Order of the OTT: Laurie Penny Hams It Up

Guido has not awarded an Order of the OTT for a while. This entry however, up on the New Statesman website this morning, was just too good to pass up:

Readers can have one guess who the author is…

Laurie Penny’s steaming hot take goes on to suggest that an intoxicated David Cameron’s alleged porcine molestation is somehow symbolic of the class struggle power dynamic, her psycho-analysis concluding that the future Prime Minister’s penetrated pig is a metaphor for the country he would go on to run:

“Power and money are accessed through the back door, or, as it may be, the pig’s mouth, and as with any kink, the eroticism isn’t about the act, but about what the act symbolises. It’s about humiliation, about control, about power play. What might the young swain have been thinking as he unzipped? What went through his head? If you ask me, I’ll bet he was thinking: Soon. Someday soon, I will do this to the whole bloody country.”

Talk about hamming it up…

Owen Jones: Then and Now

Owen Jones, 4 May 2015: “Russell Brand has endorsed Labour – and the Tories should be worried.”

Owen Jones, 4 August 2015: “The Right are mocking Jeremy Corbyn because they fear him.”

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose…

New Statesman NFI’d to Labour Leadership Hustings

Labour have announced which news organisations have been invited to chair each of their regional leadership hustings, which are taking place in addition to the ones on TV and radio:

Anushka Asthana, Sky News

David Clegg, Daily Record

Matthew d’Ancona, The Guardian

Isabel Hardman, The Spectator

Gaby Hinsliff, Political Editor, Grazia

Chris Lloyd, Northern Echo

Mary Riddell, Daily Telegraph

Tim Shipman, The Sunday Times

Jim Waterson, Buzzfeed UK

Paul Waugh, HuffingtonPost UK

The Speccie and the Telegraph get one each, even Buzzfeed are on the list. Yet the New Statesman, Labour’s in house magazine, are nowhere to be seen. Was it something they said?

Staggering Political Balance From Sky News

To discuss PMQs on Sky News, a wide range of hacks were put on air. In the lefty corner we have the New Statesman’s Harry Lambert and on the centre left we have Stephen Bush from the, er, New Statesman.

Ed Miliband Polling Lower Than Gordon Brown

sun-yougov

YouGov have done some drilling down into the public’s expectations and perceptions for The Sunthe numbers are terrible for Ed Miliband. With six months to election day a mere 19% think he is up to the job of being Prime Minister. This compares with 28% saying that of Gordon Brown six months before the last election, before the former Prime Mentalist went on to deliver Labour’s worst poll result in generations. The Tory press have never liked Ed, what will dismay Team Miliband is that his few media allies have lost faith. The Guardian is persistently sceptical of Ed’s merits, Owen Jones is scathing, the only national newspaper to back Ed for leader – the Sunday People – is despairing, the once fervent New Statesman now damns him.

So many Labour MPs openly admit that Ed is just not up to it that CCHQ has gleefully set up a dedicated website to highlight Labour MPs’ complaints. At PMQs Ed’s weakness is broadcast weekly to the nation. So what does Ed do? He has had a mini-reshuffle of his campaign team and brings in his friends…

Mehdi’s Forced Marriage Muddle

Here is Mehdi Hasan sparring with Douglas Murray on Question Time back in 2011, on the sensitive subject of forced marriages. Mehdi could not have been clearer where he stood on the issue:

“Four years later he [David Cameron] turns up in Munich of all places to tell us we need this muscular liberalism and to tell us, like Douglas, about forced marriages! Sorry, how many people have forced marriages in this country? And show me which cultural group defends forced marriages?”

Well those questions are answered, you might say, with passion, rigour and boldness by an article in this week’s New Statesman, written by one Mehdi Hasan.

“Child, or underage, marriage is very much a part of British society. And the inconvenient truth is that it is Muslims – not Christians, Jews or Hindus – who are responsible for much of it. There is no point pretending otherwise. Nor is it morally tenable to stand idly by as young girls in the UK are forced into marriages before they are physically or psychologically ready, against their will and against the law…

I can’t stay quiet. I’m the father of two young girls. When I hear of forced, underage marriages being carried out in the heart of major British cities, I think of my own daughters. And I feel sick.This is 2013. Not 613. Or 1813. Child marriage is a form of child abuse. It must be stopped.”

“There is no point pretending otherwise.”

Two Cartoons for Miliband’s Loo Wall

A belter of a conference cartoon special from Peter Brookes on the front page of this week’s Speccie. Guido would like to put in a bid for the original.

By delicious coincidence, this week’s New Statesman also goes the Wallace and Gromit theme on its cover.

It’s almost as if Miliband was a dead ringer for Wallace.

Vanity Projects of the World Unite

Like two drunks staggering home propping each other up, loss-making magazines the New Statesman and New Republic have agreed a transatlantic tie-up. New Republic is owned by Facebook co-founder Chris Hughes, worth an estimated $700 million, so he is only slightly richer than Staggers‘ owner Mike Danson, worth some £300 million. They are certainly appropriate bedfellows, New Republic is haemorrhaging $3 million a year or some $5 a copy, while the New Statesman loses a mere £1.35 a copy. They will each publish three of the other’s articles every week. Apparently it’s a new Special Relationship. Groan.

