Monday, October 6, 2014

Boring Snoring LibDem Conference Picture Special

Tired after a long day at LibDem conference? Fancy finding a quiet, empty spot for a quick nap to recharge your batteries? Where better than right in the middle of the conference hall. It’s not like any LibDems would turn up to a debate on tackling child abuse, after all:

Alternatively, you could always grab forty winks while your leader is speaking:

That seemed to be a popular choice among delegates for some shut eye:

Cheer up love, it might never happen (not for seven months anyway):

Guido cannot fathom why box office speaker Jo Swinson failed to draw a bigger crowd:

The Daily Mash reports that LibDem conference “has the ambience of a porno cinema”:

Only two more days to go…

Pics via Twitter.

Can Anyone Work Out the Top Line?

Convicted Child-Beater Addresses LibDem Conference

Speaking on stage in Glasgow yesterday was one Colin Rosenstiel, a LibDem councillor in Cambridge for 37 years. What Rosenstiel neglected to mention to his audience was that, just three months ago, he pleaded guilty to hitting a 7 year old girl in the face in the middle of a crowded shopping centre. A policeman who witnessed the incident described it as a “smash to the face”, leaving the girl “upset and crying” and “pale and frightened”. Rosenstiel is considered dangerous and should not be approached by delegates, especially if they are under the age of eight…

UPDATE: Of course there is also the time when Rosenstiel blocked an ambulance carrying an injured man. And the time commuters reported him “shouting at the top of his voice” when he refused to move his bicycle from a train carriage. Rosenstiel is currently undergoing counselling for anger management.

Rich’s Monday Morning View

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

LibDems Give Two New Jobs to Disgraced Rape Row Councillor

Four days after Mike Hancock left the party and the LibDems have already screwed up their next sex scandal. Disgraced Milton Keynes councillor Subhan Shafiq was forced to quit as mayor when he was exposed for allegedly giving character references to up to three alleged sex offenders applying to become taxi drivers, including rapist Nadeem Kiari. Lib Dem group leader Douglas McCall says despite this he is standing by Shafiq. That’s not all, McCall has just handed Shafiq two new council committee roles, on the health and adult social care committee and joint negotiating committee. Will they ever learn?

H/T miltonkeynes.co.uk

Friday, September 19, 2014

LibDems Bury Hancock Resignation News at Midnight

A nice touch from LibDem spinners to announce Mike Hancock’s resignation from the party at midnight while the nation’s journalists were looking elsewhere, especially since he handed in his letter several days ago. Guido cannot imagine why they wanted to bury the news about their MP who had confessed to inappropriate sexual behaviour with a mentally ill constituent, which was then covered up by the party, and ignored by Nick Clegg‘s office. What was that about the LibDems taking a long hard look in the mirror?

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Another LibDem Contribution to Statistical Excellence

Guido can only doff his cap to the LibDems for this piece of statistical brilliance. The unrivalled data wizards over at Great George Street, for whom any budding student of stats should take inspiration, have produced the following masterpiece on their membership numbers:

With no axes or numbers whatsoever, it really is a quite beautiful example of how to make a 5% increase in members over five quarters look like a 300% rise. Guido would never want to help a rival, but he would not begrudge the LibDems entering this effort at next year’s Royal Statistical Society awardsThe Guy Newsroom salutes you…

Friday, September 5, 2014

Yellow-Bellied LibDems Absent for Bedroom ‘Tax’ Debate

Labour and Tory MPs were whipped into staying in London this morning for the tetchy debate on the spare room subsidy currently taking place in parliament. Even the Prime Mentalist has managed to turn up:

Three people in particular are conspicuous by their absence. The Deputy Prime Minister is nowhere to be seen. Neither is Danny Alexander. And what about Steve Webb, who is actually a minister in the department and who has at every previous opportunity stood by the policy the LibDems are now calling the bedroom ‘tax’ in a vain attempt to avoid electoral annihilation. Conveniently, Guido understands, they are up in Scotland…

UPDATE:

Thursday, September 4, 2014

84% of Public Say Clegg Was Stitched Up

At close of play almost 2,000 readers have voted in Guido’s poll over whether that really was a nine year old child grilling the Deputy Prime Minister on LBC this morning. 84% smell BS…

The station are sticking to their guns though:

“The LBC production team spoke to the boy and his mum, and we were confident the caller was genuine. Since the show, we’ve spoken to Rohan’s headteacher who confirmed he made the call from school in the presence of a teacher, and we’re completely satisfied he has a genuine interest in the issue.”

Show us the boy! 

POLL: Did Clegg Really Get Challenged By a Nine Year Old?

Nick Clegg sounded very sceptical that he was really being grilled on Call Clegg by a remarkably eloquent nine year old boy called Rohan.  He sounded suspiciously like an adult woman. 

It wasn’t posh enough to be a Tory press officer, and strangely “Rohan” echoes Labour’s attack lines on Free School Meals. Sources close to the Deputy Prime Minister are “positive” he has been done over.

What do you reckon?

UPDATE: Despite 85% of Guido readers disagreeing, an LBC spokesman says:

“The LBC production team spoke to the boy and his mum, and we were confident the caller was genuine. Since the show, we’ve spoken to Rohan’s headteacher who confirmed he made the call from school in the presence of a teacher, and we’re completely satisfied he has a genuine interest in the issue.”


Seen Elsewhere

Does Europe Really Want Britain to Quit? | Nick Wood
Immigration Nation | Hopi Sen
Tories Choose Anti-Israel Candidate in Rochester | JC
Osborne’s Daycare Obsession is a Time Bomb | Kathy Gyngell
BBC Marr Pinko Trying to Ban the Queen | Speccie
Eric Hobsbawm: Companion of Dishonour | Standpoint
Guido Party Gossip | Iain Dale
Russell Brand Comes Out as 9/11 Truther | Guardian
Health Revolution is Underway | Fraser Nelson
UKIP Gets Professional | Red Box
Kelly Tolhurst Wins Rochester Open Primary | BBC


VOTER-RECALL
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Austrian Chancellor Werner Faymann on Cameron’s refusal to pay the £1.7 billion EU bill by December 1st:

“Well, then he’s gonna pay on December 2nd”



Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!


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