The Mystery of Mrs Mercer

‘Tis a hard life – not many men could nip into their office, produce £4,000 from the safe and pop it into an envelope – with the (so far unfulfilled) promise of more to come, moments after being confronted by their spurned lover. But then not every cheating husband is an MP.

Step forward Patrick Mercer, who the Mail revealed this weekend got cold feet about ditching his wife for another Member’s secretary. Funnily enough, Mercer’s own £15,000pa “Junior Caseworker” wasn’t in the office at the time. What with her, coincidently, being his spurned spouse, Cait.

Mercer has employed his wife in dubious circumstances since 2001. With his novels and the thousands he takes off of shady security firms The Olive Group and Red Amber, quite why he needs to pay his wife for what appears to be very little work remains a mystery. The £135,000 he has paid her in the last nine years has not been “scientifically calculated” in terms of hours worked, and indeed many have questioned quite what her role actually is…

Mrs Duffy Declares for David

In what can only be described as a shrewd move, David Miliband twisted the knife a little further and went round to Bigot-gate star Mrs Duffy’s house for a wee chat. She helped kick Brown saying:

“I felt David really listened to my points of view and shared my concerns on the issues that matter to working people.”

Whose idea was that?

Gordon’s “I Was Right” Out in November

Gordon Brown’s as-yet-untitled tome on why he was right about everything and the nasty Tories got the global financial crisis all wrong will be published in November by Simon & Schuster. The fact all the profits will be donated to charity does not excuse the fact the taxpayer will be picking up the tab while Gordon taps the keys.

He is said to be churning out some 10,000 words per day, while moonlighting as a part-time MP. Despite popping into Westminster occasionally, he has entered the House he was elected to just twice since resigning as Prime Minister. Without a Member voting on their behalf, the people of Kirkcaldy are completely disenfranchised.

Gordon told Laura Kuenssberg at the weekend that he will remain an MP, but what use is he to his constituents?

Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View

Rory Primitive String

My Constituents are ‘Primitives
Who Hold Their Trousers Up with Bits of Twine’

Rory Stewart MP

Does Anybody Really Like Balls?

It is possible that Ed Balls could come last in the leadership contest behind Diane Abbott and Andy Burnham. If so it would be the final humiliation of the TaliBrown, the cabal of bullying second-raters who ousted three-time election winner Tony Blair to install Gordon Brown, a politician who has never won a competitive election in his life.

With rumours* circulating that following Charlie Whelan’s inability to get Unite to endorse him, he’ll withdraw from the contest, Blinky says ‘I fight on; I fight to win. I’m in it to win it. I am the best person to fight this coalition.’ Good, it will give us a good laugh to see him totally humiliated.

*You first read about Balls withdrawing and supporting David Miliband in return for endorsement for the Shadow Chancellorship on this blog.

Saturday Seven Up

7upOver the last couple of weeks Guido has blocked a whole load of comment makers who were using multiple identities and it has made comment threads shorter and more readable. Despite what some think, only a third of readers look at the comments. If you were not one of the 62,431 visitors viewing 310,616 pages over the last seven days, here are the seven most popular stories (in order of popularity) that you missed:

You’re either in front of Guido, or you are behind…

David Davis Puts Boot in, Gives Cameron a Flogging,
Mocks “Brokeback Coalition”

The Boot & Flogger in Southwark is the perfect place for a free-marketeer to conspire, since it was until recently the only hostelry in the land that had the right to sell wine without having a licence, thanks to a charter granted by Queen Elizabeth I in 1567.

The FT’s offices are nearby and it was David Davis’ misfortune that an FT hack was there on Thursday to overhear him referring to the “Brokeback Coalition”.

Hardly startling revelations that right-wingers are not overjoyed that Downing Street seems to care more about fifty odd LibDem MPs than two hundred Tory MPs. Just read ConservativeHome and you will see the same sentiments there almost daily…

Spin-Dominated Dead Tree Press

Guido is a little puzzled. Everytime he reads something about the Treasury Select Committee, it seems to be proceeded by the words “Tory dominated”:

Take this example from the Guardian, or this one from Progress, or from The Mail. Now take a look at the make up of the Treasury Select Committee:

Andrew Tyrie
(non-voting, chairman)

Michael Fallon
Andrea Leadsom
Jesse Norman
David Rutley
Mark Garnie
r

Andy Love
John Mann
George Mudie
Chuka Umunna
John Cryer


John Thurso

Stewart Hosie

Can the old hacks not add up, or are they deliberately not mentioning that far from dominating, the Tories are outnumbered?

