In news that doesn’t really shock Guido, he reads today that Phillip Hammond’s rather comfortable ministerial sofa in the Department of Transport was refitted at a cost to the taxpayer of nearly £5,000.

The Standard’s Craig Woodhouse reports that it was apparently cheaper to replace the oatmeal upholstery rather than buy a new set of sofas.

Guido can exclusively confirm, after some in-depth research, that the new comfy material is a rather fetching shade of green…

With the Adam Smith Institute’s do last night and the Speccie tomorrow, party season is in full swing.  There’s lots of clashes tonight though. Guido was thinking Mitt Romney’s could be fun, but then remembered he’s a Mormon, so doubt there will be much drinking happening there. The Balls’ are having a BBQ tonight for the B-team, but Stoke Newington is a bit of a trek. Looks like it’s going to have to be Arianna’s bash at Millbank. Remember HuffPo writers, that drink tonight is all the payment you are getting…

The Sports and Social Club on the parliamentary estate didn’t earn it’s nickname the Sports and Socialist for nothing. A regular haunt for Labour types, things have got out of hand in the past, but it has been particularly rowdy in recent weeks. One of the bar staff told Guido on Friday:

“Everyone’s noticed that the atmosphere in here has turned very nasty, especially on Thursdays and Fridays. The Labour kids are inviting down all their friends who are very young and get very drunk. The place is being treated like a Students’ Union Bar and things have to change. Black Rod is considering banning guests, he’s really unhappy.”

Tory bagcarriers who also use the bar for a cheap pint aren’t very happy either:

“A plea to Labour researchers, can you please stop inviting dozens of your friends down to get drunk and shout abuse at people. There are fights in there every week now. Its a disgrace…”

The fisticuffs and low tolerance has led to one researcher being hauled into the Serjeant at Arms office, and Black Rod has decreed that pass-holders may only bring two guests on a Thursday and Friday. Guido has a better idea – why not scrap the taxpayer subsidy and put the prices up to match anywhere else in Central London, then see if people still flock there. 

The Mail’s Andrew Pierce is changing his ways. He seems to have nipped his bad habit of thieving stories in the bud and he’s apparently turning over a new leaf. Guido pointed out the other day that the reason Piercy hadn’t been to the local pub, that he was happy to rent-a-quote about in his local paper, “for months” was because he was banned as a consequence of his drunken antics. Well apparently he has been putting the word about that he has given up the boozing.

And not just for lent!

This week’s guest publication is Hampstead’s local paper the Ham and High. Last week it had an intriguing story about the famously convenient for the heath gay pub the King William IV branching out and encouraging a more mixed crowd:

As a local celebrity resident and patron, the Mail’s Andrew Pierce got a quote in the story:

‘Mr Pierce, 50, said: “I don’t know if it’s true that its gay identity is being diluted because I haven’t been in for months, but if it is I’d be very surprised and disappointed.’”

Haven’t been in for months, eh, Andy? And why is that?

Could it be the fact that he is, to quote the landlady of the pub, “banned for life”. She slapped on the ban a few months ago after a series of unpleasant drunken incidents, including “inappropriate and unacceptable behaviour towards other men”, “foul language” and drunken rants at an ex-boyfriend. The landlady, Elaine Loughran, tells Guido that “all of the staff know not to serve him…”

For inspiration for a St Patrick’s Day post Guido looked back over the last few years to see what the form was. The standard copy seems to be mentioning Guinness and being drunk, as well as using green text.

Seems a shame to break such a fine tradition.

Lá Fhéile Pádraig!

Founder of the right-wing Cornerstone group John Hayes, 52,  is certainly a lively addition to the green benches, but it seems his agent is even more of a party animal. Craig Jackson was denied bail this morning and held on charges of kidnap and possession of dope. According to the local paper in his South Holland and the Deepings constituency, there was an incident involving a man in his fifties on Sunday night.  What could have tipped him over the edge?

This is Courtney Love, newly elected as Oxford University Conservative Association’s ’Non-Executive Officer for Rock and Roll’. She was elected to her position tonight after an evening of drinking, in this instance the teen spirit was port. Courtney contributed to the OUCA Port & Policy debate calling for a foreign policy based on morality and said Wikileaks was a step forward for democracy. She is pictured above twirling Winston Churchill’s cane and below with the Vivienne Westwood clad president-elect, Joe Cooke. Appropriate for Conservative caners…

He says, she says, the wife says, the daughters disagree. It is all in the Mail today. Everyone comes out fighting and badly…

Nadine says:

• “As the pub door opened, he was framed in the light, and as we looked at each other I realised that for the first time we were looking at each other in a different way.’”
• “I was both saddened and dismayed to discover I have been labelled a ‘home-wrecker’”
• “She confided in me… that she had been seeing a man, an Australian, without John’s knowledge, and was contemplating returning with him to Adelaide.”
• “I have no idea what will happen to John and me. We have only had a handful of dates… I hope Rachael and I can one day become friends again and she may understand it wasn’t me who wrecked her marriage. Until she does realise this, she will be unable to accept the real reason and seek the professional help she so desperately needs.”

He says:

• “My decision to leave Rachael was taken separately from that to enter a relationship with Nadine.”

The Wife says:

• “I told her I still loved him and wanted to make it work. After what she’s done, I can’t believe I used to trust her.”
• “What they’ve said is all lies… They claim not to have begun their affair until we were separated and they say that happened in December. That’s not true…”
  
• “I was suspicious for months, because he started to go out to the local pub, the Eight Bells, a lot, dressed smartly in trousers and a shirt, and sometimes wouldn’t come back until 2am.”
• “She presents herself as being so moral, but my husband is married and I believe she set out to get him, probably for his money. ’He has an aeroplane, gyrocopter, three motorbikes, a flat in Oxford and this house. But if we divorce, I will take him for every penny. I’m going to name her in the divorce to publicly shame her for what she’s done. I don’t think she should be an MP any more – she should resign.”

His daughter says:

• “Mum and Dad splitting up has nothing to do with Nadine. My mother has been absolutely horrible to my father. ’She has been in decline for years, spending most of her time in the pub and drinking two bottles of wine a day at home.”

Other daughter says:

• “I am not against my father having an affair. But I am against the person he is having an affair with. I’ve never had a good relationship with Nadine Dorries.”

James Macintyre denies he was fired from the The New Statesman as Guido revealed yesterday. That’s not what the more than one source* from the Staggers said however, despite their “amicable departure“ statement. Though one source did say to go easy as he was a little “fragile”.  James claims he has left to write a book. Presumably fiction…

*Double sourcing, if only Macintyre had.