies (Fylde) 

Q14 Chris Kelly (Dudley South)

Kelly famously denied bursting into tears during his last showdown with Dave in 2010. And emotions are still running high among Tory backbenchers…

Bercow Braced for Post-PMQs Showdown

All eyes on the Speaker at today’s back to school PMQs. Yesterday Bercow scarpered before Michael Fabricant could give him a grilling and this morning he is spinning hard in the FT about how Clerk stitch up of the Clerk job isn’t a “power grab”, honest. Fabbers is hoping to be called for more Points of Order after PMQs today, and he also has a few for Hague tomorrow at Questions to the Leader of the House. There’s no getting out of it for the Speaker this time, he has submitted written questions as well:

Popcorn…

PMQs SKETCH: The Best Reshuffle in Modern Times

Animal noises greeted Cameron’s arrival in the Commons. Countrymen will have recognised the noise that hogs make when the swill bucket arrives. Oh, it’s such a time to be a Tory. The best reshuffle in modern times has put the party onto an election-winning footing. They express their pleasure in the most elemental way.

Emma Lewell-Buck couldn’t make a dent in their cheerfulness:

“There are more bald men with £5m property portfolios and sons at public school going out with girls called Tallulah than there are women in the cabinet,” she declared, nearly.

Cameron said the gynemetrics of the cabinet were pretty good and absent those hoary reactionaries of the Liberal Democrats they’d be even better: a third of Conservative cabinet is now female.

Every week Cameron looks easier, calmer, more in control of his party, his policy and his election plan – and every week his opponent dances at the despatch box like a spastic marionette. What a rout it’s turning into.

Continue reading

WATCH: Miliband and Harman Divided on Tax

Look closely at the contrasting reactions of Miliband and Harman to Cameron’s PMQs ambush. Dave reads Harman’s words back to her: “I think people on middle incomes should contribute more through their taxes”. Miliband looks at Harman, then turns back towards the PM, shaking his head and waving his hand dismissively. Harman, meanwhile, nods and says, “they should… it’s true”. Cameron doesn’t realise, but the Tories behind him do.

The Labour leader and his deputy are completely at odds…

UPDATE: The contrast is even more evident in GIF form:

PMQs LIVE: #BringBackOurBoys Edition

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Mrs Emma Lewell-Buck (South Shields)

Q2 Jonathan Reynolds (Stalybridge and Hyde) 

Q3 Mr Gareth Thomas (Harrow West) 

Q4 Caroline Nokes (Romsey and Southampton North)

Q5 Huw Irranca-Davies (Ogmore)

Q6 Andrew Jones (Harrogate and

[…]

SKETCH: Only Talking About Kids Makes Ed Look Grown Up

Consensual Ed. What’s that about? Again, he was picking a cross-party subject to consensualise on. It might from week to week be – Our Glorious Dead, They Died For Us. The Queen, God Bless Her. Those Evil Islamicists Are So […]

PMQs LIVE: Nonce Finder Generals Edition

Oral Questions to the Prime Minister

Q1 Mr Gregory Campbell (East Londonderry)

Q2 Jonathan Edwards (Carmarthen East and Dinefwr) 

Q3 Ann Clwyd (Cynon Valley) 

Q4 Mr Nicholas Brown (Newcastle upon Tyne East) 

Q5 Mr Nigel Evans (Ribble Valley)

Q6 Andrew

[…]

PMQs SKETCH: When Teenage Ed Campaigned to Leave the EU

Cruel, cruel Tony Baldry. He told the House about the 1983 election and Labour’s anti-Europe commitments of the time. And how a 13-year-old boy had delivered a leaflet through his letterbox on behalf of Michael Foot. “That boy, now leader […]



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Tim Shipman to Adam Boulton on the TV debates…

“If Cameron gets in a car to go to the debate, Lynton Crosby will stage a car crash.”

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

NHS ADMIT MEDICAL RECORDS ARE NOT SAFE NHS ADMIT MEDICAL RECORDS ARE NOT SAFE
Today’s PMQs SKETCH: A New Low Today’s PMQs SKETCH: A New Low
Yet Another Mainstream Media UKIP Smear Yet Another Mainstream Media UKIP Smear
HANDS ON WITH THE NEW SINCLAIR ZX SPECTRUM HANDS ON WITH THE NEW SINCLAIR ZX SPECTRUM
Typical Trade Union Drivers Typical Trade Union Drivers
Labour MP in Misuse of Taxpayer Cash Row Labour MP in Misuse of Taxpayer Cash Row

BOFFINS: CLIMATE CHANGE CAUSED ISIS BOFFINS: CLIMATE CHANGE CAUSED ISIS
Mystery of Massive Miliband Mystery of Massive Miliband
Cameron With a Gun to His Head Cameron With a Gun to His Head
Save the Children Sorry For Blair Award Save the Children Sorry For Blair Award
Another NHS Hospital Shamed Another NHS Hospital Shamed
Widespread and Habitual Hacking at the Mirror Widespread and Habitual Hacking at the Mirror
Will Straw Silent on Sleaze Will Straw Silent on Sleaze
When Dave Met Walliams When Dave Met Walliams
Home Office: Nerdy Kids are Dangerous Home Office: Nerdy Kids are Dangerous
Jim Murphy Is Laughing At You Jim Murphy Is Laughing At You
Awesome Star Wars Tie Fighter Drone Awesome Star Wars Tie Fighter Drone
Labour Select Palestine Activist to Fight Galloway Labour Select Palestine Activist to Fight Galloway
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,816 other followers