Welcome to the New Statesman’s Britain

The New Statesman are having lots of fun spoofing this morning’s Sun front page, but they appear to have forgotten to do a mock up of their own cover. Guido decided to draw on the magazine’s chequered history and […]

+ READ MORE +

Berger’s Climate Change Whopper

“David Cameron hasn’t spoken about climate change for three years” screeches the headline of Luciana Berger’s particularly weak piece for the Staggers today. Just the one problem: she is talking complete rubbish. Obviously a quick Google of “David Cameron climate […]

+ READ MORE +

Yacht’s Next For Multi-Millionaire Staggers Tycoon

Looks like there is still some money left over for £300 million Mike Danson, despite all the cash loaned to the New Statesman interest free and with no repayment date. Sky’s Mark Kleinman reports that Danson is in talks for […]

+ READ MORE +

Red Len Accuses Staggers of Publishing Untruths Says Never Called For Blairites to Be Sacked

Speaking of awkward letters, union fat cat Red Len McCluskey has written to “all Unite MPs” and New Statesman editor Jason Cowley accusing the Staggers of “distortion”, “sensationalism” and running “untrue” statements from his interview with George Eaton […]

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Liam Fox shreds Cameron’s Calais scaremongering:

“Sad and disappointed to see our Prime Minister stoop to this level of scaremongering, especially as he knows the Calais agreement is nothing to do with the EU and agreed between the two govts”

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

STRICTLY CYMRU DANCING: LEANNE WOOD’S WONDERFUL WALTZ STRICTLY CYMRU DANCING: LEANNE WOOD’S WONDERFUL WALTZ
LEAVE AHEAD WITH ICM LEAVE AHEAD WITH ICM
HAPPY ‘I HEART UNIONS’ DAY HAPPY ‘I HEART UNIONS’ DAY
CORBYN WEARS SPONSORS’ BADGE CORBYN WEARS SPONSORS’ BADGE
Open Minded Herbert’s Made His Mind Up Open Minded Herbert’s Made His Mind Up
Amazon’s Lawyers Prepare for Zombie Apocalypse Amazon’s Lawyers Prepare for Zombie Apocalypse
PMQs (Rap Version) PMQs (Rap Version)
Top Europhile Defects to Out Campaign Top Europhile Defects to Out Campaign
BARROSO: BRAKE WON’T PUT OFF MIGRANTS BARROSO: BRAKE WON’T PUT OFF MIGRANTS
PESTON OUT OF THE LOOP PESTON OUT OF THE LOOP
LABOUR’S CONSISTENT FLIP-FLOPPING ON SURVEILLANCE LABOUR’S CONSISTENT FLIP-FLOPPING ON SURVEILLANCE
UBER TRIES TO KILL HAILO UBER TRIES TO KILL HAILO
CALAMITY CORBYN’S COMICAL CAMPAIGN COCK-UP CALAMITY CORBYN’S COMICAL CAMPAIGN COCK-UP
PARLIAMENTARY PANCAKE RACE (INSERT MANDATORY TOSSER JOKE HERE) PARLIAMENTARY PANCAKE RACE (INSERT MANDATORY TOSSER JOKE HERE)
SADIQ LOSES IT WITH BBC JOURNALIST OVER TFL FARES SUMS SADIQ LOSES IT WITH BBC JOURNALIST OVER TFL FARES SUMS
FRENCH GOVERNMENT DISPUTES CAMERON ON CALAIS FRENCH GOVERNMENT DISPUTES CAMERON ON CALAIS
EX-LABOUR MINISTER COMES OUT FOR BREXIT EX-LABOUR MINISTER COMES OUT FOR BREXIT
EU GOING TO PAY FOR THAT? EU GOING TO PAY FOR THAT?
TORY MPS PAN CAM’S CALAIS SCAREMONGERING TORY MPS PAN CAM’S CALAIS SCAREMONGERING
LEAK: LANSMAN MOCKS “CLUELESS” UNITE CHIEF LEAK: LANSMAN MOCKS “CLUELESS” UNITE CHIEF
CARSWELL: “NOT GOING TO CRITICISE FELLOW EUROSCEPTICS” CARSWELL: “NOT GOING TO CRITICISE FELLOW EUROSCEPTICS”
SUNNY DAYS AHEAD FOR SCRAPBOOK SUNNY DAYS AHEAD FOR SCRAPBOOK
HOW MANY MPS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A SOAP DISPENSER? HOW MANY MPS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A SOAP DISPENSER?
KEN PREDICTS MCDONNELL WILL BE NEXT LABOUR LEADER KEN PREDICTS MCDONNELL WILL BE NEXT LABOUR LEADER
Don’t Criticise Fellow Brexiteers Don’t Criticise Fellow Brexiteers
EU CABINET GUIDE: WHITTO MOVES UP, GOVE TORN EU CABINET GUIDE: WHITTO MOVES UP, GOVE TORN
PROTESTER CHUCKS DILDO AT MINISTER PROTESTER CHUCKS DILDO AT MINISTER
LEAVE 9 POINTS AHEAD SINCE DAVE’S DEAL LEAVE 9 POINTS AHEAD SINCE DAVE’S DEAL
VENEZUELA FORCED TO FLY IN PLANELOADS OF CASH VENEZUELA FORCED TO FLY IN PLANELOADS OF CASH
SILLY SAUSAGE: TORY MP’S COMMONS DOUBLE ENTENDRE SILLY SAUSAGE: TORY MP’S COMMONS DOUBLE ENTENDRE