Court Report : Loonie Leftie (Tory Party Member) v Hilton & Gray

So Johanna Kaschke had her case struck out, pending spurious appeal. She claimed it was libelous to call her a former member of the Respect/Labour Parties since that portrayed her as a “crazy leftie” (her words) and she was actually […]

+ READ MORE +

Friday Caption Contest (Junior Partner Edition)

[…]

+ READ MORE +

Bercow’s Mother of All Planning Applications

Speaker Bercow had his spinners in overdrive when he announced that Bellamy’s bar on the Parliamentary Estate would be turned in to a crèche for MPs and staffers’ kids. This is despite the fact the bar was gutted in 2007 […]

+ READ MORE +

+ + + UK GDP Increased 1.1% in Q2 + + +

The ONS today reported that Gross Domestic Product (GDP) increased 1.1% in the second quarter of 2010, compared with an increase of 0.3% in the previous quarter. That is much higher than expected, almost double what consensus economists were forecasting. […]

+ READ MORE +

OZBOT VERSUS ANDROGENOID OZBOT VERSUS ANDROGENOID
“Fat Cats For EU” “Fat Cats For EU”
“CHEATED” LIBDEM PICTURED CAMPAIGNING ON BATTLE BUS “CHEATED” LIBDEM PICTURED CAMPAIGNING ON BATTLE BUS
CHRISTINE HAMILTON HIRED ON THE PUBLIC PAYROLL CHRISTINE HAMILTON HIRED ON THE PUBLIC PAYROLL
CONSERVATIVES IN: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE CONSERVATIVES IN: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE
HULL UNIVERSITY THIRD TO DISAFFILIATE FROM NUS HULL UNIVERSITY THIRD TO DISAFFILIATE FROM NUS
CAMERON’S AIRFARE FABLE CAMERON’S AIRFARE FABLE
TELEGRAPH BLOODBATH: NEW JOBS CULL UNDERWAY TELEGRAPH BLOODBATH: NEW JOBS CULL UNDERWAY
CCHQ FREEZE MPS AND ASSOCIATIONS OUT OF VOTE SOURCE CCHQ FREEZE MPS AND ASSOCIATIONS OUT OF VOTE SOURCE
OSBORNE MISSED BORROWING TARGET BY EVEN MORE THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT OSBORNE MISSED BORROWING TARGET BY EVEN MORE THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT
POLICE INVESTIGATING SHADOW MINISTER OVER ELECTION EXPENSES POLICE INVESTIGATING SHADOW MINISTER OVER ELECTION EXPENSES
TOOTING BY-ELECTION CAMPAIGN KICKS OFF IN BATTERSEA TOOTING BY-ELECTION CAMPAIGN KICKS OFF IN BATTERSEA
ELECTORAL COMMISSION ON JOCK-‘COPTER CAMPAIGN ELECTORAL COMMISSION ON JOCK-‘COPTER CAMPAIGN
STURGEON DUCKS CHOPPER QUESTION STURGEON DUCKS CHOPPER QUESTION
NUS CHIEF EXECUTIVE PAID FIVE TIMES AVERAGE GRADUATE NUS CHIEF EXECUTIVE PAID FIVE TIMES AVERAGE GRADUATE
CORBYN CLAPPED COMMIE LEADER FOR REFUSING TO TOAST THE QUEEN CORBYN CLAPPED COMMIE LEADER FOR REFUSING TO TOAST THE QUEEN
SNP CHOPPER NOT DECLARED PROPERLY SNP CHOPPER NOT DECLARED PROPERLY
SADIQ RAISES EU FLAG ABOVE CITY HALL SADIQ RAISES EU FLAG ABOVE CITY HALL
SAJ ‘PRIVATELY SAID HE WANTED TO LEAVE’ SAJ ‘PRIVATELY SAID HE WANTED TO LEAVE’
CRICK CRICK’D CRICK CRICK’D
EU WANTS CULTURAL QUOTAS ON NETFLIX AND AMAZON PRIME EU WANTS CULTURAL QUOTAS ON NETFLIX AND AMAZON PRIME
LIBDEM WHO COMPLAINED TO POLICE ABOUT TORY ELECTION FRAUD BROKE SPENDING RULES LIBDEM WHO COMPLAINED TO POLICE ABOUT TORY ELECTION FRAUD BROKE SPENDING RULES
LABOUR WON’T ALLOW CONFERENCE DELEGATES TO SELF-IDENTIFY LABOUR WON’T ALLOW CONFERENCE DELEGATES TO SELF-IDENTIFY
WORST BEATLES TRIBUTE BAND EVER WORST BEATLES TRIBUTE BAND EVER
CELEBRITY CONSUMER CHAMPION HITS BACK AT BSE CELEBRITY CONSUMER CHAMPION HITS BACK AT BSE
MOMENTUM REJOICE! ONLY 65% THINK CORBYN NOT READY TO BE PM MOMENTUM REJOICE! ONLY 65% THINK CORBYN NOT READY TO BE PM
TAXPAYER FUNDED ASH LOBBIED GOVERNMENT FOR PLAIN-PACKS TAXPAYER FUNDED ASH LOBBIED GOVERNMENT FOR PLAIN-PACKS
REMAIN’S GILLIAN DUFFY MOMENT REMAIN’S GILLIAN DUFFY MOMENT
NORTHERNERS MOCK “GRIM UP NORTH” BURNHAM NORTHERNERS MOCK “GRIM UP NORTH” BURNHAM
LONG-TERM RISE OF ANTI-POLITICS LONG-TERM RISE OF ANTI-POLITICS