Friday, November 18, 2011

Friday Caption Contest (Friends Reunited Edition)

Guido is very happy to announce that the Jura Whisky give-away is back…

There is a bottle of Superstition up for grabs for the wittiest caption. If nobody is funny then Guido will just have to drink it, so get your thinking caps on.

While you think about it, why not sign up to become a “Diurach” here.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

A Comedy Treat

Guido has a bottle of the finest from the nice people at Glenfiddich to give to last week’s caption contest winner. Nothing really tickled him though, so instead the prize is going to the commenter “Selohesra” who has recently taken up limerick writing. Here’s a selection of some of the cleaner ones:

There once was an MP called Chuka
Whose left wing credentials weren’t Pukka
Privileged and greedy
With tax planning quite seedy
Lets hope he ends up in the gutter

There once was a PM called Thatcher
There are scarcely any could match her
Churchill was one
Before my days begun
So for me its the union dispatcher

A deputy PM called Nick
Came across as a little bit thick
As was plain to be seen
On the €uro he was keen
The tosser, the loser, the pr*ck

An ex PM from Kirkcaldy
Whose grip on reality was shoddy
Claimed his name was not Brown
That he lived in toytown
And henceforth had to be called Noddy

Well Guido laughed, so congratulations…

Friday, November 4, 2011

Oh Mann

Though he has his moments, few were surprised to see Labour MP John Mann contribute to the Westminster Hall debate on the lobbying on Tuesday. There was one particular target for his angst:

“Let us take the case of Bell Pottinger and the Werrity scandal. In that case, the question that arises is about the international role of lobbyists, because what has not come out is information about the role that Bell Pottinger was playing in Sri Lanka. People have been distracted from that issue, not least because Lord Bell is doing quite a lot of the public relations to try to cover his tracks and what was going on… Bell Pottinger is being paid to facilitate such things on behalf of the Government of Sri Lanka … 

There must be absolute transparency in all the meetings that we have as politicians, and there is not. The lack of transparency is the fundamental weakness that exists, with people claiming that “private engagements” have happened. There should be no such thing as a “private engagement” for a Minister, and there should be very little of it for an MP. There should be transparency.”

Some good points, however Mann failed to declare his own “private engagement” with Bell Pottinger. Attendees at the 2005 Labour conference regaled to Guido the spectacle of a grossly inebriated Mann skulling £46-a-bottle Mumm Cordon Rouge 1996 at the expense of, you guessed it, Bell Pottinger. A proud rent-a-quoter such as Mann should remember the one about glass houses…

Video: Dolly and Watson Sing the Blues

A Friday treat for you from last night –  an “absolutely totally brilliant” butchering of a Dylan classic “Forever Young” by our old friend:

Despite Gordon Brown saying  there was “no place in public life” for him, Draper is back in the fold and singing his heart out as his old chum Tom Watson looks on at last night’s fundraiser for Ed Miliband’s Political Adviser Polly Billington’s shoo-in selection bid for the Thurrock constituency. As he can’t be seen in shot, presumably McBride is holding the camera…

With the Labour bloggers taking their lines from direct meetings with Ed Miliband, Political Scrapbook doing the red-raggy ones and Left Foot Forward and LabourList parroting press releases, it is as if Draper’s vision has finally been achieved. Only after he got out of the way…

UPDATE: Amusing snippets coming in from last night from all sorts of places. Apparently Polly and Ed Balls sung Endless Love and Dolly did three songs. Who knew Like a Rolling Stone had thirteen verses…

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Two Snapshots of St. Paul’s

Guido took a stroll round the distinctly underwhelming camp at St Paul’s last night. One or two things did make him giggle though:

His face lit up by a thousand corporations…

It all go a little too tiring and emotional for one merry camper…

UPDATE: Behind the paywall The Times have some disgruntled voices:

“Zakandrew Roberts, 18, joined Occupy London on its first day, but left on Saturday after a series of incidents, including someone urinating in his tent and a friend being threatened with a penknife. He claimed that the camp had deteriorated from a group of serious campaigners intent on highlighting issues about economic equality, to “drunks and drug-takers . . . here for a laugh”. Mr Roberts, an unemployed charity worker, said: “Half the people there don’t know why they are there or what they are protesting about. I want political change, not to get high and drunk all the time.”

Watch out for that progressive punch, it’s lethal…

Monday, October 31, 2011

Offord’s Legislative Hiccup

As the Legal Aid Sentencing and Punishment of Offenders Bill makes it way through Parliament, honorable Members are having fun tacking bits and bobs to the legislation. Tory MP Matthew Offord has inserted a new clause calling for mandatory sobriety for those involved in alcohol related criminality.

Presumably this will be applicable to those involved in scotch fuelled scuffles at Tory conference?

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Phillip Hammond’s Sofa Scandal

In news that doesn’t really shock Guido, he reads today that Phillip Hammond’s rather comfortable ministerial sofa in the Department of Transport was refitted at a cost to the taxpayer of nearly £5,000.

The Standard’s Craig Woodhouse reports that it was apparently cheaper to replace the oatmeal upholstery rather than buy a new set of sofas.

Guido can exclusively confirm, after some in-depth research, that the new comfy material is a rather fetching shade of green…

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Off To Drink Arianna Dry

With the Adam Smith Institute’s do last night and the Speccie tomorrow, party season is in full swing.  There’s lots of clashes tonight though. Guido was thinking Mitt Romney’s could be fun, but then remembered he’s a Mormon, so doubt there will be much drinking happening there. The Balls’ are having a BBQ tonight for the B-team, but Stoke Newington is a bit of a trek. Looks like it’s going to have to be Arianna’s bash at Millbank. Remember HuffPo writers, that drink tonight is all the payment you are getting…

Monday, June 20, 2011

Black Rod Clamps Down on Boozed-Up Bag Carriers

The Sports and Social Club on the parliamentary estate didn’t earn it’s nickname the Sports and Socialist for nothing. A regular haunt for Labour types, things have got out of hand in the past, but it has been particularly rowdy in recent weeks. One of the bar staff told Guido on Friday:

“Everyone’s noticed that the atmosphere in here has turned very nasty, especially on Thursdays and Fridays. The Labour kids are inviting down all their friends who are very young and get very drunk. The place is being treated like a Students’ Union Bar and things have to change. Black Rod is considering banning guests, he’s really unhappy.”


Tory bagcarriers who also use the bar for a cheap pint aren’t very happy either:

“A plea to Labour researchers, can you please stop inviting dozens of your friends down to get drunk and shout abuse at people. There are fights in there every week now. Its a disgrace…”

The fisticuffs and low tolerance has led to one researcher being hauled into the Serjeant at Arms office, and Black Rod has decreed that pass-holders may only bring two guests on a Thursday and Friday. Guido has a better idea – why not scrap the taxpayer subsidy and put the prices up to match anywhere else in Central London, then see if people still flock there. 


Seen Elsewhere

Fraser Nelson: Put Your Money on Ed Miliband to Win | Guardian
Guido Fawkes is Too Aggressive | The Times
Ditch Tobacco Plain Packaging | Grassroots Conservatives
What Farage, Boris and Rob Ford Have in Common | William Walter
Labour Spell New Adviser’s Name Wrong | ITV
Dave Stung by Jellyfish | Sun
City Minister’s Inheritance Tax Dodging Trusts | Indy
What I Would Have Done if I was Sarah Wollaston | Iain Dale
Boris is an Epic Europhile | Louise Mensch
Warsi Got PM to Confront “Secular Fundamentalism” | Fraser Nelson
Guardian April Fools Apology | Press Gazette


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Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”



orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?


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