Guy Fawkes' blog of parliamentary plots, rumours and conspiracy

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Gordon "Getting on With the Job"

The PM’s press conference yesterday bored everyone. Can you guess why?

Spot the Difference

Spot the difference : Naomi met Gordon in Downing Street today. Known to be hot-tempered, she was once charged with second degree assault after allegedly hitting her assistant. The assistant needed four stitches to her head after being hit by a mobile phone following a row according to NYPD. The other has so far missed his target.

Competition Winner

This explanation of Labour’s policy on a Scottish referendum on independence seemed definitive:

On even days we are in favour, on odd days we are against; but as to what we are for or against we haven`t a clue.

So “Anonymous” wins the book. If he or she could get in touch…

Position Sought

Strangely Joe’s public online CV neglects to mention his time as the Labour Party’s London Region Press Officer and the weeks he spent campaigning for Ken’s re-election recently. Strange…

OK, Now You Can Let Rip in the Comments

So contrary to early reports and rejoicing this morning on the unpopular blogs, Guido is still at liberty. Sentenced to a 3 year driving ban, plus 3 month curfew. No excuses, Guido pleaded guilty.

Mrs Fawkes laughed at the news, she has been trying to get her husband home early for years. Guido attributes his shameful behavior to excess alcohol and an early reading of P J O’Rourke’s Republican Party Reptile*.

Thanks to all those of you who sent best wishes and to the not at all obsessed T** I****** for turning up to offer, errm, support in the public gallery. Having demurred to the offer of an alcohol treatment program, Guido will continue to drink and now be chauffeur-driven home early.

*The Platform of the Republican Party Reptiles:

“I think our agenda is clear. We are opposed to: government spending, Kennedy kids, seat-belt laws, busing our children anywhere other than Yale, trailer courts near our vacation homes, all tiny Third World countries that don’t have banking secrecy laws, aerobics, the UN, taxation without tax loopholes, and jewelry on men. We are in favor of: guns, drugs, fast cars, free love (if our wives don’t find out), a sound dollar, and a strong military with spiffy uniforms. There are thousands of people in America who feel this way, especially after three or four drinks. If all of us would unite and work together, we could give this country. . . well, a real bad hangover.”

Of course there is nothing unusual about tagging for a blogger…

Boris Hasn’t Got the Trots

Over at Harry’s Place and elsewhere on the left-wing blogosphere they are hyperventilating about the appointment of Munira Mirza, who has been hired by Boris to be his race relations adviser, to the consternation of many on both the left and the right. Some on the left claimed she was a member or a former member of the RCP sect. As did some on the right.

So Guido asked Munira -

“Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Revolutionary Communist Party?”

She quickly pointed out to Guido “I think the RCP was disbanded while I was still at school. I wasn’t a member.” Doh!

Guido has just got off the phone with Joe Derrett, who works in the Mayor’s press office – for now – he has for some years handled press requests for interviews with the Mayor. Guido asked him if he was “surprised to still have a job?” “Why?” he said defensively. “Aren’t you the former London Regional Labour Party Press Officer?” “Errr, I’ve got to go to a meeting.” he claimed. Somehow Guido suspects Joe won’t be in tune with the new order at City Hall for long…

Prize Competition Closing 5pm :Explain the Labour Party’s Position on a Scottish Referendum

Still not sure Guido knows what the Labour Party’s policy is on a Scottish independance referendum. Mind you nor do Wendy and Gordon. Perhaps they have taken devolution to the logical conclusion with different policies in Westminster and Edinburgh.

If you can explain the policy in an amusing and definitive way there is still time. Guido will give a copy of the best book on how to win a referendum – “White Elephant – How the North East Said No“ – to anyone who can explain, definitively the Labour Party’s position on a Scottish referendum in less than 50 words. Answers in the comments please.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

+++ PMQs : Gordon Wishes Rangers Luck – They Lose 2-0 +++

During the PMQs live chat the co-conspirators immediately predicted Glasgow Rangers would lose to St. Petersburg as soon as Gordon wished them well. They lost the UEFA cup final 2-0 tonight. John Reid will be laughing…

Multi-Millionaire Clegg Claims Tax Free Allowance99% of the Maximum Legally Allowed

So we wait 48 days for something that Nick Clegg said should be published immediately* and it breaks down as follows:

Additional Costs Allowance he claimed £23,083.00

100% of the maximum £23,083 legally allowed.

Incidental Expenses Provision claim £20,926.63

98% of the maximum £21,339 legally allowed.

Guido wonders why it took so long to add up. Does this restore your trust in politicans?

UPDATE : Checking the back of an envelope, at the 40% rate that is equivalent to gross pay of £74,036 on top of his salary – effectively doubling his salary for home improvements.

*”His “publish immediately” demand here. Detailed breakdown here.

Labour Activists : "We Want Miliband"

LabourHome has started doing a tracker poll, if it is good enough for ConservativeHome and PoliticsHome it is good enough for them.

Good news and bad news for Gordon, the good news is he is rated higher than his Chancellor. The bad news is he scored the second lowest out of the cabinet…

Most Labour activists rate Miliband highest, followed by Alan Johnson. Would Guido be completely crazy to suspect that this isn’t really a 1 to 10 performance rating, but a proxy for “Who would you rather lead the Labour Party?” Of course it is…